Author AsItIs Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 To be clear: I am not so interested in why you prefer dominant men as I am in your physical safety, right now, which is why I'd be happier if you informed your therapist ASAP what you've told us here. It will then be his responsibility to ensure you are not at risk. I am also not interested in feeding your danger fetish, in any way. So really do think you should be telling a professional about this, rather than chatting with strangers on here. If you could let us know how your therapist responds to all this, however, as I said before - I'd be very grateful. It would be good to know you are not at risk, despite the fact that you enjoy it. When I feel more reassured that you are safe, I'll be happy to discuss your underlying psychological issues with you, here. Thanks again. Again Mickleb , Thanks for caring but I'm not in harms way....atleast not tonight.I'm just working & going hme to do my regular ritual. I don't see any reason to make an emergency appt with my therapist when I'm going in anyways tomorrow.I will keep you guys posted & again-I thank all of you!
SmileFace Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 You should print out your threads and present it to your therapist or email them to your therapist. 1
mickleb Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Again Mickleb , Thanks for caring but I'm not in harms way....atleast not tonight.I'm just working & going hme to do my regular ritual. I don't see any reason to make an emergency appt with my therapist when I'm going in anyways tomorrow.I will keep you guys posted & again-I thank all of you! I was suggesting a phone call, not an emergency appointment but can see you are resistant to the idea. So, obviously, don't contact your abuser in any way, do what SmileFace suggests with your threads, and have a good, thorough session with your therapist. I'll check in to hear from you tomorrow. 1
Author AsItIs Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 You should print out your threads and present it to your therapist or email them to your therapist. I thought of that SmileFace but I'd be ashamed because I've mentioned this before but I think my therapist is attracted to me & if you guys didn't catch it in another thread-I'm also dsw31.Which would be so embarrasing for my therapist to see because as dsw31 I mentioned that a therapist would never work because I believe I know just as much as a therapist & my narcissistic side of me believes he already has a crush on me (which in all honesty, is what my goal was) He just looks at me & smiles for minutes on end of complete silence.I'm 99% sure he likes me.I don't want him to read these threads.
SmileFace Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I thought of that SmileFace but I'd be ashamed because I've mentioned this before but I think my therapist is attracted to me & if you guys didn't catch it in another thread-I'm also dsw31.Which would be so embarrasing for my therapist to see because as dsw31 I mentioned that a therapist would never work because I believe I know just as much as a therapist & my narcissistic side of me believes he already has a crush on me (which in all honesty, is what my goal was) He just looks at me & smiles for minutes on end of complete silence.I'm 99% sure he likes me.I don't want him to read these threads. I didn't see that mentioned in other threads but I am aware that you are dsw31. Get a new therapist asap. I highly doubt he likes you - you aren't paying him to like you. Call him and ask for recommendation on a next therapist since he is hindering your process. Pleese think about you in this. Or contine on this downward spiral your choice. You are looking for acceptance in the wrong places hun. 4
Author AsItIs Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 (edited) Well now that everything's out in the upen here on LS (I'm dsw31) & you guys are being so helpful.I also want to mention that I'm not self diagnosing but, I most likely am Bipolar This was my main reason for seeing a therapist/psychologist in the first place.I called 2 months ago & was on a waiting list & just started seeing the therapist 3 weeks ago. I have had some very out of characters behaviors right after my breakup & it got to the point where I could barely function.I had 2 manic episodes within about 4 months.I was pretty stable for the last 2 months(while waiting for an opening with the therapist) & that's why we have been just talking it out for the last 3 visits.I thought I was just naturally getting over my breakup since I thought my moods were pretty normal & that I was doing much better. But now...literally right now.... I think I'm hyper manic (1/2 crazy 1/2 normal) so I believe I'm going have another full blown mania in the next couple of days.It will be a perfect time to see my therapist.Maybe he will see if my behavior is different.Right now...I feel pretty fantastic.Like I'm euphoric & just in a great mood.I feel very sharp.These manic episodes seem to come on after I have not had much sleep & after my menstrual cycle.I have been keeping track & when I first called the therapy center & explained everything they were very impressed by my self awareness. Who knows about the NPD, I think I have it, I think it could be co morbid with the Bipolar. Again...I'm NOT self diagnosing.Just sharing my thoughts with you guys because you guys were the ones who partially convinced me, that I need psychiatric help in the first place. Edited November 8, 2012 by AsItIs
Divasu Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I don't know what you expect.. The term slave implies "force" "held against their will", so on and so forth. If you're into that stuff, great. But, I don't know how you can expect an iota of respect if you allow someone to demean that way. Caucasians didn't respect African-Americans...what makes this any different? Demand better/more for yourself. Good luck. 1
sweetkiwi Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 i personally don't think there is anything wrong with very rough sex or even simulated rape. Rape is terrible, yes. But simulated rape is simply a sexual curiosity. I am also a submissive at heart though most me the time i am dominant in real life. Totally normal. You have every right to do what you like. But. In my personal opinion a guy you just met does not respect you. Therefor you are not safe while doing these very dangerous things. Which isn't smart. And thats when fun and games can turn into a really bad experience. 2
sweetkiwi Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 oops. Read the rest of the thread. I retract my statement. I don't think you should be having sex with anyone. Or dating. You know you have serious issues. You need to get a handle on yourself. I was hungry before i read this thread. Now i'm scared for you. And sick to my stomach.
