TheKnightWillRise Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Hi guys, I've been viewing the threads and advice on this site for the past three days straight now without registering, because I felt posting my own situation would make it all too real, but enough is enough, and here I am. Well a little background. I'm 25 and I've just come out of a 2 year relationship with my ex (our anniversary would have been later this month, that's going to be fun isn't it? Anyway, I'll brace myself for a barrage of tuts and shaking heads, because I was the cause of the breakup. I didn't feel quite ready for commitment, and I still felt like I needed to mature, travel, and settle into a secure job and actually get myself a property so I could give us the life we both wanted (I currently live with my dad, but only work part time). Stupidly, I text a couple of other girls some flirty things at two points in our relationship, approximately a year apart. This was largely connected to my problem with drinking. I'm not an alcoholic per se, but I have been known to depend on alcohol to alleviate the depression I've felt in my life. Regardless, when I was drunk, I'd seek a stroke of my ego elsewhere, instead of doing the right thing and strengthening the bond with my ex. My ex broke down the first time, but she forgave me the same night. Things went swimmingly for the next year, until at the end of September of this year, she found another flirty text and called it off as she couldn't trust me anymore. I acted like a spoiled child and told her to get out of the house. When calmness came over me, and after a period of solitary reflection, I wrote her a long heartfelt e-mail taking full responsibility for the break up and wished her a happy life. She responded that night telling me how much I'd hurt her, but she respected and accepted my apology, so it looked like we were set to move on. After 2 weeks of complete NC, she e-mails me ''I miss you.'' And then literally 5 minutes after as I was contemplating how to reply, she sent something along the lines of an apology, that she wasn't being fair by contacting me. To cut this part short, for the next 2 weeks we e-mailed back on forth, and she acted like herself and not the distant version which materialised post break-up. Which is to be expected I guess. She also asked me to meet up with her, but at the time I was generally busy and had no money to go to lunch as she suggested. Anyway during this time I was quite distant as I just needed time to be alone and think. Basically, I was back in the driving seat and could take as much time as I liked (Please don't judge, my own judgment was still very hazy, and I was completely overwhelmed by her sudden and constant contact.) She also told me that she still loved me during this period, which I couldn't believe, but was very happy about. I never told her I loved her back though, which was stupid of me, but again, my head and heart were in tatters at this point. After a couple of weekends of hard drinking on my part, I e-mailed her some silly things like ''come and stay at my house'' at a stupid time in the morning, and basically expected her to see me whenever I wanted. She declined (which you would do lol) and since then, she went completely NC. I emailed her after a week asking why she was suddenly ignoring me. She said that she wasn't, she'd simply been busy. I didn't believe this for a second, but I went with it, and then drunkenly a few days later poured my heart out to her over e-mail, claiming that she was my world, that I loved her etc etc. This was met with a curt and sharp e-mail response, basically telling me she was severing ties with me completely, that she only contacted me to get answers for herself, and now that she was/is moving on. At this point, I hit rockbottom, as I came to realise that she really wasn't messing around this time, and that the distance towards me had been reinstated. She said things like she'd changed, and that looking back on the relationship didn't hurt anymore. I told her she was all I had in the world, (and a few more ridiculously needy and desperate things) which were again only met with sharp indifference. This last contact happened on the 4.11.12, which is why I have since been trawling the internet for answers. Reading back through my story myself, I realise that I have been very immature, relied on alcohol too much, and treated her in an undignified manner. I know all this, and it's only in stepping back and looking at the situation objectively (and sober!) that I have came to this conclusion. We have been officially broken up for about 6 weeks now though, but I only feel like it has been a true break-up since 4.11.12 (three days ago!) which means that it's all extremely raw and I now truly realise what I have lost...the love of my life. Unfortunately for me, I can't pick fault with the girl. She was a close to perfect as I could ever have asked for. I just feel I need to reach out to a community that will understand and (hopefully) empathise with me, as it's caused me to miss work, and I'm not eating properly. Motivation is dwindling aswell. If I had another chance, I'd take her back in an instant. My self esteem is completely shot and she literally hasn't been out of my head since late September, so it's really affecting other parts of my life. ''The one that got away'' is a phrase that almost physically makes me wretch at the moment. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
todreaminblue Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Hi guys, I've been viewing the threads and advice on this site for the past three days straight now without registering, because I felt posting my own situation would make it all too real, but enough is enough, and here I am. Well a little background. I'm 25 and I've just come out of a 2 year relationship with my ex (our anniversary would have been later this month, that's going to be fun isn't it? Anyway, I'll brace myself for a barrage of tuts and shaking heads, because I was the cause of the breakup. I didn't feel quite ready for commitment, and I still felt like I needed to mature, travel, and settle into a secure job and actually get myself a property so I could give us the life we both wanted (I currently live with my dad, but only work part time). Stupidly, I text a couple of other girls some flirty things at two points in our relationship, approximately a year apart. This was largely connected to my problem with drinking. I'm not an alcoholic per se, but I have