Had Sex With Him

[GLDheart]

Mishy, you need to act. NOW.

 

Start by trashing something of his he has left behind. Put his toothbrush in the toilet. Throw that favorite sweatshirt of his out in the middle of the street. BURN pictures of him. Watch them sizzle.

 

This technique will let you disrespect him. By PRO-actively doing this you ACTUALLY WILL feel less respect for him.

 

Do it. Do it NOW.

[taya]

What i mean is, he probably isnt suited to having a girlfriend. i wasnt meaning i would be FWB with him while he is with her.

 

what i am saying is that he has been with her 2 months and already has cheated on her with me. He is supposed to be in the honeymoon phase with her and he is already cheating. She won't find out, unless she reads his phone messages, but i would still hate to be her, having a cheating boyfriend.

 

Thats my consolation, that if he had chosen me as his gf, he would have cheated on me anyway. A no-good boyfriend

 

 

omg i was so so so shock when i saw this we all told you not to sleep with this man you dont want to ear what we all saying dont take this personal but i cant give advice on your post anymaore ..why should we you do what you want to anyway ..its just so so sad to see someone treating them self like this and this man is not hurting you ..YOU ARE HURTING YOUR SELF am only 21 and if i can learnd to let go even tho it hurts you can too the thing is you just dont want to ..you have had more advice then any other person i have seen on this site people posting everday trying to help you .but you dont care you go do what you want then come on here and cry ..i dont feel sorry for you anymore am sorry.. if you wont help your self no matter how much you post on this site no one can help you it all stsrts with you and it ends with you ....

Edited November 11, 2012 by taya

[mishy]

And Mishy,

 

I am SO dissapointed in you.

 

He treats you like crap for no less than.. FIVE years.

 

YOu declare how much you want to move on..

 

Then he turns up and you let him have sex with you?

 

 

 

 

MAN.

 

 

I know!! It was a mistake, it was on thursday, I know it was a mistake, i know. It won't be happening again, even though he told me he wants it to.

 

My head has shifted since Thursday, i made a mistake.

[mishy]

don't start beating up on me, i already did that for all of Thursday and Friday , and have moved on from it and put it behind me.

[mishy]

omg i was so so so shock when i saw this we all told you not to sleep with this man you dont want to ear what we all saying dont take this personal but i cant give advice on your post anymaore ..why should we you do what you want to anyway ..its just so so sad to see someone treating them self like this and this man is not hurting you ..YOU ARE HURTING YOUR SELF am only 21 and if i can learnd to let go even tho it hurts you can too the thing is you just dont want to ..you have had more advice then any other person i have seen on this site people posting everday trying to help you .but you dont care you go do what you want then come on here and cry ..i dont feel sorry for you anymore am sorry.. if you wont help your self no matter how much you post on this site no one can help you it all stsrts with you and it ends with you ....

 

So if i make a mistake I can't post on here about it? It was a mistake. I know i shouldn't have done it, but its done, and it won't be happening again. I don't need to be made feel worse about it. I actually was feeling great today until i read all this. Because i had already put it behind me and decided to be NC for good. You don't have to help me anymore if you don't want to

[taya]

So if i make a mistake I can't post on here about it? It was a mistake. I know i shouldn't have done it, but its done, and it won't be happening again. I don't need to be made feel worse about it. I actually was feeling great today until i read all this. Because i had already put it behind me and decided to be NC for good. You don't have to help me anymore if you don't want to

 

i wasent going to respond but i will.. ok maybe i said it all in a bad way but hun look on your other post i felt some of us was beging you to not sleep with this guy and you still did it we tell you not to text you still .for me its just so sad to see someone hurting another person like this but he did tell you it was one last time so how ccan you make a mistake like that ..this guy i have never heard of a man so heartless towards a woman... and yes you put it be hide you but its still there some of us just saw this ..why are you taking a beating like this from this man why ..and just so you know people will not say nice things to you because they told you what would happen we all saw what was going to happen wake up wake up and stop sleeping and get your life back

[mishy]

i wasent going to respond but i will.. ok maybe i said it all in a bad way but hun look on your other post i felt some of us was beging you to not sleep with this guy and you still did it we tell you not to text you still .for me its just so sad to see someone hurting another person like this but he did tell you it was one last time so how ccan you make a mistake like that ..this guy i have never heard of a man so heartless towards a woman... and yes you put it be hide you but its still there some of us just saw this ..why are you taking a beating like this from this man why ..and just so you know people will not say nice things to you because they told you what would happen we all saw what was going to happen wake up wake up and stop sleeping and get your life back

 

I know, thanks for responding. I know you just saw the post, but in the days after really knew it was all over for me with him and moved away from it and into NC.

