Author ReadMyThread Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 If you want to respond... don't go with any of the suggestions you got so far. You don't need to explain, justify, convince, ask for permission, beg, plead, guilt or manipulate. Be a Man if you are going to respond. When you first asked her out, did you talk / act like the suggestions you have received so far? When you were dating, did you talk / act like any of these either? I hope not. Don't explain / tell her why you are responding. Just be a man, respond and tell her how its going to be. If I was you, I would say the following... "Apparently you are confused or you mistake me as someone who is your friend. I was your BF. I have never been your friend and I have no interest in being one." It addresses everything you feel, want to say and provides her the opportunity to tell you if her intentions were different than just wanting to be your friend. Notice I didn't ask her a question like why do you contact me, I didn't beg, plead or guilt. I did not explain or justify why I am the way I am (you not wanting to be friends with someone you have feelings for), I don't seem pathetic or weak, I didn't go fishing for answers, drop hints on what she needs to do to get me back, etc. If you say what I suggest, she will know that if she wants a relationship with you... It won't be as her Gay Best Friend. Wow Gibson! Here I was thinking you were going to tear my a** apart about all this but instead you have the best advice I have heard so far. I'm going to have to go with what you said. But what about that "best friend" bullsh**? When were together she would always say we were "best friends". Now if I tell her we were never friends how would that go? Lol. And to be honest with this being my FIRST BREAK-UP and my first love I actually did agree to be friends with her when she left me. I know STUPID but like I said it was my first breakup so I didn't know. Lesson learned now lol. I'm going to go with what you said as it isn't asking any questions which I find is better then I wouldn't expect a respond and be hurt if I didn't get one but I feel I'll have to change it alittle bit about the friends part. Maybe stating that back then I agreed to be friends but was a mistake because I could never be friends with her now that I have actually gone through everything she put me through and still is. Because back then I thought agreeing to be her friend would be a good thing in a way to get her back. But ever since we agreed to be friends, I immediately started NC. So we obviously weren't that much of "friends" as we agreed to. Should I just stick with what you said or re-word it alittle bit as far as the friends part goes?
Author ReadMyThread Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 You move on, find peace, live happily ever after? honestly, if she cared about how you feel, she would get the hint and stop. She has no idea what she is doing and in essence you are "training her" by not responding saying its not ok for us to continue to talk at her convenience I'm so lost and confused that I didn't even understand this. I'm sorry lol. So your saying if she cared about how I felt she would stop contacting me? That's confusing. I still love and could see us together again depending on some things. And what does me training her mean? Lol. Sorry but I don't understand. I do want her to want me again if that helps.
Author ReadMyThread Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 I don't care that you told her you were going to be "friends" after you two broke up and neither should you. You changed your mind and that's that. You don't owe her an explanation and its not up for debate. You made up your mind and either she is your GF or nothing at all. You are a Man and you need to stop thinking you owe everyone (your Ex included) an explanation. If you say anything, tell them how its going to be. Your Ex knows you have no interest in being her "friend". She is trying to crash that boundary and get what she wants. Don't let her and don't explain why either. Hold yourself accountable to your own boundaries and don't let her or anyone else violate them. If they do violate them, know upfront what the consequences are and enforce them. In the future with other GFs, read the following two posts by me: Why being your GF / BF's "Friend" is a bad idea And... What you should do if your GF / BF says you two are "Friends" Nice. Exactly what I needed to hear and I will read these other two threads as well thanks!
sissy106 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I think, instead of thinking on and on, u should go and meet her, otherwise u will always be thinking rest of ur life, what the **** she wanted to tell me?
Author ReadMyThread Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 I think, instead of thinking on and on, u should go and meet her, otherwise u will always be thinking rest of ur life, what the **** she wanted to tell me? Yeah see your on me with this one. I have to see why she was messaging me or it's goin to drive me crazy. Although GOING TO SEE HER is a big no no. That would hurt. Just a simple message back is all I can give.
