I need help finding a couples therapist!

[lepeep]

Hello

 

My boyfriend and I may want to get couples therapy for our relationship difficulties. I just wanted to know, has anyone out there been to couples therapy with postive results?

 

If so, what qualities should I look for in a therapist?

[StartingAgain]

I would offer this guidelines, though this is not an inclusive list:

 

1. Credentials. I would only use a therapist who holds the PhD or PsychD degree. I personally do not feel that those with masters in clinical counceling, educational counceling, pastoral counceling, etc. are trained well enough and my experience with them is that they tend to rely too much on the latest self-help books and pop psychobabble. Do a background check on your potential therapist. Where did he'she take her training. Research the school. Is its program in psychotherapy or family therapy highly ranked or some third-rate school that has a reputation as a diploma mill.

 

2. Specialty. Many therapists , who are trained in individual therapy will take a few extra courses or a couple of seminars and start doing marital/family/couples therapy. You don't want one of these. The approaches to individual therapy is completely different than than of couples therapy. Rather you want some one who has been specifically trained in marital/family/couples therapy. Many are trained in both and perform both couples and individual therapy. However, a couples therapist should never perform individual therapy on either of the partners, but refer them to a collegue as required and coordinate treatment plans.

 

3. Philosophy. Many couples therapists really are not commited to helping couples save their relationship. While it is considered unethical in their profession to tell a couple that they should split up, some of them nonetheless do this in subtle ways. A therapist must be emphatic about their commitment to helping couples stay together. There are some therapists with an agenda (e.g., feminism, individualism, etc). These should be avoided.

 

4. Interview. That's right interview the therapist. You are going to be trusting your relationship and emotional health to this individual, so be damned sure of them before you begin. He/she should be able to give you numbers on their sucess rate. It should be significanly better than the divorce rate. You have to be comfortable with the therapist. The couple and the therapist need to build a strong rapport and build trust. This won't happen if you find the therapist's communication style, attitudes, and philosophies unacceptable.

 

Another new approach that departs from the traditional therapeutic approach, and which may be a better idea for couples who aren't experiencing serious problems is couples coaching. Many therapists now help couples resoolve serious problems and then put them into coaching to help them learn to relate to and communicate better. This approach has shown to be quite effective.

[lepeep]

Thank you so much! Starting again, can I ask how couples therapy has helped your relationship?