Jamieson Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Hello All Just thought I would share my story, was hoping for some feedback from so strangers I have been working with this girl for a couple of years now, we have both been single the whole time, we are both really not interested in relationships, were the type to have FWB, we always talked and shared stories about people we have slept with in the past. So back in January my brother in law had passed was very sudden. The girl being a great friend was there for me whenever and however I needed, the day before his burial she was leaving to go down south for vacation. This is where things turn. She was texting me back and forth and telling how she felt bad, yada, yada, this was happening while she was waiting for her flight, had a couple of drinks of course, this is when she says “I wish you where here and coming with me” I replied I wish I was too. When she came back she told me her stories of hooking up with some guys, this is when I realized I had feelings for her as it bothered me. Things went on as normal we would always through little comments at each other, occasional grab a drink after work, maybe give her a ride home once in a while. Fast forward to September about 6 weeks ago, my mother suddenly passes ( I know FML worst year of my life) again she is there for me, came to funeral the whole nine yards. This is where it gets interesting….. Buried my mother on a Wednesday, took time of work, that weekend she had girls cottage weekend planned, she went away, I was obviously at home all weekend, as soon as she got back Sunday night she called me (don’t normally speak) this is when I knew (or at least what I thought I knew) she was interested. We made arrangements for the Monday to meet for lunch, we work same dept, sit in the cube next to each other. So we decided to meet down the street so no one would see me as I was off, so we had lunch was kind of quiet we talked, she consoled was being a great friend, we had a smoke outside after lunch before getting in the car and I was kind of awkward as I needed a hug. I dropped her of down the street from work and that’s when she said she hadn’t given me a hug and I said yes you haven’t and really needed one, once we hugged I kissed her on the cheek, then we she rested our foreheads against each other and then I kissed her, and we kissed for a bit. She stopped and we both kind of freaked and I said sorry this isn’t right, at least timing wasn’t. She went back to work I left and she texted me that she kind of freaked out and left but that everything was cool, I said yes timing isn’t right but it felt so right, she agreed. I said maybe meet up after work? She said she had a lot to do but will see, we didn’t end up meeting that night. Next day I went back to work, that night I drove her home we went for a drink by her place, walking distance. We had a couple of drinks went outside for a smoke. I had a cigarette in my mouth she took it out so we could make out. During all of this she had told me that on the weekend she had told her friends that she wanted to sleep with me. During the making out and drinking that night we pinky swore that we wouldn’t sleep with each other that night, (not sure why to be honest). At the end of the night I walked her home, my car was there she invited me up, we ended up making out like crazy, somehow both naked, very passionate, I was holding back a lot, telling her how I felt and how I had feelings for her, In the end she said she couldn’t do it, we both decided the timing wasn’t right. I had mentioned that we had lots of time lets not rush it, let go out for a drink next week and take it from there. Fast forward the next week she says drink after work I say sure, little did I know she wanted to break my heart, we went back had a drink and this is where she said she couldn’t give me a 100% and it wouldn’t be fair to me. She was happy we didn’t have sex as she wouldn’t be able to deal with that knowing I had the feelings that I have. A month has now gone by I still have feelings for her. She says she loves and cares for me, just not in love with me, she recently moved out of her parent’s place, downtown, she kind of in party mode I guess. I am 40 she is turning 28 next week actually. I’m wondering is she just afraid of commitment? Just stuck in party mode? Any suggestions if I should just walk away? Should I still pursue? Do I buy her a b-day gift? Did she just want to sleep with me and i brought feelings into it? I think that’s enough for now………..lol
kamani Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 It appears she herself doesn't know what she wants. May be she need some space. I wonder whether she is in a committed relationship that you don't know about.
Author Jamieson Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 It appears she herself doesn't know what she wants. May be she need some space. I wonder whether she is in a committed relationship that you don't know about. she is definitely not in a relationship, i work beside her everyday for the past 2 years, still do
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 She's definitely insecure about something...from the way you tell the story, it's hard to tell though. This may sound like a silly question, but do you think all the intimacy was related to the alcohol? I just ask because you mentioned you guys go out for drinks a lot.