been known to depend on alcohol to alleviate the depression I've felt in my life. Regardless, when I was drunk, I'd seek a stroke of my ego elsewhere, instead of doing the right thing and strengthening the bond with my ex. My ex broke down the first time, but she forgave me the same night. Things went swimmingly for the next year, until at the end of September of this year, she found another flirty text and called it off as she couldn't trust me anymore. I acted like a spoiled child and told her to get out of the house. When calmness came over me, and after a period of solitary reflection, I wrote her a long heartfelt e-mail taking full responsibility for the break up and wished her a happy life. She responded that night telling me how much I'd hurt her, but she respected and accepted my apology, so it looked like we were set to move on. After 2 weeks of complete NC, she e-mails me ''I miss you.'' And then literally 5 minutes after as I was contemplating how to reply, she sent something along the lines of an apology, that she wasn't being fair by contacting me. To cut this part short, for the next 2 weeks we e-mailed back on forth, and she acted like herself and not the distant version which materialised post break-up. Which is to be expected I guess. She also asked me to meet up with her, but at the time I was generally busy and had no money to go to lunch as she suggested. Anyway during this time I was quite distant as I just needed time to be alone and think. Basically, I was back in the driving seat and could take as much time as I liked (Please don't judge, my own judgment was still very hazy, and I was completely overwhelmed by her sudden and constant contact.) She also told me that she still loved me during this period, which I couldn't believe, but was very happy about. I never told her I loved her back though, which was stupid of me, but again, my head and heart were in tatters at this point. After a couple of weekends of hard drinking on my part, I e-mailed her some silly things like ''come and stay at my house'' at a stupid time in the morning, and basically expected her to see me whenever I wanted. She declined (which you would do lol) and since then, she went completely NC. I emailed her after a week asking why she was suddenly ignoring me. She said that she wasn't, she'd simply been busy. I didn't believe this for a second, but I went with it, and then drunkenly a few days later poured my heart out to her over e-mail, claiming that she was my world, that I loved her etc etc. This was met with a curt and sharp e-mail response, basically telling me she was severing ties with me completely, that she only contacted me to get answers for herself, and now that she was/is moving on. At this point, I hit rockbottom, as I came to realise that she really wasn't messing around this time, and that the distance towards me had been reinstated. She said things like she'd changed, and that looking back on the relationship didn't hurt anymore. I told her she was all I had in the world, (and a few more ridiculously needy and desperate things) which were again only met with sharp indifference. This last contact happened on the 4.11.12, which is why I have since been trawling the internet for answers. Reading back through my story myself, I realise that I have been very immature, relied on alcohol too much, and treated her in an undignified manner. I know all this, and it's only in stepping back and looking at the situation objectively (and sober!) that I have came to this conclusion. We have been officially broken up for about 6 weeks now though, but I only feel like it has been a true break-up since 4.11.12 (three days ago!) which means that it's all extremely raw and I now truly realise what I have lost...the love of my life. Unfortunately for me, I can't pick fault with the girl. She was a close to perfect as I could ever have asked for. I just feel I need to reach out to a community that will understand and (hopefully) empathise with me, as it's caused me to miss work, and I'm not eating properly. Motivation is dwindling aswell. If I had another chance, I'd take her back in an instant. My self esteem is completely shot and she literally hasn't been out of my head since late September, so it's really affecting other parts of my life. ''The one that got away'' is a phrase that almost physically makes me wretch at the moment. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel for you in my opinion there's not much that you can do with the "one that got away" alcohol is killer in relationships ......causes more problems than bad conversations and it does cause break ups....... one reason why i dont drink.....is that i know i dont behave like i would if i were straight, i dont make the choices i would if i had control of my mental state like i do when i am straight and i don't like living with regret so i don't drink anymore...lots of donts in that bit..... You are going to have to wait for her to contact you if she does ......stranger things can and do happen, you are affected by what happened and you are hurting and you are regretful, you have to accept that and let yourself feel what you need to feel, I have had a few disappointments in my life......some of them really bad some not.....with me if i try to deny what i am feeling that messes with my head so i don't deny it not to myself.....i can hide it from others...i take time out spend time alone I pray to god to give me strength and i try my hardest to have a little fun.....i set myself mini goals try and involve myself with things i enjoy doing and stay positive..... even when i am sad i find making other people smile makes me happier...sounds soppy but it does work........you did what you did you cant take it back but next time i am sure you have learned what not to say or do........you just need to go easy on yourself.....when i have days that suck i lose my appetite........but obviously i can still type dyslexically so i am not starving and passing out.......neither will you....we all make mistakes and hopefully we learn........maybe she will forgive you you just dont know what the future holds.......because you made the mistake she gets to make the decision..thats the way the cookie crumbles....you shouldn't base your life's worth on one mistake......everything happens for a reason i twas just your time to learn something new, not so great to have to learn but new......i wish you the best and here's a hug from me to you....deb
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