Auguria Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Hello Everyone, First let me express my gratitude at the existence of this forum and all the great advices, encouragements, and eye-openening answers that I read while trying to find a solution to my own relationship and what is now left of it. Although not a member of this community I was tremendously helped by many of you guys in the secrecy of my own room and mind. Thank you. I am new to this and quite frankly I am lost. I would only hope that you'll be indulgent of my questions and concerns and give me insights as to what I should do or shouldn't do in regards to my relationship. I'd greatly appreciate it... My ex boyfriend and I met during summer. Although 21 years old and regularly pursued , I've always waited for someone that I would truly connect with. He was that someone. He is more experienced than me as far as romantic relationships are concerned, and he completely supported my desires, needs and treasured them. We fell in love. My emotional connection to him became important and I became important to him. Summer ended and he had to leave for a determined period of time to another state and we decided to continue our relationship. Being both extremely busy, and still terribly in love with him, I felt that we were not communicating enough and started to get tired of our situation. I thought about breaking up and we decided to take a break. We got back together but distance, misunderstandings and mis-communication were taking a toll on us. I learned that love was not enough. After a fight, we decided that next time we would meet we would decide what "we" would do. The lines were really opened, though, and I observed that he was making an effort to communicate more. We spent a week end with common friends and some moments were without a doubt the most amazing and memorable times of my young life, but we eventually got into a fight and I felt disrespected, and decided that I had enough of the drama, stress and desire to be continually loved by him. I think he was very frustrated with our relationship as well. The morning after the fight, my mind made up, I texted him thanking him about the great memories that we shared. He replied; I wished him luck in the future. And I went NC. He texted me two nights later, checking on me to which I politely told him that I was fine and I thanked him. I went NC for a whole week and despite the pain, I was doing fine, working out, studying, thinking about a future without him. After a week of NC, I receive an email from him stating that he didn't want things to end like that if he read my last texts correctly. He explained why our relationship failed and that he really did want it to work. He said that he had a magical summer, the best he ever had, and that our expectations of each other and the distance took a toll on us. He said that he respects me and has counteless good memories with me and that he would treasure my friendship if that was possible. He asked to see me when he would come to my city. Keep in mind that in the next few weeks he is going to move out permanently in my city. He said that he would understand if I refused. He signed it with " Love always"... For the whole week of NC I fought with this sense of hope that he would come back, that he would contact me. I fought against it really hard, but it hit me when I read his email: I still love him, and he still is that great, amazing man in the beginning of the summer. I do, indeed, want him back and I am aware of the progress that we need to make towards having a better line of communication... I jungled with the idea of ignoring his email for 24 hours, but decided instead to send him a short reply thanking him for the email, hoping that he is doing well and telling him that I appreciated his words and our good memories, and respected him too. I also said that we could catch up around a friendly cup of coffee. I ended it by saying that it was good to hear from him. He replied the next day with a single sentence saying that it was good to hear from me too, and that he'll let me know next time he is in my city. This time he ended it with " Best,". I don't know what to do. I am lost as I don't know what I am supposed to do from now on. Do I go NC, or reply to his last email and show a little bit more enthusiasm about his reaching out to me? I do not want to lose him. I don't know what his motives are, if he still has feelings or if he is simply trying to keep me as a friend strictly... What do you guys think? Most likely I'll be meeting him next week, how do I behave if he reiterates his offer of friendship? Do I refuse or do I leave him hanging? Again, your help : I truly need it!
LostOne1 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I don't know if I'll be much of help. But I'm glad you do have feelings for him. Reading your story reminded me of my ex. How the distance of 2 months away hurt us and our communication. How I did the same as your ex and told her how what we had was so great. Except my anger also got the best of me and got pushy with her. Sorry I can't be of help, I guess I just feel good knowing that some people are willing to work it out and give things a chance when someone really comes out and says why things fell apart and how they can work on it to fix things. I guess in my heart I always wished and wanted my ex to feel like you do. A bit unsure, but still willing to work it out and find the problem and fix it. I wish you all the best!
River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 It's cruel to leave a person hanging always, especially when they've reached out to you. It sounds like you have mixed feelings, so the best thing to do is meet in person and sort things out face to face. LDR's are very tough, and I personally couldn't make it happen no matter how much I wanted him to communicate. You will be in the same city, so maybe having the distance not a factor anymore will really make you guys have a better relationship?
Author Auguria Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 It's cruel to leave a person hanging always, especially when they've reached out to you. It sounds like you have mixed feelings, so the best thing to do is meet in person and sort things out face to face. LDR's are very tough, and I personally couldn't make it happen no matter how much I wanted him to communicate. You will be in the same city, so maybe having the distance not a factor anymore will really make you guys have a better relationship? Thank you for your answer River Rain... If it was up to me, I would write him a love letter on the spot, but I don't want to because we all know that it is not good for myself or him. I love him, we both got tired of the distance, I took the decision to go NC for as long I needed to become myself. He contacted me after a week offering me friendship. Is he afraid that I would move on and forget about him, or am I simply reading too much into it and he only desires to remain platonic friends without thoughts of ever wanting to be together? It is a complicated situation, an unclear break up, and I have never dealt with such situation before, so I am clueless...
Author Auguria Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 I don't know if I'll be much of help. But I'm glad you do have feelings for him. Reading your story reminded me of my ex. How the distance of 2 months away hurt us and our communication. How I did the same as your ex and told her how what we had was so great. Except my anger also got the best of me and got pushy with her. Sorry I can't be of help, I guess I just feel good knowing that some people are willing to work it out and give things a chance when someone really comes out and says why things fell apart and how they can work on it to fix things. I guess in my heart I always wished and wanted my ex to feel like you do. A bit unsure, but still willing to work it out and find the problem and fix it. I wish you all the best! Ah! The pain of loving! Thanks for taking the time to share your feelings! It hurts, all of this, all this emptiness I feel... I would love for us to get together and try to see what we can do, if there is anything left from his side, if he's willing to do his share of work for this to work... I guess, I need to figure out if all he wants is friendship or is he hoping something more... I don't know how to figure it out!
River Rain Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Thank you for your answer River Rain... If it was up to me, I would write him a love letter on the spot, but I don't want to because we all know that it is not good for myself or him. I love him, we both got tired of the distance, I took the decision to go NC for as long I needed to become myself. He contacted me after a week offering me friendship. Is he afraid that I would move on and forget about him, or am I simply reading too much into it and he only desires to remain platonic friends without thoughts of ever wanting to be together? It is a complicated situation, an unclear break up, and I have never dealt with such situation before, so I am clueless... During times of uncertainty, we always over analyze everything. In my little experience, I've found that when someone says they want to remain friends soon after a breakup, that it's either because they want to let the person down easy, they want to keep them on the back burner, or they want to cling onto them in hopes of reconciliation. It's really impossible to know what a person is thinking in this situation, you just have to ask him. Most times, the NC is what's needed to sort out the confusion.
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