Break up out the blue after 4 years/ staying friends

[andysmiff141]

This could end up being a long story but here goes...

 

I have to write a little background about my own circumstances first as i think that is affecting me with the breakup now. 5 years ago while i was on holiday my sister passed away through an epileptic fit. Less than two years after my sister passing, my dad died after having a massive heart attack so again totally out the blue.

 

Now onto my relationship. Me and my ex met via msn and through friends and spoke pretty much on a dialy basis on msn for 3 years without having met. I was supposed to be moving out the country for University so we met before i left. After we met, we clicked and before we knew it we were a couple. Around 4 months into our relationship was when my Dad passed away. My Dad's passing affected me massively but the relationship was my main source of happiness and filled the void to some extent. The relationship was pretty much perfect for the first 3 years and we had no major arguments or fall outs. In the summer was our first major fight, it was mainly to do with how routine the relationship had become and slightly boring. We chose to sit in most nights and cook food and chill. The fight eventually passed and i made more effort to fix it even though it felt like i was the only one making the effort.

 

Around a month ago, my girlfriend went on holiday with her bestfriend to Portugal for a week. This was also an issue in our realtionship, her family are very religious. Her parents wouldnt allow us to spend the night together, move in before marriage or even go on holidays so that made it hard to break "routine". She came back from her holiday and i met her two days after she was home and she was feeling the "holiday blues". She seemed distant and very off with me which wasnt nice as i had obviously missed her while she was away. I called her out on how off she was being which led to loads of texts about how she was at a crossroads in her life and didnt know what to do. We both have a lot we want to do before we settle down etc and as i said its pretty hard to do any of them together without a proposal first. She is only 22 and im 23 and neither of us are ready to commit. We met up the next day after the texts and went through our issues. She said that after our last major fight about routine, she had noticed i had been trying a lot harder but she didnt want to put the same effort in. That stung a lot ! She then basically said the relationshp was just kind of stringing along with no real future together being plannned. We both agreed on this issue and both said we had too much we wanted to do before settling down. After all this talking and a few days of pain and emotion, i can look at the relationship objectively and agree it wasnt working like it was.

 

This is the hard bit, we have spokene nearly every day for the past 7 years. I cant imagine not having her in my life and she says the same. I really want to stay friends if i can as she is a massive part of my life. i have lost too many people in my life already with no choice and i have a choice here ! We agreed to stay friends and she did say a few things that led me to have hope we could reconcile but that hope has now gone. I tried to give her as much space as i could then she was on a night out and "mistakenly" called me twice and hung up. This messed my head up and i started contact again, looking for any reason to make contact as well. This led her to telling me to back off which i told her to if i was being too much. On Monday of this week, we had a chat where i basically said that i agree with her decision now and think its for the best. I said im not over her yet and i relly do want her to be happy and us to have a great friendship. I also mentioned that facebook wasnt helping me at all so i might delete her for a bried period as it makes t too easy to contact her etc to which she agreed.

 

We havent spoken since Monday and i think she is generally quite content with her decision and is now making plans to move to Dublin (we live in Glasgow). I am also making plans to eventually do the travelling which i had waned to do for as long as i can remember. The no contact is kiling me though and i cant help but think why she doesnt miss me anywhere near as much as im missing her. I dont even miss the relationship aspect that much, more the friendship. I stupidly signed in to her faebook recently and one of her old workmates is trying to chat her up and asked her out to which she declined but said "she will think about it". Before anyone says it,i know i shouldnt have checked and already feel guilty but i was distraught and couldn resist. I think she is looking for attention but would be surprised if she actualy acted on his interest. Having said that, a part of me kind of wanted her to say yes so i can have some ammo to move on quicker as right now i have no ill feelings towards her and its making it so much harder.

 

I dont really know what im hoping to achieve by posting this but i felt better doing it ! Sometimes its better just to let it all out.

 

Thanks for reading this mammoth post and any replies would be appreciated. Any questions then dont hesitate to ask but im pretty sure i covered most of it.

 

Cheers Andy

[andysmiff141]

Do you think both of us are just trying to be nice/civil and are effectively just dragging out the break up ? If either of us end up in a new relationship or move out the country then the occasional chat/text will likely die out so am i delaying the inevitable ?

 

I still as i said want to keep her in my life but even though i dont want to get back together, the thought of her with another man is still sickening. I cant really offer her friendship if i cant accept that surely ?