pooloflife Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Seeing as some of you are struglling with what i consider short relationships breaking down,mine lasted 29 years,how the hell can anybody erase all those memories,chidren being born,xmas,parties,holidays,chilling in front of the telly,walking the dogs,i could go on and on.Its only 3 weeks since the break up[see other posts] so i know its gonna be raw,but i cant at the moment envisage my future at all ,yes i have took advice from on here, just like previous poster said why does our heart rule our every thought even when working out,and walking for miles,i have very few moments of not thinking about her,i will just keep taking the advice and hopefully all this moving on bollocks will happen.
PYTpisces Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I'm just out of college so i don't have much experience on this sort of strife... Only seen my mom go through a divorce after 18 years of marriage. Watching her stand by her marriage after so long and suffer (she's a devout Christian....) has been painful. She still believes that God can restore anything, namely her marriage. I respect her for it, but don't know how she can do it. I have strong faith, not as strong as hers, but we rely heavily on prayer and I'm going to add you to mine. Sorry that you're going through this and sorry that it feels like pulling at straws for some, any type of emotional relief/comfort. Sometimes I like to think of this site as my digital diary. Though I have my own diary, there's also somethine healing about writing here where other people can read what I write. Also, since things can't be erased once on the internet, I feel like I'm putting my thoughts, both bad and good, into the universe. Sounds kinda weird I know. Sending prayers for comfort your way...
notbroken Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I divorced after 26 years of marriage and 3 years of dating (for a total of 29 years too). You can't and shouldn't 'erase' 29 years. I'm sure you had alot of good memories and bad. You can't declare your whole life a waste or a failure because you had a few bad years and your marriage ended. Don't define your whole life based on the status of your marriage. My advice: * Exercise ALOT. Get in the gym. Will build you into a better person physically and mentally. * Don't put your past life on a pedestal. It was not perfect. Your spouse wasn't perfect. * Don't beat yourself up for your mistakes. They are done. Can't get them back. The world will beat you up enough without your help doing it. * Get a new hobby, or two, or three. Get busy. However, don't get so busy that you never rest. Take at least two days a week to rest (like Wednesday and Sunday) so you don't 'run down'. * Fix up the place you are living. Redecorate. Make it a nice pleasant place. * Go on a vacation or three to a great place if you can. * Make your bucket list and start to cross things off. * Date SLOWLY. * Contact the ex only when absolutely necessary. When tempted, ask yourself what will happen if you don't contact her about whatever you were going to. Chances are nothing. Continued contact just delays the healing. * Delay any life changing decisions. Whatever your are thinking is likely wrong in the 'crazy time'. Don't buy a new house, change jobs, etc just to do it. * You divorced your spouse and went no contact. Do the same from the other negative people in your life * Be very careful with alcohol. It is a depressant in a depressing time. * Eat well. Force yourself to eat 3 healthy meals a day. * Be careful. Accidents can and often do happen to people in your place because they aren't as attentive as normal. * Maintain a relationship with your kids. Don't 'badmouth' your spouse to them - ever - no matter how bad you want to. Tell them you are having a hard time and don't need them to beat you up right now as life is doing it for them. * See your relatives and friends ALOT. * Accept you are going to lose a few 'friends' you thought you were close to. I could go on and on. You ARE going to make it. You WILL find happiness. Do NOT 'erase' 29 years. That's in the past but it did exist. No need to deny it. However, set your life up so you can go forward. The current nd the future is what matters most now. 4
Author pooloflife Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 I divorced after 26 years of marriage and 3 years of dating (for a total of 29 years too). You can't and shouldn't 'erase' 29 years. I'm sure you had alot of good memories and bad. You can't declare your whole life a waste or a failure because you had a few bad years and your marriage ended. Don't define your whole life based on the status of your marriage. My advice: * Exercise ALOT. Get in the gym. Will build you into a better person physically and mentally. * Don't put your past life on a pedestal. It was not perfect. Your spouse wasn't perfect. * Don't beat yourself up for your mistakes. They are done. Can't get them back. The world will beat you up enough without your help doing it. * Get a new hobby, or two, or three. Get busy. However, don't get so busy that you never rest. Take at least two days a week to rest (like Wednesday and Sunday) so you don't 'run down'. * Fix up the place you are living. Redecorate. Make it a nice pleasant place. * Go on a vacation or three to a great place if you can. * Make your bucket list and start to cross things off. * Date SLOWLY. * Contact the ex only when absolutely necessary. When tempted, ask yourself what will happen if you don't contact her about whatever you were going to. Chances are nothing. Continued contact just delays the healing. * Delay any life changing decisions. Whatever your are thinking is likely wrong in the 'crazy time'. Don't buy a new house, change jobs, etc just to do it. * You divorced your spouse and went no contact. Do the same from the other negative people in your life * Be very careful with alcohol. It is a depressant in a depressing time. * Eat well. Force yourself to eat 3 healthy meals a day. * Be careful. Accidents can and often do happen to people in your place because they aren't as attentive as normal. * Maintain a relationship with your kids. Don't 'badmouth' your spouse to them - ever - no matter how bad you want to. Tell them you are having a hard time and don't need them to beat you up right now as life is doing it for them. * See your relatives and friends ALOT. * Accept you are going to lose a few 'friends' you thought you were close to. I could go on and on. You ARE going to make it. You WILL find happiness. Do NOT 'erase' 29 years. That's in the past but it did exist. No need to deny it. However, set your life up so you can go forward. The current nd the future is what matters most now. Thanks notbroken that made alot of sense ,you are so right most of the years together have been great,only went pear shaped at the end, we both still care for each other ,its just not together.So no i wont try to erase 29 years, but i am going to struggle thinking of her,we did everything together,and maybe that was the problem.Today visited my brother who is having bone marrow transplant on friday,he is so positive and happy,taking it all in his stride,he believes in [carpe diem]. Instantly my broken heart paled in comparison, i feel so much more positive, yes of course i not going to forget her,but i do feel today has been a turning point in my letting go of someone i loved
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