Push_Through_It Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 After stupidly replying to my ex after we had gone 60 days NC, Im right back to square one. Basically I'm looking for something more serious (exclusivity) than she is ready to commit to. After we talked about this and decided that it wasnt fair to either of us to force it and that we'll both remain single, I have now reached 7 days NC! The problem is that the mornings are always so difficult. Last night I awoke 3 different times in the night because I realized I was dreaming about her and wanted to reset my mind and start a new dream....all it did was change the location or direction of the dream but the theme was always her!! I have dreamed about her consistently since we broke NC and it makes it tough to start my day. Anyone else feel like the mornings are the roughest part? Any tips on how to cope?
Sav Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I have no tips on how to cope but fake it till you make it. I used to hate waking up too because all it ever reminded me was how ****ty my life was...or so i thought. Now I wake up just like any other day without much thought but throughout the day I still think of her which means I'm not totally healed but the mornings will get better, you just have to believe in that
puzzled1 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Mornings are killer for me!!! Every morning I seem to wake up at 530-6am and cannot get her out of my head. Keep thinking what she is doing and how her life is now. Reminding myself on how we used to be. I stay up for like an hour, then I go back to sleep and wake up around 830-9. If I am already up doing stuff, I try to distract myself from thinking about her. Sheit sucks, but like ^^ said. Fake it till you make it
ForeverlovingRami Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Depends if ure in the "I'll get her back state" or if ure really trying to move on? I'm feelin desperate every god damn time I wake up... Yesterday morning I woke up from a dream with her, and I woke up crying and kept crying untill I realised what was really goin on. It's scary how it sometimes really takes over you and time freezes.. The one thing I do to get it all out there, the rage, the anxiousy and the bad feelings. Is to train like a ****ing monster, becoming more and more ripped than ever before. Don't know bout u but that's a really good feeling!
puzzled1 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Yupp, I am to a point where I cant even cry anymore. Been working out, shooting guns, partying, hanging out with friends, racing bikes/cars, going to school, planning on going to vegas also and enjoying life. What sucks is that I don't even want to do most of that, I've been there done that. Now I am just trying to get my life together and want to settle down. Thats not happening though, so I have to distract myself and keep busy while still having fun.
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Mornings are very difficult for me these days, as are evenings...it all kind of revolves around bed time. Falling asleep is only possible with some extra help, I use natural remedies to help me sleep...but waking up, feeling so alone and abandoned, the tears just pour out. I'm just glad I have my dog with me! He loves to cuddle up, so at least I have a little pug to hug and that helps. It also forces me out of bed because he needs to go out for a walk. Once I'm out of bed, I feel more strength as I distract myself. 1
puzzled1 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I stay so busy during the day that falling asleep isn't something that I want to do, Its something I cannot stop from doing. Ill realize i've passed out with all the lights on in my room while watching TV. But I will toss and turn like crazy and keep having these thought haunt me in my dreams. It sucks!
LostOne1 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Evenings are easier for me, because I am so dead tired I just pass out. Mornings are the WORST. because I don't have to rush for work. I have classes later in the day. So I wake up to a rainy, dark morning. Then feel the pain and loneliness and just knowing normally I'd have texted my ex to tell her I missed her or loved her. And now it's mornings to not using my phone and I started watching tv or movies on in the morning and resting. Yeah it hurts still slightly in the mornings, but it depends on my mood. So far it's been getting better over time. But mornings are the toughest part and I find myself less productive because of feeling down at times. You just feel pain like you lost something or something hurts... or your empty inside.
