sleepless in texas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Before I get slammed for what I am about to write, please let me explain...... My boyfriend is a registered sex offender, all of this happened back in 1992, way before we even met each other. He told me about his past after we were together for a few months. he explained the whole situation to me and it was basically he was accused of molesting a then girlfriends daughter, but he said this girl was mad because he wouldn't let her go to the mall. He was really heavy into drugs and booze and says he was promised help if he would plea out. Anyway She recanted and yet they still went after him, the mother didn't step up to the plate because she was afaird of losing her kids. He pled guilty and spent 5 years in prison. Once he finished explaining everything to me, I believed him. Well 2 weeks later after he told me he was arrested for failure to register and eventually did a plea agreement and he is on probation for the next 5 years. Well his x wife came into a large sum of money and she told him she would hire a lawyer to get all of this taken care of and get it expunged from his record. Their two kids are getting older and they don't want the kids to find out. I personally think if they find out that there Daddy is the monster parents tell there kids to stay away from, it will destroy them, both of them think that their daughter would never believe it about her Dad, and would defend him till then end. Well long story short, not going to happen, it would cost hundreds of thousand of dollars and she didn't get that much. Now the only way to make all of this go away is a pardon, so I am helping him with this. Part of this process is getting original court documents and attaching the to the application. Yesterday in the mail the documents came in the mail and as I sat there reading them I freaked out. It is one thing knowing about this and discussing it, yet seeing it in black and white and reading everything it has me freaked out. There in his handwriting is what he did, not what he was accused of doing but what he did. He was 26 when this happened he is now 46, trying to equate the man then and the man I know is tearing me apart, because I just can't imagine him doing this. He has been gone for 2 weeks and is due home tomorrow, he is a truck driver, and I don't know how to react to this to him. This man that I love and live with is he really the monster we tell kids to stay away from? It gets even worse, I was going through our computers history looking for a site I was on and found some sites he was on and it has to do with teen girls, OMG I think I am going to puke I don't think I can deal with his past and I feel like everything is just going to explode. I m trying t get my head around all of this and trying to seperate who he was to who I thought he is today....... I don't know what to do ......
SensitiveTJ Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 If you suspect your guy has been untruthful with you, I mean....that's certainly grounds to leave. Particularly given the circumstances. When he returns, you're going to have to have a tough discussion.
mercy Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Have his bags packed at the door. It seems with him past behavior is predicting future behavior. Teen porn should be reported to the proper authorities. I have been a volunteer for CASA for many years, I have no use for pedophiles. They personally sicken me. Do you have children in your house? Why isn't he a registered sex offender? 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I'm an objective, realistic, very analytical and detailed person so I don't raise the alarm after the first warning, but this guy definitely seems to have a consistency that proves otherwise to him telling you the truth. I think he's had time to come up with this detailed and elaborate story but look at the timing in which he is telling you and how he is telling you, it's not just a coincidence. You have to realize as well he's had time to prepare this speech to you and any other woman to try and cover all the holes to make it sound nice and right but being that you were able to read his testimony, being arrested for not registering on top of it, while finding teen porn is his search history, I mean c'mon...there's a definite pattern here and if I were you I wouldn't feel comfortable taking the chance. I'm sure the ex-wife doesn't want the kids to find out about this, but it's likely more for the kids than it is for him, after all this doesn't sound like something that just happened simply because he didn't let her go to the mall and go angry...on top of it he was into drugs and alcohol during that time so who knows what he actually remembers doing and what kind of pressure was put on this girl to recant her statement. Look I don't know the whole story but this doesn't sound right to me at all....I wanted to see the sincerity of this guy and the factual proof that hey maybe he either A) changed or B) this was all just a foul up and he's the victim, but all the hands are pointing to guilty for me, I wouldn't rest any faith in him if I were you, he sounds like a guy who's had one too many issues, you can tell yourself all you want because you "love" the guy, but for me, love doesn't justify me making stupid decisions especially when the stakes are this high, so for me I'd listen to my brain on this one, it just seems absurd not to. That's just my honest opinion, I'm always surprised what women can get over and deal with/accept because they love men but damn, is there truly no limit to using better judgment? 2
2sure Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 A person previously convicted , jailed for 5 years, currently on probation, and trying to protect his children from his past...all due a child molestation "accusation" ....doesnt risk looking at porn with the word "young" or "teen" in it. At all. Not for a moment. Not alone. Not if he can help it. 3
CarrieT Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Something isn't adding up. I was also a child victim (twice) and one of my perps plead no contest and was only fined $1,000 and another got off on a discrepancy. To have served five years, there HAS to be more than what he is telling. Have you spoken with the ex for her side? There is obviously more to all this than you have been told and looking at porn is not an illegal infraction. But if you are always going to question and never be comfortable with him again, than best to call it a day and tell him soon.
