I miss her

[LuckyClover]

I just miss her. I won't tell anyone either. I miss being in love. I've met new girls and none of them interest me... I don't think I'll ever get over her... This sucks too because it's been over two years and I've done so well coping with the loss of that feeling... Those butterflies that flew when she was with me. We didn't even text for the whole two years. I work with her, which was hard for a few months but I've grown to rely on myself to make myself happy. I've grown accustom to not having a crutch, of being on my own. I know I'm a great catch, but I can't settle for less than what I know is real love. It's probably just because we've been texting recently that I'm feeling these feelings again. I just wish I could tell her how I still feel. But I would rather be silent and numb the pain than see her everyday with her knowing I'm still not over her. I mean she has to know. But to tell her will only make me look weak. I still dream about her and it's so hard... because in every dream she is telling me how bad she wants me back.. when she does I know it's dream and instantly wake up. I want to love again... but I want to feel how I did when I was with her. Maybe I'll just go get drunk and see how I feel tomorrow... God I miss you.

[LuckyClover]

Thank God I have LoveShack to vent... I honestly would regret telling her how I feel just to be rejected again. I have to believe she will never love me again... I have to move on. People judge too much to be an open book... I do better when I keep my feelings to myself. I have no where else to go but here.

[River Rain]

Most people will have empathy for you when you post here. You sound so miserable...I'm sorry you're going through that. After two years still feeling so hurt over everything...I just hope one day you'll meet a new girl who will make you feel the same way.

[LuckyClover]

Thank You. I think I really am miserable... but I've been ignoring it for so long(letting it pass with time) That I didn't even know. Fake it till you make it I kept telling myself... until one day I didn't think of her. Then just know I was going through some pictures and there we are together so happy... She's the only one ever in this whole world that I knew was the one for me. I don't see how I'll ever get that back with anyone. I just wish she felt the same way. Should I tell her I miss her? She has a boyfriend now... but she tells me he treats her like ****. We don't text much and mostly it's about work. I just don't know. Maybe I should take a chance and unlock a door for to open if she wants. I just don't know if I should.

[River Rain]

Thank You. I think I really am miserable... but I've been ignoring it for so long(letting it pass with time) That I didn't even know. Fake it till you make it I kept telling myself... until one day I didn't think of her. Then just know I was going through some pictures and there we are together so happy... She's the only one ever in this whole world that I knew was the one for me. I don't see how I'll ever get that back with anyone. I just wish she felt the same way. Should I tell her I miss her? She has a boyfriend now... but she tells me he treats her like ****. We don't text much and mostly it's about work. I just don't know. Maybe I should take a chance and unlock a door for to open if she wants. I just don't know if I should.

 

I believe in second chances. But she does have a boyfriend...even if she tells you he treats her like crap, that could just be her venting to a friend. People do that. Do you feel any spark from her at all? It's a risk to tell her how you feel because you have to be prepared for her to reject you if she doesn't feel the same way.

 

I recently gave the ex a second chance, but he hurt me even more this time, I don't regret trying, but the pain is unbearable at times. At least now though I'm 100% certain that we can't be together.

 

The worst that can happen is she'll reject you, then you'll be back to square one again.

[LuckyClover]

So this morning she texts me "ur a dork ha ha"... I asked "why" and she replies "just cause lol"... now if that's not flirting, I don't know what is... I'm trying to play it cool and be myself without getting into any feelings of love... but I know what your saying about reopening a wound.. I hate hate hate hate that feeling of losing someone you're terribly in love with and I would rather die. But at the same time I don't want to miss making a move if that's what she's fishing for... Maybe since she knows how bad I loved her 2 years ago and since she wasn't ready maybe she'll know it's up to her to rekindle our chances at love now. But she has always been my everything. I had no choice but to let her go...

