penguino Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I've fallen with a guy and we've had a casual relationship for two years, since I was 18. He's the first person I've ever loved, as hackneyed as that is to say, and I've begun to get upset lately because I know his feelings for me aren't as strong as mine are for him. Last night, we were discussing this, and about how he was moving to Canada. He was saying how he likes me but he doesn't know what he wants (those words! Arghh!) and we can't experience a proper relationship because of the distance. I explained why I was upset, saying that if the right person came along then it wouldn't matter, he'd want to be with them no matter what. He talked about how he's happy alone and wants his freedom at the moment. That's fair enough. But it pains me to think that I'm not special enough to change his mind. And I find the thought of someone else having that power unbearable- someone will change his mind one day, surely? He sent me this text: 'I don't now what I want in a person and to be honest, I'm just not sure who or what I want but I think if I did know then you would be the closest thing I could want. I have no bad opinions of you and you are as close as being perfect as anyone else, however, I just don't know what I want and hen I want it.' What the heck is that supposed to mean? I'm really confused. I wish I could change his mind but I know, rationally, that it would be fruitless. Anyone dealt with something like this before, or can give any advice? Ughhh.
GorillaTheater Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Just another variation of "it's not you, it's me". He was trying, inartfully perhaps, to let you down easy. The best thing to do is to believe him, and move on. 2
Author penguino Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Yeah, I thought so too Part of me was kind of hoping he was trying to say that if the conditions were right, then he would want a relationship with me because I'm special to him, but he's just too unsure of things to commit right now. But that's just me picking and choosing what I want to believe. Ugh. But I REALLY don't want to let go of the possibility. http://i47.tinypic.com/wbxobp.gif
GorillaTheater Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I'm sorry, Penguino. It'll hurt for awhile, and then one day it won't. And there's 30 million more guys where he came from, so the odds are very much in your favor.
carhill Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 'he doesn't know what he wants' 'He talked about how he's happy alone and wants his freedom at the moment' It's always fascinating to me how people's words reveal their truth. Move on. Dry hole. 1
sweetkiwi Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 he's telling you the truth. You have to move forward. When you have the guy that'll do anything for you you'll know. And you'll never forget that feeling.
todreaminblue Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I've fallen with a guy and we've had a casual relationship for two years, since I was 18. He's the first person I've ever loved, as hackneyed as that is to say, and I've begun to get upset lately because I know his feelings for me aren't as strong as mine are for him. Last night, we were discussing this, and about how he was moving to Canada. He was saying how he likes me but he doesn't know what he wants (those words! Arghh!) and we can't experience a proper relationship because of the distance. I explained why I was upset, saying that if the right person came along then it wouldn't matter, he'd want to be with them no matter what. He talked about how he's happy alone and wants his freedom at the moment. That's fair enough. But it pains me to think that I'm not special enough to change his mind. And I find the thought of someone else having that power unbearable- someone will change his mind one day, surely? He sent me this text: 'I don't now what I want in a person and to be honest, I'm just not sure who or what I want but I think if I did know then you would be the closest thing I could want. I have no bad opinions of you and you are as close as being perfect as anyone else, however, I just don't know what I want and hen I want it.' What the heck is that supposed to mean? I'm really confused. I wish I could change his mind but I know, rationally, that it would be fruitless. Anyone dealt with something like this before, or can give any advice? Ughhh. It is hard to deal with when emotions are stronger on one side.Could be he doesnt want to have a long distance relationship i dont know if your casual relationship included sex or not but it could be that as well if it did include sex.....when i think of lone wolf to me its a guy who plays the field.The fact that you called a two year relationship casual is a tell to me.....deb
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