cartershez2704 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Hi, First time poster but now is my hour of need! Always felt pretty confident with girls but this one in particular has rattled my cage. Ok.... Basically, met her on pof, no gamey openers just let her know i genuinely thought she was cool. She replied and we sent many essay length messages back and forth, I was feeling a big connection! Met for lunch and I felt like it was one of the best dates ever, both made each other buzz and we both said we wanted to do it again. I texted the next day and confirmed the above and asked her when she was next free. She agreed shed like to do it again but said she was busy during the coming week but the one after should be ok. A few days later I rang but no answer. Followed up with a text later and asked when she was free. We agreed to do something fun the following Thursday. Kept a few fun messages going backwards and forwards over the next few days (the bank robbery one was effing brilliant) then I went dark for a few. Tuesday comes and I send her a message letting her know what I had planned for us..... Straight away I get back: 'I'd love to do that with you but I've already made dinner plans with a friend on Thursday'. Me: Oh right, thought we'd agreed on Thursday. Perhaps another time? Or should i take it you're not so keen? Her: Oh god, sorry! I had a sneaky feeling I'd double booked. So sorry. Another time would be good, if you can forgive me x Me: Bit disappointed to be honest; I don't get a lot of free time during the week so I have to plan things in advance. I was looking forward to getting to know you more (and thrashing your arse at scrabble!) but I'll leave it up to you now to let me know when you have a definite evening free. You've got a lot of making up to do before I forgive you though, Missy! x This was only yesterday but I didn't get a reply. I was trying to let her know I was annoyed and wasn't a pushover but I think I might have come across as a bit of a dick. I know it was only last night but she's a rapid texter when it comes to replying to me. Any ideas? Plan of action? Here are a couple of other issues to fill you in... 1) Because its pof I know that she'll be dating other guys at the same time and I'm fairly sure that her 'friend' on thurs will be another guy, whether a 1st date or other. 2) She has NEVER text me first. This has wound me up no end. Apart from the time after pof when I said 'here's my number, I'm going away for a few days so get in touch if you'd like to meet up', there's been zilch on her behalf. Yet, I text her and I get a great reply, I mean witty, genuinely interested reply pretty much straight back. 3) She has had plenty of opportunity to back out or tell me she's not interested or simply just ignore me but she hasn't. How well our date went as well makes me feel like she was interested but all her other behaviour is bizarre. 4) wouldn't have thought she's a gamer - well educated, not super hot and pretty geeky; not very girly girly. To be honest, last night I would have preferred her to just say, look you're right, I'm not that keen, lets just be friends. But now I'm still in limbo!!! Please, someone offer me some insights and a plan of action!!! This boards have been great but I'm genuinely stuck here! Thanks.
Andy_K Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Me: Oh right, thought we'd agreed on Thursday. Perhaps another time? Or should i take it you're not so keen? Asking her if she's not very keen on you is never going to be a smart move. Me: Bit disappointed to be honest; I don't get a lot of free time during the week so I have to plan things in advance. I was looking forward to getting to know you more (and thrashing your arse at scrabble!) but I'll leave it up to you now to let me know when you have a definite evening free. You've got a lot of making up to do before I forgive you though, Missy! x As much as you're trying to sound light about this, it comes off very passive aggressive. There's no need to tell her you don't have much free time or she has to make it up to you, and emphasising the ball is now in her court. Especially whilst clearly indicating you want to see her again. It kind of screams doormat. And drama. And if she does have other guys in the mix, you've probably just earned yourself a ticket to the bottom of the pile. You could have gone one of two ways with the response. You could express your disappointment (with no reference of meeting up again). This is at least honest, and shows you've got some self respect. She may or may not care enough to reschedule or try to make it up. Alternatively, shrug it off. Say something like "Alright, I've got a busy week but I'll give you a shout at the weekend and we'll sort something out for next week" - this gives time for her other date(s) to have backfired, without making her feel like she's playing games by waiting a few days before getting in touch again. If she's not invested enough in you to initiate any texts, there's no point putting the ball in her court and expecting to be asked out.
Author cartershez2704 Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Totally understand where you're coming from, was sent in the heat of the moment before I'd had time to think through what I was saying - I was pretty annoyed! Thanks for your comments, do you think this is salvageable at all? Maybe a follow-up text later on or literally leave it with her now?
Andy_K Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Thanks for your comments, do you think this is salvageable at all? Maybe a follow-up text later on or literally leave it with her now? Leave it with her for now. Send a short text at the end of the weekend or early next week if you want, asking if she wants to meet up. Pursue other options in the meantime, so that when (in the most likely case) she doesn't respond, it doesn't really bother you.
veggirl Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I wouldn't contact her again. The ball is firmly in her court.
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