[River Rain]

So this morning she texts me "ur a dork ha ha"... I asked "why" and she replies "just cause lol"... now if that's not flirting, I don't know what is... I'm trying to play it cool and be myself without getting into any feelings of love... but I know what your saying about reopening a wound.. I hate hate hate hate that feeling of losing someone you're terribly in love with and I would rather die. But at the same time I don't want to miss making a move if that's what she's fishing for... Maybe since she knows how bad I loved her 2 years ago and since she wasn't ready maybe she'll know it's up to her to rekindle our chances at love now. But she has always been my everything. I had no choice but to let her go...

 

It's very difficult to interpret words on a phone. If you really think she's fishing...just ask her directly, but in person. But tread carefully, you have to really be prepared for rejection. Sometimes we do need to find out if that second chance exists...in my case, I found out, we did try, but it ended, so now I know 100% sure that there is no chance ever with him again. It's painful, but also a little liberating. I wish you luck whichever choice you make, but I hope you don't get hurt again.

[LuckyClover]

I can't do it... I can't even pretend to entertain the idea that even if she did miss me and wanted to try again.. that she even would. I'm just not going to put forth any effort. I'm better than that.. she knows how I feel. It's not up to me. It has always been her choice and whether or not she is flirting, I won't allow myself to get my hopes up to be crushed... I can't do it... I just don't have that luxury to open myself up to be hurt. Whatever happens to someone that loses a loved one or has there heart broken must be unrepairable, because my wall is back and I can't let it fall. I won't. Being numb is much easier than that pain. She has always been my perfect and without her I am alone and will stay alone. My friends are always trying to urge me to ask a girl out.. just random sexy girls... it's awkward to me to just walk up to a stranger(while i'm working) and be like, hey your cute.. wanna go get some lunch some time? I'm not going to do it... am I afraid to? maybe. Maybe I'd rather just do my thing and hope one day someone great finds me or we find each other. I deserve better than to hold to a dream... it was silly of me to even entertain the idea. SHame on me.

[LuckyClover]

Well... i know i said id let it go but she text me a week ago and i just came out and asked her if she missed me and if she wanted to date me again... she told me she didn't know what she wants... which to me tells me she knows.what she doesn't want.. so i pretty much got my answer.. I got my hopes a little but not enough to destroy a building heart... i can now move forward.. sad day.

[LuckyClover]

Wow... How embarrassing. Today I interviewed 4 people at work for a promotion... She was one of them. I got through 2 of them and did great.. got great responses from all of them.. I asked great questions and the flow of the interviews went smooth. Then she's next... And I have no idea what happen.. I started asking questions and she was giving me some simple answers, nothing amazing... Then after I get enough information I make a determination whether the interview should continue on with the pre-written question portion of the interview. I started stumbling over my words and by the second question I got so completely beat read in the face... I got soo dammn hot... she tried to answer but was making no sense at all... I stopped her and apologized, telling her that I really didn't hear the answer and that I wasn't sure what had come over me... I asked my assistant to re ask the question.. which she did.. after a few minutes I regain my composure and we went on with the interview... but WHAT THE HELLL WAS THAT???? I've never done anything like that in my life. Never have I ever lost my composure. Especially with work. I'm very professional and have been able to keep it that way. That was not cool. I blamed it on not eating and my assistant backed me up and said she noticed earlier just before the first interview that I looked pretty pale and then flush and then back to normal... insinuating i might have the flu. Wow is all I can say now.

[Cutiepie1976]

Oh goodness, I know exactly how you feel!

 

I broke up with my ex a year ago, and I'm still at a loss about how to get over him. I've never gone through this type of reaction before following a break-up! I've tried everything to move on to no avail. First I dated through the pain for about a month. Went through a long line of great guys who were probably better matches for me...but they weren't him. Called him late one Saturday afternoon after abruptly cancelling my date for that evening, and we had a great chat. Spoke again the next two days. Then he wouldn't respond. When I finally got him, I broke down in tears after a few minutes of conversation and told him how much pain I was in. He's explained that he was also having a very difficult time. After that he didn't return my texts, so I joined a dating site and started dating. Lots of great guys...none him! Took a break from dating after a few months of that to see if being by myself might help. Worst decision ever!! I just became ever more morose and teary. I could have filled the Marianas Trench daily with the amount of tears I shed over him. It was pathetic! I quit dancing. I quit soccer. I even stopped seeing my friends because I'd start crying. My days revolved around work, crying, and sleeping for quite a while.