CptSaveAho Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I think, instead of thinking on and on, u should go and meet her, otherwise u will always be thinking rest of ur life, what the **** she wanted to tell me? No offense... Take your projecting advice and go back to your thread I would really like to meet your husband so I can give him my username and password for this board and he can take over the duties since he's living up to my name. Yeah see your on me with this one. I have to see why she was messaging me or it's goin to drive me crazy. Although GOING TO SEE HER is a big no no. That would hurt. Just a simple message back is all I can give. Don't listen to women... she's a rebounding person thats married but thinks about her ex all the time... bad news and something you want to move forward from Your ex is just breadcrumbing you... reread my last post in your last thread... it explained everything Stick to your NC... and go play laser tag tomorrow with some friends
Author ReadMyThread Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 No offense... Take your projecting advice and go back to your thread I would really like to meet your husband so I can give him my username and password for this board and he can take over the duties since he's living up to my name. Don't listen to women... she's a rebounding person thats married but thinks about her ex all the time... bad news and something you want to move forward from Your ex is just breadcrumbing you... reread my last post in your last thread... it explained everything Stick to your NC... and go play laser tag tomorrow with some friends Oh man. I'm on the edge with this one . Do it...don't do it....do it...don't. Ugh. Well if these are just breadcrumbs, how will I know when she is FOR REAL about getting back together if there ever is that?
Simon Phoenix Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 (edited) Oh man. I'm on the edge with this one . Do it...don't do it....do it...don't. Ugh. Well if these are just breadcrumbs, how will I know when she is FOR REAL about getting back together if there ever is that? Dude, man up and just hang back until she texts again. If she does and you still want to respond, send her what gibson told you to send her. You have to remember that she caused all this drama. This was what she wanted. Don't be a wuss. It's her job to get you back, it's not your job to get her back. And do not listen to sissy. In my years, I've noticed that the worst advice I've gotten about women has come from other women (no offense to the many sensible women posters on this site). Mostly because they either a) try to tell you what you want to hear over what you need to hear and b) what they think would be a "nice" thing to do isn't usually what they ultimately want. Hang back until she contacts you again, then decide. If you then decide, then write what gibson said. Edited November 6, 2012 by Simon Phoenix
Author ReadMyThread Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Dude, man up and just hang back until she texts again. If she does and you still want to respond, send her what gibson told you to send her. You have to remember that she caused all this drama. This was what she wanted. Don't be a wuss. It's her job to get you back, it's not your job to get her back. And do not listen to sissy. In my years, I've noticed that the worst advice I've gotten about women has come from other women (no offense to the many sensible women posters on this site). Mostly because they either a) try to tell you what you want to hear over what you need to hear and b) what they think would be a "nice" thing to do isn't usually what they ultimately want. Hang back until she contacts you again, then decide. If you then decide, then write what gibson said. Well alright. Here we are again, back to DON'T DO IT! Lol. I guess I will wait it out alittle more longer. But now I sit and wonder when the next time she will try to reach out to me again lol. See. These are the thoughts that make me want to message her back. Everyday I wake up and look at my phone wondering if there will be a message from her. I feel like sending her a message and being like, "look bit**, you either want me or you don't. If you dont leave me the fu** alone." lol.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Well alright. Here we are again, back to DON'T DO IT! Lol. I guess I will wait it out alittle more longer. But now I sit and wonder when the next time she will try to reach out to me again lol. See. These are the thoughts that make me want to message her back. Everyday I wake up and look at my phone wondering if there will be a message from her. I feel like sending her a message and being like, "look bit**, you either want me or you don't. If you dont leave me the fu** alone." lol. You need to keep yourself busy and stop thinking about that ****. You are psyching yourself out. You need to stop letting every possible action of this girl dominate your life. Work out, hang out with friends, play music. Hide your phone for a while.
