Jai Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Hello all, Sometimes I think that we are all too focused on no contact. I beleive no contact works but I have seemed to get over my ex faster when I was talking to her. Let me give you an overview of the situation. My girlfriend and I were together from the time I was 19 - 25 and she was 15-21. During our relationship we were very close and loved eachother so much that we were attached at the hip. Along with all this we had amazing communication and were very connected to eachother. Anyways to make a long story short she broke up with me and gave me every bull**** line you can think of when really she met someone else. After we broke up I found out a lot of stuff. She sleeps with the guy 24 hours after we break up. They were always talking and hanging out behind my back. He tried to put the moves on her.....she said she stopped it but I don't believe her. I am pretty sure she cheated on me. Pretty much she acts like a little spoiled, bitch whore. She used to have her **** together and now she is a mess. All she wants to do is get drunk and party. Anyways she swears that she cared for me so much but in the same token would treat me like dirt. I even called her on her b-day and sent her an e-card. After I called her she told me to call back and I never did until the next day. We spoke and she was throwing bull**** around again so I told her that I didn't want to talk to her anymore and that she has too many excuses for everything which is making her look very unattractive in my eyes. She then said "You don't want to talk to me anymore?" in a whimpering voice and I said "NO, peace" and hung up the phone. You see...being in contact with her has made me realize that she is trash and the fact that I even thought about her in a good way after she completely disrespected me was stupid. Don't get me wrong I still love the person she WAS...I just don't love the person that she is now. I have finally got to the point where she made herself look and sound so bad that I just wasn't interested anymore. I even told her that the person she has become is a loser and that she was a lot more together when she was younger. Anyways....I have the power back now and telling from her reaction to me telling her I did not want to talk to her anymore seems like she has made a big mistake. Ohh well....you make your bed you lie in it. The ship has sailed for her now and I am finding that I connect a lot better with a lot of different people. You guys on this site are awesome.....thanks for getting me through the rough times. Peace, Jai
ringo Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 When my SO and I were seperated.... when we didn't talk - I was fine, happy and living life... but when he did call... I hated him and was always upset and angry. Each call reminded me of why I chose to leave him.... Yet again, what may work for some of us, doesn't work for others.... Good luck to you!
popvix Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 I think you hit the nail on the head there Jai, about loving the person they WERE, and not the person they became.... once we can see into the person our ex's have become and not tell ourselves we can somehow "fix them" with the power of love (yeah being corny there) then we can put some emotional distance between us and them, and perhaps start the more healthy process of having fond memories of the past for what they were... instead of trying to cling onto them as a means of securing the future. Stupidly, i tried that trick with my ex when we were splitting up, the whole "what we were" "what we've done" "what we've been through" line... but didnt realise at the time that you cant use the past as a way to fix the present and the future.
wolvie666 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 We were just together a year longer than you guys were. But she's out there almost everynight partying with this new loser guy and like you, I talked to her one day and realized that I was not talking to the same person and that I didn't like the person I was talking to at all so I've stopped contact. I know she's scared of me moving on even though she's with somebody else. I thik she knows deep down that partying can't be your life forever and she sees me as a good person to settle down with when shes ready to do that. Well, guess what? That's not fair to me and I am moving on. She threw away 6.5 years to go out and get drunk and date a guy who is a complete waste, she's completely immature and I refuse to sit around and wait for her to come to her senses. When she does come to her senses she will realize that she lost the best thing that every happened to her. I don't know why girls go through this, but I've heard so many stories that are the exact same thing. Young girl is involved in a commited relationship for years, comes of legal drinking age and starts to think she's missing out on something so she throws away her relationship in favor of partying and seeing other people. From what I've heard they always come back, my situation hasn't reached that stage yet (we've been broken up 2 months), but I know she is not happy. I talked to her mom and she said she is distant and constantly biting her nails... I don't know... I just try to keep her out of my head as much as possible. It hurts like hell to think my little girl is out there doing all this crap when she used to be so much smarter than that, but I guess she has to learn a lesson. And when she does she will be crawling back begging my forgiveness. I don't know if I'll be willing to offer it or not though...
