AsItIs Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I recently agreed to be in a M/s relationship with this amazingly hot & dominant guy.We met off of POF.Yesterday I layed my rules down that he can "own" me but, my only rule is that he can not f*ck any other girls, which he agreed to... So today I logged onto POF & he was online.I'm not sure if he is checking to see if I'm online, or if he's looking for other girls but, I do know that without complete trust,this will not work. So next time I hear from him I'm not sure whether I should just ignore him completely, or just tell him "game over" & if I should even explain why. Do you guys think he deserves some kind of explanation, or would it be better to just leave this alone with complete dignity, by not saying anything at all?
Under The Radar Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I recently agreed to be in a M/s relationship with this amazingly hot & dominant guy.We met off of POF.Yesterday I layed my rules down that he can "own" me but, my only rule is that he can not f*ck any other girls, which he agreed to... So today I logged onto POF & he was online.I'm not sure if he is checking to see if I'm online, or if he's looking for other girls but, I do know that without complete trust,this will not work. So next time I hear from him I'm not sure whether I should just ignore him completely, or just tell him "game over" & if I should even explain why. Do you guys think he deserves some kind of explanation, or would it be better to just leave this alone with complete dignity, by not saying anything at all? This will not end well ... 4
GorillaTheater Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 It seems a little thin to me (and makes me wonder why YOU were logging onto POF), but when it comes down to it you really don't need any reason at all to break it off. But I think that the mature thing to do would be to tell him, rather than merely ignoring him. 6
CarboniteCammy Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Why did you log on to your POF account? 1
Imajerk17 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I wonder why you even bother coming on here asking for advice. If past history is any indication, it's not like you're going to actually take it or anything. I'd say you ought to bring it up with him first. For all you know, he was logged onto POF for the same reason YOU were. 2
Author AsItIs Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 I'm not gonna lie....I logged on to spy on him!
coffeebean201 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 ........ A M/s relationship won't work unless you know each other really well. Well enough to know when the other person is outside their comfort zone. Sounds like you both like each other quite a bit. Guys are very social - and he could be enjoying chatting people up on Plenty of Fish - no big deal. But the M/s dynamic has to fit with your everyday life - and maybe that is where you need more of his attention. ? 3
sweetkiwi Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 this whole situation is weird and immature. You saw what you were expecting, that he was on pof. What was he doing? You'll never know. But dumping a guy you just started dating, or sleeping with, for being on the site you met him on...... Is silly. You really expect him to only sleep with you when you're not even his lady? But you don't trust him enough not to spy.....weird. 1
GorillaTheater Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 You could always ask your Master what you should do. 6
TigerCub Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 If you don't trust him and you don't want anything to do with him anymore - that's cool, end it. But at least be mature enough to tell him that you're ending it instead of just doing the passive aggressive cowardly "ignore" game. 3
Drseussgrrl Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Clearly you wanted more from this "arrangement" than just a master. Why are you settling for so little when clearly it's not enough for you? You did not communicate to him that you don't want him dating other women - as far as he knows he can still talk to whoever he wants as long as he isn't banging them at the same time. It's clear what you've set yourself up for here - a FWB sitch until something better comes along - for either him or you. So he's still looking. 2
coffeebean201 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Those negative comments were too much. I agree that there is nothing wrong with him chatting people up on POF. The spying on him on POF is probably anxiety. You have to let that go. 1
Author AsItIs Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 We have had some really good communication thus far so, I don't have any problems with expressing my concerns.I just know he's very smart & manipulative so I'm sure he'd have no problem coming up with something brilliant to say.That's the only reason that I'm not sure it's even worth talking about. Thanks to everyone who has replied so far.Please feel free to keep the advice coming. Imajerk-You are right about me...in the end,I always go with my own decisions but I like hearing outsiders thoughts as well.
mesmerized Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Was that really nessasary? Kind of. You took a random POF guy as your master? Do you understand how ridiculous does it sound? You are 31, not a naive teenager. You are going to be used and abused by guys until you actually get a clue what it is you're doing and if it benefits you or not. 5
sweetkiwi Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 well maybe she wants to be used and abused. But next time do it within a real relationship. That way there is trust and security. Not empty promises and sneaking around. 1
Author AsItIs Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Kind of. You took a random POF guy as your master? Do you understand how ridiculous does it sound? You are 31, not a naive teenager. You are going to be used and abused by guys until you actually get a clue what it is you're doing and if it benefits you or not. It may sound random but we have an incredible connection emotionally.We are both able to read each other & he knows what I need.I have another guy waiting for me at the moment.He's handsome & a gentleman & even told me he'd wait for me but....I need a dominant man like my master.It's all that excites me.I can't wait for my therapy session on Thursday so I can talk about this.
