Had Sex With Him

[mishy]

He turned up out of the blue this morning and we slept together and now i feel like sh#t

 

Then he had the nerve to tell me that it was the last time and that i had to get over him and find someone else

he met the girlfriend 2 months ago

 

The aftermath was horrible, i asked him all these questions and he left with me lying on the bed with my head buried in the pillow

[mishy]

feel like i am back at square one. Why in the hell did i do that

[River Rain]

You just wanted to have that intimate connection with him again, and he did with you too. For him though he's moved on. Unfortunately it makes the emotional pain worse now for you...try not to blame yourself and rack your brain trying to figure out why you did it, just start all over again and begin the healing process.

[geegirl]

I'm sorry Mishy. It's done but this is most likely what you needed to push you forward. It's painful but at least you can shut that door now and grieve this man. Come here and post/vent/cry and seek support from your family and friends.

 

PS: You did it because you craved that connection and you hoped that maybe this time after connecting, things would be different.

[Mack05]

He turned up out of the blue this morning and we slept together and now i feel like sh#t

 

Then he had the nerve to tell me that it was the last time and that i had to get over him and find someone else

he met the girlfriend 2 months ago

 

The aftermath was horrible, i asked him all these questions and he left with me lying on the bed with my head buried in the pillow

 

You made a mistake. Guess what? I have too. We all have. Sometimes you have to take some steps backwards before we move forward. Beating yourself up will solve nothing. Analyzing his actions and why he behaves the way he does over and over will solve nothing. Learning from your mistakes and growing emotionally as a person will ensure you lead the life you want to lead...So what choice you going to make?

 

Do a search for a user called stillafool. She has a very similar story to yours. She too took a step backward before moving forward. Mishy some learn from these experiences and grow to become better, stronger people. Others don't and endlessly repeat mistakes and negative behaviours. Which person do you want to be? Which person are you going to be? Two very different questions.

 

If you are serious about moving forward and living a better life this needs to end now. Your association with him, obsessing about the whys, ifs and maybes. Once you leave this man go then you can focus on improving yourself. Rebuilding your confidence and self esteem take time and effort. When your focus remains on him, you remain in a rut. You need to decide NOW what path you are going to take and make a promise to never take a backwards step for this man again and never let another man treat you this way. You can do this. Now is the time to dig deep. Now is the time to prove something to yourself..

 

So what's it going to be?

Edited November 8, 2012 by Mack05

[mishy]

i dont know, all i know is i shouldnt have done it

[geegirl]

Mishy, PM'd you back. Hugs.

[KatZee]

i dont know, all i know is i shouldnt have done it

 

Well... you can't go back and change it now, so there's honestly no point harping over it for a second longer. It's done. It's in the past, it no longer exists.

 

All that you have now is what's in front of you. A wide open road of making better choices.

 

We all make these mistakes at some point. With my first love I wound up becoming his FWB for 2+ years after we broke up.

 

Take the pain you feel from this and turn it into a positive. Use it to make you stronger. It's finally time to bury the relationship and move on from it. He has another girl, and he's kind of a s.hitty individual to use you and then tell you to move on. Guys like that don't need second thoughts.

[mishy]

Well... you can't go back and change it now, so there's honestly no point harping over it for a second longer. It's done. It's in the past, it no longer exists.

 

All that you have now is what's in front of you. A wide open road of making better choices.

 

We all make these mistakes at some point. With my first love I wound up becoming his FWB for 2+ years after we broke up.

 

Take the pain you feel from this and turn it into a positive. Use it to make you stronger. It's finally time to bury the relationship and move on from it. He has another girl, and he's kind of a s.hitty individual to use you and then tell you to move on. Guys like that don't need second thoughts.

 

 

 

He texted me half an hour ago saying he wanted another "one more time"

[Mack05]

He texted me half an hour ago saying he wanted another "one more time"

 

He will be back MANY times sadly..There will always be a 'one last time'.

