I'm About To End Things With My Master

[AsItIs]

I told my therapist everything. Every single detail.I even asked him if I was a sociopath for not having any feeling towards seeing a man dying before my eyes. I told him that the people on LS told me that they are afraid for me & so disturbed by my actions that you guys even suggested calling him yesterday....& he agreed with me.

 

He said it didn't seem to him like I have been raped.He was not shocked at all by the bloody jeans or anything.I even asked him if he thought my behavior was bizarre or scary & he said he's not in the business of judging anyone & he said I look to be more disturbed by the fact that strangers on the internet think I'm crazy.

 

I did ask him if he has any diagnosis for me & he said yes...He diagnosed me with Bipolar 2.The only thing he said that I did, that was irrational, was expecting that guy to instinctlively know that he should not have been cruising pof after we had sex.He said I should have atleast communicated my expectations before jumping off the deep end but doesn't think there's anything strange about my behavior.

[RachR]

Well your therapist is a weirdo who shouldn't be performing therapy. Can't go by what he thinks.

[raea]

Well your therapist is a weirdo who shouldn't be performing therapy. Can't go by what he thinks.

 

As a psychologist, THIS. I would try to make it more professional, but eff that.

 

Find a counselor who specializes in the issues you are dealing with. NPD, if you truly do believe you have it, is hard to treat and you need someone who is going to be strong willed and not going to play into that.

 

Not to mention, I hope your therapist if nothing else is concerned for the risk you are putting yourself in. Diagnosing you as 2 indicates that you never progress from hypomanic into manic, and you have stated that isn't true, that you have reached mania before... so I'm a little concerned, as is everyone else.

[Mme. Chaucer]

But … I don't think that any therapist or therapy will work for a person who doesn't see her behavior as an issue, who is perfectly happy with herself and who sees therapy sessions as another way to get attention, only.

[Eternal Sunshine]

OKKKKK, I LOL-ed at him wearing jeans with menstrual blood. Am I a sociopath?

 

I also have a very hard time believing that all these events actually happened.

[oSapphire]

Strange thread...

 

Anyway, I hope you have a good therapist.

May I ask: Is he a Social Worker?

 

If he is then it would make sense on why he is agreeing with you and not helping you understand how unhealthy your situation is. He's probably aiming to help you feel mentally stable in your life despite the differences it has compared to others; which is wonderful, but it doesn't necessarily help you since what you're currently doing is unhealthy mentally and perhaps physically as well.

 

Also, if he is giving you the option of seeing a Psychologist then it seems he is not one himself and that's is not a bad thing. However, you should see a psychologist since your therapist is telling you might have Bipolar II Disorder. You shouldn't take that lightly and it doesn't hurt to double check with another doctor, after all, your therapist did suggest it.

 

[Click-able Link] Understanding Bipolar Disorder

 

If you do see a psychologist and he/she does diagnose you with something then it would be best to seek a counselor/therapist that specializes in that field so you can fully get the help and comfortable life you very much deserve. Although, if you have an attachment to your current therapist (It seems like you do.) then I guess you can still visit him whenever, he wont turn you away just because you're seeing another doctor.

[AsItIs]

Well your therapist is a weirdo who shouldn't be performing therapy. Can't go by what he thinks.

 

 

 

First of all I want to say thank you, tori0001, for supporting me!

 

RachR,

I agree that my therapist is a weirdo, but I like him & I think he's a good therapist.He totally gets me.He even cracked a joke saying, so I need a boyfriend who is hot, brilliant.....and diagnoseable? He hit it right on the head & I bursted out in laughter.

 

He is just here to talk to me.I will see a psychologist in a few weeks (and he said-only if I feel like I want to continue so I'm obviously not in any serious danger at this point)

[AsItIs]

As a psychologist, THIS. I would try to make it more professional, but eff that.

 

Find a counselor who specializes in the issues you are dealing with. NPD, if you truly do believe you have it, is hard to treat and you need someone who is going to be strong willed and not going to play into that.

 

Not to mention, I hope your therapist if nothing else is concerned for the risk you are putting yourself in. Diagnosing you as 2 indicates that you never progress from hypomanic into manic, and you have stated that isn't true, that you have reached mania before... so I'm a little concerned, as is everyone else.

 

I have not mentioned anything about suspecting NPD to him yet....it's a little embarrasing but I will....and I'll see what he thinks next week.I'm actually not sure wheteher I had a manic episode or a hypermanic episode.But...I'm not sure that you're information is 100% accurate (please don't be offended by that-you may also be right.I'm just not sure)

 

And for the record...NPD is not something I would even want to treat.I feel like it's a very effective defense mechanism & it has not ruined anyone's life so, it would not be a problem...if it was the case, that it is NPD.