 

Anyway, sent him a happy birthday text, and he thanked me, then called me in the evening. Long conversation, lots of laughing. It was great! Just like old times. Spoke every night for a couple of weeks, and one evening he asked to come over around midnight. (I was feeling a little lonely and sad because my family had visited me that weekend, and it was my first evening without them around. Ostensibly, he just wanted to comfort me and keep me company. I live alone, and it was hard to go from a house full of siblings and boisterous nieces and nephews to being completely alone.) Anyway, given the hour and his comments about FWBs in a conversation a couple of days earlier, I said no. [Friend? Okay. Girlfriend? YES!!! FWB? Absolutely not.] Given the hour, it seemed like he was angling for the third option. Haven't heard from him since, although I've gotten a lot of criticism from friends about how I haven't tried hard enough to win him back--more confusing than helpful. He knows I have feelings for him. What else am I supposed to do? But I digress...

 

So now I'm at an impasse. I need to move on. To find someone else. But I still can't help feeling that he was the one I was meant to be with. I know it seems silly to feel this way a year later. But emotions aren't rational, and I honestly believe that he is "my one." He's a great guy, and I was a complete idiot for not appreciating that and suggesting we break up. There was a time when he felt that we belonged together too, and there were a number of things he'd changed in his life to accommodate us living together/getting married at some point. Those changes remain, but he doesn't see me that way any more...I don't think.

 

I did send him a Happy Thanksgiving text last Thursday, and it's been crickets! I should move on but I can't, and I'm really not open to other guys at the moment. I'm just having a hard time with every guy by the second date, and I bail by date #3. Things supposedly get better with time. I can hardly wait for my emotional situation to improve...either way. I just need to get out of limbo at this point.

 

Anyway, a long-winded way of saying you aren't alone in going through this struggle! It's hard. It seems to take forever. I'm embarrassed that I'm still floundering a year out.

 

Cheers! I hope things improve for you soon! For me too.

[LuckyClover]

Thanks for sharing... We are definitely not alone.. Even if it was but a short time in our lives, I wish we could find someone else that makes us feel that love we were fortunate to have had. It hurts even when I feel amazing. I barely notice most of the time, but it's always there... I'm the guy you see that is always smiling.. confident.. and believe it or not.. respectful and courteous more than cocky. I treat everyone with respect with no regard to society's opinion of their flaws and accept everyone for their God given right to be themselves... I have a lot of friends and yet I feel that I will never have that life I should without her. I feel completely stupid about it. It's funny how my friends, family, and even she tells me I could have any girl I want... But in reality I can't. I only want one, and she knows it.. What they should say is that I can have any girl that wants me. I sit around by myself and she always crosses my mind... I just can't figure out how I could be so in love with a girl that I can't have. Maybe it's true we want most what we can't have. I don't know. I'm just glad I can talk about it here where no one I know has to hear me and my nonsense. I have to talk about it.. or it drives me crazy inside. I just want to let go but I can't help but notice the difference in how I feel when I'm with other girls... it's just not there and I'm glad I haven't given in to settling, in hopes time will fill the void that has yet to be filled since my loss. I did what you did... I broke down crying a couple of years ago.. she's seen me so vulnerable and weak and I beat myself up all the time for it, knowing what a mistake it is for a man to show such weakness. Every time I walk past her or have to talk to her about work she says flirty types of things(like baiting a hook for a fish) and I bite every time. I just can't be a dick. I act like it doesn't bother me... and flatter her each time. And after every occasion I wish I didn't.. I keep thinking that she's just checking to see if she still has me in check. She must feel so good that the guy that every other girl wants.. she can have in a NY minute. Sometimes I think she has to still want me, but won't make a move because of our work situation. I hate feeling so helpless... I hate that I can't let go of someone that says; she's just confused and says she doesn't know what she wants. It's hard keeping myself from putting it out there to her that I would do anything to make her happy. It makes no sense... no sense at all.