Edited November 8, 2012 by Mack05

[mishy]

He texted me half an hour ago saying he wanted another "one more time"

 

after we had sex he sat there for half an hour telling me it had to be the last time and it wasn't going to happen again, that he didn't want it to happen again, (he was being very blunt) and then later changed his mind after he left

[olivec]

after we had sex he sat there for half an hour telling me it had to be the last time and it wasn't going to happen again, that he didn't want it to happen again, (he was being very blunt) and then later changed his mind after he left

 

 

get rid of him period. hes just gunna keep using you for sex.

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, you know what the drill is by now. Stop falling into this pattern. He's going to keep using you like this. Why? Because he gets what he wants with minimal effort or stress. He knows you'll give in. He's not going to stop until you stand up for yourself and deny him, whether it be by telling him no or (preferably) not responding at all. Stand up for yourself. If you don't, no one else will.

[Mack05]

All you are to him is a cum receptacle. He will use you as long as you let him.

 

Sadly you have real idea what Gibson means here. You are too clouded by emotion and hurt to think clearly..U are too busy Analyzing his behaviour instead of yours.

 

The harsh reality is this. As soon as you slept with him outside the confines of a loving relationship he lost all respect for you. There is no chance of you two ever getting back together. I know guys like this so well. My mate (I use the term loosely) is a toe rag like this guy is. He will manipulate a girl who has feelings for him to get exactly what he wants, same with this guy.

 

I can tell you the next things that will happen. I couldn't be more sure. If you ignore him and his "one last time" texts he will pester you for awhile. Texts like "are you ok?" or "I'm worried about you" or "please don't ignore me". If he doesn't get a reaction he will disappear for awhile and eventually come back with "I miss you, can we meet" or "I'm feeling down, having problems can we talk" or "she doesn't get me like you did".

 

You know what happens then? Everytime he contacts you, you will post here, get great advice and either ignore it or like right now have a complete inability to fully absorb or comprehend whats being said to you. 6 months later you will still be sad and still posting about him on LS. When I asked what you wanted above it seemed you couldn't choose between self improvement and getting rid of this toe rag from your life for good, or to continue obsessing about him and his actions. What does that say about you?

 

If you really want to move forward you text him back this. "I REALLY regret what happened this morning. I can assure you it will never happen again. If you EVER text/call/email or make any kind of contact with me again then I will tell your new girlfriend exactly what kind of man you truly are. If that doesn't stop you then I will involve the police. Stay out of my life toe rag"..Then you can start to move forward.

 

Will you do that? I doubt it. You will follow the same script as many other girls do, engage this moron for far too long and eventually after far too much time has been wasted posting, analyzing, hurting, you finally get to a place where you look back over that precious time of life wasted and say to yourself what the hell was I thinking!? The text above saves you at least 6 months of pain...

Edited November 8, 2012 by Mack05

[Under The Radar]

This guy is a real bastard. I'm sorry this happened Mishy. He has used and abused you for years. You have control to stop the madness. Please dismiss him from your life and remain NC. You know you deserve so much better than this.

[theLWord]

Mishy, I'm sorry you are hurting. When you are in an unhealthy relationship, it's almost like a drug addict. You have to keep going back for your fix. Just as a drug addict who slips up, you have to now decide if you are going to beat yourself up over this and delay progress, or if you are going to continue back on the right path of healing yourself. I think you should pick the latter. I know it's scary to be alone, it really sucks. But accepting such little treatment from someone is worse than being alone, at least the aftermath. Sex is an intimate thing and for him to just leave you like that shows what you mean to him. Love yourself enough to never let that happen again.

[mishy]

I'm sorry Mishy. It's done but this is most likely what you needed to push you forward. It's painful but at least you can shut that door now and grieve this man. Come here and post/vent/cry and seek support from your family and friends.

 

PS: You did it because you craved that connection and you hoped that maybe this time after connecting, things would be different.

