Fab001 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Hi all there, Breakup over one year ago. And I am more or less fine. Got a new bf for several months now but in difficult times like these, I got the compulsion of checking the ex FB account and his friends. I know, I hope you wont tell me off for this but the usual tricks like blocking him or deactivating my Facebook account do not work for me as i can always reactivate and unblock him (we are not friends any longer since the bu). Unlike what normally happens, to me, checking profiles relaxes me as he's single and in his usual troubles. I think it's a case of "company in distress makes sorrow less"... Have you got any idea how to prevent this? Technically, I was even thinking to block Facebook on my router and let my bf set the password (but I need to get a new router as mine - apparently - does not allow me to restrict traffic). I do not want to block the Internet as i use it for other reasons. But more "down to earth" methods? Psyco-tricks? Besides swallowing anti-anxiety tablets... Besides the obvious waste of time, I also fear the rumors according to which if you visit profile A, you will show up in profile A' "People you may know" list a few days afterwards. (if you are on Facebook, you know what i mean). Fab
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I think the only "how to" is self-discipline. 3
PYTpisces Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Only thing that works for me is blocking him and any mutual friends through whom I don't want to risk seeing anything related to him. Then, creating something to treat myself with for every day or week or month etc that I'm successful. For me a treat is something as small as pizza lol or a new pair of shoes. The more I shun the urge and quench it with something that actually does or feels good to me the more I enjoy being kind to myself, and the more I feel proud of myself. I often struggle with self-defeating tendancies, and this method helps me maintain a healthy level of conviction. I still have days where I want to say F it and just give in and when I override the urge it feels great. I know you can do it and hope this helps!
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Only thing that works for me is blocking him and any mutual friends through whom I don't want to risk seeing anything related to him. Then, creating something to treat myself with for every day or week or month etc that I'm successful. For me a treat is something as small as pizza lol or a new pair of shoes. The more I shun the urge and quench it with something that actually does or feels good to me the more I enjoy being kind to myself, and the more I feel proud of myself. I often struggle with self-defeating tendancies, and this method helps me maintain a healthy level of conviction. I still have days where I want to say F it and just give in and when I override the urge it feels great. I know you can do it and hope this helps! Reward system. The basis of any attempt to rid yourself of a bad habit or addiction, good idea.
spaniard Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I'm a bit confused here. I usually check my ex-gfs' profiles from time to time for plain curiosity just to see how they doin. (My most current ex is another story, I don't check her page at all.) I think there's nothing wrong with it. Or do you still have feelings for him? Even with a new boyfriend?
PYTpisces Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I'm a bit confused here. I usually check my ex-gfs' profiles from time to time for plain curiosity just to see how they doin. (My most current ex is another story, I don't check her page at all.) I think there's nothing wrong with it. Or do you still have feelings for him? Even with a new boyfriend? I agree I think it's okay to check up on exes when the memories of them don't hurt anymore. If I ever checked the page of an ex when the memories and grief were still fresh it was most definitely compulsive and sometimes escalated to obsession... obsessing over unanswered questions, self-loathing, blame... you name it. So i guess it depends on where you are in the healing process
veggirl Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 gosh your poor new boyfriend. Does he know you need to go to the lengths of passwords and routers to avoid checking up on your ex?! As said above, the only "trick" is self-discipline. I mean...just don't click it! When you want to check his FB, log off the computer and I don't know...text your new boyfriend instead?? 1
Author Fab001 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 I'm a bit confused here. I think there's nothing wrong with it. Or do you still have feelings for him? Even with a new boyfriend? Feeling of love not however as the other users hints there are still feelings of anger and of "unfinished business"...that's why I think it is NOT oke to check to ensure his life still sucks "as it should" if you know what I mean...
Author Fab001 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 gosh your poor new boyfriend. Does he know you need to go to the lengths of passwords and routers to avoid checking up on your ex?! I did not go to that level of details. I told him i want to avoid to waste time of facebook. I have also a fan page there... Self-discipline...never been that good at it...i know it's not a good reason for but...it's not working for me...
geegirl Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I don't think there is anything wrong unless you have motive or have unresolved feelings for the ex, and with that I would be sympathetic to your boyfriend. I have several people and an ex from 4 years ago that I want nothing to do with, which I block and I never have the urge to revisit. Just depends on what your intent is for checking.
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