RightHereInMyArms Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 hi i'll try and keep this brief but it's fairly long. I was the one who dumped my ex girlfriend, i'm a 28 year old guy and she was 37, the oldest woman i've ever dated We started dating in oct last year and i finished it this Feb, i finished it because... 1) i was bored, unhappy 2) i wanted to see/sleep with other women 3) she was unstable, she was a former alcoholic who would drink with me when i would take her out (i enjoy a good drink when i go out) she once starting touching me up drunk infront of a pub full of ppl when i tried to take her home as she was falling off chairs she went mad and tore the shirt off my back screaming she loved me, very often the next day she would have these weird moments where she would just start crying or freeze up and talk nonsense But (i admit this) she was a fitness instructor and her body was well... amazing, and it just sucked me in every time. She was also good with my kids i have two kids 9 and 7 from a previous relationship who i see every weekend and she was great with them as she also worked as a teaching assistant. We would argue alot especially when drink was involved and i would always threaten to dump her i admit i used to say some really nasty things to her things i deeply regret, she hit me a few times i can take it though and deserved it, once i dragged her out of the house by her feet when she refused to leave but i never strook out at her. Anyway i knew this had to stop, eventually i just told her not to come over anymore and that i wanted to end it she pleaded to just see me once a month because she needed me in her life i said i'm sorry i can't you're unstable and it's for your own good. After this about 3 weeks later she calls my office crying she contacts my mum and my housemate saying she loved me and needed me, i told her she cant be calling my work and i said i would call the police (for her own good) she told me the police were already involved and that she had been caught drink driving i just told her never to call and that she was probably lieing, she didn't call again. I later saw an article that she had been caught and was in the local paper under 'teacher caught drunk at wheel' I called her a cpl of months later (i was very drunk and upset) telling her i saw it and that i was sorry for not believing her, i got put on the phone to a guy who she said was her new bf, anyway i spoke to him and he seemed a decent guy he knew who i was and was pretty cool anyway she spoke again and said she would call the police if i ever called her, she said she had moved on and so should i, i sent a few drunk txts as i was abit upset saying stupid sorry type stuff Last wednesday i saw her in a pub, she looked about 5 months pregnant, im 99% sure it isn't mine (she would have to be heavily pregnant) and she was with the new guy, all these feelings came flooding back and i havent been able to stop thinking about her, it has occupied litterally my every thought and i feel the need to want to contact her I never felt any 'breakup' feelings until now (8 months later) is this normal? and what should i do? Should i write her a letter outlining my feelings just telling her i acted the way i did for her own good? and that i'm happy for her? Thank You
Addison312 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 WHAT?! You should ignore those feelings and do whatever it takes to find someone good for you. AND you should treat her right.
21flames Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Sorry to give such a short response but I would say stay well clear of her, she's off the rails, with someone else and you don't need her around you or your kids!! Forget how good her body is, I bet it's fooked inside and if she carries on like that she will look about 50 in a few years time. Think of yourself, you can pull a fitty you can pull another that is a lot more stable. You don't need to write her anything, sounds like leaving her was the best thing you could have done, don't put yourself through any more mad sh*t
Author RightHereInMyArms Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Sorry to give such a short response but I would say stay well clear of her, she's off the rails, with someone else and you don't need her around you or your kids!! Forget how good her body is, I bet it's fooked inside and if she carries on like that she will look about 50 in a few years time. Think of yourself, you can pull a fitty you can pull another that is a lot more stable. You don't need to write her anything, sounds like leaving her was the best thing you could have done, don't put yourself through any more mad sh*t Thank you i appreciate the responses I guess i'm trying to understand why i feel this way, i have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach (i haven't cried in years) but i've been crying almost every day for the last week now and again, this is so out of the ordinary for me, i see her face constantly, i even started dreaming about her. She did help me with a few things mentally such as i had some body issues i could never take my shirt off and go swimming and she got me over that. I feel like i just want to thank her for the good she did do and maybe see if she just wanted to remain friends? i'm very good friend's with the mother of my kids even though she's remarried, infact she's helping me loads with this situation.
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Thank you i appreciate the responses I guess i'm trying to understand why i feel this way, i have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach (i haven't cried in years) but i've been crying almost every day for the last week now and again, this is so out of the ordinary for me, i see her face constantly, i even started dreaming about her. She did help me with a few things mentally such as i had some body issues i could never take my shirt off and go swimming and she got me over that. I feel like i just want to thank her for the good she did do and maybe see if she just wanted to remain friends? i'm very good friend's with the mother of my kids even though she's remarried, infact she's helping me loads with this situation. You're feeling guilt. She told you about the arrest and you didn't believe her. When you found out it was true, your guilt overwhelmed you to the point where you think that you made a mistake. Now seeing her with someone else is adding to that. You were right in leaving her in the first place because your relationship (and she) was toxic. Now you're only probably focusing on the good memories instead of reminding yourself of the drama and the bad times. I wouldn't write her a letter, you already attempted to apologize. It won't do any good, especially if you say it was for her own good - which in all honesty is a little condescending, so she won't react well to it.
21flames Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Seriously just leave it, take the pain, the things you are feeling will fade, if you go sending letters and stuff your just lining yourself up for loads more heart ache!
sarah_valentine Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Plus she's pregnant and possibly with someone else... don't start screwing her around now, just leave her alone, I'm sure she's got enough to deal with than having an ex coming around.
Author RightHereInMyArms Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 Thank you i really do appreciate the responses from everyone River Rain, and 21 flames especially You are right, I am just focusing on all the good things she did and all the bad things i did, which is scewing my perceptions (is that what they call rose tinted glasses?) That and the fact that it's coming up to christmas and we were together this time last year, and i spent alot of time with her at her parents where she lived. I wish i could just talk to her one last time abit like wanting to see that dead relative one last time.
River Rain Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I wish i could just talk to her one last time abit like wanting to see that dead relative one last time. That's a good way of putting it. Hang in there!
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