standtall Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Sleepless. ..I would get rid of this guy. The recidivism for pedophiles and other sex offenders is sky high...like >90%. Also, by what you have described, he is still not accepting responsibility for what he did by giving you a water down version...nobody spends 5 yrs in jail just to plea to get out of the legal system. If that was the case he would have plead guilty to get probation, or taken under advisement...he is lying to you.
mass millz Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 WOW!! Think about all the time he is on the road in different states. Long distance truck drivers can be really nasty! Look at all the rapes and murders these guys have committed in the last 10 years. The drugs and booze didn't make him touch the little girl. His sick twisted mind and craving for sex made him do it. In my state, level 2 and 3 sex offenders can NEVER have the conviction expunged or have ANY of their felony cases sealed either. The man you love is not the man you think he is....He should be exposed rather then protected ....He is likely going to show his true side when confronted with the issue of not backing him up. 1
Author sleepless in texas Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Have his bags packed at the door. It seems with him past behavior is predicting future behavior. Teen porn should be reported to the proper authorities. I have been a volunteer for CASA for many years, I have no use for pedophiles. They personally sicken me. Do you have children in your house? Why isn't he a registered sex offender? He is registered, there was a 10 month period when he and his ex moved from one city to another, instead of registering in the city he moved too, there is an city law that sex offenders cannot live there, so he never bothered and in Texas when you go to renew you d.l., he gave them an address of a family friend which is outside the city limits. He had done it before from what I understand. Well this family friends sister found out he is registered and she freaked and called the cops and an investigation ensued. He did a plea agreement for his failure to register and now has 5 years probation. No, I don't have any children
Author sleepless in texas Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 I'm an objective, realistic, very analytical and detailed person so I don't raise the alarm after the first warning, but this guy definitely seems to have a consistency that proves otherwise to him telling you the truth. I think he's had time to come up with this detailed and elaborate story but look at the timing in which he is telling you and how he is telling you, it's not just a coincidence. You have to realize as well he's had time to prepare this speech to you and any other woman to try and cover all the holes to make it sound nice and right but being that you were able to read his testimony, being arrested for not registering on top of it, while finding teen porn is his search history, I mean c'mon...there's a definite pattern here and if I were you I wouldn't feel comfortable taking the chance. I'm sure the ex-wife doesn't want the kids to find out about this, but it's likely more for the kids than it is for him, after all this doesn't sound like something that just happened simply because he didn't let her go to the mall and go angry...on top of it he was into drugs and alcohol during that time so who knows what he actually remembers doing and what kind of pressure was put on this girl to recant her statement. Look I don't know the whole story but this doesn't sound right to me at all....I wanted to see the sincerity of this guy and the factual proof that hey maybe he either A) changed or B) this was all just a foul up and he's the victim, but all the hands are pointing to guilty for me, I wouldn't rest any faith in him if I were you, he sounds like a guy who's had one too many issues, you can tell yourself all you want because you "love" the guy, but for me, love doesn't justify me making stupid decisions especially when the stakes are this high, so for me I'd listen to my brain on this one, it just seems absurd not to. That's just my honest opinion, I'm always surprised what women can get over and deal with/accept because they love men but damn, is there truly no limit to using better judgment? Thanks for pointing things out, I need someone objective in this and I knew all of yu wonderful people would make me see things. The rose colored glasses came off about 2 weeks ago when I was doing research for him and a number of the attorneys told me pretty much the same thing, if they didn't have enough evidence he never would have been convicted or offered to enter a guilty plea. I think all along things didnt add up but seeing things in black and white, staring me in the face, well the doubts or questions have been put to rest.....thank you for your input
Author sleepless in texas Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 yes, and to be honest I am not looking forward to it, but I know I have to break it off.
