River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Maybe like you said I just need to view it as ALL being fake instead of racking my brain trying to figure out which pieces were genuine. This is where I differ in my opinion. I think if you convince yourself that the time you spent together was fake or meant nothing to her/him, then you make yourself feel worse, you make it an absolute betrayal. Yes, of course it could have been...but don't you think you would have picked up on it during the time? I mean, if I were to think that the time I spent with the ex was just fake, it would devalue my self-esteem so badly and make me feel like a complete and utter fool. I know that he felt something for me when we were together, it just didn't last. That's not letting him off the hook, but it lessens the betrayal. But again, that's just how I'm dealing with it. 1
Author NGC1300 Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) This is where I differ in my opinion. I think if you convince yourself that the time you spent together was fake or meant nothing to her/him, then you make yourself feel worse, you make it an absolute betrayal. Yes, of course it could have been...but don't you think you would have picked up on it during the time? I mean, if I were to think that the time I spent with the ex was just fake, it would devalue my self-esteem so badly and make me feel like a complete and utter fool. I know that he felt something for me when we were together, it just didn't last. That's not letting him off the hook, but it lessens the betrayal. But again, that's just how I'm dealing with it. That's interesting, but for me the idea that it was ALL fake actually lessens the sting. What would hurt me more is if she did feel something for me, but then lost interest due to some fault of my own. The truth is I'll never know, but again, believing it was ALL fake means I can just write this off as her having serious issues, which in fact I do think was the case. She came on so strong and wanted to be exclusive after the 3rd date. I think she feels she MUST be in a relationship, for some underlying psychological reason, even before she really knows who the person is. Looking back, I should have seen this as the red flag it was. Edited November 7, 2012 by NGC1300 2
Push_Through_It Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 River Rain - I certainly see your perspective and do agree that if she wasn't interested AT ALL that I certainly would have picked up on it. But the fact that it just vanished without a trace leaves so many unanswered questions that we will never be truly answered and so I think in my mind its easier to give those questions at least some answer (even if it's not the full truth) just to close that chapter and move forward. The unknown (why it didn't work) is far more frightening to me than the known (she wasn't truly invested) even if the known is just something I've built to fill the void. It will always remain an unknown until either she comes back to give us a reason...which is unlikely...or we fill in the blanks ourselves. 1
River Rain Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 That's interesting, but for me the idea that it was ALL fake actually lessens the sting. What would hurt me more is if she did feel something for me, but then lost interest due to some fault of my own. The truth is I'll never know, but again, believing it was ALL fake means I can just write this off as her having serious issues, which in fact I do think was the case. She came on so strong and wanted to be exclusive after the 3rd date. I think she feels she MUST be in a relationship, for some underlying psychological reason, even before she really knows who the person is. Looking back, I should have seen this as the red flag it was. We tend to see red flags in hindsight only...the heart blocks the vision sometimes. 2
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