Tree_Salmon Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 It's been more than 2 months of NC since I last ran into my ex. We seem to get into some kind of weird communication every 2 months but that is no longer going to happen. Since things have ended so badly. The thing is, all her childhood friends have always loved me and seem to have a better relationship with me. They miss me, they call me, they want to spend time with me, etc. Tonight I'm going to dinner with a few and don't really know if I should act a specific way. I figure at one point I might be part of some conversation somewhere. People sometimes make up at the drop of a hat so I'm thinking I need to be very cool and calm if we talk about the breakup or my ex. Anyone been through this?
sweetkiwi Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 wait why do you need to be friends with your ex's friends? Thats a bad idea.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 wait why do you need to be friends with your ex's friends? Thats a bad idea. Well this particular couple are good friends of mine too. They were childhood friends of hers but I knew them before i knew her so they are my friends too. They are actually the people who introduced us. Just happen to be long term friends of hers. I don't see a reason to push people away because of her.
puzzled1 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Act normal and do not talk about your relationship, but thats just me, If you mention you are having a hard time or miss him or anything. They will convey that message to your ex and that will stroke his ego.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Act normal and do not talk about your relationship, but thats just me, If you mention you are having a hard time or miss him or anything. They will convey that message to your ex and that will stroke his ego. I thought about this, but I'm usually very open and dont care what people think. So i'd be honest by nature. Not that I'm a wreck and cant deal without her(i'm the guy). But I wont deny that i miss her if her friend asks me. People can see that im committed and confident but would it be a negative thing to just be open and honest if asked about my ex? Saying something like "yes i still love her but it didnt work out". I don't see how it can be taken as a negative but you never know what some people think.
Shinobi Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 wait why do you need to be friends with your ex's friends? Thats a bad idea. If the friendship is genuine, I do not see why not? Go and see them. Do not refer to them as "ex's friends" they are your friends now, just your ex met you with them. Be cool, ask how are them. Do not speak about your ex. I suppose this topic will be unavoidable but do not be the one who brings it in the conversation. If you ask me- even then say as little as possible and change the subject. Spend good time with your friends and get it off your mind that they are ex's friends... And do not be hopeful, just enjoy. 1
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 If they introduced you two, there is probably some level of guilt for it not working out hanging over them, if they are both of your friends they will never convey anything to your ex that you're hurting or anything. The only time a friend would or should, was if they seen both of you and knew you both wanted each other back they might try to get you back together. But no real friends would do anything to hurt either side, they would just be neutral.
flitzanu Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 exaggerate everything in a positive way definitely mention that you had a casual fling with a girl younger and thinner than your ex. 1
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 exaggerate everything in a positive way definitely mention that you had a casual fling with a girl younger and thinner than your ex. I don't have to manufacture this story because it's already happened a few times since my breakup But I wonder if there will be a communication between then or if my ex even cares to know. I doubt it. But im planning on being myself. I'm meeting now.
flitzanu Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 mutual friends are ignorant like that. i'm sure the convo will come up, whether you or your ex wants to hear about it. that's just how people are. but yes, you shouldn't really worry about it, because in the end...who really cares.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 Turns out the friends had no intention of talking about anything but my relationship and insisted on telling me some things... first, the rebound guy is a complete mental case with zero IQ and massive amounts of problems. He is "emotional unstable" and incapable of intelligent conversation. They could not stop telling me how much of a degenerate this person was. Not to mention extremely obese and ugly. This was a nice ego boost, i must admit, but it doesnt help at all. second, they seem to think that my ex is doing this as revenge and is cruising along waiting for the best opportunity to dump him. I couldn't believe the things i was hearing. its almost as if they showed up just to convince me to try and win her back because that's what shes waiting for. I expressed that I don't run after anyone who treats me with that kind of bullsh*t. If she wants me she can come and get me, after she dumps mr.dumbsh*t i don't even know what to think about the whole thing. i'll probably sweep it all under the rug. thoughts?