[AsItIs]

But … I don't think that any therapist or therapy will work for a person who doesn't see her behavior as an issue, who is perfectly happy with herself and who sees therapy sessions as another way to get attention, only.

 

I agree with this completely!

 

Right now, I'm just trying to get a profession's opinion to see if I actually really need help or not.I feel like even though the advice on LS can be very helpful at times, I also feel like

Some of the time, the advice is harsher or more critisizing than it really should be.

 

Everyone's an expert! Lol!

[AsItIs]

OKKKKK, I LOL-ed at him wearing jeans with menstrual blood. Am I a sociopath?

 

I also have a very hard time believing that all these events actually happened.

 

Why would I want to make up a story just to get bashed? It's all completely true.

[Ross MwcFan]

Can I be your new master?

[Mme. Chaucer]

.He even cracked a joke saying, so I need a boyfriend who is hot, brilliant.....and diagnoseable?

 

Sorry, but I doubt there is anything "hot" or "brilliant" about any of the men you've posted about so far. They sound like major losers on every front, including the personal hygiene one.

 

"Diagnosable," I agree with.

[AsItIs]

Strange thread...

 

Anyway, I hope you have a good therapist.

May I ask: Is he a Social Worker?

 

If he is then it would make sense on why he is agreeing with you and not helping you understand how unhealthy your situation is. He's probably aiming to help you feel mentally stable in your life despite the differences it has compared to others; which is wonderful, but it doesn't necessarily help you since what you're currently doing is unhealthy mentally and perhaps physically as well.

 

Also, if he is giving you the option of seeing a Psychologist then it seems he is not one himself and that's is not a bad thing. However, you should see a psychologist since your therapist is telling you might have Bipolar II Disorder. You shouldn't take that lightly and it doesn't hurt to double check with another doctor, after all, your therapist did suggest it.

 

[Click-able Link] Understanding Bipolar Disorder

 

If you do see a psychologist and he/she does diagnose you with something then it would be best to seek a counselor/therapist that specializes in that field so you can fully get the help and comfortable life you very much deserve. Although, if you have an attachment to your current therapist (It seems like you do.) then I guess you can still visit him whenever, he wont turn you away just because you're seeing another doctor.

 

Thank you for this information & I agree with you as well

 

He is not a social worker he is a lisenced therapist & he works at a facility which has all kinds of mental health services & also has psychologists in the buliding who all specialize in different areas of psychology so they will match me up with a doctor that I fit the criteria for.

[AsItIs]

Can I be your new master?

 

Ross....

You f*cken rock!!!!

I hope you over come your anxiety soon, cause are such a catch for a very lucky lady.

So hurry up & do it! I know you can! ;-)

[BetheButterfly]

BeTheButterfly,

 

Thanks for your concern.

 

I am worried for you because I don't want you to get or continue to get hurt.

 

I have a feeling the reason I do want him (not desperately though) is because I feel like he is a challenge.I already knew, going into this, that's he's almost completely unattainable (remember he admitted to not being over his ex) But I'm kind of surprised at my own thinking because, I always go for incredible challenges,thinking I can over come them....which I guess would lead me to believe I have some kind of commitment issues or something- but I don't think I do.I really would be happy to be in a healthy relationship one day soon.

Could I ask you to please write about your first sexual experiences? How old were you and with whom did you have these experiences? I am asking in order to try to understand your mentality concerning relationships and sex.

 

About guys who are challenges, I understand that. However, men who are great "challenges" aren't ones who are seeking prey. Rather, they are seeking someone special to love.

 

To me, it sounds like this "challenge" isn't really a challenge at all. Rather, he's sounds like a predator out to "conquer" as many women as possible, hence why he keeps looking for other prey on websites. That is why you are upset with him, correct? Because of his continued grazing of a dating website and his lack of communication with you?

 

This guy, in my opinion, doesn't seem to be much of a challenge or worth "conqueriing."

 

And secondly-I'm extremely picky with who I'm attracted to.The guy has to be atleast a 9 looks wise & has to possess a certain personality (which I'm sure you guys would consider a nutjob-but that's what I like)

I don't understand the numbering/rating of looks. People are diverse and look different. "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" is an accurate saying.

 

Sure I understand though about being attracted to someone you find attractive. Me too

 

What kind of personality attracts you and why?

