Mike6466 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Ok so I'm new here and new to any love forum but I feel I need some advice. I'm 24 and this girl is 24 and we knew each other in highschool but I had a girl of four years and we never hung out we just knew of each other. Recently she had contacted me about a business job she wanted me to join in with her and her boyfriend of five years. I didn't want anything to do with it but it was nice talking to her. She ended breaking up with her boyfriend cause she said she needed to find herself. I didn't know she broke up with him but I Messaged her on Facebook and just talked and then she invited me to join her for lunch. We met for lunch and we instantly hit it off. Had lunch then invited me for drinks. Things started really well. We would talk everyday and wish each other a happy day or leave little notes on each others car or on each others desk after a night cap, it was really nice. Well she started to get really stressed out with her finding a new home and money issues. We had some struggle and she would overeact but I'd always be there for her. We had a little ups and downs. We would get back together and it was time for my birthday and I told her not to get me anything but she said she wanted to something. So a couple days before my birthday she made a day for me. Took me to this nice place and then made me dinner at her house. She got me a little movie I liked for a gift and it was really nice. Well she has a guy as a roommate and he came home drunk and she was really mad. I noticed and told her to get in my car and we can do something. She still was upset to I tried to make her laugh by taking a turn a little hard and she ended getting really upset about it. I was just trying to get her happy. She said I wish you could say sorry for the things you do and I was a little fed up and told her to lighten up. She told me to take her home. Took her home and that was it. I went home. Didnt talk to her until my birthday and she wished me a happy birthday. She was gonna go with me and my family to dinner and the air show but bailed. After my birthday we worked things out hit she told me she isn't ready for a relationship and wants to be friends. I was okay with that. She said she needed to find herself. We did this but when we hang out she is super flirty and doing things that friends don't do. After a while I was getting really confused and mixed signals and I ended talking to her about it. She said that she needs to find herself and that she is depressed and not in a good position for a relationship but wants to be friends. I agreed and we continued but silk she would flirt and stuff. It was just not fair and if I acted on her body language or her flirt she woukd back off and not let it happen. Halloween came around and she had invited me to a part and stuff but we ended up fighting about us and our friendship thing. Well I ended up going out with my friends ad having a really good time. Took lots if pictures and posted them on Facebook. I did a no contact the whole weekend ad when she saw me with another girl she freaked out. Texted me saying "oh I see you have a new chick so ill leave you alone now later". I ended up telling her that that's not my new girl just a friend. The next day she said she wanted to talk. She came over and we had a good talk where she finally open up a little and told me that she has string feeling for me but doesn't wanna hurt me cause she knows how she is and might run away. She ended up crying ad it was really nice to finally see some kind of emotions. After the fight we huged and then right after the hug she kissed me and we ended up kissing for a while. First kiss since my birthday. So about 15 days without kissing. After we kissed she started to get distant again ad said I really wanted to kiss but I shouldn't have done that. She said I don't wanna hurt and stuff. We talked about everything and I told her to go with the flow and see what happens. She said that it won't be the same like this tomorrow. Not kissing and stuff. Well she was wrong because I started to put the heat on her. The next day we kissed and the next time we hung out we kissed but she would say your not suppose to kiss me but would let me and would kiss me back. Well my family was back in town and invited her to go to disneyland with me and my sisters kids and she said she would love to but last minute she bailed secretly. I found she isn't going from one if her girlfriends. She said we can hang out after Disneyland. Went to Disneyland on Saturday and Sunday she said at 3 we are gonna hang out. Well that time came around and she text me telling me hope your day is going well and that was it. Saw on Facebook that she met up with her girlfriends for drinks. I was a little upset. About 8 she text me again saying she wanted to hang out. I asked what are we gonna do? She idk I'm buzzed and want to see ya. I went over to here house ad we went into her bedroom. I gave her a gift I bought her at Disneyland and she gave me a long hug on her bed. She started to be flirt and hold my arm and stuff and I ended up taking to her about it. She ended telling me that nothing will happens cause I'm not ready for a relationship. Then why are