 

 

the worst part is that after it was over, i said i didnt want it to be the last time. I should have said nothing and let him go, and just leave it at that. he was saying 'it has to be the last time" and its finished etc, and it was only later that he texted saying he did want one last time

 

If i did it another time it would be worse than today. I feel so dirty. I went to the beach this afternoon for a swim just to seek some kind of cleansing. Kind of worked, but i still feel so rotten inside

[mishy]

All you are to him is a cum receptacle. He will use you as long as you let him.

 

yep thats it

[mishy]

Sadly you have real idea what Gibson means here. You are too clouded by emotion and hurt to think clearly..U are too busy Analyzing his behaviour instead of yours.

 

The harsh reality is this. As soon as you slept with him outside the confines of a loving relationship he lost all respect for you. There is no chance of you two ever getting back together. I know guys like this so well. My mate (I use the term loosely) is a toe rag like this guy is. He will manipulate a girl who has feelings for him to get exactly what he wants, same with this guy.

 

I can tell you the next things that will happen. I couldn't be more sure. If you ignore him and his "one last time" texts he will pester you for awhile. Texts like "are you ok?" or "I'm worried about you" or "please don't ignore me". If he doesn't get a reaction he will disappear for awhile and eventually come back with "I miss you, can we meet" or "I'm feeling down, having problems can we talk" or "she doesn't get me like you did".

 

You know what happens then? Everytime he contacts you, you will post here, get great advice and either ignore it or like right now have a complete inability to fully absorb or comprehend whats being said to you. 6 months later you will still be sad and still posting about him on LS. When I asked what you wanted above it seemed you couldn't choose between self improvement and getting rid of this toe rag from your life for good, or to continue obsessing about him and his actions. What does that say about you?

 

If you really want to move forward you text him back this. "I REALLY regret what happened this morning. I can assure you it will never happen again. If you EVER text/call/email or make any kind of contact with me again then I will tell your new girlfriend exactly what kind of man you truly are. If that doesn't stop you then I will involve the police. Stay out of my life toe rag"..Then you can start to move forward.

 

Will you do that? I doubt it. You will follow the same script as many other girls do, engage this moron for far too long and eventually after far too much time has been wasted posting, analyzing, hurting, you finally get to a place where you look back over that precious time of life wasted and say to yourself what the hell was I thinking!? The text above saves you at least 6 months of pain...

 

thanks Mack. But it was my fault we had one more time, because after he told me about this new girl, i begged and pleaded to see him and to dump her, so really i am the one who asked for it. He does want another time, but only because after we had sex today and i was feeling a bit post coital, i said that i didnt want it to be the last.

 

Then he went on about how it had to be the last time, and then later texted me to say he'd changed his mind.

 

So all of this is my fault, not his. He won't pester me for the next "one more time" because it wasn't him that wanted it really. he only changed his mind later.

 

the whole thing is my fault. Theres no point in one more time because its not going to fix/ make anything.

[Berna]

Mishy, I am sorry. But what did you expect? Don't let that ever happen again. Move on girl. There's someone better for you. But bare in mind: if you don't respect yourself, no one will.

[mishy]

Mishy, I am sorry. But what did you expect? Don't let that ever happen again. Move on girl. There's someone better for you. But bare in mind: if you don't respect yourself, no one will.

 

don't know, it was a big mistake. I am determined to get past this

 

But i have to stop thinking about what we did, and things he said, just remove it from my mind and just think one thing only- dont contact him

[Mack05]

thanks Mack. But it was my fault we had one more time, because after he told me about this new girl, i begged and pleaded to see him and to dump her, so really i am the one who asked for it. He does want another time, but only because after we had sex today and i was feeling a bit post coital, i said that i didnt want it to be the last.

 

Then he went on about how it had to be the last time, and then later texted me to say he'd changed his mind.

 

So all of this is my fault, not his. He won't pester me for the next "one more time" because it wasn't him that wanted it really. he only changed his mind later.

 

the whole thing is my fault. Theres no point in one more time because its not going to fix/ make anything.

