Nyla Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I view lovemaking in a marriage as a very sacred and necessary part of being wed. I think that the bonding which occurs during sex when people are married is indescribably joyous, healing and special. Before I was married, I had a very cold way of looking at sex because I had been hurt and used by men, who treated me badly once I slept with them. I cut off all my feelings from the act so that I wouldn't get hurt anymore. When I began to make love to my husband while we were dating, I noticed that he looked deep into my eyes and that was frightening. It was too intimate for me but my husband kept trying to get me to enjoy the closeness of lovemaking. I have severe intimacy issues from surviving abuse. After we got engaged and married, I learned to allow myself to feel all the love that comes with married sex and now I can't imagine being intimate with anyone but my husband. My sex drive is very high and my husband's desire is only slightly less than mine. He is eight years my senior, so lovemaking is much more about quality than quantity. I could make love every single day, but my husband is more like 4 times a week, which is a good compromise. He has taught me to remember romance and not be so harsh when talking about being intimate. I feel like I look at sex the way a man does. Sometimes I read words to the effect of "Sex isn't important in a marriage". I don't understand that point of view, so I thought I would post this thread and ask the marrieds on Loveshack. 1
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I'm not a "married" but I do agree with everything you say. It's bonding and intimate. It's an extension of love and definitely a very important part of any relationship I'll have.
carhill Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I alluded to the quality/quantity dynamic in another thread running on this topic, though it was focused on women 45 and older. Each person is different. My simple rule has been that the bedroom (generic term) is the sanctuary of romance and vulnerability. It's the 'safe' place and lovemaking/sex should feel safe within its walls. Suspend arguments/disagreements/grudges/whatever at the door. I can share that, when the point came where I felt it was 'wrong' to be in there, it was at that point I knew our M was ostensibly over. As I shared in MC, that process happened 'one day at a time' over a number of years. Best wishes for many happy years of lovemaking and marriage. 1
belkin2 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 I alluded to the quality/quantity dynamic in another thread running on this topic, though it was focused on women 45 and older. Each person is different. My simple rule has been that the bedroom (generic term) is the sanctuary of romance and vulnerability. It's the 'safe' place and lovemaking/sex should feel safe within its walls. Suspend arguments/disagreements/grudges/whatever at the door. I can share that, when the point came where I felt it was 'wrong' to be in there, it was at that point I knew our M was ostensibly over. As I shared in MC, that process happened 'one day at a time' over a number of years. Best wishes for many happy years of lovemaking and marriage. There is another thread going which asks why you don't want to have sex with your partner. This here pretty much sums it up for me. Sad as I have been the one desiring the sexual intimacy be addressed and I feel I have reached the end of the road of any hope for it to change. We are not sexless, but I now feel we should be. It feels wrong.
cocorico Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Sometimes I read words to the effect of "Sex isn't important in a marriage". I don't understand that point of view, so I thought I would post this thread and ask the marrieds on Loveshack. I agree with you. Sex is very important to both of us. It generates, and is fed by, intimacy in our M and I think the quality and quantity of our lovemaking has helped to keep us so loved up. 1
Eve Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 The hot hot loving is pretty important stuff! I think it is important to have different levels of love making to share affection and satisfy horny-ness. Take care, Eve x
Shaun-Dro Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I view lovemaking in a marriage as a very sacred and necessary part of being wed. I think that the bonding which occurs during sex when people are married is indescribably joyous, healing and special. Before I was married, I had a very cold way of looking at sex because I had been hurt and used by men, who treated me badly once I slept with them. I cut off all my feelings from the act so that I wouldn't get hurt anymore. When I began to make love to my husband while we were dating, I noticed that he looked deep into my eyes and that was frightening. It was too intimate for me but my husband kept trying to get me to enjoy the closeness of lovemaking. I have severe intimacy issues from surviving abuse. After we got engaged and married, I learned to allow myself to feel all the love that comes with married sex and now I can't imagine being intimate with anyone but my husband. My sex drive is very high and my husband's desire is only slightly less than mine. He is eight years my senior, so lovemaking is much more about quality than quantity. I could make love every single day, but my husband is more like 4 times a week, which is a good compromise. He has taught me to remember romance and not be so harsh when talking about being intimate. I feel like I look at sex the way a man does. Sometimes I read words to the effect of "Sex isn't important in a marriage". I don't understand that point of view, so I thought I would post this thread and ask the marrieds on Loveshack. Don't ever underestimate the value of sexual intimacy between men and women. I once dated a girl based on sex and it lasted about 6 months. I'm convinced it could've gone a solid year had I wanted it to. With that, I'm messing with another girl right now and it's only sexual. Not a month before that there were 2 at the same time, but I lost track of one of my phone calls with the woman, she caught on that I wasn't taking her seriously so she bailed. Not a problem, I will just carry on the no strings attached sex with this latest dame until I bore of her too.
BetheButterfly Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 I view lovemaking in a marriage as a very sacred and necessary part of being wed. I think that the bonding which occurs during sex when people are married is indescribably joyous, healing and special. Before I was married, I had a very cold way of looking at sex because I had been hurt and used by men, who treated me badly once I slept with them. I cut off all my feelings from the act so that I wouldn't get hurt anymore. When I began to make love to my husband while we were dating, I noticed that he looked deep into my eyes and that was frightening. It was too intimate for me but my husband kept trying to get me to enjoy the closeness of lovemaking. I have severe intimacy issues from surviving abuse. After we got engaged and married, I learned to allow myself to feel all the love that comes with married sex and now I can't imagine being intimate with anyone but my husband. My sex drive is very high and my husband's desire is only slightly less than mine. He is eight years my senior, so lovemaking is much more about quality than quantity. I could make love every single day, but my husband is more like 4 times a week, which is a good compromise. He has taught me to remember romance and not be so harsh when talking about being intimate. I feel like I look at sex the way a man does. Sometimes I read words to the effect of "Sex isn't important in a marriage". I don't understand that point of view, so I thought I would post this thread and ask the marrieds on Loveshack. Sex is incredibly important in my marriage. I hope it always stays that way! 1
QueenDiva Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Sex is important, but its not the MOST important thing to us. I dont have much of a sex drive therefore no desire to have sex except on the rare occasion. So it has become something that when we do have sex it really does bond us and bring us closer to each other. Especially when tensions and frustrations are built up. Its a huge stress reliever and definately something that hubby looks forward too as bad as that sounds it works for us. Where for others it may not. It really just depends on you and your life and your personal preference.
SylviaFG Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I view a good sexual connection as absolutely vital for a good marriage. Without it, a marriage becomes more like a platonic roommates, in which case why not just be roommates? In my first marriage my husband had a low sex drive and I used to cry myself to sleep some nights from the ache of wanting sex and not being able to have it, and the lack of intimacy more generally. I would never put up with that again. My advice to singles is to be sure you're sexually compatible before you get married, and that includes frequency. 1 time a month is not enough. I'm more a 2 or 3 times a day girl. My husband now can't manage that much but he does like it almost every day, and what is lacking in quantity is more than made up for by the quality. My husband is sooo hot. Thank the Lord I found him. Better late than never. For me sex is like the glue that holds us together. It gives the good feelings that make us smile, and when we're smiling and relaxed and satisfied sexually, any little issues that happen seem easier to resolve. It just makes everything better.
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