[Cutiepie1976]

I know exactly what you mean. I firmly believe, though, that we'll both be happy and in love again someday! Obviously, I would really like it to be my ex for me, but I understand and could accept that it might be someone else.

 

The issue is when??? *sigh* I had no idea that I would have made so little progress a year out! Seems incredible that I haven't been able to let go completely of him.

 

And yes, it's hard when lots of other guys are interested. My friends are exasperated and can't understand why I don't just pick someone else already instead of moping around unproductively and being antisocial. If it were only that easy! My heart never got the memo.

 

In other news, I went salsa dancing tonight, which was a nice way to get my mind off my troubles...well briefly. I love music and I love dancing, so it lifted my mood, which was nice. Think I'll go to a couple of salsa parties this weekend.

[LuckyClover]

My friends are exasperated and can't understand why I don't just pick someone else already instead of moping around unproductively and being antisocial. If it were only that easy! My heart never got the memo.

 

This made me laugh when I read it. It was like reading about myself. Not so much antisocial, as much as I seem to just wait to be invited to go out and play, rather than inviting others. If I don't get a call, I will enjoy my night at home and that's okay with me... but I really need to make some effort in at least giving someone else a chance. The last couple of weeks though I have come to that conclusion and feel pretty confident it will become a part of my life soon.

 

I'll tell you what though... I rent a couple of rooms in my house, and living with friends has really helped me heal overall.. I think if I was home alone a lot it would be depressing. Plus I just make more money to save so that when I find that one that is perfect(and that wants me too) I will have the means to treat her as good as she's ever dreamed.

 

That's my focus... to make myself the catch of a lifetime. At first my motivation was to make her regret what she let slip away, to make her jealous, but deep down I think I just wished it would make her take me back.

 

That's great you went dancing... I love dancing!! So much fun.

[Cutiepie1976]

Glad I could make you laugh!

 

I still go out, don't get me wrong. I go out most evenings with friends. I'm just no longer the energetic social organizer that I used to be. I have no enthusiasm about the whole thing. Maybe I'll be in a better place after the holidays.

 

Don't think I would do room mates. I haven't had a house mate since junior year of college. I like my privacy and coming and going whenever I please. It's nice to disappear on the spur of the moment when I want.

 

Besides, I think having room mates might make it harder for me to attract the type of guy I prefer to date--one who thinks I'm serious and at a point in my life where I'd like to settle down. My best friend from college has three house mates that he rents to in his house. The company is great, which is why he does it, but it feels very frat-like and communal whenever I visit. I don't want to give off the vibe that I have Peter Pan syndrome, can't grow up, or am still in college mode...

 

Funny the things we worry about! I had a few dates earlier this year ask me point blank if I would ever settle down? Not sure how they arrived at the concern that this might be an issue! That I'm single and never had children?? That I'm very successful professionally? Can't think of anything else that would lead them to worry. When did these go from being good things to negatives? Anyway, I'm probably overly sensitive about sending the wrong message. I do want to make sure I'm attracting guys who share my relationship goals.

 

Well, hope you're having a great evening! Hope work wasn't too painful with your ex around in the background...

[LuckyClover]

Wow... so I know I shouldn't care but.. this girl I'm talking about breaks up with her boyfriend .. everyone says he's pretty much a douche bag to her and even she says he treats her like ****... Then I see they're back together... seriously I know she wasn't going to come back to me.. I know this, really I do... But why does someone that is so perfect.. someone who deserves the world... get back with a loser of guy like that??? I just don't get it.. I don't even know why it pisses me off, but it does.