Drseussgrrl Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 No matter how hot the sex is, this situation will continue to play on your insecurities and be riddled with doubt and anxiety on your end because you're not being true to yourself and what it is you're really trying to accomplish with dating. You need to sit down and get honest with yourself about that first, and how you're going to go about achieving that. "Hanging out" with these guys on the first few dates and hooking up is not going to get you there. 3
Under The Radar Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 We have had some really good communication thus far so, I don't have any problems with expressing my concerns.I just know he's very smart & manipulative so I'm sure he'd have no problem coming up with something brilliant to say.That's the only reason that I'm not sure it's even worth talking about. Thanks to everyone who has replied so far.Please feel free to keep the advice coming. Imajerk-You are right about me...in the end,I always go with my own decisions but I like hearing outsiders thoughts as well. Why would you want to have sex with someone you KNOW is manipulative? You have stated you are still healing from your breakup 7 months ago. Then, you were upset when the last guy on POF used you for sex and then fell off the grid. You don't see the destructive pattern here? I'm not trying to mean - please help me understand your thought process. 1
dasein Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I'm not gonna lie....I logged on to spy on him! Is it possible he was doing the same? Is it possible to hide both your POF accounts? If so try that before jumping to conclusions. 1
CarrieT Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 When you told me in another thread that you were getting collared, I knew it was a mistake. I am in a M/s relationship and wearing a Master's collar is not an action to be taken lightly. You agreed to be collared after one date??? No, no, no... You really should STOP even trying to date for a while. There is a whole level of being in a M/s relationship to which you seem to be clueless. Have you discussed hard limits or a safe word? As a slave, what is expected of you? As a Master (other than monogamy), what is expected of him? As a proper slave, it is not your responsibility to police him. But if it were a true M/s relationship, you wouldn't have to. Sounds like you are just playing at it, but don't really understand what you are doing. 4
mesmerized Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 well maybe she wants to be used and abused. But next time do it within a real relationship. That way there is trust and security. Not empty promises and sneaking around. Read her other threads. She doesnt know what she wants. She just goes with what feels right at any moment. Needless to say, she is wrong.
Drseussgrrl Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 And I'll also say this. I think you need a new therapist. He told you that it's ok to rely on these men for happiness. Do you realize how unhealthy that is? 1
Imajerk17 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 And I'll also say this. I think you need a new therapist. He told you that it's ok to rely on these men for happiness. Do you realize how unhealthy that is? AsItIs doesn't just need a new therapist, she needs a TEAM. 1
Author AsItIs Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Why would you want to have sex with someone you KNOW is manipulative? You have stated you are still healing from your breakup 7 months ago. Then, you were upset when the last guy on POF used you for sex and then fell off the grid. You don't see the destructive pattern here? I'm not trying to mean - please help me understand your thought process. I know I'm gonna get thrown under the bus here but, I'm manipulative as well.I feel like the more of a challenge it is,the more it's exciting & worth my efforts.We are both self proclaimed narcisissists & we both are healing from our breakup.I like dominant men telling me what to do.My father is very submissive to my mother & I think I am missing out on an alpha male "loving" me & guiding me.
dasein Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 As a proper slave, it is not your responsibility to police him. But if it were a true M/s relationship, you wouldn't have to. Sounds like you are just playing at it, but don't really understand what you are doing. I don't understand where the line is in these types of Rs, and admittedly have no experience with them, but have gotten so many vibes off certain women in the past that I have wondered if it is a common arrangement. Wouldn't the master, once designated, be able to do anything with anyone they want? Wouldn't that be a reinforcement of the servility aspect? Or is that generally over the line in such arrangements or subject to negotiation? What would meaningful negotiation look like between a master and slave, would that take place pre collaring? Couldn't the master then say once the collar on, "all bets are off?" and wouldn't that play into rather than against the arrangement? Honestly confused about how these things pan out and work in practice. I can tell for sure such an arrangement with an attorney could become instantly problematic. 1
Recommended Posts