mrcharles Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 So here is the issue that I am having. I am 28 black and spanish mix, with two kids that I adore and take care off their my world. I take good care of myself I work out daily, I have been told that I am a very good looking guy as well I am very ambitious(I recently started my own company). The problem I am having is that I go on these dates everything will be great and all, but the one issue that keeps coming up is the fact that I have kids. Now I understand if you don't date guys with kids, to each there own right! There is no drama with me and my kids mother and I take good care of them. I think to myself wouldn't you not want a guy that love kids and know that he takes care of them(if you were to pursuit something with a man)?? also has his head on his shoulders and might I also add thinks with the correct one(lol)!?!? Ladies can i please get some insight winter is around the corner and i would really like to find someone for the cuddle season aka winter
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I can only speak for myself, but I am looking for a man with no kids. I'm not a kid person at all and don't want that responsibility. Not every woman is maternal. I'm accepting of a man who has his kid maybe a few weekends a month, but I really would have to like the guy a lot and see a huge compatibility and overall attraction to accept that.
KathyM Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I think most women in their 20s are more interested in having their own kids, and wouldn't be up for a ready-made family, and dealing with some other woman's kids. Also, a lot of women tend to want smaller families, with maybe just a couple of kids. Since you'd already be providing the two, that would mean she wouldn't have the option of giving birth to her own kids if she didn't want to deal with a whole brood of children. When women get to be 30s and divorced and already have kids of their own, that's usually when they'll start to consider blended families and raising another woman's children.
pinkie Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I have seen this before... Yes women say they would love a good man and one who takes care of his kids should be on that list (kuddos to you). The fact that there is no 'baby momma drama' is a huge plus. However, depending on the age of the kids and how often you have them could very well be an issue for some women. Some women might feel that if you have two children, then they may never get to spend the time with you that they'd like to. Or that they wouldn't necessarily come 1st. I know it sounds selfish, but someone looking for something serious around your age, just may not be ready for that kind of responsibility. Goodluck to you!
lilbittie Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 When the right one comes along she won't care. This was always my issue with dating. I have two young children and guys say they don't mind but they really do. It takes a special someone to care for you and your children. When you have children it is a package deal and some women (and men) can't handle that. It's sad but true. Another point is your are 28 and that's young for a mature man so dating someone older may be better for your situation. It's a tough world out there, man but stick with it. You'll find your special someone. 1
Author mrcharles Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Personally for me i would never ask someone to raise my kids when i am in a relationship i wouldn't put that kind of responsibility on anyone that is my responsibility as a father. Thank you for responses.
CarrieT Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 For YEARS I dismissed guys who had kids under the age of 18. I didn't know if there was drama involved or not, but the assumption is there - why else aren't your married to their mother? How involved are you in their lives (i.e. potential time away from me)? Are you trying to find a step-mother? Now all of these questions COLLECTIVELY just made me avoid single fathers in general. It was just easier for me to not even want to find out that there might not be drama, there are no issues with the mother, and the kids are great... But that takes work and a lot of woman want to start with a relatively clean slate, as it were... Now I have recently changed and am involve with a guy who has 50% custody - and no one is more surprised than me. But, as I said, it took me a long, long time (I am 48) to want to go that route...
River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Personally for me i would never ask someone to raise my kids when i am in a relationship i wouldn't put that kind of responsibility on anyone that is my responsibility as a father. Thank you for responses. If you're going to have a long term relationship with a woman, whether you ask her to raise your kids or not, if they live with you or spend time with you, she will be involved by default. Some women, like me, aren't very keen on that.
FitChick Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I prefer dating men whose kids are grown or at least teenagers who have lives of their own. Children are a financial and emotional drain. Some people won't date others who have dogs or cats. It's a preference.