Sokar23 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 In the morning I wake up after the dreams about her ans I feel like crap, when um out of bed I'm fine for the most part then in the evening I get in bed start drinking then think about her again. Then I get angry that all I ever wanted was to cuddle her till I fell asleep, all she wanted to do was text and Facebook till she got tired. At night I seriously could transform into the hulk with my anger 1
Author Push_Through_It Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 glad to know I'm not the only one. I'm still at a point where I think every text message or phone call is going to be her and so when I wake up there is this anxiety in me as I check my phone followed quickly by disappointment and a slap back into reality. On a side note: She just texted me about 30 minutes ago saying "Hi! How's the first week on the new job? Do you want to get together and talk sometime?" ....No idea what shes looking to talk about but if it's not about getting back together then whats the point, right? Should I respond and see what she wants or is that just playing right into her hands? 1
kandygurl22 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 hey.. it's not really a tip on how to cope but you're not alone... i feel like absolute sh** in the mornings, better as the day goes on, fine at night, and awful again as soon as i crawl into bed. it's so bad in the morning, i feel like all the progress i made rationalizing everything during the previous day gets reset and all i can do is miss him and wish he would hold me and make it all better. i fricken cry every morning on the train to work and torture myself with sad music. it's really bad. but i let myself do it, cause i know it will pass, i would rather let these emotions out now and not hold them in because one day i'm going to wake up and not feel it anymore. stay strong xx
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) I find trying to sleep was the worst, right after the BU i'd wake up sometimes 6-7 times a night, it was hell. This weekend was bad again to all I could think of was her having sex with some guy. Oh did that ever hurt. Mornings aren't as bad, no rush for anything so just lay in bed and watch tv. It's been long enough rarely do I still think "oh she's going to contact me" that's pretty much completely gone. But it's been long enough most days going to sleep and waking up is quite normal. She is still always on my mind, but I don't have nearly the same feelings attached to it anymore. Edited November 7, 2012 by suladas 1
Author Push_Through_It Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Suladas - I found myself having that same problem (wondering if is she was with some guy last night or if she is dating someone else) and found some good advice on here that got me over it. Cant find the thread but basically you need to tell yourself "YES" for everything. YES she is seeing someone and he was in her bed last night YES he is more attractive than you YES she is doing all of the things that she wouldnt do with you YES... YES... YES... And once you turn that switch on you really dont care anymore about what she is doing (or to whom) and you start focusing on yourself. Dont know that it'll work for everyone but it sure helped me get out of that mindset.
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Suladas - I found myself having that same problem (wondering if is she was with some guy last night or if she is dating someone else) and found some good advice on here that got me over it. Cant find the thread but basically you need to tell yourself "YES" for everything. YES she is seeing someone and he was in her bed last night YES he is more attractive than you YES she is doing all of the things that she wouldnt do with you YES... YES... YES... And once you turn that switch on you really dont care anymore about what she is doing (or to whom) and you start focusing on yourself. Dont know that it'll work for everyone but it sure helped me get out of that mindset. I wasn't guessing, I knew it because she lives next door and I seen him and am 99% sure they are dating, and I know he spent the night because I seen them again the next day. So when I heard them come home on that night, I pretty much knew right then they were having sex, and I couldn't sleep for hours, knowing it was happening not 30 feet from me. It was the hardest night i've ever had trying to sleep, I was really tired to and almost fell asleep hours before watching tv..... But no he is not more attractive
Author Push_Through_It Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 I wasn't guessing, I knew it because she lives next door and I seen him and am 99% sure they are dating, and I know he spent the night because I seen them again the next day. So when I heard them come home on that night, I pretty much knew right then they were having sex, and I couldn't sleep for hours, knowing it was happening not 30 feet from me. It was the hardest night i've ever had trying to sleep, I was really tired to and almost fell asleep hours before watching tv..... But no he is not more attractive OUCH! Very rough man, my deepest apologies.
sarah_valentine Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Yeah sorry suladas... that's tough. Just know that this is one of those horrible times in life that eventually you will look back on and see it as a really horrible time... but things will otherwise get better for you. It's difficult to do worse than that, so if you can persevere through this then it is just a testament to your strong character. Don't fall to it. And on the topic, I hate mornings too. I hate looking at my phone to see if he's messaged... it's been over five weeks no contact, and for awhile I stopped checking, and now I'm back to it. It's like I wake up and go no... still mean nothing to him.
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 OUCH! Very rough man, my deepest apologies. Yeah sorry suladas... that's tough. Just know that this is one of those horrible times in life that eventually you will look back on and see it as a really horrible time... but things will otherwise get better for you. It's difficult to do worse than that, so if you can persevere through this then it is just a testament to your strong character. Don't fall to it. And on the topic, I hate mornings too. I hate looking at my phone to see if he's messaged... it's been over five weeks no contact, and for awhile I stopped checking, and now I'm back to it. It's like I wake up and go no... still mean nothing to him. Thanks, it was incredibly tough. I would of took 10 kicks to the balls over that pain any day! Seeing them earlier that day hurt me a lot, but nothing compared to the night, and then the next day confirming that he did sleep over. I was really angry when I seen them, but just didn't do anything, because nothing good would of came from it. I am glad there is nothing else that can bug me or be worse, seeing them kissing or holding hands I doubt would even phase me. The way I see it, this was my first BU, first girl having sex with to. Any BU after this will be a f**king cakewalk after the hell i've been through with this BU. It was hard for the first few days, today was a lot better though. I kept picturing them having sex, couldn't get it out of my head and everytime I did it made me cry. Even sunday night I went to watch some porn and I just started crying, never happened to me before, it was awful. The messed up part though? Before I seen that, I accepted we'd never get back together and I felt ok with that, even though I still hoped one day she'd contact me, despite knowing it would likely happen. After seeing them, it makes me want her back so much worse. I'm not sure why, it does change some things, but it's really weird how it changes how I feel so much.