[Timothy]

Sorry, but what exactly were you doing logged into POF... if you were logged in and it was innocent then maybe he was too. In fact, maybe he logged in to see you. Definitely you should talk to him and give him the benefit of the doubt.

[mickleb]

he did take his bare penis out of his jeans & immediately shoved it in.I told him "no" but he did it anyways.

 

I told my therapist everything. Every single detail...

 

He said it didn't seem to him like I have been raped.

 

Hi AsItIs.

 

From what you've told us, I don't quite understand how your therapist could conclude the situation was not rape. He takes his 'bare' penis out and 'immediately shoves' it in, you have told him 'no' but he 'does it anyways'.

 

That seems pretty straightforward to me. Here's the UK definition:

 

Rape

 

(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—

(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,

(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and

© A does not reasonably believe that B consents.

 

I can't see how your abuser could 'reasonably believe' you had consented as you 'told him "no"'. I can't imagine the definition of rape, in your state, is significantly different to the above, but please let me know if this is the case.

 

What is possible, of course, is that you told your therapist 'every single detail' but omitted some of those details here. I'm not suggesting you did that consciously but there could have been some information your therapist is aware of, that would alter our perception of the events.

 

The most important thing is that you have told him everything. He now has a legal responsibility to ensure your physical safety. (So well done for that!) If he honestly feels you are not putting yourself into physically risky situations, he need not take the matter further. If you continue to allow a man to sexually and physically abuse you (as it appears, to us, that he does), and get seriously hurt in some way, your therapist could be deemed as negligent, incompetent and, therefore, responsible in court.

 

He has the power to inform the authorities of what you've told him, who can do something (varies depending on who he informs) to minimise the risk you are putting yourself in. There is very little we can do, from behind our screens, to protect you physically. Especially considering the information below.

 

But … I don't think that any therapist or therapy will work for a person who doesn't see her behavior as an issue, who is perfectly happy with herself and who sees therapy sessions as another way to get attention, only.

 

I also agree with the above, which makes me wonder why you are seeking advice here, AII.

 

Are you completely happy with the behaviour of this man? Is it only his going online that bothers you, or is there anything else? Are you happy with your behaviour? Do you find any of the advice you've been given here helpful? Or do you think you know and understand your, and this man's behaviour, better than we could, so don't really find our responses useful? In short, could you restate what would you like our help with?

 

Thank you.

[AsItIs]

Sorry, but I doubt there is anything "hot" or "brilliant" about any of the men you've posted about so far. They sound like major losers on every front, including the personal hygiene one.

 

"Diagnosable," I agree with.

 

Really Mme?

 

I didn't want to mention any names but I have always found you to be one of the biggest bullies on LoveShack.I'm not going to argue any further with you but, I just have to say that, I'm offended by you implying I am not with "hot", "brilliant", or "hygenic " guys.

I'll let you believe whatever you want.

[AsItIs]

I am worried for you because I don't want you to get or continue to get hurt.

 

Could I ask you to please write about your first sexual experiences? How old were you and with whom did you have these experiences? I am asking in order to try to understand your mentality concerning relationships and sex.

 

About guys who are challenges, I understand that. However, men who are great "challenges" aren't ones who are seeking prey. Rather, they are seeking someone special to love.

 

To me, it sounds like this "challenge" isn't really a challenge at all. Rather, he's sounds like a predator out to "conquer" as many women as possible, hence why he keeps looking for other prey on websites. That is why you are upset with him, correct? Because of his continued grazing of a dating website and his lack of communication with you?

 

This guy, in my opinion, doesn't seem to be much of a challenge or worth "conqueriing."

 

I don't understand the numbering/rating of looks. People are diverse and look different. "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" is an accurate saying.

 

Sure I understand though about being attracted to someone you find attractive. Me too

 

What kind of personality attracts you and why?

 

BeTheButterfly,

 

You are so kind & I appreciate your help again.I will share these details later because I think you are right & you are asking all the right questions...I just don't have much time to really delve into everything at the moment.Thanks again.

[AsItIs]

Sorry, but what exactly were you doing logged into POF... if you were logged in and it was innocent then maybe he was too. In fact, maybe he logged in to see you. Definitely you should talk to him and give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

Thanks Timothy,

 

I logged in because my gut told me to see if he was on there.If there's anything I know-I learned to trust my gut.I thought about your reasoning as well...I just know in the back of my mind that this would not be a healthy relationship anyway, so I don't really see the need to discuss it. He would not be ready to have a relationship at this point(and meaybe I'm not really ready yet either).I knew that going into it...I just thought I was capable of charming my way into a miraculous relationship.

