kamani Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Both being happily married, when the platonic friendship was crossing the line towards romantic love, my co-worker decided to get a transfer. After 4 months, he could succeed with the transfer, with ever strengthening emotional bond. Among many other things, I regret for telling him, I’m so happy that I never uttered the following ‘heart yelled’ words. 1. ‘PLEASE DON’T GO!’ 2. ‘I LOVE YOU’ 3. ‘STAY IN TOUCH’
Just a Guy Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Lady just hold your horses. Do not get involved with someone who is not your husband. It is good that your co-worker had the sense to get a transfer so that he is not in contact with you on a day to day basis. It seems he had the right sentiments with regard to the relationship developing between the two of you. If you read the stories posted on this forum you will realize the amount of pain and suffering that you would inflict on your husband and also on your self if you were to go ahead with having an affair with your co-worker. 2
underwater2010 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Both being happily married, when the platonic friendship was crossing the line towards romantic love, my co-worker decided to get a transfer. After 4 months, he could succeed with the transfer, with ever strengthening emotional bond. Among many other things, I regret for telling him, I’m so happy that I never uttered the following ‘heart yelled’ words. 1. ‘PLEASE DON’T GO!’ 2. ‘I LOVE YOU’ 3. ‘STAY IN TOUCH’ It crossed the line when you had thoughts beyond he is a nice guy. 1. ‘PLEASE DON’T GO!’ 2. ‘I LOVE YOU’ 3. ‘STAY IN TOUCH’ Just the fact that you thought these statements, means it is beyond platonic. 1
mercy Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 my co-worker decided to get a transfer. Wise man he is. Now allow him to continue to do the right thing. 1
GLDheart Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 The entire Orginal Post screams to me that you would justify anything for the sake of star crossed romantics. All I can say is that the fairy tale spinning around in your head is FAR from the true reality that HE is probably desperately trying to transfer away from. 1
Author kamani Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 "Lady just hold your horses. Do not get involved with someone who is not your husband." Your post almost made me cry. Oh God, please don't blame me like that, I've never thought of being in any inappropriate relationship! I did my best not to let my feelings out and avoided looking at him even, when I passed his cubicle. There was no flirting and 90% of the talk was work related. Other 5% was about his studies (never mine) and the remaining 5% was about our kids in the same age. I think my original post suggests there was romantic talk involved. NEVER. What I regret now is the 5% talk about his studies! It was him who wanted me to ask about his studies and I sypathasized on him and continued asking. Please beleive me, it was me who first suggested him the transfer and he wisely decided to pursue it. I was hurt enough from the entire process, though nothing happened. There was no going back to the 'friends' status. I lost his company. I was shocked with disbelief, it happened to me after marriage. I felt I volunteered to 'feed somenone's ego'. Out of the pain I wrote to this forum, to ease my heart. I'm sorry that I was blamed instead. I agree, with 'GLDheart' this may be a fairytale in my head. Fairytale or not, it is all over now. I have bid him GOOD BYE. I don't have his contact numbers or email address. I was never interested in having them either. Now I hardly talk to any of my male co-workers, other than for strictly official matters. I'm so hurt and made a mistake, because I'm human.
Just a Guy Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Lady my post was not meant to put any blame on you. You had not done anything wrong, at least outwardly, for anyone to blame you. What you felt within your heart but did not express remained there so really speaking no harm was done. However the very fact that you have spelled out clearly that you did not want him to go, that you loved him and that you wanted him to stay in touch albeit all that was in your mind and never spoken out aloud, is enough to indicate that you had got emotionally involved with him. On the one hand you say that both of you were happily married with children. On the other hand you let a workplace contact go from professional to personal and finally to emotional. You should dig deep and try and find out what made you almost do something which would have shattered your happy marriage. You should ask yourself whether your marriage is actually happy or is something lacking and try and fix that. It is good that both of you have stepped away and returned to your normal lives. Stay that way.
Author kamani Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Thank you very much for your kind response. You are correct, I have done wrong enough by emotionally involving with him. As you said, I had tried very hard to dig out whether something lacked in my marriage, at the very beginning of attraction. Unfortunately I couldn't figure out anything significant. It limited to some childish facts as following, you’d agree negligible in the long walk of marriage. 1. He was extremely grateful towards any encouraging words, while my husband was independent. 2. I felt he valued my advice more than my husband did. So all possible conclusion I could think of is this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t go to deep conversations with him. I’ve known him for 4 years, but feelings developed only one year ago. So I don’t want any friendship with opposite sex again. I’m hurt enough. I’m pretty sure, I’ll never contact him. Nobody wanted be the other W/M.
silktricks Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 Everything is good. But don't be "pretty sure" you won't contact him. Be dead CERTAIN you don't contact him. Any other course will only lead to despair. 1
Author kamani Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 Thank you very much silltricks, for being so kind. I'm DEAD CERTAIN that I won't contact him again. I'm so hurt that I don't want any more pain.
Darren Steez Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 Good to see you didn't cheat, but it seems you are still pining for this man or what was lost. Nothing about your husband, all I'm not going to be friends with men again because I'm hurting so much. Have you talked to your husband about this? Because when you say he seemed to valued your word more than your husband should raise huge red flags. If your husband is not being supportive enough what is to stop you seeking attention somewhere else? And who's to say if this man you've developed feelings for comes back into town (he knows where you work so contacting you again won't be a problem) that you won't pursue it further? Talk to your husband and mend what is wrong in your marriage, tell him about the EA, which is was because you developed feelings, maybe it will wake you both up and start the healing of your marriage 1
Author kamani Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 Thank you Dareen Steez for your concern on me. I haven't talked to my husband about this. However I'd shown him that I liked him and my husband has teased me on taking him as an 'ideal'. I wanted to talk to my husband about it, when the co-worker was still there, and gave up that idea after he left the workplace. No wonder it will hurt him like hell, if I tell him about it. I love him very much and don't want to hurt him. I don't wish anybody else, even in my next birth other than my husband. My co-worker will never come here and see me, as you doubt. On the last day he came for the farewell function he desparately avoided me, and I had to struggle to hand over the 'Good Bye' card wishing himself and his family. This contained my signature, place and date. All what I wanted with this card was to assure myself and himself I'll be NC and out of his life forever. Again, this card was not a secret I showed it to my husband. He was a bit surprised, but told nothing. I desparately wanted closure and assuarance, and I have it now. "Because when you say he seemed to valued your word more than your husband should raise huge red flags." OK, this raised me alarms. I thought it was the personalty of my husband. Do you still think I should talk to my husband about it? OH God, by telling it, I'm supposed to give him hell!
Anoidtoo Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 This is how my wife got herself into a total mess... all started as platonic friends... never a good idea with work colleague or anyone in contact with the company you work for. it took me 20years to discover what my wife did even if I've felt it deep inside.. gut instinct.. oh I so dearly believe in gut feelings... read the thread towards the end of: My wife prefers to live a lie ......
Recommended Posts