NeverGiveUp76 Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Ladies, would really appreciate honest answers! Might even mail a bottle of champagne your way if you have a recommendation that helps!!! I am mid thirties, 6ft 1, 82 kg (athletic), wearing stubble beard, educated, good skier, rider, golfer, excel at my job, make ok money and ....... I am told by friends (male and female) that I am a handsome dude,v sociable, funny and v confident. Part of my job is public speaking, so I earn the bacon with eloquence and confidence. However.......I am absolutely unable to get a date. Both in real life and online. friends have checked my profile and given their ok. Unfortunately, only v few reply (( in real life, only really hot women give me their phone number, but obviously those have 10 guys and it is difficult to pin them down. Regular girls (which I would prefer) are nice to me, but as soon as I ask them out turn into bitches (why???) I have even left a circle of friends because one girl freaked out after I asked her out for a coffee (why??? A simple NO would have done). Additional problem, I live (and teach) in a university city and the average age of women is 21 or so. This makes it difficult to find women my age. So, any ideas? Why do I turn nice girls into bitches when I ask them out for coffee. Why am I most unsuccessful with regular girls and only drama queens meet up with me (whenever the fitness coach is on holiday). This is really driving me crazy! Would really appreciate ur help
todreaminblue Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Ladies, would really appreciate honest answers! Might even mail a bottle of champagne your way if you have a recommendation that helps!!! I am mid thirties, 6ft 1, 82 kg (athletic), wearing stubble beard, educated, good skier, rider, golfer, excel at my job, make ok money and ....... I am told by friends (male and female) that I am a handsome dude,v sociable, funny and v confident. Part of my job is public speaking, so I earn the bacon with eloquence and confidence. However.......I am absolutely unable to get a date. Both in real life and online. friends have checked my profile and given their ok. Unfortunately, only v few reply (( in real life, only really hot women give me their phone number, but obviously those have 10 guys and it is difficult to pin them down. Regular girls (which I would prefer) are nice to me, but as soon as I ask them out turn into bitches (why???) I have even left a circle of friends because one girl freaked out after I asked her out for a coffee (why??? A simple NO would have done). Additional problem, I live (and teach) in a university city and the average age of women is 21 or so. This makes it difficult to find women my age. So, any ideas? Why do I turn nice girls into bitches when I ask them out for coffee. Why am I most unsuccessful with regular girls and only drama queens meet up with me (whenever the fitness coach is on holiday). This is really driving me crazy! Would really appreciate ur help What do you say to them and are you touchy feely? Do you stand close and how do you approach.......deb
unbeknown Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Hi, I know you're after a female point of view but hopefully I can offer something. Please don't beat yourself up about not being able to get a date from online. The ratio of men to woman is beyond ridiculous and the girls on there can become VERY picky. They get hundreds of messages a week and become accustomed to this. In real life I doubt they get appraoched in the day. Very few woman do so to have all these men throwing themselves at them they revel in the enjoyment and can take their time to pick and chose as they please. Online dating is 95% in my eyes based on looks. Some might disagree but trust me. I set up a fake profile with some male model photos I found online. In my about me section all I wrote was "Will fill in later, Just moved to the city so if you like what you see get in touch". That's it. And the messages from girls flooded in. I was quite shocked. And the very girls who write on their profiles "do not just say 'hi' I will ignore you' are saying just that to me. One even messages me 5 times becuase I didn't reply. It was quite an insight in to online dating. I never sent out a single message and received over 200. If no one believes me I suggest you try it yourself. No matter what you say in your messages if the girls aren't interested in your pictures they will ignore you. As for real life, How do the typical conversations go leading up to you asking them for coffee? How are you meeting these woman? Hope the online bit of advice can help in some sort of way, Keep trying. Online dating is very hit and miss. I've had a few dates from it (all turned out to be bitches in the end ha) but from what I've learned the best thing to do is message a lot of woman but keep your messages short and to the point. Mention something that you've seen on their profile and how you can relate to is also. Good luck!
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I've never heard of woman after woman turning into a b*tch when ask her to go out for coffee...not sure I know what you mean by that, it sounds kind of like you're trying to date 18 year olds or something and they're freaked out by your age. I agree that you should date women closer to your own age or older. University towns do have a lot of young girls, but the older women have to be somewhere, you're just not looking in the right place I'm assuming. Online dating is a good option, have you tried many different sites? I've tried 3 so far, seem to find a lot of men who are around my age and serious about wanting a relationship.
Author NeverGiveUp76 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Thanks for ur messages, here some clarification: RiverRain: no absolutely not going after v young women. Late 20s and older, there shouldn't be an age problem. I might want to rephrase it and say after asking them out some turn into bitches, some act awkward when I am around. Tod: neither touchy nor feely. What do I say? She: going shopping on my own tomorrow in town. Me: cool, have fun. I am in the city as well tomorrow, if the bags get too heavy, give me a call and I join u for a coffee break. Fitchick: where I live women older than me live in a village outside, married with a couple of kids. I think I give that a miss Unbeknown: good point, some girls indeed what a white knight and ignore regular guys (especially true for not so attractive girls)
Author NeverGiveUp76 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Monica, thanks. That v good advise, I don't think I do that but I will monitor it from now on. Much appreciated!