Author mrcharles Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 soo i am doomed to be lonely for a couple years lolol i get it though it just one's preference.
yongyong Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 You can try single moms. they are sick of guys using them for sex. guys are embarrassed or annoyed to meet her with kids. You will come off as more serious.
rocketman122 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 the fact you have children will continue to be a problem for some woman till the day they are on their own. Many woman from OLD that I dated did not want a guy who had children. some were not interested to date a man who didnt have his own because they feel that want to date someone who knows what its like to be a parent and feels there are similar things they can share. I see it the other way. its a bigger plus to date a guy with no kids. no financial problems. a lot more freedom for going out. biased loving of their own children compared to the partner. not having contact with the ex which can cause issues. I always seemed to date woman who have their own children. I dont want children of my own but would prefer a woman who has her own children. I will love them like they were my own. I would not under any circumstances be willing to be their father. father figure and a friend yes. there were many single moms that were looking for a father for their child. I saw that and walked away. the one im dating now has 3 girls. 1 in the army 19yo and 2 twins 14yo. after a year I finally met them last month. they knew about me and heard about me and I always take interest and ask about them but she's very protective. taurus heh. youre in a problematic age as well because woman that age want their own children and a want a "clean slate" to start with a man. you will have it tough. nothing you can do about that till the kids get older. its more problematic for you as a man. men are more willing to date single moms than woman are single dads. at least this what I saw from OLD. and I dated a lot. it put quite a dent in my pocket
dusty_71 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 There are women out there that will go for a man with no kids but it will be harder to find, likewise it is hard to find a man to date when you are a single mom... been there and done that when I was about your age. Beyond that, there are tons of reasons why people don't want to date others, man or woman with kids: time, money, the ex, potential complications should you and the woman have a kid of your own, they become a 'step' parent and are not ready for it... etc. If I end up divorcing again, I would not want to date a man w/ kids still at home. I have been there and done that and would just not want that. Sounds selfish but I am just a recent empty nester in my 40's and enjoying the heck out of it.
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Personal preference is for men without kids. I'm only 25 and not even sure if I want my own, let alone someone else's. And regardless of drama or no drama, it's definitely a life experience and a certain "baggage" that isn't really compatible with where I am in my life. IME there are plenty of eligible bachelors who don't have kids so it makes more sense for me to stick with them.
River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 There are women out there that will go for a man with no kids but it will be harder to find I'm actually finding this to be true. I'm 44 and I would prefer to be with a man with no kids, but the ones in my age bracket all seem to have kids. I'm not desperate, but like I said if I really like the man, I'll accept it as long as I'm not expected to be a second "mommy".
Kisa Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Personally, I respect anyone who puts their kids first. So kudos to you!! Perhaps your picking the same kind of woman and you might need to try something different. Look for someone who is very warm and compassionate and possibly a single mother would be best. It's hard to find someone who will love all of you and having kids makes you a package deal. I wish you the best of luck and don't rush anything. You sound like a solid guy and things will workout if you have patience.
SpiderLove Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Firstly, most women are pretty different from one another. SO, many women that you find will most-likely have different views and feeling on the situation, I think. For example, speaking for myself, I personally found myself having this crazy crush on a guy because of his kid. He was 'twee' years old and I was his teacher. Adorable child and charming father, I for that moment wouldn't mind if I even had to take the child as my own. Plus, I could tell that from the child that father seemed to take very good care of child. They seemed to have a perfect bond. Sometimes a child (in my eyes) can put charm on a guy. Sometimes it's a puppy or dog. But I think when the "He has kids" hits our ears we're like all cautious. It's like our brains are now taking control. I also believe that's because women want comfort, they may over analyse and think about "will his hands be tied?", "What about the mother?", "how are things financially", "will he make me take care of them?" and blah blah blah.. Then get scared. So, what I'm saying is I think women have to see to believe, rather than hearing it, because they may be skeptical about rather or not what you're saying is all true. Hope I'm making any sense.
SpiderLove Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 soo i am doomed to be lonely for a couple years lolol i get it though it just one's preference. I wouldn't say that. I just think it's all about finding the right one for you. And I'm sure she'll come along.
Author mrcharles Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 I wouldn't say that. I just think it's all about finding the right one for you. And I'm sure she'll come along. Thanks but when i posted that "I am doomed...." I was only joking. For now I am just waiting for that one to come along. Thanks everyone for your comments/opinions.
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