 

Mishy thanks for clarfying and being so honest. I still think the guy is a toe rag. I still think he is manipulating you and will continue to do so. He cheats on his girlfriend and not only that, has you believing its 100% your fault. What TheLword said above is very true. Its equivalent to an addict looking for a hit. This doesn't just go away. Its a huge test of character and hard work to move past all this. I've been there.

 

If you go NC he will be back. That is a promise..I would like to recommend a book "how to break an addiction to a person". You have to be willing to try help yourself though. Reading this book is a way of helping yourself. Right now you are not helping yourself. I've been there Mishy. No one could talk sense to me either. There is not one day that goes by, that I don't think about the girl that brought me to LS. I've thought about breaking NC numerous times. I used to say to myself "if we forgave each other and did it different we could be amazing".

 

There is no logic in that statement, especially since the last 3 months of the relationship were toxic and all trust in each other forever shattered. Now I know all this and thats why I will never break NC or ever go back even if the situation ever arose (which is impossible). Hard work and time brings amazing clarity. My ex that brought me here has a good heart, but it will be another man who makes her happy and gives her the things I couldn't and vice versa for me.

 

That was over 18 months ago but it's still hard. I still have feelings for her. I even replaced her with a 'clone' of her after 4 months had passed. At the time (over a year ago) I couldn't figure all this out. I really couldn't. I was an emotional mess. I may have thought I was in control, but emotionally I had lost it. I was giving advice here on LS and I was the worst person to be giving it! All logic had out the window. I understood the logic that was being said to me, I just didn't care. I wanted her and nothing anyone said to me made a blind bit of difference.

 

The only person that can get you out of this is you.

Edited November 8, 2012 by Mack05

[Eternal Sunshine]

I kind of don't have much sympathy for mishy anymore. She has been doing this for 5 YEARS. I remember her previous posts. Each time she wants to end it, each time is the final time and it goes on and on.

 

Sure, this guy is a jerk. But at this point, mishy is wasting her life away. And it is HER choice to stay in this situation.

 

I am sure this will go on for next 25 years too. Or however long it's convenient for him.

 

I don't have much respect for people that are that weak and refuse to look at where her choices have gotten her. She can talk the talk but can't walk the walk.

[Mack05]

I kind of don't have much sympathy for mishy anymore. She has been doing this for 5 YEARS. I remember her previous posts. Each time she wants to end it, each time is the final time and it goes on and on.

 

Sure, this guy is a jerk. But at this point, mishy is wasting her life away. And it is HER choice to stay in this situation.

 

I am sure this will go on for next 25 years too. Or however long it's convenient for him.

 

I don't have much respect for people that are that weak and refuse to look at where her choices have gotten her. She can talk the talk but can't walk the walk.

 

Jes&&^%%&!!. This was posted 4 and a half years ago -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/147628-he-liar

 

Are we are not talking about the same guy here?

[skywriter]

I kind of don't have much sympathy for mishy anymore. She has been doing this for 5 YEARS. I remember her previous posts. Each time she wants to end it, each time is the final time and it goes on and on.

 

Sure, this guy is a jerk. But at this point, mishy is wasting her life away. And it is HER choice to stay in this situation.

 

I am sure this will go on for next 25 years too. Or however long it's convenient for him.

 

I don't have much respect for people that are that weak and refuse to look at where her choices have gotten her. She can talk the talk but can't walk the walk.

 

 

How sad, to let life pass you by, because of another person has drawn you into their issues. ...and that it is your choice to be used by a cake eater.

 

I understand though, because I was once in your position. I did this for almost six yrs. Something in me gave me the courage to say to myself today is the day this stops.

 

That was six months ago and I've never seen or spoken to him since. My life didn't stop, I didn't curl up in a ball and give up on life. You see, I had him up on a pedestal, and the NC has given me a reality check,& changed the way I now see him as a person.

 

Until you say today is the day that I take back my dignity, then you'll keep being used. It's not about him and the POS he's behaving like.It's about you, what you believe you are worthy of and what you are willing to accept or not.

Edited November 8, 2012 by skywriter