Author AsItIs Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 oops. Read the rest of the thread. I retract my statement. I don't think you should be having sex with anyone. Or dating. You know you have serious issues. You need to get a handle on yourself. I was hungry before i read this thread. Now i'm scared for you. And sick to my stomach. Serious question.... What exactly is it, that makes you "sick to your stomach"?
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Serious question.... What exactly is it, that makes you "sick to your stomach"? Oh, I'll wager a guess...perhaps it's the whole guy-basically-raping-you-then-eating-your-menstrual-blood thing. Again, just a guess. 6
Author AsItIs Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 I'm not trying to be a smartass (I swear!) but I personally think it's hot & it definitely wouldn't be the first time a guy ate me out on my period.
geegirl Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Note to self: Do not read this thread when having lunch. 1
Author AsItIs Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 What time is your therapy appointment today? 5pm (cst) (10 characters)
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Anyway, if the guy is your "master" you are not executing your role properly by snooping on him, trying to manipulate him into a relationship, and planning to dump him before he dumps you. Master calls the shots. Sorry to say this, but your thread just represents the two of you as fairly out of control, poorly functioning people who happened to come into each others' orbit temporarily. What baffles me about you, OP, in this incarnation and your other one, is what you feel boastful about. Not things that seem brag-worthy to me. 1
Imajerk17 Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 (edited) Oh, I'll wager a guess...perhaps it's the whole guy-basically-raping-you-then-eating-your-menstrual-blood thing. Again, just a guess. I personally thought him wearing the jeans with your menstrual blood out in public was the cherry on top though. (Excuse the pun) Edited November 8, 2012 by Imajerk17 2
Reegs Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Like said so many times on this thread... 1. If you feel your therapist "likes" you...then you should ask for a recommendation to get a new one. Whether they actually do...or do not...is irrelevant at this point. In your mind its hindering your progress and not helping you get to the issues you need help with because you believe the person your speaking to has motives beyond helping you. 2. Stay away from the male that you are talking about. I refuse to call him your "Master"....as he sounds like a complete low life to me. Its a stretch to call him a male. To force yourself on a woman when she says NO....he is less than a man. To parade around with jeans covered in blood, deems me to believe that this guy is also craving some form of attention from the outside world....be it negative or positive, he wants to be noticed. When you tell him NO once again...what makes you think he will listen? He has already proven to you that your NO means nothing to him. You will do whatever it is that you want to do....but reading this whole thread has made me mad and worried. Worried for your well being and state of mind, that you believe all of this is ok. Worried that you want someone who doesnt care at all about you...other than some sort of toy. Someone he has ZERO respect for. Mad that this male believes he can do this to a woman, with no consequences. This is the older brother in me.....but I would love 5 minutes with this guy in room to beat the ever living crap out of him.... 2
Author AsItIs Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 Smells like someone beat a fish with a lead pipe in here. Haha....not! I smell like fresh flowers
SmileFace Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I mean people do all types of things but I can not understand oral sex while on the rag.
sweetkiwi Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 the oral on the rag doesn't gross me out as much as him forcing himself on her. I mean if you two had an actual established relationship and you told him no actually meant yes, within the confines of a trusting relationship and with a safe word, thats fine. But what this man did is sick and i'm sorry that you seem to think its okay. This will not end here for you. You will continue abusive relationships with humans because you need it. Keep going to therapy, get new therapist, and love yourself. 1
Author AsItIs Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 I mean people do all types of things but I can not understand oral sex while on the rag. I haven't looked up any circumstantial evidence to back up my theory but, my own opinion is that it turns me on, thinking I'm that irrisistable.
BetheButterfly Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Oh, I'll wager a guess...perhaps it's the whole guy-basically-raping-you-then-eating-your-menstrual-blood thing. Again, just a guess. Yeah. What makes me personally sick is that I don't understand why she wants this guy? I thoroughly enjoy rough sex with my husband and most of the time am submissive (though I want to try being a dominatrix with him someday, just for fun ) but if I didn't know he loved me, there's no way I'd like to play like that. One of my favorite games is yeah to pretend I don't want sex and then to be roughly and passionately seduced - so much fun!!! Rough sex between consenting adults isn't rape, even if it's "play rape." OP, If he truly cared for you and y'all were in an exclusive relationship, I wouldn't feel as worried, though horribly, true rape (when no truly means no and isn't a game) does happen even in relationships. If you ever truly don't want to have sex with someone and yet are forced to, you need to call 911, don't shower but rather go to the hospital and get checked out... get his DNA, then press charges. I'm afraid that your boundaries are all confused and that you are just being taken advantage of instead of actually being cared for and loved.
Author AsItIs Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 BeTheButterfly, Thanks for your concern.I have a feeling the reason I do want him (not desperately though) is because I feel like he is a challenge.I already knew, going into this, that's he's almost completely unattainable (remember he admitted to not being over his ex) But I'm kind of surprised at my own thinking because, I always go for incredible challenges,thinking I can over come them....which I guess would lead me to believe I have some kind of commitment issues or something- but I don't think I do.I really would be happy to be in a healthy relationship one day soon. And secondly-I'm extremely picky with who I'm attracted to.The guy has to be atleast a 9 looks wise & has to possess a certain personality (which I'm sure you guys would consider a nutjob-but that's what I like)
mickleb Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 5pm (cst) (10 characters) Hi AsItIs. I'm on GMT so think it'll be a little late for me to respond to you this evening, but I'll check again tomorrow. 1
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