sarah_valentine Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Thanks, it was incredibly tough. I would of took 10 kicks to the balls over that pain any day! Seeing them earlier that day hurt me a lot, but nothing compared to the night, and then the next day confirming that he did sleep over. I was really angry when I seen them, but just didn't do anything, because nothing good would of came from it. I am glad there is nothing else that can bug me or be worse, seeing them kissing or holding hands I doubt would even phase me. The way I see it, this was my first BU, first girl having sex with to. Any BU after this will be a f**king cakewalk after the hell i've been through with this BU. It was hard for the first few days, today was a lot better though. I kept picturing them having sex, couldn't get it out of my head and everytime I did it made me cry. Even sunday night I went to watch some porn and I just started crying, never happened to me before, it was awful. The messed up part though? Before I seen that, I accepted we'd never get back together and I felt ok with that, even though I still hoped one day she'd contact me, despite knowing it would likely happen. After seeing them, it makes me want her back so much worse. I'm not sure why, it does change some things, but it's really weird how it changes how I feel so much. Ah good, you're thinking along the right track! As in that no break up will be worse, you've basically lost your first love combined with the first person you've slept with... that is seriously tough. My advantage was that my first love was before the first person I slept with, so at least my world is not crashing down as much, but the feelings with that first love... I can't even imagine having everything happen with the one person, living next door etc... you really do have it tough so don't be hard on yourself. Just make sure you live up to your own ideals... this might not apply to you, but I think after witnessing something like that, a lot of people might be tempted to go "get back" and find someone else to sleep with... just be aware that whatever actions you have now affects the person you're with next, who will be more deserving of you. Ie. don't do anything uncharacteristic of you. I worry so much that my ex is out sleeping with people... I've tried to resign myself to the fact that he probably has, but it just kills. I haven't and I won't because it's not me, so I know how much it sucks to have the other person doing that (way worse for you though since mine is just assumed). I don't know... keep on keeping on. It does get better eventually, and the day will come where you think of her or hear her name and it's sort of like 'meh'. I am personally just holding out for that, and you can see on this board that there are so many people feeling bad, so you're not the only one who has been screwed over. And in fact, I think I'm about to post my own thread...
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Ah good, you're thinking along the right track! As in that no break up will be worse, you've basically lost your first love combined with the first person you've slept with... that is seriously tough. My advantage was that my first love was before the first person I slept with, so at least my world is not crashing down as much, but the feelings with that first love... I can't even imagine having everything happen with the one person, living next door etc... you really do have it tough so don't be hard on yourself. Just make sure you live up to your own ideals... this might not apply to you, but I think after witnessing something like that, a lot of people might be tempted to go "get back" and find someone else to sleep with... just be aware that whatever actions you have now affects the person you're with next, who will be more deserving of you. Ie. don't do anything uncharacteristic of you. I worry so much that my ex is out sleeping with people... I've tried to resign myself to the fact that he probably has, but it just kills. I haven't and I won't because it's not me, so I know how much it sucks to have the other person doing that (way worse for you though since mine is just assumed). I don't know... keep on keeping on. It does get better eventually, and the day will come where you think of her or hear her name and it's sort of like 'meh'. I am personally just holding out for that, and you can see on this board that there are so many people feeling bad, so you're not the only one who has been screwed over. And in fact, I think I'm about to post my own thread... Yea I guess that's what I look at the bright side of all this, it is preparing me well. The weird thing is I had zero desire to just go try and sleep with someone else for revenge or anything, I don't want casual sex I want a relationship, although since the BU I have been really curious to try it. Ya this forum has been good for sure. Ya i'm not being hard on myself, it's been almost 4 months and everything says I should be over it, but whatever. Up until this setback I was really close, and in no time I will be there.
sarah_valentine Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Yeah I dunno, I wouldn't try it... there's really nothing good in it. It's like porn - surely you have watched enough to know it's all just the action... for awhile I thought we were all just animals but really sex does bring emotions. Maybe not so much for a guy, I don't know - I just think if you're not the sort of guy that does that then don't go do it to make yourself feel better or try it out. Just because I (as a lady) would love to meet more guys out there that actually value it. My ex had done that, and we went out clubbing one night and all I could think about is 'was this where he met one of them? and just like... walked up to her and they went home together?' it sucked and I really struggled with it. I wish I could change the whole Western world in that way, but that is a bit ambitious. On that note, there is no time frame for getting over it - really how are you expected to just get over it when she is living next door? That's really confronting. My first break up was in many respects worse than this current one, just way more intense and I couldn't believe it was all lies... it took maybe 6 months to disengage from the situation, and then after the final break up, another 4 or so... I avoided him for awhile and when I saw him even after that I almost had a panic attack, just freaked out. That was a few years ago and I saw him recently again and the same thing happened, even though I have absolutely no left over feelings for him. So even when you're over it you're not really "over it" in some ways... something usually remains. Can you go travelling? That's usually pretty good for moving on. Moving might be impossible, but getting away for awhile could be good for putting you in a new head space.
