Texting Female Co-Worker

[drainedfemale]

Hello! So my live in boyfriend who has a history of cheating I think may be at it again. Because of his cheating I've developed a tendency to check our cell phone records and his phone because I don't trust.

 

Well just recently I saw a text from his former boss/partner saying "how come you never want to hang out? I can stop asking". When I asked him he said because they are always inviting him to happy hour and he never goes. Ok, that sounded sort of legit. It made me "aware" though and I've been checking alot lately.

 

Well sweetest day weekend her and him had texted a ton on Friday night and through the weekend. He said it was just friendly banter. Friendly banter that he deleted from his phone because all were deleted. I told him that it made me uncomfortable and hurt my feelings and given our history of his cheating I need for it to stop. He said that it would. He promsied. AFTER telling me that he's just going to get his own phone so I can't check anymore. How crazy is that? Anyway, I let it go for a day or two.

 

On Friday I went out of town until Saturday afternoon. I found it odd that he had no plans with friends as he's a party boy. His car recently got repo'd and he said the only thing he had going on was riding home with his best friend and then he didn't know. Well that morning when I was packing he started packing a bag. When I asked him what it was for he said in case he spent the night at his friends house. Found that odd. When he got in the shower I checked his phone and he texted his friend the day before in the morning and asked if he could crash at his friends house. His friend said of course. Well when he got out of the shower I jokingly asked if his friend knew they were having a pajama party. He said "no". I found that odd. If he had it planned the day before why lie about it, right?

 

Well that day he was available all day via text and a few phone convos with the exception of 7:00 PM-2:45 AM where he sort of disappeared with the exception of a few texts and one call that I missed at 9:00 PM.

 

He did stay at his friends because I heard them the next morning and he did call me at 2:45 am and he was there.

 

Anyway, when I got home on Saturday I asked him if he had heard from that woman and he said "nope". Well yesterday I checked his phone and there were not texts on his actual phone. That wasn't good enough for me. I still had a FEELING that he was lying. So I checked the actual cell records and they DID TEXT! From Friday 2:00 PM - 7:00 PM (when he disappeared) and then from 11:00 AM-4:00 PM on Saturday before I got home. Guess what??! ALL texts were deleted from his phone. Remember I checked yesterday!

 

So I confronted him yesterday. I asked him flat out if she met him at the bar and he said no. I said you promised me that it would stop and you did it anyway! He said "oh you checked my phone too? That's real cool" and HUNG UP ON ME!

 

Why would he do that if he was in the wrong?! Why couldn't he just explain and reassure? I get that I shouldn't be snooping but at the same token I'm only snooping in reaction to my gut feeling and his lies. So this happened yesterday morning and it's now 9:30 AM the next day and he hasn't come home. He hasn't responded to my calls or texts. Why am I being punished for his sneaky behavior? I'm sitting at home questioning myself as if I've done somethign wrong. Like what if I would have not checked, etc.? Things would be fine? I know this is wrong thinking but I can't help it. I feel like a crazy woman. By the way he's called me psycho and crazy and nosey, etc. when I've confronted him about things before. So yes, I'm crazy because he's got me to this point.

 

I'm just confused. I need to hear that I'm not in the wrong. This woman isn't even his type. So opposite of what me, his ex wife and ex's are. Very very different. Not even attractive. At all and I'm not just saying that because I'm jealous. The last girl he cheated with was very pretty although I hate to say it. This one is not.

 

So what is going on? Why am I at home hysterical feeling like I l'm a crazy "checker". Again, why am I being punished for his poor behavior? Am in the wrong at all?

 

I really need to hear from some of you. That I'm not crazy. That this behavior is unacceptable.

 

I don't even know how to approach...do I tell him to pack and leave? Do I continue calling and texting him? What do I do? Please help.

 

Thanks in advance!!!!!

 

P.S. She work two hours away, from time to time here locally.

 

P.S.S. I did text him a while ago and said tht I'm working from home today. That if he needs to come here for anything to please let me know in advance. NO RESPONSE. He's NEVER disappeared like this. When he got caught cheating last time he was so remorseful. Called and texted like crazy. Now this and he disappears? What's the change in his demeanor?

 

I'm hysterical over here. I really can't handle this.

[aisle_seat]

I'm sorry to read about your situation...I cannot blame you for being hysterical. It's extremely unsettling to worry about an SO cheating, and that is multiplied many times by having evidence that he may be combined with a history of it.

 

If you are tired of snooping, tired of feeling like you are not his first priority, tired of being sad and upset with worry and resentment, I think you know what you need to do. If he is not willing to talk about how he feels I'm not sure what you can do to save the relationship. Sure, he's fake-mad at you for snooping his phone, but if he has a history of cheating I'm not sure what else he expects.

 

He does not sound as though he's loving you as you deserve. I'd go no contact and stay away from him. He sounds toxic.

[veggirl]

Well if he cheated on you in the past and you forgave him then he is likely to do it again, because he knows he can get away with it.

 

You already know he is a liar.

 

And now he is turning it around on you by calling you crazy, and you are falling for it! As if it is YOUR fault he is hiding things from you! Get that thought out of your head--it is his fault he is hiding things, not yours! Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing, remember that.

[karnak]

Why the hell are you dating a cheater?

 

Are you crazy or do you have issues?