popvix Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 I would place a bet on the reason why they do it (men AND women) is because of the pressures on young people these days to conform to the norms of "fun". Open a magazine for people our age and its all about the number of men/women you date and more to the point... sleep with. Turn on the TV and its shows like Temptation Island. Go to a bar and its full of people hooking up..... At the end of the day, mainstream youth society for adults isnt geared towards finding true love, commitment and working at something bigger and better in the long term, its full of shallow thrills. So, the difference between the people who are dumped for this reason and the people who are the dumpers is a question of whether or not you want to gague your achievements in life against the "standard". 20 years ago in the UK, there wasnt the level of open female promiscuity that there is today - peoples standards were different then and i doubt that young people felt they were missing out if they hadnt been with at least 10 people, woken up in a gutter in your own vomit or been to bed with 2 guys at once (yes im saying this from a male perspective and i KNOW it works both ways). Personally i cant stand TV and/or Society in that respect and i more or less shy away from people who want to conform to those norms. I still love going out and having a great time to excess, but people like that are in the minority these days.
overseas2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 I couldn't get no contact from my ex. He did not want to date me but he kept wanting to call or stop by to see how I was. Even though he was the one with the problems. Anyway to make a long story short. I left the country for a while and of course he could not have contact. I was over him so fast after I left it wasnt funny. When I came back home I had no urge to contact him. That is what no contact is all about folks. It has nothing to do with testing whether they want you or not. Its about helping you to get over it. And it works. I got upset every time he called and it took me a week or so to calm myself again. Who wants to live like that.
Author Jai Posted August 4, 2004 Author Posted August 4, 2004 Like I said for some reason the more I talked to her the more she just wasn't as attractive in my eyes. She is a total bitch all the time and the only way she can have fun is get hammered all the time. Sounds like a pretty productive life. thumbs up....lol....but seriously I am 25 years old and I don't want to party all the time. I work 2 jobs and go to school. The problem my ex and i had was that I didn't see her enough because I was trying to build OUR future. Then this next loser starts to pick her up when she is getting lonely. You can figure the rest from there. I even called her on her b-day and sent her an e-card and she didn't even thank me or nothing. The next day I called her back and asked about the card but before she could say anything I cut her off and said to her that she is ungreatful and that I never want to speak to her again. Like I said she repeated what I said in an upset tone to clarify the situation i guess and I said No I dont want to talk to you anymore, Peace....and hung up the phone. She is lucky I even called her on her b-day seeming that she disrespected me so much in the end and post relationship. Like I said now I have the power....and it feels real good. Can anyone get a read on why she was upset? For someone that doesn't want me back like she says that doesn't seem ethical. If I didn't want someone back and they told me I dont want to talk to you I would say ok....not get upset. Anyone, Jai
wolvie666 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 She is living in the moment and has an uncertainty about her future (like my ex). She probably likes the idea of having you around, just in case she decides she isn't happy with the life she's living right now and wants to come back to you. It's selfish, but it's exactly what my ex is doing to me as well. Part of them realizes that they're being immature and that it won't last, but it's not fair to expect us to hang around and wait for them to get it out of their system. It's like okay, you're dating another guy and you hope that I'm just gonna sit back and wait for you? I don't think so. My ex got completely jealous when I told her my friends wanted to hook me up with somebody even though (I didn't know at the time) she was already seeing this guy, she said something like, "it doesn't take you long to move on to something else..." How ridiculous is that? She had already slept with the guy and was getting mad that I may have been meeting other people. It's just selfish and it's best to just leave them mess up their lives and fool themselves into thinking they're having a good time. These girls will wake up one day feeling terrible about everything they've done. On that day they will want us back. Hell two weeks ago my ex called me in the middle of the night crying saying she missed me, wanted to go back to normal, etc. They're all mixed up... bad.
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