OwlAlwaysLoveU Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I am new here and this is my first time posting so please forgive me for not using abbreviations as I am still learning them. I'm not sure where to begin, honestly. I suppose I should start with a background. My husband, Brandon and I have been together since high school, we are now 24 and 25. In high school I slept with his best friend, Kevin. I lost my virginity to him. B*tch move, no doubt. I had feelings for Kevin before Brandon and I started dating (no excuse, I know). After I told Brandon what I had done, we took a break for a few weeks but ended up getting back together. Fast forward 3 years, we moved from Arizona to Indiana and had our first child who at the time was 4 months old. Brandon cheated on me with a woman he worked with and ended up leaving me. He moved back to Arizona to be with his family and friends. I stayed in Indiana with our son and my family. Over the course of a year, Brandon played some serious head games with me. One day he loved me, the next he was asking for naked pics and phone sex. I was naive enough to believe that if I gave him what he wanted he would come back to me. He got involved with some bad people, started using and selling heroin, and had sex with multiple women. Fast forward 1 year, Brandon called me one day and said he wanted to come back. He said all of the right things... He wants his family back, he wants to man up and accept his responsibilities. Without hesitation, I took him back. Fast forward another year, we got married and for a while, we were happy. Then some issues developed. Brandon started watching porn and masturbating excessively. I never had an issue with porn, when used in moderation. Because of this, our sex life suffered. At some point, he got bored of regular old porn and started using chat rooms. He had cyber sex with multiple women, sent and received pictures, the whole 9 yards. When I confronted him he apologized, begged me to forgive him and swore he would stop looking at porn altogether. Fast forward another year, we decided we wanted to have another baby. After trying to conceive for about a month I had a feeling Brandon had fallen back into his old habits. I checked his phone and my suspicions were confirmed. He had been using KIK instant messenger since it can be deleted without leaving a trace, chat rooms, and also Skype. I was done. We separated for a few months and I stumbled upon my best guy friend, Brad from high school on Facebook. I always had feelings for him, but never told him. Come to find out, he felt the same. He was military and lived out of state, but he was there for me. Brandon found out I had been talking to Brad. For some unknown reason Brandon decided to tell me he needed to come clean about something: during our rough patch in our first year of marriage he almost slept with my best friend who at the time was living with us (I let her stay with us temporarily because she had nowhere else to go). She apparently made several advances at him while I was at work and finally he caved, BUT they didn't go through with it (he couldn't get it up). Talk about a huge slap to the face. I supported her, put a roof over her head, fed her, drove her wherever she needed to go, helped her get a job! You name it, I did everything I could to help her get on her feet. After Brandon told me what happened, I confronted her and ultimately ended the friendship. Brandon once again begged me to forgive him. He told me we both made mistakes throughout our relationship but we always loved each other regardless... True. He promised to be the husband I deserved and stop all the bullish*t and wanted a fresh start. Well we slept together and I got pregnant. Things seemed to be looking up. We moved into a bigger house to prepare for the new arrival and things were good. For a while. Present day, our baby is almost 3 months old. The past several weeks have been rough. Brandon has been distant, but for a while I dismissed it as an adjustment period to the new baby. After a while I started getting suspicions he was up to no good. I checked his phone.... Sure enough, he had made an email account under a fake name and was using KIK and chat rooms again. At the moment I guess you could say we are in limbo. I don't know where to go from here. Have I chosen my destiny? Am I supposed to put up with this sh*t for the rest of our lives? I almost feel numb to it now and that scares me. This is not okay and I am aware of that but for whatever reason I keep allowing it to happen. When I confronted Brandon he lied until I showed him what I found. He told me he is scared I am going to start talking to Brad again and leave him. He also said he feels like I don't want him anymore, physically or emotionally. I feel like he is trying to blame me. Why does he continue to do this? Was our relationship doomed from the moment I chose to sleep with his best friend almost 9 years ago? Is there any hope for us?
frozensprouts Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Please take know offense when I say this, as it sounds like you have been going through a really horrible time... My best advice for he two of you would be to grow up and start putting your children first...do what is best for them, and it doesn't sound like staying with this guy is what's best for them at all... You say that the guy you are with was involved with heroin, has an addiction to cyber sex, tried to sleep with your best friend, etc. Does that sound like he's being a good dad? Even if he's good with them when he's around them, the things he does when hey aren't around count too. I don't want to make you feel even worse, but the reality is that he's probably sleeping around and risking exposing himself, you and your children to all manner of repercussions from that sort of activity. He could pick up a disease, get a girl pregnant and end up inviting a woman who is unstable into your lives.... It sounds like you love him, but it also sounds like, little by little, he's wearing you down and slowly destroying you...don't let that happen. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave. I know it will be hard, but if you can find some way to get out and get yourself into some counseling, that will help you find yourself again. Tell him that unless he straightens himself out and gets some serrious psychological help, you're gone for good, as it's what's best for you, your kids, and even him. You and your children deserve happiness...being with him isn't going to bring that to you....don't fall into the temptation to cheat ( not saying you will, but it can happen)...as that's just a crutch that won't really chnage anything best of luck to you...be strong, and you can have the kind of life you want 1
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