River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I wanted to say "please" in the subject line but apparently that's not allowed. I'm reaching out here, if anyone would please talk to me to stop me from contacting the ex, I would so appreciate it. ...I've reached the anger stage and I want to lash out with every expletive and insulting word I can find at my ex. I want to say things that I know will hurt him deeply...I want to bring up every detail that I know hurt him from his past so that he'll feel the humiliation he's putting me through. I don't want to sink to this...but I want him to feel what I'm feeling right now after he disappeared on me and basically abandoned me when I asked him for reassurance last week... I know I'm better than this, but the urge is so strong.
ImYours Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Hey...How are you doing?? Did you make it through the day ok??
ImYours Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 IF there was anything you can possibly say or do to salvage the relationship I wouldnt do it. Just write it down. Share here...
january2011 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Type/write it all down. Let the torrent of words flow. Throw every insult at him. Or you could record it. But don't send it. Let it stand as a testament to how far you have come when you feel like you are slipping again. Then delete it when you're done grieving and have moved on.
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 IF there was anything you can possibly say or do to salvage the relationship I wouldnt do it. Just write it down. Share here... Thanks No, there is no salvaging it, he ruined it with his silence. I just want to make him hurt. I did that in September when he did the same thing, and I ended up racked with guilt, because that's not who I am. I apologized, which led us to a reconciliation that was an obvious mistake. I think my rage right now is stemmed from humiliation and that's how I want him to feel. Sigh...
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Type/write it all down. Let the torrent of words flow. Throw every insult at him. Or you could record it. But don't send it. Let it stand as a testament to how far you have come when you feel like you are slipping again. Then delete it when you're done grieving and have moved on. I like the idea of recording it, because to be honest, I wanted to leave it on his voice mail so he could hear the anger in my voice. I know the desire to hurt him will pass, but it's SO strong right now.
veggirl Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Just remember, it probably won't hurt him the way you intend it to. Instead it will make you look crazy, like you can't let go, like he still has all the control. He does not need to know / think that. Think about how foolish you will feel tomorrow / next week / whenever if you do it! That should help you to not do it. Good luck, we all understand!
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Just remember, it probably won't hurt him the way you intend it to. Instead it will make you look crazy, like you can't let go, like he still has all the control. He does not need to know / think that. Think about how foolish you will feel tomorrow / next week / whenever if you do it! That should help you to not do it. Good luck, we all understand! Yeah, I did it in September and felt really bad after...thing is, I know what to say to wound him. I feel so evil tonight, and it's unsettling...really not my character at all.
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Don't do it! You talked me out of it on the weekend, and I am grateful for it because I would of regretted it. If I can stop myself from saying anything when I found out my ex was sleeping with someone else, you can do it to
ffw Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Moving on is a process. You may go through all the different of emotions including anger (at present). Then the final stage of acheiving the let go emotion. Please try not to be too hard on yourself. Many times when we are angry we put too much energy & focus on exe's. Keep yourself occupied. Post here, read a book, clean house, shopping, etc..End of the day, you will be tired to think Try to keep your head & focus on youself. I know it's hard, but you can do it. GL. Cheers...
skydiveaddict Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I know I'm better than this, but the urge is so strong. This has nothing to do with him.. He probably deserves a string of insults. But by contacting him you will probably stir up old feelings and hurts that will not be good for you. I know how you feel, I wanted to do the same thing. Remember, "the best revenge is a life well lived." I don't know who said that, but it's good advice. 1
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Don't do it! You talked me out of it on the weekend, and I am grateful for it because I would of regretted it. If I can stop myself from saying anything when I found out my ex was sleeping with someone else, you can do it to Omg, I totally forgot about that...yes, that was quite a discussion we had. I appreciate you returning the favour! In times like this, with pure emotion ruling...it's like, there is no logic or reason...and one tends to forget their own advice.
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Or go kick a tree Ha ha ha ha...very good!
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Moving on is a process. You may go through all the different of emotions including anger (at present). Then the final stage of acheiving the let go emotion. Please try not to be too hard on yourself. Many times when we are angry we put too much energy & focus on exe's. Keep yourself occupied. Post here, read a book, clean house, shopping, etc..End of the day, you will be tired to think Try to keep your head & focus on youself. I know it's hard, but you can do it. GL. Cheers... Thank you I was doing so well all day, not sure what triggered the urge, but I guess it's all part of the process. This has nothing to do with him.. He probably deserves a string of insults. But by contacting him you will probably stir up old feelings and hurts that will not be good for you. I know how you feel, I wanted to do the same thing. Remember, "the best revenge is a life well lived." I don't know who said that, but it's good advice. Yes, it's all about me wanting him to feel what I'm feeling. It would be the only way I know how to get some control over the situation, and I know it wouldn't do me any good in the long run. Thank you.
theLWord Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I just recently got out of this stage. I would get reallyy mad for a few hours and almost contact my ex, then I would come back to reality and realize it just wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it to break contact and wonder if she would contact me back, and it wasn't worth what she would say back which would probably hurt me too. Also, even if I did hurt her, I would feel guilty as well. I also took up boxing during this time. It really helps with anger issues! I hope you don't break, I am starting to learn how powerful NC is for myself. You give really good advice and would tell someone else not to. You just need to give this urge some time to pass. Stay strong.
