Did I make the right choice??

[CherryLunar]

Did I make the right choice with deciding to remain single? My ex-girlfriend and I were together for almost 5 years now. And as far back as I can remember I made all of the initiative with interacting with her. When we first began dating she couldn’t even muster the words I love you. When I would tell her this her reply to me was always a “You too.” In spite of feeling my feelings being somewhat brushed off I looked past this at her more better, and charming qualities. She was someone who understood me, someone I could laugh with, someone who loved me for years even (We grew up together.) I had thought that she was the one, but I was sadly mistaken.

 

 

Over the years of dating her I came to realize one grave matter. I was always making the initiative, I greatly yearned for her to sometimes every now and again try. Once in a blue moon I’d luck out and she would actually do it. She’d text me, or she’d call me and it would make me feel so happy. It would make me feel wanted, loved ya know? We spent a lot of time together when she was in high school, and working at a daycare. But once she graduated she went to a cosmetology school and began working at Target after leaving her daycare job and this is when problems began.

Part of my own fault was that I was trying to be respectful of her working long hours and going to school long hours. But don’t be mistaken, I didn’t just sit idly, I would constantly ask her what her work schedule was, what days she was free. She would tell me the days she’d have off but she would also add that she’ll probably end up going into work on that day, which in turn would make me feel confused and rejected. Not to mention at this point I had grown tired of her lack of initiative, she never texted me or gave me a phone call for days. I figured she was probably just busy..well I was wrong.

 

 

As it would turn out she was sitting on her hands waiting for me to call her and wondering where I was. And about a week after taking her out to the movies (My idea again like always.) She randomly decided it was over and that we weren’t going anywhere, that I never call her or text her. But here’s the thing ladies and gentlemen; prior to this breakup we had a long talk about how much she wanted communication to be amped up. And I was trying to do this, but while I was trying to fix what was lacking between us she began to ignore my text messages and my phone calls for about a 1 week and a ½. We got into a big fight when she suddenly threw this breakup information in my face. She said it was too late and I waited too long. That we aren’t going anywhere and I’m not trying to improve myself (I just got promoted at work btw..) It threw me for a whurl because she kept all this in.. and mind you I would always ask her if she ever had a problem or if something was wrong. I just don’t understand this outcome. I respected everything about her, I’d wake up in the dead of the night just to come to her if she needed me. I respected her no sex before marriage rule (she was raised in a strict religious environment.) I even respected her belief that she sometimes see’s demons etc.. I just don’t get how someone who is so religious could seem so shallow?

 

 

Lady’s, Gentlemen, please help me cope with what has happened. If I was wrong please set me straight, I just desperately need that slap on the face, enough so that I wake up from this agony. I should add that the last time we spoke she wanted to remain friends with me but I declined. I just couldn’t bare to be around someone who could just break what we had off for this reasoning and this reasoning alone.

[BreakUpProblems]

Quite frankly, you made the right choice. I personally just got out of a 4 year relationship, where the situation was almost IDENTICAL to what you are speaking of. She never made the effort to make an initiative. Yes, she would say we should hangout, or once in awhile call or text me first, but she never did anything solid. It really just made me feel unwanted. Two weeks ago, I ended it because I finally realized I wasn't happy. And now, looking back on it after two weeks (Not long, but still) I'm finding out that it was the right choice. We are both happier, and I can live my life less stressed about it. I've decided to just take some time to myself, as 4 years is a very long time, and I'm in desperate need of it. But sorry to talk about myself so much. It sounds like this is what needed to happen, as she must not have been very good at communicating, with all that pent up anger and aggression coming out at once.

 

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[CherryLunar]

Thank you breakup, this has really been bugging me like you wouldn't believe. She was making it out to seem like it was more my fault than hers. But I didn't want a finger pointing match I just wanted to try and comprehend what she was thinking..unfortunately no matter how hard I tried she is still stuck on the mentality that the man should be the one to do everything and the woman should wait until the cows come home.

 

It was my understanding that women want to be equal? I mean she for equal pay so why not having equal say in the relationship. I tried so hard to tell her that guys like to hear from girls, and that we're not emotional blocks of wood. But after she said "If I had a daughter I'd tell her to wait on the man to call" I knew it was a lost cause.

 

What's worse is when they reverse it and say you made them feel unwanted, disregarding all the effort you put into the relationship.

[BreakUpProblems]

I felt everything you just said at once. I had to just give up on it. It was to the point where it was making me miserable EVERY day. I'm not sure if you got to that point, but either way, it was good that you ended it. You may feel remorse now, and be sad, but you will realize that you will be happier in the end soon.