notsosuperman Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) Hi! Just to let you know: I am not looking/hoping/wanting to reconcile with my ex again I am doing great process in getting over her Back in march I met this awesome girl, the kind of person you just bond with really quickly, because your personalities works great together. She became one of my best friends rather quickly. Since the start of august we started seeing each other a lot more, and started going out. I had my first kiss ever with this girl. In the end of september, she ended it between us, because she was not ready for a commitment/being in a relationship yet. She had mentioned it earlier, and I made sure I did NOTHING to push her or anything, and she as glad about that. She said that if anything ever happened between us, I would have to promise her, that we could still be friends. Anyways, she ended it, and I was devestated. I cried in front of her and all that, but NO begging! I went straight NC, and cutted her out of my life, including facebook and all that. 6 days later she texted me, to hear how I was, and that she missed me. I told her I missed her too, and boom - no response. That kinda pissed me off, but I thought "Oh well.." and decided to start the NC over again. (Her texting me, does that counts as breaking NC?) 5 weeks later (yesterday) she texted me again. This is how it goes. Her: Hey. How are you? Me: I am really good thanks. Her: Does that mean that I should "leave you alone"? Me: We have not been talking in a month, and I have been fine, so that is up to you. Her: That is not up to me. But if you are great, then that it.. Well, great. I did not respond to this text, as I had nothing to add. She then etxted me again. Her: The atmosphere/air between us, feels really cold - so apparently this is how it needs to be. Take care...I did not respond to this one either, so I went to bed. The next day I felt bad for just ignoring the message, because I know how it feels. Not that I feel I owe her ANYTHING, but to show her, that I am still the good old, kind and polite person, and always will be. Me: The air bewteen us is not cold, but you got what you wanted. Her: Got what I wanted?? What do you mean? Me. You said, that we should not be talking for a while, so I stayed at that. Her: Yeah, and that you should text me when you were ready, because I wanted to keep our friendship. So, my dad and I seriously laughed about this.. How in hell, could she think, that I should be the one to initiate contact? She was the one to say "This will be the last you hear from me in a while, until we are both moving on". I responded: Me: I really don't think it is right of you to expect me to contact you, when you dumped me, and to be honest, I am having a really hard time picturing me, being friends and having the same friendship, with a girl I was in love with, when she dumped me. Her: Okay... It will just end here then. Me: You already did end it, but wether we are able to get our old good friendship back or not, only time can tell. Her: Yes.. See ya. Me: Time will show.. We go to the same school, and that is why I wont just be ignoring her. I want things to be "neutral", and I think I am doing good. I know she means this as a "see you later", because she made a big deal out of it, when I said "goodbye" and not "see you", when I left her house. I am not going to contact her - I got nothing to talk with her about, but nor am I going to ignore her.. I never have. I don't know what is going on in her head at the moment, but I really don't care anyways. I just wanted you guys to see this, and show you, that I am having an awesome day because of this. It is great to see that you all by yourself, was able to stand your ground, and keep your pride, by staying NC, and then she comes... Again. This has really given me a kick forward! Thanks for reading! Edited November 7, 2012 by notsosuperman
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 That's awesome you are doing good, and you are doing the right thing by not ignoring her and being nice, it probably makes her feel like crap how you're still nice to her. It seems like she was hoping to hear you were struggling. I wish I was doing half as good as you, and man I bet it feels good when they reach out like that, wish I knew what it was like.
Author notsosuperman Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Thank you @suladas! Means a lot that people think I am doing the right thing! I would not say I hope that she feels bad, but I kinda think she does, and that kinda cheers me up to, can't help it. I am sorry you are not experiencing the same situation because it DOES feel good, when they are starting to crawl back, but that can also be a bad thing. I guess you can easily fall into the trap and letting old emotions flow, but because of my friends and threads I have been reading online, I know the best thing is, to stay cool. But since I almost see her everyday, this is the best solution imo. I am no expert or anything, like I wrote - first ever "relationship". BUT you are very welcome to drop me a message and we can talk about your situation or anything. Maybe I am able to tell you something that might be able to cheer you up, who knows. The offer is there!
puzzled1 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 She is kind of acting like my girl, wants to be friends because she still wants that comfort but wants nothing else to do with you. In the beginning of our breakup, I was somewhat okay with that because I thought if I keep her as a friend, she will still talk to me about stuff and that way I can spark things back up. Now I have decided that its over, it doesn't make it easier to cope but at least I don't have any more hope. She keeps reaching out to me and I keep ignoring it, I am sure she is also having a hard time, but I am just making sure she is going thru with her decision. Self pride and dignity goes up after every text she sends, but also hurts a bit. In a weird state of mind right now.
Chi townD Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Dude, she's just trying to ease her guilt about the whole thing and put the blame on you. "I tried to be his friend, but he had no interest. So, I can stop feeling guilty about everything because I tried! He's the one being an asshat, not me." Her texts are selfishly motivated.
Author notsosuperman Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) @puzzled1 I can genuinely say, that she does not only want my comfort, because I talked with her about it a couple of times before she turned me down, and she cried of the thought. What she wants with me now, might have changed, but I am 100% sure, that she is not only looking for my comfort - but I know from myself, that if I agree to be the same friend with her, we are going to talk a lot, and someday, I might hear from her, that she is seeing a guy, and I don't want that. But if she REALLY don't care about me anymore, then what the heck? No use to me.. I have been working hard to get where I am now. And I am not gonna let her ruin that, and she will not be able to. Good to hear you are doing good progress too! @Chi townD She indeed is, and trust me, I am aware of that! But that is not what is happening. I think I got some good control of this situation, and I am not going back to her! Don't think that! I just don't want it to be awkward and necessary for me to avoid her all the time at school. I am being neutral - no hard feelings. If she says hi to me at school, I'll say hi. If she doesn't, then I wont either. I am not going to be the one contacting her, trust me. Edited November 7, 2012 by notsosuperman spelling mistakes
flitzanu Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 also yes, replying to any texts or calls to her means YOU broke NC.
Author notsosuperman Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) also yes, replying to any texts or calls to her means YOU broke NC. Haha ofc, I could have said that to myself. Doesn't matter anymore.. Edited November 7, 2012 by notsosuperman
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