you touching me and flirty more than friend. She said she does this with all her friends. I said this is how you are with your guy friends. That's not okay with me. I told her I was gonna leave and she started to say things to get me to stay. I ended telling we I can't do this. I told her when you figure your stuff out call me. I might be here I might not.Ya I'm gonna be bluntly honest with you. Me and my dad and a long talk last night and he told me some stuff that really hit me hard. I'm putting all this effort to show you who I am and and how good you are and trying to get us to be together but you know what, I shouldn't have to try and convince you to be with me. It's either you don't wanna be with me or you do. And if you don't then I'm going this way. I'm just wasting my time cause like you said many many times its never gonna work so fine. When you feel like your ready and your done trying to figure **** out, you have my number. I'm done waiting around and letting you have me when its convenient for you. I'm done hearing these excuses like I need to figure my self out and be single or it's just not a good time. Maybe your right, I'm not good for you and your not good for me cause its obvious that your not into me like I'm into you. Love just happens... For a while I have been trying to break you cause I know something is up that is keeping you from wanting me more than a friend and its not oh I need to be single, cause that's bul****. Whether it be another guy your more interested in or you just don't want me and keeping me there as a "friend" until your damn good and ready, well I'm better than that and I'm pissed at myself for letting you walk all over me amber. So enjoy yourself and call me once you figure your self out and what ever problems you have. And this so called friend thing we have, well if you do the stuff with me with your guy friends then its probably a good thing we arent together. So unless you decide you wanna try this again now, I'm done being your little puppet. Her response was: I have nothing to say. I'm just a heartless..soul-less..selfish bitch that doesn't care about anyone but herself. U will never understand and I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry u feel that way but ur 100% wrong in the way u think Im thinking or what anyone else thinks of me. Ull never understand the daily sturggle I have with all of this...instead u just put me down..criticize me so u feel better.which if that's what u need go ahead but I feel sorry that u will never know or support or trust in what I'm saying. And I truly hope u find someone that u will and makes u happy. I never responded to her. Right now I'm doing a no contact thing. I went and hung out with my friends which one if them is a gel I had a fling with me but we are just good friends and the girl I'm doing no contact with gets really jealous. Well this girl I had a fling with tagged us together where we were and next thing I know this girl I'm doing a no contact with blocks me from her Facebook and her Instagram. I still haven't contacted her.. I'm just worried what the out come is. She treks me that she cares a lot about me and stuff but I get the vibe that she is scared to be with me or open up or there is another person she is more interested in. Sometimes it feels that I'm I. The back burner and she is only wanting me when it's convenient for her. Any help woukd be great. I really like this girl and I know she really likes me but I don't know what is going on and I have asked her so many times to talk to me but she just shuts down. Thanks guys
theLWord Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 It sounds like the conversation you had with your dad really helped. I think you were 100% right about standing up for yourself how you did. She wants you to coddle her like a baby and try to lift her baggage off of her, but you aren't a therapist, and that's not fair to ask of you at all. You will be miserable if you continue that. She doesn't care as much as you do, just like you said in the text. Let her feel sorry for herself all she wants, but you need to move on. Continue NC and find a girl that DOES care about you like you deserve.
Author Mike6466 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 Ya.. I just wonder if its me that has the problem cause the past three woman I have dated have all had this issue.. At any point should I break the nc or should I literally just forget it and move on. I like this girl a lot cause she is the only person that really listens to me and actually would get me. We had a talk one night and explained what we needed to work on. She told me to say sorry more often and I told her to show a little more emotion when we hang out like tell me your having a great time or your enjoying this right now. And I started to be more sensitive and one night at dinner she said "I'm having a really good time with you and thank you for taking me out and I'm telling you this cause I know you wanted me to show more feelings". And that really surprised me cause she really listened to me and fixed what was wrong and I really admired it. I hoping that she might get the picture but that's me being stupid I guess..
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