Author sleepless in texas Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 As someone who was molested as a chid and teen, I can tell you that it isn't as simple as her making a claim and him spending 5 years in jail. That doesn't happen. His story is a convenient fiction. I am very, very sorry for what you are dealing with. I do not believe pedophiles can change. The man that molested me got treatment, not jail and then went on to molest a number of girls young girls after, including family and friends, because everyone claimed he "was so much better" and that it "wasn't a problem anymore" and that it was the alcohol. He became sober so they assumed by changing that behavior it had changed the others as well. It did not. The fact that you found teen(ish?) porn on his computer shows where his prediliction lies. This isn't going to go away and he will continue this behavior. I'd suggest getting therapy for yourself, becuase you are going to have a lot to deal with as you process this emotionally, but I think that the best decision for you, (I rarely tell people what I think they should do) at least the one that is in your best interests, is to walk away from this relationship. It may break your heart, but you will be devestated when it gets confirmed at some point that he is molesting someone else, and that's entirely plausible. At that point your reputation in all areas will be tarnished and/or worse. Please think this through rationally, call a trusted friend or family member who can help you to think straight through every step and walk away. I wish you all the best and hope for a brighter future for you. Thank you for sharing your story, and I appreciate you sharing, that is just it, he tells me spending 5 yrs in prison changed him. He said he was so messed up and I agree who knows what he did and doesn't even remember it.
Author sleepless in texas Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 A person previously convicted , jailed for 5 years, currently on probation, and trying to protect his children from his past...all due a child molestation "accusation" ....doesnt risk looking at porn with the word "young" or "teen" in it. At all. Not for a moment. Not alone. Not if he can help it. I know, i think what flips me out is both his ex and he think his kids, especially his daughter would want to beat the hell out of this person that accused him. Personally that scares me when I think about it, them both thinking this is what she would want to do......what a mess
Nyla Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Why would you even take up with someone like this? Sometimes women choose the wrong men and then complain when they have problems. It is all about making choices that make sense. How could you not see the huge red flags? Of course a criminal is going to tell lies! Duh! My husband had a DUI when he was younger. He did not go to jail and the experience just scared him straight. If he had jail time under his belt and committed more crimes, I would have ran the other way.
Janesays Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 If I was innocent of a crime of that magnitude (Or any crime, really), I would NEVER plead guilty. NEVER EVER EVER would I say, "Yes, I molested that child" if I didn't. I would rather rot in jail for the rest of my life than to plead guilty to something like that. Unless, of course, I really WAS guilty. Which I think your man is. Guilty as H-E-double hockey sticks. 2
Author sleepless in texas Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Something isn't adding up. I was also a child victim (twice) and one of my perps plead no contest and was only fined $1,000 and another got off on a discrepancy. To have served five years, there HAS to be more than what he is telling. Have you spoken with the ex for her side? There is obviously more to all this than you have been told and looking at porn is not an illegal infraction. But if you are always going to question and never be comfortable with him again, than best to call it a day and tell him soon. Yes I have she and I our friends, and she tells me the same thing he has, now mind you she has not asked to read the court papers, this happened in another state not here and she said if she had known he was going to have to register for life, she never would have had the kids, because according t them both when he came back here and got off parole his parole officer said he would never have to worry about this again. But he was released off parole at the end of May 1999 and his son was born in September of 99, so she was pregnant when she told me this about having kids. So t be honest I don't believe her either.