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Yeah I dunno, I wouldn't try it... there's really nothing good in it. It's like porn - surely you have watched enough to know it's all just the action... for awhile I thought we were all just animals but really sex does bring emotions. Maybe not so much for a guy, I don't know - I just think if you're not the sort of guy that does that then don't go do it to make yourself feel better or try it out. Just because I (as a lady) would love to meet more guys out there that actually value it. My ex had done that, and we went out clubbing one night and all I could think about is 'was this where he met one of them? and just like... walked up to her and they went home together?' it sucked and I really struggled with it. I wish I could change the whole Western world in that way, but that is a bit ambitious. On that note, there is no time frame for getting over it - really how are you expected to just get over it when she is living next door? That's really confronting. My first break up was in many respects worse than this current one, just way more intense and I couldn't believe it was all lies... it took maybe 6 months to disengage from the situation, and then after the final break up, another 4 or so... I avoided him for awhile and when I saw him even after that I almost had a panic attack, just freaked out. That was a few years ago and I saw him recently again and the same thing happened, even though I have absolutely no left over feelings for him. So even when you're over it you're not really "over it" in some ways... something usually remains. Can you go travelling? That's usually pretty good for moving on. Moving might be impossible, but getting away for awhile could be good for putting you in a new head space. Well my excuse for never trying it before was I wanted to be in a relationship and care for the person I lost it to, because I would remember them forever. I'd take a relationship over casual sex anyday. Ya I remember the first few weeks, i'd go to work and be somewhat ok then i'd come home and it felt like getting punched in the stomach, I knew it was coming and I couldn't do anything about it. Then 2 weeks after, my shoulder that was bothering for a long time got unbearable and i've been off work since. Most days being at home all day long, it wasn't easy. I was thinking of a vacation, but being off work I barely get paid enough to make ends meet, nevermind going anywhere. Plus at the end of sept she was gone for a week to a wedding/vacation that we were suppose to go on together, and that time she was gone didn't help me out bit. So I don't know if time away would help that much, i've found I just have to deal with it head on. Ya I really don't know if i'm over it. I went on a date about a month ago, was excited for it, but after when I wasn't into her I missed my ex even more. The thing that hurts is you hear women saying how guys don't want to commit, like causal sex all this stuff, and I just feel like screaming I don't want any of it and haven't been able to find someone.
ForeverlovingRami Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 The thing that hurts is you hear women saying how guys don't want to commit, like causal sex all this stuff, and I just feel like screaming I don't want any of it and haven't been able to find someone. I feel exactly the same, I've done alot of casual sex but after the brake up I just want that chemistry back, I really don't want some random girl or a F buddy... I'm in the age where I wanna settle down.. Sadly my ex is abit younger and shes a dancing freak who loves partying (think it's abit of her escape)... But now shes with someone else and the method I use to get rid of thoose stupid thoughts is to think "is this even worth thinkin or feeling for?" And answer with a "yes" or "no".. And repeat it 5 times, usually it goes away. It's like reprogramming ureself couse u know she will give herself just as much as she gave herself to you!
puzzled1 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I woke up at 5am today because I could not get her off my mind. I kept trying to focus on other stuff but she kept popping up. I hate the mornings
suladas Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 This morning sucks. Had to get up early for work to do something quick, but it was cancelled so came back home. Eating breakfast seen her come home, it hurts so bad she's so close. It would be so easy to just go and knock on her door, but I pretty much know she would ignore it anyways. It's far from the first time but the days she's home during the week hurt like hell since i'm home most of the day It use to be easier before I knew she was seeing someone new because I figured and had clues she was struggling to, but obviously not if she's seeing someone new
LostOne1 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 tough morning for me too.. slept in because I felt so tired.. this week I feel like I have no energy anymore. I felt guilty in some ways.. and just knowing she's never going to want to be with me again... and we will never be together. Today it kinda feels worse. I wonder if her being angry and hating me make it easier for her to move on from me. A crappy morning and I'm sure as the day goes on it will get better. Funny part is time is going by so fast... it's been 3 months almost now. But for some reason time seems to be going faster this month. Maybe I am over most of the pain I felt before. At least now it is more bearable. Before it 2 months ago it felt like suffering... now I guess I feel a bit better or strong enough to know I can survive this, even if those mornings come by where it hurts to remember or know it's all over. The biggest change for me is learning from this and only knowing I can't redo it with the same person. All I can do is look at someone new and have to start over those 3 yrs again....
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