Marek Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 So far this year I've had 4 one-off dates with girls I've met on Plenty of Fish. However, they were all one-offs. I thought the dates went well for the most part; the conversation, for the most part, flowed naturally -- it was rarely stilted. While I felt that dates went well, the girls didn't. I asked all four of them what I did wrong a few days after the date and they all said the same thing: they felt no chemistry (but I did!). They also added that I was really nice and sweet but without chemistry there's no chance of any type of relationship. So girls (and guys) by saying you don't feel any chemistry are you actually just using the word as a euphemism for words such as "boring", "weird", "stupid", or "ugly"? So I'm "really nice and sweet" but that's not enough for girls? It makes me think they just want some bad boy who'll give them "excitement", despite all these girls saying they're through with mind games and BS that comes with dating bad boys. They all said they want a "nice guy". Well, I am a nice guy but evidently that's not enough.
Author Marek Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 No chemistry = can't see having sex with you, or flat out doesn't want sex with you. You don't need to be a bad boy for a woman to want to get busy, contrary to what half the retarded posts here say, but you do have to be a man and not appear too eager. The fact that you went after these women to find out what went wrong indicates that you are probably too eager. Just focus on not tipping your hand so quickly. A little mystery will go a long way. Beyond that, make sure your hygiene is up to speed and that you're dressed properly for whatever you're doing. So, are you saying that they're basically saying I'm ugly and therefore can't see themselves having sex with me? Or have I misconstrued something?
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 No chemistry means no sexual/romantic attraction. It's not necessarily physical, it means she didn't connect with you on any intimate level. It has nothing to do with her wanting this fictional "bad boy". It just means that she wasn't connecting with you on a physical, intellectual, mental and/or emotional level.
jolbell Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Turn on the charm! What got her to go on a first date with you? Continue that. I'm sure you flirted in your messages to her. Keep at it. Be nice and sweet but also look her in the eyes, smile, listen to her, maybe touch her arm during a conversation. Remember the goal is to meet someone to *date* and not to meet a platonic friend. "Nice and sweet" may only get you friendship and those girls seemed to not be interested in that.
yongyong Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Why don't you tell us the definition of too eager? giving out too much 'puppy eyes'? trying to cuddle with her? trying to make her laugh? I most definitely am not saying you're ugly. You may be, but I have no idea what you look like and plenty of seriously ugly guys get laid all the time. What I am telling you is that when you get the response you're getting ..."there's just no chemistry"... it means the woman doesn't want to get naked with you. Why they don't, only they know. You may be boring, or ugly, or smell bad, or just be too eager. I am NOT saying you are any of those things though. I have no clue why you're getting the cold shoulder, but you are sending off some sort of anti-sexual signal.
Ami1uwant Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 So, are you saying that they're basically saying I'm ugly and therefore can't see themselves having sex with me? Or have I misconstrued something? Basically that is the case. Remember this is a relative measure. Off of a site like POF or Match where you can search profiles and see all these potential attractive partners they want the best they can get. With many online its a satisfyer vs maximizer concept when it comes to dating. You likely have gotten a bunch of maximizers. These are people that want to play the field and see whats out there before deciding or they are making their decisions based on your fantasy such as looks rather than reality. People tend to think they are more attractive than they really are. Its possible you are trying to date out of your league. Had you two met the ol fashioned way you likely would have had better success. My rule...if you have a good conversation and enjoyed your time--do a second date. Many want to believe in love at first sight. Love at first sight doesnt make for a long lasting relationship.
Imported Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 What is your conversation with them about? If you're good looking enough, it doesn't really matter too much, the girl is already thinking about sex with you. If not, you need to show yourself to them through other means, usually through conversation. I am horrible at it myself. Usually the less I say, the better I do
dasein Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Chemistry is a bogus semantic nullity women use instead of... whatever the real reason is. In all likelihood, without significant more rejection experience, it has nothing to do with you. Lots of people you will meet OLD are not truly available for dating, recently single, lingering FWBs, lots are just plain bad eggs with unrealistic expectations based on the fact that the handsome 6'2" MD they dated let them blow them after the first date and they are waiting for a call that isn't going to come. They will gladly hand out the "chemistry" card despite knowing that's not really truthful. It's a standard catchall brushoff, not to be taken personally in your case yet. No big deal, you are doing great by getting four dates from a free dating site. Keep it up, every no gets closer to a yes. Up your volume of approaches and keep at it. Once you've dated ten or so who say no to a second date, -then- it -may- be time to analyze your dating style. Until then, OLD is a game of large numbers. You are gaining valuable dating experience even from the nos that will help boost your social value in time.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Four women all saying "no chemistry" isn't enough to freak too much about--not in these days of superficiality and instant gratification. However it seems to say something that you thought there was "chemistry" in ALL but not one felt any toward you, perhaps your right to wonder what's what. Chemistry can mean anything from sexual interest, to simple enjoyment of the "give and take" of how the event went. For whatever reason they didn't want to get to know you further. Could it be because you created no mystique? I have no idea what POF is like so I don't know if you get the chance to communicate before the date but assuming you do, try to find out what she likes and accommodate her with your choice of date but your objective is to through her some curves that make her want to find out more about you in terms of things that don't go on paper. Do you initiate, do you have skills of you to use touch to tell if she's interested in you "leading". There's a whole lot of subtle gestures, body language, and so forth that you need to master. I don't think a woman likes to have to verbalize everything, but she'll also bolt if you are abrupt and bold with your tough. Keep trying and sooner or later you'll find out your shortfall and learn how to become enticing.
LittlePrince Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I never get a cookie so I bought my own cookies. Lesson: Buy your own cookies.
Author Marek Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Thanks for all the replies. Well, I did have photos up on the dating site that was an accurate representation of my looks. So I can't go from good-looking in a photo to hideous-looking in person... I don't think so anyway. While the conversations flowed, there wasn't really any humor in them. I'm not particularly witty in person. The conversations consisted of food, work, school and the supernatural. I don't get it. I felt these dates were going to lead to a second date, as I felt that there was something there. But for all four of these girls, the contrary was the case. I'll admit that I'm not very savvy socially. It's an area of mine that needs work. However, I know enough not to offend or embarrass the opposite sex.
LittlePrince Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I felt these dates were going to lead to a second date, as I felt that there was something there. But for all four of these girls, the contrary was the case. That's the norm. Men usually have higher opinions of the date and women have very low opinions but then you see who they end up with and all you can do is laugh.
truth_seeker Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Here's the problem: you have no edginess to you, and the lack of humor kills your vibe, too. Make a girl laugh and she'll be putty in your hands. Fact! Have a little edge, and you'll pique her curiosity to want to know more about you. From the way your conversations are going, it's almost like a lecture that puts them to sleep.
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