CarrieT Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Yes Please! or someone teach me what it takes to be a master very curious. Join FetLife and CollarMe - spend a lot of time in their chat boards... I met my Master on CollarMe, but it took me talking to and vetting dozens and dozens of guys. I didn't go there looking for an M, just a LTR that would include BDSM. It was meeting the guy I'm with now that opened my eyes to the concept of a M/s relationship. Mine is fairly mild version - more psychological - and I definitely like the sex rougher than my M is comfortable with. 1
BetheButterfly Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 What really kind of sucks is that I knew I should have waited to have sex & he knew it too.He even said "We have a bond. I don't want to do too much too soon, cause I want to build our bond" He said "that way,we won't abandon each other"...and I'm using that against him, I guess? But because of that "bond", I'm secretly hoping he'll contact me again soon, so maybe I could just get my finalty, by telling him we are both too stubburn & probably the fact that we're both the same kind of narcissists(we're both a mixture of cerebral & somatic narcissists) it will always make us bump heads. I know, I know! I need a TEAM of therapists! I think you need a man to love you and for you to love. I don't think you need a team of therapists; you just need to grow and heal from any issues in your past. Bonds do generally take time to cultivate and grow. That's why I personally think it's best to get to know someone in public settings for awhile first before going to private places, you know? Anyways, yes closure helps. Don't beat yourself up for it, ok? Forgive yourself and move on. (I'm not meaning to order you around; I'm just trying to give advice and I hope it's helpful.) 1
mickleb Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 What I didn't mention in my thread before, was that he basically forced his penis in me without a condom. Just popping the menstrual snacking to one side for a moment, can you explain your use of the word 'forced' here, please?
Author AsItIs Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Just popping the menstrual snacking to one side for a moment, can you explain your use of the word 'forced' here, please? I mean, he didn't put a gun to my head so "forced" is probably not the right word but, he did take his bare penis out of his jeans & immediately shoved it in.I told him "no" but he did it anyways.
CarrieT Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I mean, he didn't put a gun to my head so "forced" is probably not the right word but, he did take his bare penis out of his jeans & immediately shoved it in.I told him "no" but he did it anyways. If you said "no" and he did it any way, that is RAPE. It was not consensual. This is why I said you don't have a clue on D/s and M/s relationships. These things are DISCUSSED beforehand! Hard limits! Safe words! Sub-space... All these things that are negotiated and agreed upon BEFORE your first intimate encounter. Raise this with your therapist immediately. You were violated against your will. No slave does that and no Master would do that without the agreed upon parameters... I am seriously worried about you! 1
mickleb Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 If you said "no" and he did it any way, that is RAPE. It was not consensual. This is why I said you don't have a clue on D/s and M/s relationships. These things are DISCUSSED beforehand! Hard limits! Safe words! Sub-space... All these things that are negotiated and agreed upon BEFORE your first intimate encounter. Raise this with your therapist immediately. You were violated against your will. No slave does that and no Master would do that without the agreed upon parameters... I am seriously worried about you! Yes. This. Exactly. I have been worried about the safety of various members of LS before but never so much as I am for you, right now. You need to take a break from dating for a long time. And I agree that another therapist might be a good idea. Please do raise this with your current therapist and post what she says. This will help me (and others) advise you on your next step. 1
snowflakes88 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Thanks Drseussgrrl, I will seriously take your advice about not smoking weed & hanging for a first few dates in the future.I guess the reason I thought it was okay was because, my ex & I smoked on our first date & I hung at his house on the 2nd date & had sex on the third date.