[songbird70]

So if i make a mistake I can't post on here about it? It was a mistake. I know i shouldn't have done it, but its done, and it won't be happening again. I don't need to be made feel worse about it. I actually was feeling great today until i read all this. Because i had already put it behind me and decided to be NC for good. You don't have to help me anymore if you don't want to

 

Hey Mishy...everyone makes mistakes and I don't think that post was to discourage you in any way. It's just that when people read that you have been posting and going through this for FIVE years and yet you are STILL slipping when he shows up makes them discouraged to continue to try and support you. I notice you keep mentioning the fact that he still wants to have sex with you again which sounds a little like you will go down that path again. If you were really at the point of giving him up it should not matter whether he wants to have sex with you again or not. I agree with all the posts suggesting you get some sort of counseling because your situation is beginning to sound like you will NEVER be able to do this alone and there are seriously some deep rooted issues causing you to stay in this sort of situation, or continue to go back.

[mishy]

Hey Mishy...everyone makes mistakes and I don't think that post was to discourage you in any way. It's just that when people read that you have been posting and going through this for FIVE years and yet you are STILL slipping when he shows up makes them discouraged to continue to try and support you. I notice you keep mentioning the fact that he still wants to have sex with you again which sounds a little like you will go down that path again. If you were really at the point of giving him up it should not matter whether he wants to have sex with you again or not. I agree with all the posts suggesting you get some sort of counseling because your situation is beginning to sound like you will NEVER be able to do this alone and there are seriously some deep rooted issues causing you to stay in this sort of situation, or continue to go back.

 

No i am not doing it again.! I ws just saying that i am aware he wants to do it again

 

God i was feeling so good today and now i feel like sh%t

[songbird70]

No i am not doing it again.! I ws just saying that i am aware he wants to do it again

 

God i was feeling so good today and now i feel like sh%t

 

Sometimes feeling like sh$t can be motivation to push forward :-) Use it in a positive way and attach that feeling to ever allowing this man back into your life again.

[youngnlove89]

Mishy, if there is anyone on this site who gets you and understands you, IT IS ME.

 

No matter what anyone tells you, no matter what you tell yourself, it's irrelevant to our own hearts.

 

Love is a powerful thing. As you can see, you have this man who treats you like this for the past 5 years, and you still love him. It doesn't mean you love the way he treats you but you just love him. He is your comfort zone. The way he treats you is what you are familiar with. It has become your routine. Anything outside the box is foreign and scary. You aren't used to feeling good. You aren't used to be treated properly.

 

I've been on here for awhile and with a guy who is emotionally constipated. He says he loves me, treats me like a girlfriend, says I'm the only girl he has ever cared this much for but YET, I am not THE ONE. And we have been off and on for a year and a half.

 

It's hard to leave. It's hard to stop. Because we are so comfortable with just comfort itself. We are afraid of change. We are afraid to put our foot down and say STOP right now and leave me alone and just slam the door in their face and walk out. You know what is on the other side of that door? Opportunity. Love. Happiness. Staying on the other side is just a mix of regret and pain. But opening that door and actually walking out takes effort, while staying inside is all you've ever known.

 

It's scary and I'm here to help you through it.

[Under The Radar]

She isn't truly in love with him. She is addicted to him and their is a HUGE difference. As the saying goes, she is in love with the idea of being in love. The way he treats her and her acceptance of it is completely devoid of love. She needs to fully understand this to move forward. Everything happens in its own time.

[taya]

No i am not doing it again.! I ws just saying that i am aware he wants to do it again

 

God i was feeling so good today and now i feel like sh%t

 

yeah hun we have to be hard on you.. so you feeling like **** is not a bad thing at this point because you need tough love ..i wish i had that when i was going thur mine i had people to talk to but they never gave me good advice like this i had to learn it all on my own thats why seeing you not earing what we all are saying was a shock and this guy is the worst of the worst to you he treats you like **** sorry but he does he doesnt love you ....5 years of your life was to a man that ddient even gave you a minute of his

Edited November 11, 2012 by taya

[Under The Radar]

She knows sleeping with him was a mistake. Let's not dwell on it; she is already trying to move past it. Reminding her again and again that she screwed up is not going to be helpful. She already self loaths from her poor decision making in the past. Brow beating her is not the same thing as "tough love".

 

Trust me, I'm just as frustrated to hear she slept with him. However, I am positive she is not proud of her actions. She has 5 years of backlogged posts to remind her that he uses her and there is not an inkling of love here.

 

Remember, part of empathy is acceptance and understanding. Not everyone learns and heals at the same rate. She already feels enough shame for her weakness the other day; no reason to propogate it.

[taya]

She knows sleeping with him was a mistake. Let's not dwell on it; she is already trying to move past it. Reminding her again and again that she screwed up is not going to be helpful. She already self loaths from her poor decision making in the past. Brow beating her is not the same thing as "tough love".

 

Trust me, I'm just as frustrated to hear she slept with him. However, I am positive she is not proud of her actions. She has 5 years of backlogged posts to remind her that he uses her and there is not an inkling of love here.

 

Remember, part of empathy is acceptance and understanding. Not everyone learns and heals at the same rate. She already feels enough shame for her weakness the other day; no reason to propogate it.