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Thanks for ur messages, here some clarification: RiverRain: no absolutely not going after v young women. Late 20s and older, there shouldn't be an age problem. I might want to rephrase it and say after asking them out some turn into bitches, some act awkward when I am around. Weird...if they act awkward when you're around, they don't feel comfortable with you, but there's no reason you can think of? Not coming on too strong maybe? 1
Author NeverGiveUp76 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Coming on too strong. maybe. From this quote can you tell me if I am coming on too strong? She: going shopping on my own tomorrow in town. Me: cool, have fun. I am in the city as well tomorrow, if the bags get too heavy, give me a call and I join u for a coffee break. They are v relaxed 'round me, but after i give the line above (or sth similar) they start acting weird?!?!?!?
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Coming on too strong. maybe. From this quote can you tell me if I am coming on too strong? She: going shopping on my own tomorrow in town. Me: cool, have fun. I am in the city as well tomorrow, if the bags get too heavy, give me a call and I join u for a coffee break. They are v relaxed 'round me, but after i give the line above (or sth similar) they start acting weird?!?!?!? Doesn't sound at all creepy, it's kind of cute what you wrote. Honestly...I'm confounded by texting and all the misunderstandings and confusion over it. I've banned it from my world. I can't begin to interpret words without hearing the emotion of the voice or seeing the demeanor of a person's face.
Author NeverGiveUp76 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 thanks!! also verified that i don't come over as a creep (asked sister, friends etc.) Hmmmmmm, what could it be........
River Rain Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 thanks!! also verified that i don't come over as a creep (asked sister, friends etc.) Hmmmmmm, what could it be........ I know it sounds cliché, but you seem to be meeting the wrong women...there has to be a new dating pool you can dive into. You said the online dating isn't working for you?
clia Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Can you give us a couple of concrete examples of how these nice women turned into bitches by merely the act of you asking them out for coffee? I'm just not sure what you mean. Something isn't computing here.
sweetkiwi Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 coffee is not a real date. Ugh. So many men go this route and its boring and predictable. Ask them out for interesting dates. If they are interesting women they will grab the bait. At least i do. I am 25. And i date older men. So. Maybe i'm not a ten, but i am ****ing awesome and interesting. So. Maybe its only your problem in the way that you're attracting the wrong women. Obvious right. Try different things. Not asking out the ten at the club or bar but asking the normal 7 or 8 out at a dance class or her job. You're cute. If thats you in the picture. I can't say whats wrong with your approach or you.
Author NeverGiveUp76 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Kiwi, thanks, that's indeed me. Coffee is jet one example, have tried more active stuff as well, no difference really. The problem is that the 10s are a lot cooler and are much less likely to be awkward (more experience???). But you're abs. right: I'd much rather date a 5 or 7 who is interesting and fun, than a 10 that's cool and hardly available. The former type is, however, the problem.
Author NeverGiveUp76 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Clia: pulling faces, looking away, not saying 'hi' etc.
Author NeverGiveUp76 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 RiverRain: indeed, online dating = zilch
mortensorchid Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I also never heard of a woman who turns into a b*tch if you ask them to have coffee with them. Is there something else you are leaving out? How exactly are they turning into said b*tch? It would help with observations.
mesmerized Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 90+ percent of time when a man has your issue its his looks...women wouldnt give a guy a hard time if they are attracted and he is not creepy. How many times would you say this has happened to you?
Author NeverGiveUp76 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 thanks guys: Orchid: pulling faces, looking away, not saying 'hi' etc. Another occasion, the girl almost jumped a nerd that happened to stand next to her. The poor guy didn't know what was happening to him!! Mesmerised: Judge yourself, there is a recent photo next to this post. Also, I asked other people to assess if I act creepy and the unison verdict was that I wasn't. It has gotten worse since I moved to a new town 5 years ago.
mesmerized Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Your picture is not clear enough for me to be able to judge. Are you from an ethnic minority in your area? That could affect it too.
Author NeverGiveUp76 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Nope, I am Caucasian as most others here. I am a foreigner though.
jolbell Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 If you're not having luck, experiment and test out some possibilities. Wear different style clothes, look younger, maybe experiment with facial hair (clean shave?) and look approachable. What is your best physical feature? Online, definitely bring that out in pictures. I find that many guys in their 20s can look like they are in their 40s! Not desirable in my eyes. FYI: I don't find your line about shopping and carry bags creepy. But I would find it annoying if you say stuff like that often because I interpret what she said as "I'm looking forward to shopping by myself." Try a different approach. Say "when you're done shopping, I'd love to take you out to dinner" instead.
FitChick Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Try the paid dating websites. They generally have people more serious about dating than the free ones. If you live in a large city, being a foreigner shouldn't be a problem since there are loads of foreigners.
Author NeverGiveUp76 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Monica: def. picked up that you are a ball buster;) i took ur suggestion serious! I will monitor if I come over as aloof and my friends arent nearly as nice as urs;) Jolbel, thanks. It was just an example. I let some of my creativity flow into those lines,mso they change all the time. Fitchick: tried match, eharmony etc. any suggestions welcome, maybe I have missed out on a really good site!
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