(All in a matter of 3 days)We hung basically every single day right off the bat because we had such an intense chemistry. And yes...I was considering ignoring him because he was on POF all day & he specifically promised not to f*ck other girls.I know we didn't say seeing other girls but, any guy who respects me would have that basic understanding.What I didn't mention in my thread before, was that he basically forced his penis in me without a condom.I was on my period & his jeans got stained with blood.Then afterward,we went out & proudly wore the bloody pants in public.The next day I was freaking out so I asked him what his medication is for in the bathroom.He takes adderal & a high blood pressure med but I got scared cause I thought it was a herpes med.It wasn't but I'm still getting checked for stds. I knew he was not ready for a relationship.This is the same guy who told me he wants to be friends with no sex cause his ex dumped him & he's not over it.We have too much in common & I was in his stage a few moths ago.I knew no matter what,I would just be a rebound.We weren't supposed to have sex but we had an intense chemistry when we met & it just felt too amazing to not go with the flow. I'm thinking of telling him that we are probably too much alike in some aspects & I (or possibly both of us) can get emotionally murdered (more than we both already are,that is)But I just don't know if it's even worth the effort to try to tell him that. There is so much. Sooooo much. 1. Sitting around the house smoking weed and having sex does not set the stage for a healthy, committed relationship. It just doesn't. I don't understand why you're so averse to admitting that a long-term, committed relationship is what you're looking for, but it's clear that that's what you want. The kind of man who can provide you that relationship is not even going to classify a woman who proposes smoking weed and sex as "first date" activity as relationship material. You aren't even getting to know these guys before deciding you like them and want to make something work. 2. Agreeing not to have sex with other people (assuming he even intended to honor that agreement, which is doubtful) is definitely not the same as agreeing not to date other people. You tried to back your way into an exclusive relationship with him under the guise of some kinky sex arrangement, which was never going to work. Again, see #1, to the extent you are seeking a committed and exclusive relationship. And why in the world would you think this man respects you? Your behavior with him so far suggests that you have very little respect for yourself, so you set the tone. 3. You can talk to him about why things won't work until you're blue in the face and he won't care. He won't end up "emotionally murdered" when this is said and done, because he isn't emotionally invested. You, on the other hand, are. 2
Drseussgrrl Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I'm sorry but this is the most disturbing situation on LS I have ever read. You were raped, on your period, and he wore the bloody jeans around in public. Am I really reading this? And he went down on you, too? I think you need to take a long break from men. I have never heard of anyone being so humiliated and seemingly ok with it. Yes - you said NO and it was RAPE. Don't ever talk to this freak again, please? I'm worried about you, too. May I ask what part of the country you live in? 3
BetheButterfly Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 If you said "no" and he did it any way, that is RAPE. It was not consensual. This is why I said you don't have a clue on D/s and M/s relationships. These things are DISCUSSED beforehand! Hard limits! Safe words! Sub-space... All these things that are negotiated and agreed upon BEFORE your first intimate encounter. Raise this with your therapist immediately. You were violated against your will. ... I am seriously worried about you! Agreed. You need to call your therapist then and tell her. If you said no, he should not have done it. I am worried about you too. It's much more serious than I thought. Please tell your therapist and please also protect yourself ok? Men like that don't care. Please don't meet guys in private places until you know they truly care for you and don't just see you as a sexual object to be used and cast aside, please. 1
BetheButterfly Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) I'm sorry but this is the most disturbing situation on LS I have ever read. You were raped, on your period, and he wore the bloody jeans around in public. Am I really reading this? And he went down on you, too? I think you need to take a long break from men. I have never heard of anyone being so humiliated and seemingly ok with it. Yes - you said NO and it was RAPE. Don't ever talk to this freak again, please? I'm worried about you, too. May I ask what part of the country you live in? Yeah I missed that. I am getting sick. Asitis, I wish you had filed a report with the police. I'm not blaming you at all. I don't understand though how you think this is ok??? Being violated is not ok. After reading more, I think you do need another therapist too, if she is not helping you. You do need help. Men who truly love and respect women don't do this kind of thing. Edited November 7, 2012 by BetheButterfly 1
SmileFace Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 This is why this master/slave thing shouldn't be thrown around so lightly. You are under some bazaar notion that this man has your best interest in heart since you have this chemistry, which can happen with every guy. You are hooked on wanting to be wanted that you allow yourself to be treated like **** and technically raped. This is sick - you need to work on yourself asap.
