Leigh 87 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I have not read this thread much yet. But regardless of the situation, you will feel better in the long run if you take the high road. You know; the short term great feeling you get from blasting him is not worth you respecting yourself less over. Do you really think he will learn if you tell him how fcked up he is for doing what he did? Do you think he would agree with you? It sounds like something you already know to do and have probably tried, but why not go boxing or take out your anger towards him on something benificial like working out more? You probably already know and do this and yet STILL want to go off at him though, LOL.
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 You probably already know and do this and yet STILL want to go off at him though, LOL. Lol...exactly...the nature of the beast. I know it'll make me feel bad. I do know also that it'll make him feel bad, I know him pretty well. That's why it's so tempting, because I know it'll hurt him. But I do want the high road...damn him.
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Yeah, Suladas...your anger...I'm glad you didn't act on it. Thursday we had a misunderstanding. I asked him to call me Friday so we could talk about his habit of withdrawing on me, I asked him for his reassurance since he promised that he would rebuild my trust in him, but he ran away from all that and I've heard not a peep since then. So I think the notion of contacting him to lash out is just out of the fact that he denied me his presence in our relationship and forced my hand to break up with him after wanting me back only a week before. It's so confusing, but I'm getting to the point of not caring about why he bailed, I just want to hurt his feelings. So childish and I know that. The only reason I stopped myself from lashing out was because we are neighbors, and as much as she hurt me I hope one day we get on good speaking terms again. Short of that, I would of proudly told her what a b*tch she was and I hope her next RS tanks because she deserves it after what she did to me. And yes I did have a LOT worse thoughts in my head before. But in your case, i'm sure you're much better off to just ignore him.
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Lol...exactly...the nature of the beast. I know it'll make me feel bad. I do know also that it'll make him feel bad, I know him pretty well. That's why it's so tempting, because I know it'll hurt him. But I do want the high road...damn him. I think the question you need to ask is. Is he really a bad person? Or was it the BU that brought out the evil? Did he do anything directly to hurt you? If everything is a no, and it was just the BU drama causing him to act different I don't see the need to lash out, especially if it will hurt you. But if there is some yes's and you are sure it won't hurt you and you think about it for days and are sure, I would do it.
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Perhaps it's this board? Can you take a little time to play with your dog or watch a movie? You might need to pull yourself away from this just to divert yourself for a little bit. This board is a constant stream of unhappiness and disappointment. It can get a bit overwhelming at times, despite being a place where you can interact with so many kindred souls. We can commiserate but we can also bring each other down, even when we intend just the opposite. I do agree with this. Some days i'm feeling good or even ok and coming on here can definitely bring my mood down and thinking about my ex more then I was before.
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 But in your case, i'm sure you're much better off to just ignore him. That's what I'm going to do. Perhaps it's this board? Can you take a little time to play with your dog or watch a movie? You might need to pull yourself away from this just to divert yourself for a little bit. This board is a constant stream of unhappiness and disappointment. It can get a bit overwhelming at times, despite being a place where you can interact with so many kindred souls. We can commiserate but we can also bring each other down, even when we intend just the opposite. It could be. I just love the interaction because I'm quite isolated for now. And I'm a talker, so it does bring me comfort to have these conversations. But maybe I should just turn on the netflix and watch some stupid comedy...the pug is snoring away...couch and cuddle time I think 1
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 I think the question you need to ask is. Is he really a bad person? Or was it the BU that brought out the evil? Did he do anything directly to hurt you? If everything is a no, and it was just the BU drama causing him to act different I don't see the need to lash out, especially if it will hurt you. But if there is some yes's and you are sure it won't hurt you and you think about it for days and are sure, I would do it. He's not a bad person overall. But he was 100% aware of my vulnerabilities, used them against me a few months ago, promised to never do it again, then did it again, knowing the impact it would have. This is what brings on the anger. His knowledge of what would hurt me, and then going ahead and doing just that. I know he's doing this out of cowardice, fear, baggage, whatever...or at least I'm assuming since he hasn't had the cohones to talk to me. But the fact that he's done it twice brings on this anger. There is probably a little anger towards myself mixed in there too for believing him again. But you know, I'm not going to contact him. I wrote a long letter just now and it's harsh. I'm going to put the fireplace on and burn it. I know he's suffering as I am, so I won't make it worse.