TopCat22 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Don't do it. I agree that if she did want you back she won't open with a "I love you and want you back" line, there would need to be some small-talk first. However, all she has done is sent you three texts asking if you can be friends, nothing more. If you reply to her now then you are showing you will engage with that. Even if you say no. Wait a while. If she wants you back as more than a friend then she will pursue you. Don't get sucked into her mind games. She needs to understand that she no longer rates highly in your life and that you have better things to do. The way you show her this is by ignoring these texts. If she says something more substantial then it may warrant a reply. You don't owe her anything.
Author ReadMyThread Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Don't do it. I agree that if she did want you back she won't open with a "I love you and want you back" line, there would need to be some small-talk first. However, all she has done is sent you three texts asking if you can be friends, nothing more. If you reply to her now then you are showing you will engage with that. Even if you say no. Wait a while. If she wants you back as more than a friend then she will pursue you. Don't get sucked into her mind games. She needs to understand that she no longer rates highly in your life and that you have better things to do. The way you show her this is by ignoring these texts. If she says something more substantial then it may warrant a reply. You don't owe her anything. No man. She has sent me 3 yes but they werent asking for friendship. We already agreed to being friends 2 months ago. The first time she messaged me it was to wish me good luck for school and she told me she is sorry. Then the second time it was to see how I was doing. And the last time she said, "please talk to me... Your the one who said we could be friends and that was what you wanted." see she thinks we are friends. She said I was the one who said we could be friends. So that means she thinks we are already. She isn't asking for friendship. She is trying to get me to respond to her. I feel she won't try anymore because I have already ignored her so much. I think she is just going to say forget it unless if I respond to her. I feel I need to respond man.
TopCat22 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 You don't want friendship though do you? If she's under the impression you are friends then send her a text simply saying that you can't be just friends and that you two should not have contact anymore. Be polite. You need to close this wound, one way or another. Just don't feel that you owe her anything.
KatZee Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I think she is just going to say forget it unless if I respond to her. I feel I need to respond man. This advice is coming from a woman! So proceed at your own risk! Honestly, squash this s.hit already. This thread is 3 pages deep about a freaking text message. ENOUGH ALREADY. You either: A) take action right now OR B) you don't There's really no need to continue discussing the technicalities and angles as to how this can go. I agree with Gibson on this one. You're obviously not going to put this to bed, so grab your sack and send the message. There's no point playing these cat and mouse games anymore. She's messaged you a number of times, you're not hearing what you want to hear, so put that S.HIT TO BED. I would send Gibson's text word for word. You don't need to explain a thing. That sentence says it all. What you hear back will be all you need to know for where she stands. But again, I'm a woman. You probably shouldn't listen to me. :lmao::lmao: 5
cavalier99 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 This advice is coming from a woman! So proceed at your own risk! Honestly, squash this s.hit already. This thread is 3 pages deep about a freaking text message. ENOUGH ALREADY. You either: A) take action right now OR B) you don't There's really no need to continue discussing the technicalities and angles as to how this can go. : Time to man up! This is a lot of bs over a few bread crumbs. I say NC. Or call her NOW and say "hi. I got your texts. What up?" From there Truly be confident and indifferent but find out what you need to know. Just my humble opinion on getting your answer
cavalier99 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 If it isnt what you want hear after talking with her. Let her know that you arnt friends never to call or text you again and her number is being blocked and to stop Stalking you
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 No more advice to give here, Gibson summed it up perfectly. I say contact her as Gibson explained. You're probably like me, you absolutely hate being in limbo, you want difinitive answers either way. The "what ifs" are torture, they almost force you to hold on, it's harder to let go when there might be a possibility. These texts that she sends are huge question marks, more limbo. Find the truth, it will help you either move on or consider reconciliation, either way the truth will help. 1
cavalier99 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Agreed. I ignore previous post of mine. Go with Gibson advise. Bottom line what ever you do just don't lose your self respect over this girl.
suladas Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Agree with the others, if you want to know just say what Gibson said and get it over with so you know.