GorillaTheater Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I don't believe what I just read You and me both. I'd "like" your post, but it seemed horribly inappropriate under the circumstances. 2
Author AsItIs Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Maybe I'm nuts, or maybe I'm just dead emotionally but I don't really see what's so unbelievable here.I'm not even bothered by the strangeness of it...I'm just bothered by the fact that he was so hot & could have been mine, had I played my cards better. You guys want to hear the "crazy" part?... We were talking & I told him that I saw a man dying, in front of my eyes, the week before. He was bleeding a river on to the sidewalk & I told him I felt absolutely nothing.He grabbed me & gave me the most intimate kiss immediately after saying that(that was our first kiss) Does that make me a sociopath?
GorillaTheater Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 We were talking & I told him that I saw a man dying, in front of my eyes, the week before. He was bleeding a river on to the sidewalk & I told him I felt absolutely nothing.He grabbed me & gave me the most intimate kiss immediately after saying that(that was our first kiss) Does that make me a sociopath? It's pretty chilling, though I'm not sure what it makes you. I AM beginning to wonder about "attention-seeling behavior". 1
ThaWholigan Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Maybe I'm nuts, or maybe I'm just dead emotionally but I don't really see what's so unbelievable here.I'm not even bothered by the strangeness of it...I'm just bothered by the fact that he was so hot & could have been mine, had I played my cards better. You guys want to hear the "crazy" part?... We were talking & I told him that I saw a man dying, in front of my eyes, the week before. He was bleeding a river on to the sidewalk & I told him I felt absolutely nothing.He grabbed me & gave me the most intimate kiss immediately after saying that(that was our first kiss) Does that make me a sociopath? I honestly don't know what that makes you .
Author AsItIs Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 It's pretty chilling, though I'm not sure what it makes you. I AM beginning to wonder about "attention-seeling behavior". I swear I have not fabricated anything here! I'm a little hesitsnt to tell my therapist all of this so I'm interested in annonymous input.
mickleb Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) Maybe I'm nuts, or maybe I'm just dead emotionally but I don't really see what's so unbelievable here.I'm not even bothered by the strangeness of it...I'm just bothered by the fact that he was so hot & could have been mine, had I played my cards better. You guys want to hear the "crazy" part?... We were talking & I told him that I saw a man dying, in front of my eyes, the week before. He was bleeding a river on to the sidewalk & I told him I felt absolutely nothing.He grabbed me & gave me the most intimate kiss immediately after saying that(that was our first kiss) Does that make me a sociopath? That, alone, does not make you a sociopath but your responses to what behaviour is okay, and what is not, is concerning. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. I think you have a lot to work on, so I have concerns for your psychological well-being, and I think it will take some time to resolve that. But, after you told a man you have only known for a month or two that you didn't want him to have condom-less sex, he ignored you and you are desperate to see him again, I have serious concerns for your physical well-being. You seem unaware of the danger you are in. Please call your therapist now. I would appreciate it if you could relay his (sorry, not her) response here, so I (and others) can assess whether he is safeguarding you. I know you don't think it's very important but pretty much everyone else here does. You are asking for our advice so I suspect you feel you need it. If you are not prepared to call your therapist now, I'd appreciate it if you could explain why. Thanks. Edited November 7, 2012 by mickleb 1
CarrieT Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I swear I have not fabricated anything here! I'm a little hesitsnt to tell my therapist all of this so I'm interested in annonymous input. There is something seriously, seriously wrong in your brain. More than a mere therapist should deal with; I would heartily recommend you find a qualified psychiatrist. What you are doing and feeling is not normal and not healthy. I am beyond worried for you now. I am genuinely scared. 1
Author AsItIs Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Thanks again to everyone.I really appreciate the concern & advice.I promise to talk to My therapist about this.I have an appt tomorrow so I'll keep you guys posted about what he says.This will only be My 3rd session so we have not even dove into everything yet.He told me that I can see a psychologist for a proper diagnosis at any point, if I feel I need to. But I also wanted to say that there is no reason to be afraid for me.I would not harm myself or anyone else.I'm just emotionally dead from previous traumas