 

 

being told the plain truth is what she needs to ear being nice and saying nice things dont work you know why some people needs to ear it the harsh way am not saying next week we still telling her the same thing over and over what am saying is everone should tell her what they really think ..read all of the other post and you will see everone is so nice and she do the same thing ..and yes i say tough love because thats what it is ..and am not bashing her just telling her what i think ..i saw this post today so am not telling her this over and over just telling her today what i think

Edited November 11, 2012 by taya

[Under The Radar]

being told the plain truth is what she needs to ear being nice and saying nice things dont work you know why some people needs to ear it the harsh way am not saying next week we still telling her the same thing over and over what am saying is everone should tell her what they really think ..read all of the other post and you will see everone is so nice and she do the same thing ..and yes i say tough love because thats what it is ..and am not bashing her just telling her what i think ..i saw this post today so am not telling her this over and over just telling her today what i think

 

 

Hi Taya,

 

I wasn't specifically referring to your post. My disagreement was with the posts calling Mishy a "cum receptacle" and "we've lossed respect for you" over the past few days. I feel comments like these are not helpful and only keep her dwelling in shame.

 

I suppose my approach is different. If and when I feel like Mishy is beyond help, I'll simply stop posting in her threads; I hope that doesn't happen. Time will tell ......

[taya]

Hi Taya,

 

I wasn't specifically referring to your post. My disagreement was with the posts calling Mishy a "cum receptacle" and "we've lossed respect for you" over the past few days. I feel comments like these are not helpful and only keep her dwelling in shame.

 

I suppose my approach is different. If and when I feel like Mishy is beyond help, I'll simply stop posting in her threads; I hope that doesn't happen. Time will tell ......

 

yeah ok sorry i just dident want you to think i was bashing her so thanks for explaining ..even tho we trying to tell her the hard way we still have to respect her

Edited November 11, 2012 by taya

[mishy]

What will you do when he comes to fix the lock. Shows up unexpectedly? Because he will.

 

There is no point rehashing what you did but let's focus on what you will do.

 

This has been going on for 5 years so what about this meeting makes you want to change paths because this is what you said in your recent threads but all that went out the door and you welcomed him back. When these emotions die down and he comes around, what will you do?

 

i didnt see this post before GG,

 

if he shows up, I am not doing anything. Not sleeping with him , and i will be telling him that if he tries to. I have already played the scenario in my head and have it planned out. Its true when the emotion dies down i am in danger, but i have to remember how i felt last time he was here. Remember the horrible feeling even though i still dont feel horrible.

[mishy]

Mishy, if there is anyone on this site who gets you and understands you, IT IS ME.

 

No matter what anyone tells you, no matter what you tell yourself, it's irrelevant to our own hearts.

 

Love is a powerful thing. As you can see, you have this man who treats you like this for the past 5 years, and you still love him. It doesn't mean you love the way he treats you but you just love him. He is your comfort zone. The way he treats you is what you are familiar with. It has become your routine. Anything outside the box is foreign and scary. You aren't used to feeling good. You aren't used to be treated properly.

 

I've been on here for awhile and with a guy who is emotionally constipated. He says he loves me, treats me like a girlfriend, says I'm the only girl he has ever cared this much for but YET, I am not THE ONE. And we have been off and on for a year and a half.

 

It's hard to leave. It's hard to stop. Because we are so comfortable with just comfort itself. We are afraid of change. We are afraid to put our foot down and say STOP right now and leave me alone and just slam the door in their face and walk out. You know what is on the other side of that door? Opportunity. Love. Happiness. Staying on the other side is just a mix of regret and pain. But opening that door and actually walking out takes effort, while staying inside is all you've ever known.

 

It's scary and I'm here to help you through it.

 

i can relate to what you are saying, thanks so much for your support Its true its familiar and comfortable (but very uncomfortable on another level)

 

i have to get through teh discomfort of no contact and eliminating him from my life in order to avoid pretty strong discomfort and pain if i keep seeing him

[mishy]

Am feeling a lot better and more distanced from him. I don't feel in danger of contacting him.

[Under The Radar]

Am feeling a lot better and more distanced from him. I don't feel in danger of contacting him.

 

 

How many days are you NC now?

[mishy]

How many days are you NC now?

 

Last contact was Friday afternoon, its now Monday almost lunchtime here

 

Not very long!

[Under The Radar]

Last contact was Friday afternoon, its now Monday almost lunchtime here

 

Not very long!

 

One day at a time

[mishy]

the worst part is that after it was over, i said i didnt want it to be the last time. I should have said nothing and let him go, and just leave it at that. he was saying 'it has to be the last time" and its finished etc, and it was only later that he texted saying he did want one last time

 

If i did it another time it would be worse than today. I feel so dirty. I went to the beach this afternoon for a swim just to seek some kind of cleansing. Kind of worked, but i still feel so rotten inside

 

THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO REMEMBER. Have to remember how bad i felt afterwards so i don't do it again