pees Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 hmmmm. don't know where to start, so the beginning is always good. After dating Mr. Wonderful for 1.5 months, he expresses a need for one month of space, but that he still loves me and we can still hang. So, I back off and give him his required "alone time". Within this time, he refuses to return my calls, return my belongings (which I have requested) and sounds depressed when we talk, yet continues to "check in" every week to see what's up but is "too busy working doubles to hang". Fast forward to this sunday, my 30th birthday. I'm already dreading the fact of the big 3-0 and it is my goal to get wasted to ease the pain....having a wonderful time on a beautiful day hanging with my friends when "he" calls to wish me a happy b-day. I thank him, then mention the fact that he called, when one of his friends states, "yeah, some chick has been coming into the bar (his work) and asking for him a lot lately." This coupled with the fact that his is "conveniently absent" from all his friends lives suddenly, painted a clear picture. The cheating jerk is sleeping with another girl and didn't have the common decency to fully break off a relationship with one before starting another. And on top of it all, I had to find out from a third party because he didn't have the balls to tell me. Why did he continue to call me, when he has obviously thrown me to the wayside? Why did he call me on my 30th birthday and ruin it--of all days???? Not only is he a coward, but by neglecting to mention he is in lust with someone new to me, he placed his friends in a less than comfortable situation and is extremely inconsiderate in addition to being immature. What a pig--ugh!!!! I cried hysterically for an hour outside a bar, then left a nasty message telling him exactly what I think of him... His best friend who was with me when I found out, tried to comfort me as best as possible, but I felt horrible for having the best friend caught in the middle of this mess. Needless to say he still hasn't returned my belongings and its been 3 weeks since I've originally asked for them... I don't understand why he continues to call me, when he obviously has a new lust interest? Also, unfortunately I'm sad to say this is the 2nd time in a year, in which the guy I was dating, cheated on me prior to officially breaking up with me(I've only dated 2 guys seriously in that year). Is there something I should be looking for or doing or not doing to rid my life of these pigs in need of sowing their wild oats? Ugh! I just don't get it and nothing makes sense any longer.... Please help! I just don't understand??
uriel Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 There's no complete answer to this. I'm sorry you've met two jerks within the same year. You might spend more time qualifying men -- especially before sleeping with them. Get to know their friends and their reputation with them. Have they cheated before? That's what you want to know. If they have, don't buy that it was some super special circumstance. Suspect they'll do it again. Then, expect that a man will show you his level of commitment to you -- or at least interest in investing in you and possibly a future. That's not through superficial romantic gestures, or spending time with you as a prelude to sex. That means having interest in your life, meeting your friends, getting involved in your projects -- and your reciprocating (and his wanting you to). Avoid men who just want to have a good time together and bring on the romance too quickly. No guarantee that you still won't get burned -- but this should help. -- uriel
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