Author Jamieson Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 She's definitely insecure about something...from the way you tell the story, it's hard to tell though. This may sound like a silly question, but do you think all the intimacy was related to the alcohol? I just ask because you mentioned you guys go out for drinks a lot. don't think it is alcohol related, we had 3 drinks over a 4 hour span, and ate in between as well
amaysngrace Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 What's up with all the "the timing is not right"s? What does that mean? She sounds like she really likes you but is afraid of commitment.
Author Jamieson Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 What's up with all the "the timing is not right"s? What does that mean? She sounds like she really likes you but is afraid of commitment. not sure, i think the same, thoughts on pursuing? if so how?
BreakOnThrough Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Man, in my opinion, you showed your hand too soon. She backed off when she realized how deeply you felt about her. You said it yourself, she is NOT into relationships, more than likely, she is NOT into attachment either and all the emotional junk that goes along with it. Should have played it more cool, she probaly just wanted to hook up and that's it, but now it's too late. She just wanted to **** an older Guy and be done with it, minus the drama.
CptSaveAho Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Did you miss the boat on this....geez She wanted to sleep with you, you probably could have "dated" her too if you didnt chicken out after that first kiss and then give her space to process it Stop listening to what she says and watch her "ACTIONS" ... she's just self talking when she says all those stupid things
Author Jamieson Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Man, in my opinion, you showed your hand too soon. She backed off when she realized how deeply you felt about her. You said it yourself, she is NOT into relationships, more than likely, she is NOT into attachment either and all the emotional junk that goes along with it. Should have played it more cool, she probaly just wanted to hook up and that's it, but now it's too late. She just wanted to **** an older Guy and be done with it, minus the drama. i think this is the case also, question is what do i do now?
kerme Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Jamie, don't overthink it. Ask her out, have a good time, up the flirting and physical touch. If you need to, tell her that you just want to focus on that night and that moment and not what may or may not happen down the road. That way she'll know it's a hookup. Kiss her, make each other comfortable, and hook up. That's it.
Author Jamieson Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 don't think she want to sleep with my now, knowing the feelings and emotions are there
kerme Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 How do you know what she wants now, at this point, without talking to her again? It sounds like she has feelings for you and cares about you but might be scared or insecure about something. She wouldn't have spent time consoling you and gone out of her way to contact you if she didn't. Not to mention the naked make out session. Oh and what is with all the timing isn't right crap? It sounds like you both "freaked" and kept stopping things when they got going and said the timing isn't right. Jamieson do you want this girl? If so, then do something about it. Talk honestly with her and figure things out. It sounds like you both have insecurities about your feelings. Just my thoughts based on your posts.
pteromom Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Did she just want to sleep with me and i brought feelings into it? Yes, this. You knew from the start that she wasn't interested in a relationship and liked to party and sleep around. When you kissed her, she wanted to sleep with you. But since you already had a friendship, it was a little awkward, especially when she realized you had feelings for her. Feelings she didn't share. If you want to just sleep with her, let her know and she'll probably be up for it. If you want to stay friends with her, she'll probably be up for that. But if you want her to profess her love for you and be in a relationship with you, that's highly unlikely to happen.
kerme Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Yes, this. You knew from the start that she wasn't interested in a relationship and liked to party and sleep around. When you kissed her, she wanted to sleep with you. But since you already had a friendship, it was a little awkward, especially when she realized you had feelings for her. Feelings she didn't share. If you want to just sleep with her, let her know and she'll probably be up for it. If you want to stay friends with her, she'll probably be up for that. But if you want her to profess her love for you and be in a relationship with you, that's highly unlikely to happen. I agree that she'll probably still be up for the hookup.
Author Jamieson Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 I agree that she'll probably still be up for the hookup. in conversation that night, she said she couldn't sleep with me no given the circumstances yes i want her, want her bad, just the feeling isn't mutual her birthday is next weekend and she didn't invite me, i would go anyways, all her friends now and it would be awkward was thinking of getting her a gift but not sure about that either
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