Lou21 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Been dating a guy for 4 months, he went off into the Military over a month ago. this were perfect 3 weeks into training but then he become distant, slacking off with the phonecalls, hardly no texts. His distanted himself and its breaking my heart, ive put up a fight and i told myself its me, But as the days go on and the less i hear from him the more it hurts! he means the world to me!
sarah_valentine Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I was in a similar situation and broke it off. He hasn't contacted me in over a month and as time goes on I expect him to less and less... shows how interested he really was. Unfortunately you really have no choice but to break it off, you can be the only one looking out for you. If anything, I would say do it with minimal fuss... I told him how his actions made me feel, which was necessary in my case, but if it isn't necessary in yours I would probably keep your pride and just say 'Hey sorry this isn't working for me.' Don't know why... I just would.
terlislee Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Hi Lou, something similar happened to me and I would say the only thing you can do now is to give him space. I was blaming myself as well, thinking I didn't show him enough affection and then would get frustrated when he didn't respond accordingly and kept acting cold-ish towards me, which would bring more blame and more reaching out and eventually it pushed him away for good. I would wait a week or two, let him miss you and either he will start wondering and come back or not, then I would break up. Sometimes that's the wake up call they need, but often guys especially if they're young just check out of the relationship and hope for it to fade out somehow without actually having to man up and do the breaking up. Sad but true. He is probably busy getting accustomed to his new life and doesn't neccessarily need you that much right now, sometimes it takes more than a couple of weeks, but you know him best so just go with your gut feeling. If he stays distant there's no point in waiting imo, especially since you haven't been together for that long. 1
VeveCakes Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 ^^^ yep. Minimal contact, leaving on a days notice. It takes a certain kind of woman.
Author Lou21 Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 If basic training in the UK is anything like the US, you're being extremely unrealistic about him contacting you. He's got a lot more on his plate than you realize. Then again, if three weeks is all that is needed for you to start thinking about bailing, you probably should pull the plug. You're not cut out for military life. You don't have what it takes to be with a soldier. Can you imagine how you'll deal with a six-month or year long deployment? For your information i was with a gut who was in the army for 4 years! we was together 6 months before he went into trainning we was VERY strong! i know exactly how the military work both of my brothers have been and served and been injured in afghanistan! So i know exaxtly what training is like and the time they have to themselves! If you had read my other post you would see my situation NOW the reason im thinking of breaking it off with him!
Author Lou21 Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Hi Lou, something similar happened to me and I would say the only thing you can do now is to give him space. I was blaming myself as well, thinking I didn't show him enough affection and then would get frustrated when he didn't respond accordingly and kept acting cold-ish towards me, which would bring more blame and more reaching out and eventually it pushed him away for good. I would wait a week or two, let him miss you and either he will start wondering and come back or not, then I would break up. Sometimes that's the wake up call they need, but often guys especially if they're young just check out of the relationship and hope for it to fade out somehow without actually having to man up and do the breaking up. Sad but true. He is probably busy getting accustomed to his new life and doesn't neccessarily need you that much right now, sometimes it takes more than a couple of weeks, but you know him best so just go with your gut feeling. If he stays distant there's no point in waiting imo, especially since you haven't been together for that long. Its just the silly things, His got time to tweet, and be active on facebook revery 5 -10 mins of an evening but it would be hours before he decided to text me back. So its enough to drive anyone mad
terlislee Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Its just the silly things, His got time to tweet, and be active on facebook revery 5 -10 mins of an evening but it would be hours before he decided to text me back. So its enough to drive anyone mad I know that all too well, facebooking but ignoring my messages there, waiting hours or days for a text reply, stupid excuses etc. It's incredibly frustrating realizing you're not a priority anymore. If you keep trying it will only get messy, so I would break up with him, at least that way you will keep some of your power and dignity. Yes you will be heartbroken and angry and wanting him back, but it's still way better than dragging it out and eventually get dumped anyway. Believe me if he wants to be with you he will fight for you, if he doesn't care which I think is the case he will let you go. You know you deserve better than this xxx 1
Author Lou21 Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 I know that all too well, facebooking but ignoring my messages there, waiting hours or days for a text reply, stupid excuses etc. It's incredibly frustrating realizing you're not a priority anymore. If you keep trying it will only get messy, so I would break up with him, at least that way you will keep some of your power and dignity. Yes you will be heartbroken and angry and wanting him back, but it's still way better than dragging it out and eventually get dumped anyway. Believe me if he wants to be with you he will fight for you, if he doesn't care which I think is the case he will let you go. You know you deserve better than this xxx Its like banging your head against a brick wall huh? Well i laid off it and his texted me this evening asking how i am and said about meeting up sunday before he goes back to camp BUT it wouldnt be for too long because of stuff. :S opportunity to talk to him? xx
sarah_valentine Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I doubt it... he prefaced it with how it won't be too long a meet up. To me that doesn't sound like "I miss you so much!!!" I also had that facebook stuff happen, so petty and yet it hurts like hell. And yeah the hours between texts etc.... my guy hasn't fought for me and I'm still trying to accept it. As I read your stuff it makes me feel a bit stupid because really he couldn't have been more clear (particularly the acceptance at the end by him that we were done). Personally I think when you meet up you should say hey this isn't working for me... maybe give him a final chance, but I imagine he'll probably say 'this isn't working for me either.' I never get why guys do this, I doubt you did anything "wrong." 1
Author Lou21 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 I doubt it... he prefaced it with how it won't be too long a meet up. To me that doesn't sound like "I miss you so much!!!" I also had that facebook stuff happen, so petty and yet it hurts like hell. And yeah the hours between texts etc.... my guy hasn't fought for me and I'm still trying to accept it. As I read your stuff it makes me feel a bit stupid because really he couldn't have been more clear (particularly the acceptance at the end by him that we were done). Personally I think when you meet up you should say hey this isn't working for me... maybe give him a final chance, but I imagine he'll probably say 'this isn't working for me either.' I never get why guys do this, I doubt you did anything "wrong." It's just so strange how it come on all of a sudden. It really is, its so hard to explain how well we really got along before he went away and even when he was away for the firsr 3 weeks! i dont think i done anything wrong ive reamined consistant. sent him letters pressies etc. i never banged on how much i truely missed him because i didnt want him to think i couldnt cope without him! so id just say something silly to replace the ' i miss you so much ' and he would reply with the same kind of thing and tell me how much he wants to spoon! but nothing like that now. i was going to tell him not to bother meetin up sunday if it isnt for too long but i think now im going to take that oppitunity and speak with him. Maybe if we spend time together it will remind him what we had. but who knows!
terlislee Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 It does happen suddenly, mine went from I'll miss you so much and Skype with you every day to almost no contact in about two weeks. Meet him on Sunday and see if the feelings, chemistry and affecion from his side are still there, you will sense if he's not interested anymore. And no you haven't done anything wrong, so don't blame yourself. 1
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