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 He's not a bad person overall. But he was 100% aware of my vulnerabilities, used them against me a few months ago, promised to never do it again, then did it again, knowing the impact it would have. This is what brings on the anger. His knowledge of what would hurt me, and then going ahead and doing just that. I know he's doing this out of cowardice, fear, baggage, whatever...or at least I'm assuming since he hasn't had the cohones to talk to me. But the fact that he's done it twice brings on this anger. There is probably a little anger towards myself mixed in there too for believing him again. But you know, I'm not going to contact him. I wrote a long letter just now and it's harsh. I'm going to put the fireplace on and burn it. I know he's suffering as I am, so I won't make it worse. It's good you're going to be the bigger person, even though it doesn't always seem to be the better option.
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 It's good you're going to be the bigger person, even though it doesn't always seem to be the better option. Yeah...my inner child wants to take the low road though Thanks to everyone for talking me out of doing something foolish. I really appreciate it. xx
gullibleme Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I know the feelings so well RR...I did send an e-mail to my ex after he said "I hope we can say hi or whatnot if we see each other around" I was pissed off at that...he was with another girl a month after telling me he loved me and he wasn't looking to date or interested in anyone else... I told him he was a liar and he used me and I had hate for him right now so NO...I would not be saying hi to him I said...he replied "well it's really to bad you feel that way I never used you"...I hate the humiliation...that is the worst for me...worse than the breakup itself...UGH!! I don't regret what I said or that I sent it...I'm not a mean person either but I hurt worse keeping it all in...I have always taken the high road and he just pissed me right off, thats what gave me the closer and helped me move on!! Everyone is different, do what is best for you. 1
kandygurl22 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 i am going through the same thing, going from sadness and anger. and i want him to know just how angry i am and also how much he hurt me. (i posted a question about half an hour ago, and i was really sad on the verge of tears and now i am feeling anger again out of nowhere haha) but i wont contact him, id like to think that not hearing from me at all will hurt him more, cause wouldn't he just expect me to blow up at him like i'd usually do when i'm angry? i'm not even going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he is making me feel ANYTHING, for all he knows, i feel nothing. and just think, what if you reached out to him and lashed out, and he didnt even respond/didn't care? you would just feel so much worse. i think you need to write it all down, i did, numerous times and i will until i feel like i dont need to vent anymore.. and maybe you need to believe what u WANT to believe in order to get over it... if u believe he is hurt and that makes u feel better, then go with it.... 1
Tiera D Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 OP theres a pinned thread in the coping section might be useful for you to vent.A tip for you. TD
todreaminblue Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I wanted to say "please" in the subject line but apparently that's not allowed. I'm reaching out here, if anyone would please talk to me to stop me from contacting the ex, I would so appreciate it. ...I've reached the anger stage and I want to lash out with every expletive and insulting word I can find at my ex. I want to say things that I know will hurt him deeply...I want to bring up every detail that I know hurt him from his past so that he'll feel the humiliation he's putting me through. I don't want to sink to this...but I want him to feel what I'm feeling right now after he disappeared on me and basically abandoned me when I asked him for reassurance last week... I know I'm better than this, but the urge is so strong. Wont make you feel better...ok i lie you might feel better but only in the short term you will regret it you are a wonderful person who doesn't need to lower herself to her dickhead exes level........ write poetry about something you love or something you desire that wasn't fulfilled that now has chance for fulfillment with the right guy a better guy..... try to think of good things that have happened that you have found out about yourself since the break up number one on your list i survived and am moving forward despite having known you(insert ex here plus expetives if you need them) then after all that take this really hard step forgive him fro all the crap he has done and realize you learned things good or bad about a guy who didn't deserve you, now, take all the good things you have in your arsenal and when you meet the right guy for you you will be able to get what you deserve finally ....lol...a yay from me to you.....best wishes......deb
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Wont make you feel better...ok i lie you might feel better but only in the short term you will regret it you are a wonderful person who doesn't need to lower herself to her dickhead exes level........ write poetry about something you love or something you desire that wasn't fulfilled that now has chance for fulfillment with the right guy a better guy..... try to think of good things that have happened that you have found out about yourself since the break up number one on your list i survived and am moving forward despite having known you(insert ex here plus expetives if you need them) then after all that take this really hard step forgive him fro all the crap he has done and realize you learned things good or bad about a guy who didn't deserve you, now, take all the good things you have in your arsenal and when you meet the right guy for you you will be able to get what you deserve finally ....lol...a yay from me to you.....best wishes......deb Thanks Deb...anger has ceased...compassion is now in my thoughts.
sarah_valentine Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Thanks Deb...anger has ceased...compassion is now in my thoughts. Funny how that happens... I got so angry as well, like furious angry... then compassionate. Then angry etc. etc. Just make sure you control yourself (even when you are compassionate - don't then think to tell him that actually you understand). The only beneficial way through all the conflicting emotions is to act on none of it. 1
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