mickleb Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Thanks again to everyone.I really appreciate the concern & advice.I promise to talk to My therapist about this.I have an appt tomorrow so I'll keep you guys posted about what he says.This will only be My 3rd session so we have not even dove into everything yet.He told me that I can see a psychologist for a proper diagnosis at any point, if I feel I need to. But I also wanted to say that there is no reason to be afraid for me.I would not harm myself or anyone else.I'm just emotionally dead from previous traumas It's not about harming yourself, or anyone else. It's allowing others to harm you. You have already done this. You have allowed someone to rape you. Not only that, but you still desperately desire him. If you see him again, you will be putting yourself in a very dangerous situation. A man who has manipulated you into thinking that rape is acceptable, who has punished you 'severely', and gets off on all of this, could physically harm you very seriously. If he disregarded you request for him to stop sex, why do you think he wouldn't disregard you if you ask him to stop when he's physically harming you? You are not emotionally dead. In this thread and all of your previous threads, you are clearly highly emotional. I know you are seeing your therapist tomorrow, and I'm very pleased you are but, considering what you have posted here, I think he would be pleased if you took the advice of those who are telling you to call him today. A psychologist is a good idea, also. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 You're not emotionally dead. You want something from these men that speaks of a woman deep down who wants to be loved. You're just going about it in the most unhealthy way I think I've ever heard of. I think some part of you gets off on shock value.
Author AsItIs Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 You're not emotionally dead. You want something from these men that speaks of a woman deep down who wants to be loved. You're just going about it in the most unhealthy way I think I've ever heard of. I think some part of you gets off on shock value. I think you're totally right.I get off on danger
Author AsItIs Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) It's not about harming yourself, or anyone else. It's allowing others to harm you. You have already done this. You have allowed someone to rape you. Not only that, but you still desperately desire him. If you see him again, you will be putting yourself in a very dangerous situation. A man who has manipulated you into thinking that rape is acceptable, who has punished you 'severely', and gets off on all of this, could physically harm you very seriously. If he disregarded you request for him to stop sex, why do you think he wouldn't disregard you if you ask him to stop when he's physically harming you? You are not emotionally dead. In this thread and all of your previous threads, you are clearly highly emotional. I know you are seeing your therapist tomorrow, and I'm very pleased you are but, considering what you have posted here, I think he would be pleased if you took the advice of those who are telling you to call him today. A psychologist is a good idea, also. I like to be punished severely.It's part of why I like a dominant man.I told My therapist that I'm a procrastinator & the only way I actually do things, is when someone who I respect (a very dominant & preferably narcissistic man) makes me do what I need to do.It stems from my childhood.My father was not the dominant one in the house.My mother was the boss & even though, I know he loves me, he never said the words "I love you".I believe that's the reason I'm always looking for love from these so called "dominant"men. Edit* I forgot to mention that I'm not "desperately" wanting him.I just have a tiny bit of regret about how I handled the situation because I think we had potential.But I'm not sad or emotional at all today.It's almost like I'm a robot.I'm totally having a pretty good day. Edited November 7, 2012 by AsItIs
mickleb Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) I like to be punished severely.It's part of why I like a dominant man.I told My therapist that I'm a procrastinator & the only way I actually do things, is when someone who I respect (a very dominant & preferably narcissistic man) makes me do what I need to do.It stems from my childhood.My father was not the dominant one in the house.My mother was the boss & even though, I know he loves me, he never said the words "I love you".I believe that's the reason I'm always looking for love from these so called "dominant"men. To be clear: I am not so interested in why you prefer dominant men as I am in your physical safety, right now, which is why I'd be happier if you informed your therapist ASAP what you've told us here. It will then be his responsibility to ensure you are not at risk. I am also not interested in feeding your danger fetish, in any way. So really do think you should be telling a professional about this, rather than chatting with strangers on here. If you could let us know how your therapist responds to all this, however, as I said before - I'd be very grateful. It would be good to know you are not at risk, despite the fact that you enjoy it. When I feel more reassured that you are safe, I'll be happy to discuss your underlying psychological issues with you, here. Thanks again. Edited November 7, 2012 by mickleb 2
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