Author sleepless in texas Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Sleepless. ..I would get rid of this guy. The recidivism for pedophiles and other sex offenders is sky high...like >90%. Also, by what you have described, he is still not accepting responsibility for what he did by giving you a water down version...nobody spends 5 yrs in jail just to plea to get out of the legal system. If that was the case he would have plead guilty to get probation, or taken under advisement...he is lying to you. He said he pled out because the lawyer told hi that he would get help......duh, yeah he did sex offender program guess that is the help she was talking about
Author sleepless in texas Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Yes Nyla I agree but I didnt even find out about this until after we were together for 4 months and I will admit that I had on rose colored glasses on. I believed him because there was just no way this kind loving caring man could have done this. But delving into this the last few weeks then seeing the paperwork, well I now believe he was guilty
BetheButterfly Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Before I get slammed for what I am about to write, please let me explain...... My boyfriend is a registered sex offender, all of this happened back in 1992, way before we even met each other. He told me about his past after we were together for a few months. he explained the whole situation to me and it was basically he was accused of molesting a then girlfriends daughter, but he said this girl was mad because he wouldn't let her go to the mall. He was really heavy into drugs and booze and says he was promised help if he would plea out. Anyway She recanted and yet they still went after him, the mother didn't step up to the plate because she was afaird of losing her kids. He pled guilty and spent 5 years in prison. Once he finished explaining everything to me, I believed him. Well 2 weeks later after he told me he was arrested for failure to register and eventually did a plea agreement and he is on probation for the next 5 years. Well his x wife came into a large sum of money and she told him she would hire a lawyer to get all of this taken care of and get it expunged from his record. Their two kids are getting older and they don't want the kids to find out. I personally think if they find out that there Daddy is the monster parents tell there kids to stay away from, it will destroy them, both of them think that their daughter would never believe it about her Dad, and would defend him till then end. Well long story short, not going to happen, it would cost hundreds of thousand of dollars and she didn't get that much. Now the only way to make all of this go away is a pardon, so I am helping him with this. Part of this process is getting original court documents and attaching the to the application. Yesterday in the mail the documents came in the mail and as I sat there reading them I freaked out. It is one thing knowing about this and discussing it, yet seeing it in black and white and reading everything it has me freaked out. There in his handwriting is what he did, not what he was accused of doing but what he did. He was 26 when this happened he is now 46, trying to equate the man then and the man I know is tearing me apart, because I just can't imagine him doing this. He has been gone for 2 weeks and is due home tomorrow, he is a truck driver, and I don't know how to react to this to him. This man that I love and live with is he really the monster we tell kids to stay away from? It gets even worse, I was going through our computers history looking for a site I was on and found some sites he was on and it has to do with teen girls, OMG I think I am going to puke I don't think I can deal with his past and I feel like everything is just going to explode. I m trying t get my head around all of this and trying to seperate who he was to who I thought he is today....... I don't know what to do ...... I know it won't help you feel better, but I'd encourage you to watch the video in Truckers Against Human Trafficking I suggest finding another place to stay for awhile and think about it. Don't make any suggestions or accusations just yet, but really investigate. The finding teen porn does worry me a lot. I would not tolerate that. Teens should be protected, not exploited.
BetheButterfly Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 That's just my honest opinion, I'm always surprised what women can get over and deal with/accept because they love men but damn, is there truly no limit to using better judgment? Agreed. Love doesn't mean to tolerate harm. It is scary how many women don't tend to take a stand against guys who are abusers. 1
BetheButterfly Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 A person previously convicted , jailed for 5 years, currently on probation, and trying to protect his children from his past...all due a child molestation "accusation" ....doesnt risk looking at porn with the word "young" or "teen" in it. At all. Not for a moment. Not alone. Not if he can help it. Wise words
BetheButterfly Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Teen porn should be reported to the proper authorities. I have been a volunteer for CASA for many years, I have no use for pedophiles. They personally sicken me. Agreed. One reason why child/teen porn and child/teen prostitution, and sexual abuse of minors exists is because of the demand of adults (predominately male adults) who have crossed healthy boundaries.
Author sleepless in texas Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 If I was innocent of a crime of that magnitude (Or any crime, really), I would NEVER plead guilty. NEVER EVER EVER would I say, "Yes, I molested that child" if I didn't. I would rather rot in jail for the rest of my life than to plead guilty to something like that. Unless, of course, I really WAS guilty. Which I think your man is. Guilty as H-E-double hockey sticks. That is how feel as well, I would fight it and then he has said his lawyer was awful and never did anything and she "talked" him into it.....
VeveCakes Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 That is how feel as well, I would fight it and then he has said his lawyer was awful and never did anything and she "talked" him into it..... Well yeah she knew he was guilty. Saved him and her fighting it in court.
Janesays Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 That is how feel as well, I would fight it and then he has said his lawyer was awful and never did anything and she "talked" him into it..... God himself could fly from the clouds and promise me eternal life lounging around on a cloud and eating grapes and I STILL wouldn't admit to molesting a child if I were truly innocent. It's just insanity to even considering lying and saying you did one of the most horrible things imaginable.
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