[SmileFace]

When have you last spoke to this guy?

[Drseussgrrl]

Really Mme?

 

I didn't want to mention any names but I have always found you to be one of the biggest bullies on LoveShack.I'm not going to argue any further with you but, I just have to say that, I'm offended by you implying I am not with "hot", "brilliant", or "hygenic " guys.

I'll let you believe whatever you want.

 

Sorry but I have to agree with her. How hygienic is it to walk around with period blood all over your jeans after you just raped a girl, like some sort of sick trophy?

[AsItIs]

Hi AsItIs.

 

From what you've told us, I don't quite understand how your therapist could conclude the situation was not rape. He takes his 'bare' penis out and 'immediately shoves' it in, you have told him 'no' but he 'does it anyways'.

 

That seems pretty straightforward to me. Here's the UK definition:

 

Rape

 

(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—

(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,

(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and

© A does not reasonably believe that B consents.

 

I can't see how your abuser could 'reasonably believe' you had consented as you 'told him "no"'. I can't imagine the definition of rape, in your state, is significantly different to the above, but please let me know if this is the case.

 

What is possible, of course, is that you told your therapist 'every single detail' but omitted some of those details here. I'm not suggesting you did that consciously but there could have been some information your therapist is aware of, that would alter our perception of the events.

 

The most important thing is that you have told him everything. He now has a legal responsibility to ensure your physical safety. (So well done for that!) If he honestly feels you are not putting yourself into physically risky situations, he need not take the matter further. If you continue to allow a man to sexually and physically abuse you (as it appears, to us, that he does), and get seriously hurt in some way, your therapist could be deemed as negligent, incompetent and, therefore, responsible in court.

 

He has the power to inform the authorities of what you've told him, who can do something (varies depending on who he informs) to minimise the risk you are putting yourself in. There is very little we can do, from behind our screens, to protect you physically. Especially considering the information below.

 

 

 

I also agree with the above, which makes me wonder why you are seeking advice here, AII.

 

Are you completely happy with the behaviour of this man? Is it only his going online that bothers you, or is there anything else? Are you happy with your behaviour? Do you find any of the advice you've been given here helpful? Or do you think you know and understand your, and this man's behaviour, better than we could, so don't really find our responses useful? In short, could you restate what would you like our help with?

 

Thank you.

 

Thanks again Mikleb,

 

He didn't technically rape me because although I said "no", I didn't really care.If at a point, I wanted to be serious & push him off & put my foot down...and if he didn't stop at that point...that would have been rape in my eyes.

 

I am happy with my behavior & I was happy with his behavior until I realized that I couldn't stop his urge to want other ailment from our encounter.Maybe I should have talked about it, but maybe I will have a chance to.I don't know.Everything happens for a reason & I'm sure I'll find a good boyfriend when the time comes.

 

 

 

 

To restate my original question...

 

I was curious to hear the advice of others on my next step....

I wanted to know if I should have ignored him?

Or told him my concerns about him being on pof?

 

 

I ended up ignoring him because I guess I saw that as my way of rejecting him before he could reject me.May not have been the most adult thing to do but hey, It's a done deal.

 

 

Thanks again to everyone & I mean ho harm or disrespect.I still love hearing everyone's feedback, advice & concerns.

[AsItIs]

When have you last spoke to this guy?

 

I last spoke to him on Monday (we had sex on Sunday night) & he texted me on Tues but I ignored it.

[AsItIs]

Thanks again Mikleb,

 

He didn't technically rape me because although I said "no", I didn't really care.If at a point, I wanted to be serious & push him off & put my foot down...and if he didn't stop at that point...that would have been rape in my eyes.

 

I am happy with my behavior & I was happy with his behavior until I realized that I couldn't stop his urge to want other ailment from our encounter.Maybe I should have talked about it, but maybe I will have a chance to.I don't know.Everything happens for a reason & I'm sure I'll find a good boyfriend when the time comes.

 

 

 

 

To restate my original question...

 

I was curious to hear the advice of others on my next step....

I wanted to know if I should have ignored him?

Or told him my concerns about him being on pof?

 

 

I ended up ignoring him because I guess I saw that as my way of rejecting him before he could reject me.May not have been the most adult thing to do but hey, It's a done deal.

 

 

Thanks again to everyone & I mean ho harm or disrespect.I still love hearing everyone's feedback, advice & concerns.

 

It was too late to edit***

 

My spell corrector accidentally typed ailments*

 

I meant to say women*