flitzanu Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 wow. draaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. tell them to f' off? if they have a problem with their friend, that's their issue, and you shouldn't get involved.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 wow. draaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. tell them to f' off? if they have a problem with their friend, that's their issue, and you shouldn't get involved. So im going to hang out with them again. So many things have changed since the first time. At this point im just going to keep a lid on talking about my ex. I figure its best for everyone that way. She used the last time against me.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 (edited) I went through this a month ago. My ex is the sister-in-law of my best friend and I met him, her sister (his wife), his brother and his brother's wife. I talked about my ex very briefly with my best friend one-on-one (basically saying I was done trying to do anything to try to get back with her and had been for about a month, to which he said that she has issues and that I dodged a bullet) then we just talked our normal bs and it never was brought up again. In the group setting I didn't bring it up at all (part because I didn't want to talk about it, part because the last thing I want to do is talk around my ex's sister -- who I've known for far longer than my ex -- about it). But after that my best friend's brother's wife (say that 10 times real fast) just went off on my ex, saying that she was stupid to have broken with me, that she has problems (mentioned that my ex was in an abusive relationship in the past, which I didn't know about because my ex obviously didn't want me knowing that) and that she should crawl on her hands and knees to get back with me and that I shouldn't chase her. While I didn't want to talk about it and I'm sure some of it was to pick up my spirits, it was a good thing to hear and has made me more emboldened in standing fast. So that just left my ex's sister. Saw her again the next day (we all tailgated and went to a football game and hung out after). I didn't talk to her at all about my ex, but I did go out of my way to be my normal friendly, funny self around her and put her guard down a bit. I was having a great time with my friends without a care in the world and capped in off by picking up a cute 21-year-old at a bar we all went to. So the inevitable conversation that was relayed to my ex probably featured that incident, plus the fact that I was back to my old self. That probably threw my ex for a loop, but because of NC and the conversations I had with the others, I really couldn't care less. Edited November 17, 2012 by Simon Phoenix
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 I went through this a month ago. My ex is the sister-in-law of my best friend and I met him, her sister (his wife), his brother and his brother's wife. I talked about my ex very briefly with my best friend one-on-one (basically saying I was done trying to do anything to try to get back with her and had been for about a month, to which he said that she has issues and that I dodged a bullet) then we just talked our normal bs and it never was brought up again. In the group setting I didn't bring it up at all (part because I didn't want to talk about it, part because the last thing I want to do is talk around my ex's sister -- who I've known for far longer than my ex -- about it). But after that my best friend's brother's wife (say that 10 times real fast) just went off on my ex, saying that she was stupid to have broken with me, that she has problems (mentioned that my ex was in an abusive relationship in the past, which I didn't know about because my ex obviously didn't want me knowing that) and that she should crawl on her hands and knees to get back with me and that I shouldn't chase her. While I didn't want to talk about it and I'm sure some of it was to pick up my spirits, it was a good thing to hear and has made me more emboldened in standing fast. So that just left my ex's sister. Saw her again the next day (we all tailgated and went to a football game and hung out after). I didn't talk to her at all about my ex, but I did go out of my way to be my normal friendly, funny self around her and put her guard down a bit. I was having a great time with my friends without a care in the world and capped in off by picking up a cute 21-year-old at a bar we all went to. So the inevitable conversation that was relayed to my ex probably featured that incident, plus the fact that I was back to my old self. That probably threw my ex for a loop, but because of NC and the conversations I had with the others, I really couldn't care less. This is what I tried to have happen my first meeting with them. This time i'm going to continue to be my fun and calm self. i have a feeling my ex will get a yelling when this is all over from her friends. They already dislike her decisions and are closer with me as a result. This is all pointless, though. If my ex herself doesn't realize what she had then nothing else matters. At this point im already more comfortable without her. I normally dont hang out to ex's this long at all but i gave this one a year just because i felt so strongly for her. She threw it away so far. I'm planning on looking and acting my best when i see them this time, as well.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 This is what I tried to have happen my first meeting with them. This time i'm going to continue to be my fun and calm self. i have a feeling my ex will get a yelling when this is all over from her friends. They already dislike her decisions and are closer with me as a result. This is all pointless, though. If my ex herself doesn't realize what she had then nothing else matters. At this point im already more comfortable without her. I normally dont hang out to ex's this long at all but i gave this one a year just because i felt so strongly for her. She threw it away so far. I'm planning on looking and acting my best when i see them this time, as well. Sounds like you have a good gameplan. I also went to my meeting about 10-15 pounds lighter than I was the last time I had contact with them/my ex. Good luck.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 Sounds like you have a good gameplan. I also went to my meeting about 10-15 pounds lighter than I was the last time I had contact with them/my ex. Good luck. Well, i'm on a constant self improvement shtick even when i do have a steady girlfriend so I always am doing much better when I run into my ex. But i dont think it really matters in this case. Shes dating some ugly dude now so she just needs the mental power over him. Something she never had with me. In any case ill update this soon.
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