PennGuy Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 When you try your best, but you don't succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone, but it goes to waste Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you And high up above or down below When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you Tears stream down on your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down on your face And I... Tears stream down on your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down on your face And I... Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you This song came on XM radio on my way to my old apartment to get some of my stuff out yesterday. What a sad coincidence. I've pretty much cried all morning. Just had to tell someone that.
paperboy48 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Coldplay is an Awesome group...with great songs that mean so much. I am sorry for your loss...how long were you together?
Author PennGuy Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Three years. The first couple weeks were ok, but it's already been a month this Sunday. It seems now that I signed a lease to my own place and walked into our old apartment we picked out, and seeing all of our pictures down and my stuff in boxes that she packed up, it's really hitting me that it's over and she's not coming back. Three years of my life in boxes. All that's left there is some clothes of mine, a television, xbox, and appliances...that will all be out this Sunday....1 month since D-day. It feels like it's getting harder and not easier. I know this is for the best, but I miss her so terribly and wish I would've done things differently. This is by far the most serious thing I've been involved in and the most attached I have ever been. She's done. Loves me but is not in love with me. She gave me a laundry list of excuses, like I am too smart to be with someone dumb like her....She's holding me back.....Three years. At one point, I thought this was the girl I would spend the rest of my life with. Now she's just another ex. Another failed attempt at forever.
Author PennGuy Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) Last night while dropping the boxes off after work my new place at work, I noticed a little black box that had a diamond necklace in it that I bought her. That was the first jewelry I ever bought for anyone. It stung and hurt so bad to open it up and see it. And to think that something as little as a necklace can trigger sadness. Edited November 7, 2012 by PennGuy grammar
stemac Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Pennguy it's the small things that hurt the most it must be very hard for you Very heart breaking, I think it's been 3 month for me I am not counting I don't want to know that date, all I can say is "time" is your best friend Now, don't hold it in if you want to cry.. Cry as much as you can let it all out, And talk about it to family and friends and keep Talking till you are sick of hearing about it, it's a long Road my friend but!! You will get to the end Good luck stay strong
theLWord Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 "And I will try to fix you" Unforunately, that's usually all that happens after a bad break up, is we try, but don't accomplish a "fix." It reminds me of this quote, “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.” ~Unknown I'm sorry you are hurting.
Author PennGuy Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 I've never been through a breakup so profound and deep as this one. My last breakup turned out to be nothing more than lust and infatuation. Finally at 30, I know what losing REAL love really feels like. Sometimes the ache is so bad I can physically feel it in my chest. God, when I met her I was lost. Couldn't find a good job, broke, still lived at home. I had zero concept of money management. She was on her own, living on a very tight budget in a not so nice apartment, but she was doing it. She didn't need 200 channels and a 70 inch television and a $120 a month cell phone plan. I pretty much moved in within 4 months. Still struggling to find a steady job. That woman paid for pretty much everything. She straight up took care of me for the first 6 months. We picked out another apartment close to a year after getting together and while I still didn't have an awesome job, I at least worked 40+ a week and was getting my stuff together. Finally, I landed a decent job and worked all the overtime I could handle. I got caught up on my car payments, paid off a charged off credit card bill in 4 months, Then tackled getting my student loans back into good standing, succeeded there also. I've been on time with every bill for close two years now. I don't spend like a madman. I have her to thank for turning me into a true grownup. Over time, I became more patient, less selfish, and learned to appreciate what I have and how far I came. I love her for that. She makes and made me a better person. She was a beautiful, but shy woman with little confidence and self esteem when I met her. She hated large crowds and took medication for anxiety. I was the exact opposite. I brought out her confidence and told her she could do anything she put her mind to and to quit calling herself stupid, because just you're not as smart as me, doesn't mean you are dumb. Slowly, she became more confident. She had a smart, good looking guy, she was very good at her job, she realized how beautiful she was. She's thanked me for that. Now that it's over, she says she's a different person. I am not totally responsible for that, but I had a huge hand in it. You think that what was once a spark would turn into a glowing flame because of the people we make each other. I've said it a million times but I will say it again: I managed to turn someone who was head over heels for me into a person that doesn't love me anymore. It's such a mindf*ck. Granted there's negatives...she yelled at me once after we were out with friends and I had everyone laughing and having a good time. She said I stole the spotlight as always and those were her friends. I thought me being the life of the party was better than sitting there being Debbie Downer or acting like a jerk. It's been a month. I can't believe that someone I saw daily for three years has been in front of my eyes ONCE in the past month. I haven't smelled her perfume, kissed her forehead, or slept beside her in a month. I don't even know where the time went. This is the deepest hurt I have ever felt.
Author PennGuy Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 She also said she wasn't attracted to me anymore. I don't want to sound like an egomaniac, but I am what you would consider a "hot guy". She was a "hot girl". I was still attracted to her and still am. I didn't let myself go, I didn't gain weight, I didn't start dressing like a slob. I'm still a very handsome guy. Towards the end I knew it was going down the tubes. I kicked the idea around of ending things myself. I couldn't get her to do anything with me anymore. I would get thoughtful little surprises and not get the reaction out of her that I expected. It was like getting a gift from your mother. I could tell the love was gone behind her kisses. I tried rekindling passion in the bedroom. I tried to have more sex with her. I tried making plans. I tried keeping the house clean and making her life easy. I kept my mouth shut when it came to snide remarks about others. I waited on her hand and foot. Offered money when there was things she wanted but couldn't afford at the time. She refused everything. I tried till I was blue in the face. Maybe I tried to late, or maybe if I tried earlier it wouldn't have changed anything.
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