LostInThought_1 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Once I hook up with someone, I always end up thinking about them and hoping they'll like me back - basically immediately "falling" for them. Why does this happen? How can I prevent this? I am 21 fyi.
Imajerk17 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) Stop spreading your leg so easily? (Sorry to be so blunt but really, what else could it be.) Edited November 7, 2012 by Imajerk17 3
River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Once I hook up with someone, I always end up thinking about them and hoping they'll like me back - basically immediately "falling" for them. Why does this happen? How can I prevent this? I am 21 fyi. Assuming you mean sex when you say "hook up", then you're going about things the wrong way. Why not try getting to know someone first and then have sex when you know they like you? When a person whores themselves out, they don't really command any respect. 2
ThatDudeXO Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I have the same issue and I'm a guy. *shrugs*
ladyabstrused Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Once I hook up with someone, I always end up thinking about them and hoping they'll like me back - basically immediately "falling" for them. Why does this happen? How can I prevent this? I am 21 fyi. What do you mean by hooking up though? Perhaps you just have a high attraction for the opposite sex (which I don't see anything wrong with) but it's a matter of self-control I guess? I've never exactly felt like this before but I was self-conscious a lot when I was younger, but I learned to shrug it off and pretend not to care. You could try that.
sweetkiwi Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 you fall in "love" because after a sexual encounter your brain is bathed in wonderful feel good chemicals and you develop all kinds of feelings that are supposed to be there for a mate. Not a hook up. Stop hooking up and be more discerning about who you're hooking up with. 2
todreaminblue Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Once I hook up with someone, I always end up thinking about them and hoping they'll like me back - basically immediately "falling" for them. Why does this happen? How can I prevent this? I am 21 fyi. by not having sex until you are married and then you fall for your husband....you would then have a very happy husband...and he will love you back...smilin.. a lot of posters are calling for self respect and how can they respect you if you put yourself out... ill take a different path..if you do have self respect doesnt necessarily mean they will respect you even if you don't put out....they could turn nasty....the only way for you to know if they like you or not or definitely respect you or dont respect you is to know them first....some men often will say they respect you and tell those lies to get what they want.....unless you know their values and see they back them up by living them don't put out.......i feel you are looking for validation and affection which makes you vulnerable to pond scum.....and a lot of women are vulnerable you are not the only one..every one of us makes mistakes......best wishes....deb
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Can we swap places? How do I fall for someone after we hook up? I start thinking how to get away from them ASAP
colombiana28 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Can we swap places? How do I fall for someone after we hook up? I start thinking how to get away from them ASAP Totally agree...i guess you shouldn't have sex with someone you're not 100% into, but i like sex and experiencing it with people. I guess I sort of thought guys understood this attitude, but more and more it seems to me that men get attached after sex just as much as women...and it's making me re-think my casual attitudes. No matter how much I stress that I just want to be FWBs, I guess they just don't believe me.
Author LostInThought_1 Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Ok let me clarify.. by "hooking up" I mean kissing and sometimes sex. I should have written in the original post that when any guy shows me any kind of positive attention, I end up falling for them.
rocketman122 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 its called oxcytocin. the love hormone. btw, are your parents still married? also, what do you look like?
Author LostInThought_1 Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 when any guy shows me any kind of positive attention, I end up falling for them. The above sentence is the key to your problem. You crave external validation and when you get it you are highly satisfied and hence you fall in love. Some people that crave external validation fall in love very easily with whomever meets that emotional need. The remedy is: Learn how to be completely happy without external validation. When you achieve intrinsic happiness you will not fall in love so easily. You will be more discerning and will be in complete charge. Furthermore, you will pick a man with value on your terms and not because you are in desperate need of validation. If you are desperate for validation you may end up with a loser. Women like you are prone to cheat on their boyfriend, be careful. I think what you are saying is true. I know I am smart, pretty, and have a good sense of humor...but still lack self-confidence and am not sure why. I broke up with my boyfriend (first love) of 2 years -- he treated me like a goddess -- for another person who started showing me positive attention. Now that I have no one, I find that I am falling for any new guys I meet probably out of loneliness.
DC4 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I agree with many posters-you know what your issue is so fix it. Hold off on being physical with a guy; sex, making out or whatever it is. Some of you, wtf? Having sex does NOT necessarily mean a lack of self respect. It could mean, oh I don't know, you want to have sex? for extra WTF, I'm not sure which one is best also, what do you look like? Women like you are prone to cheat on their boyfriend, be careful.
Author LostInThought_1 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 Quite often the prettiest one has low self esteem. Some men can pick this up a mile away and if they are smooth talkers they will have you eating of their hands. Be careful out there. Learn how to discern the smooth talkers. Attention from a new man is more powerful than attention from the old BF. That is quite typical and most women recognize it. However, they don't act on it. Those women that crave external validation will act on this attention and go from relationship to relationship (often picking the wrong guys). It is possible you lost out by leaving your first love. I have only had one relationship, ever..the new attention was just the "icing on the cake" -- I no longer respected him, I did not really enjoy being around him before, and I felt like I was no longer "in love" with him. When I became really interested in the new guy, I knew I had to end it. I needed someone who was more motivated and someone who could put me in my place every once in awhile when I'm wrong (I have a very strong type A personality, and my ex used to apologize to me when I was the one in the wrong...) On another note, how do I stop craving this external validation? I have always gotten everything I wanted from my parents (who are still together), and both my parents have always tried to instill confidence in me.
ScreamingTrees Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Hook up with me, OP. This will surely solve all of your problems.
Spreeley713 Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Maybe you're just a hopeless romantic. I am. However, I don't make-out or sleep with guys just because they show me attention. I have to actually like you in order to make any kind of physical contact outside of friendly hugs.
Recommended Posts