StarsOnFire Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 She's trying to be your friend, not trying to get you back. And you said you can't deal with just being friends. You don't have to be mean to her, you can simply say: "I'm sorry, I thought we could continue a friendship after the breakup, but I've come to I realize that I cannot hold onto a friendship with you. I wish you the best." Done. No need for her to write back, no need for you to be jerky to her. It's the simple truth.
21flames Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 She's trying to be your friend, not trying to get you back. And you said you can't deal with just being friends. You don't have to be mean to her, you can simply say: "I'm sorry, I thought we could continue a friendship after the breakup, but I've come to I realize that I cannot hold onto a friendship with you. I wish you the best." Done. No need for her to write back, no need for you to be jerky to her. It's the simple truth. Wish her fook all!!
21flames Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Did she wish him all the best when she left for an other bloke, no she didn't care what he would have to feel.
sissy106 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 (edited) No offense... Take your projecting advice and go back to your thread I would really like to meet your husband so I can give him my username and password for this board and he can take over the duties since he's living up to my name. Don't listen to women... she's a rebounding person thats married but thinks about her ex all the time... bad news and something you want to move forward from No offence while you are saying such words to me. Before writing all this you should atleast have taken a look at my last reply to my own post "Why cant I..." which says..." So that is why, whenever I feel down i came here now, and its only because of my hubby that I have started healing, and I know very soon I will be out of it. Thats why I mentioned in my first line that although I am on healing process, but sometimes I feel broken, and this all is due to my unfinished studies only. I know once I clear that I will be bzee with my loving husband and will never look back at my past". Well if u still want to meet my hubby and give him ur password or watever then I will give you his id. Had I been a fake person here, I would have never mentioned about my marriage in first place and would have posted wat I feel without leaking that I am married person, i could have even passsed time posting on Dating site of LS. I came to this site for two reasons...(1)Yes I still do miss my ex .... coz I was with him for 6 years and we broke up one year back only .... but I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME but yes I am getting over him. (2) I did not wanted to hurt my hubby anymore by involving him into these non sense bouts of deepression that I still get, especially due to my study work. Moreover my hubby knew everything about my ex as well as wat I am going thru right now also. He is very supportive person and I do love hima nd respect him for that. I have stoped eating his head for my past and that is why I came to this site to vomit out watever is left inside me out here so That I NEVER LOOK BACK...It is my way of not hurting him and yet getting over with my emotional outbursts. And if u think why I jumped into another relationship (marriage) without getting over my ex....then I want to tell u that sometimes things are not in your hands, and it was my family who forced me into this. And I said yes to marriage coz I have already caused them pain and I didnot wanted them to be tensed for me anymore. And today I am happy that they made this decision and I found a wonderfull person like my husband. Before my marriage I only had one relationship...and that was with my ex only. So I may not have as much experience as yours in handling relationships. I suggested ReadMyThread to do what he wanted to do only for the simple reason that he might not regret for rest of his life.... it was as simple as that....But reading all the comments for other people around here I have found that eveyone just speaks from their own experiences and now U have really made me think that I HAVE VERY LITTLE EXPERIENCE IN LIFE, and I should stop suggesting people here.... So this is what I am going to do now. Thanks again.... U closed the vent which I kept open so that I could have released all my pain completely... I think I should better deal with wat I feel, inside me only, no need to vent it out here too. Especially coz I am a MARRIED WOMAN NOW! Edited November 6, 2012 by sissy106
StarsOnFire Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Did she wish him all the best when she left for an other bloke, no she didn't care what he would have to feel. Obviously the guy doesn't want to be rude to her. So why do it if he doesn't want to. Or you could bully him into being mean to her, whatever.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Obviously the guy doesn't want to be rude to her. So why do it if he doesn't want to. Or you could bully him into being mean to her, whatever. He shouldn't be mean to her. But he shouldn't fold like a cheap suit either.
Recommended Posts