Leigh 87 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 You know that the times you wait and hold off on that nast email or text, you end up thinking "thankgod I didn't do it, it would have caused a big thing" The times you unleash, you probably feel stupid. I know I always have. It is always better to take the high road and ignore those who do wrong by you. As for the guy: so, he was supposed to care about you, and then left you when you needed him the most? Well, one on here can tell the exact context of the situation, but as much as he hurt you, it all boils down to this: What good will come out of abusing him? Will you feel better? If you will feel better at what cost (such as looking like an idiot) I would personally try hard to be the bigger person here and ignore him; he will either know that he messed up and know what he is missing out on by losing you and letting you down, or he won't care.
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I just recently got out of this stage. I would get reallyy mad for a few hours and almost contact my ex, then I would come back to reality and realize it just wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it to break contact and wonder if she would contact me back, and it wasn't worth what she would say back which would probably hurt me too. Also, even if I did hurt her, I would feel guilty as well. I also took up boxing during this time. It really helps with anger issues! I hope you don't break, I am starting to learn how powerful NC is for myself. You give really good advice and would tell someone else not to. You just need to give this urge some time to pass. Stay strong. Thanks so much! I'm on an anger-mobile right now for sure, heightened rage from knowing that he did all that again to me...to calming down, knowing that it's not me to lash out...I used to box actually, had a heavy bag hanging in my living room for years. It's a very good stress release. Wish I still had it. Staying strong... You guys are so awesome. I'm humbled. 1
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 You know that the times you wait and hold off on that nast email or text, you end up thinking "thankgod I didn't do it, it would have caused a big thing" The times you unleash, you probably feel stupid. I know I always have. It is always better to take the high road and ignore those who do wrong by you. As for the guy: so, he was supposed to care about you, and then left you when you needed him the most? Well, one on here can tell the exact context of the situation, but as much as he hurt you, it all boils down to this: What good will come out of abusing him? Will you feel better? If you will feel better at what cost (such as looking like an idiot) I would personally try hard to be the bigger person here and ignore him; he will either know that he messed up and know what he is missing out on by losing you and letting you down, or he won't care. At this very moment? Yes I would love to hurt him. But no, overall that's not who I am so I'm searching for the high road.
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Omg, I totally forgot about that...yes, that was quite a discussion we had. I appreciate you returning the favour! In times like this, with pure emotion ruling...it's like, there is no logic or reason...and one tends to forget their own advice. I know exactly how it feels so easy to return the favor. 1
ffw Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Here's something for you. Hope it makes your mood better. GL.
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I know exactly how it feels so easy to return the favor. Plus, i've been a idiot in the past and I am not certain that I won't repeat that. I will probably need help in the near future again The anger stage use to bother me a lot, then it became the easiest one, now i'm scared of it because I might do something i'd regret, or worse get arrested or something.
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Here's something for you. Hope it makes your mood better. GL. Omg that made me weep actually. But it's true "I cannot be hurt by anything this wicked world has done".
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Plus, i've been a idiot in the past and I am not certain that I won't repeat that. I will probably need help in the near future again The anger stage use to bother me a lot, then it became the easiest one, now i'm scared of it because I might do something i'd regret, or worse get arrested or something. Yeah, Suladas...your anger...I'm glad you didn't act on it. Thursday we had a misunderstanding. I asked him to call me Friday so we could talk about his habit of withdrawing on me, I asked him for his reassurance since he promised that he would rebuild my trust in him, but he ran away from all that and I've heard not a peep since then. So I think the notion of contacting him to lash out is just out of the fact that he denied me his presence in our relationship and forced my hand to break up with him after wanting me back only a week before. It's so confusing, but I'm getting to the point of not caring about why he bailed, I just want to hurt his feelings. So childish and I know that.
Author River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 RR, do you know what triggered this bout of unhappiness/anger? Perhaps if you can figure that out, you might be able to diffuse it. I really don't know Monica. I'm racking my brain. I'm doing everything to distract myself, and not doing things like listening to sad music or thinking of him if I can. I haven't looked at photos or anything of the like. I'm chatting with people, not all doom and gloom, nice conversations.
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