salmagundi Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I need some help figuring out what to do about something I might or might not have ****ed up. I've been broken up with my ex for about 5 months now. The other day I was at a potluck when I met a girl. Funny thing too because I almost didn't go because I was worried my ex would be there. She wasn't but this woman was. She approached me when she found out I was the only other anglophone in the room and we talked all evening. The next day she came into the bar with one of her girlfriends(well, more of a tavern really but whatever) and at the bar. I was busy that night but I still managed to talk with her and her friend quite a bit, but here is the problem. When she got up to left I knew I should get her phone number but I was stuck behind the bar and, I dunno, I didn't want to do it in front of everyone and look like a jackass if she shot me down. Now I don't care and if I could do it again I would do it in a second but in the moment, I froze and left it at something lame like "so, see you around soon?" Whatever...I missed my carpe diem moment and now I'm kicking myself... Here's where I am at. I want to invite her out to do something this weekend. I have too choices. I can wait for her to come around work again and then get this done but who knows how long that will take (she's not a regular) and maybe she thinks I'm not interested because I've already blown two chances to get her number already. The other option is, I know where she works because she told me she is working as a teaching assistant at a high school not five minutes from where I work (I'm in education as well, I did my first practicum at this school). My only shot at proactively communicating with her is through her job. I have no idea how else to reach her. So...I've been toying with the idea of going to the school and leaving a note for her with the secretary asking her if she wants to hang out. Completely juvenile? Maybe, but what else can I do? I guess I'm wondering how that would come off or if I would just be better off going with option one. I mean, sooner or later I will run into her...but how long will that take? What would you guys do?
Author salmagundi Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 another question: why is it so hard to get a thread title past the loveshack censor? Why is it illegal to ask for "help" "advice" or say the word "what"? I mean...we're all here for help or advice, right?
dasein Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 What would have been a perfectly normal way to try to meet someone decades ago comes off as creepy or stalky today due to "stranger/danger abuse culture." Is there any way you can find out her contact data from people at the party who may know her? If no other way, wouldn't go by the school, but would call and leave a message for her without details. "This is XYZ, and my number is xxxxx" Good luck.
Author salmagundi Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 thanks for the replies:) I'm not so worried about coming off as stalkerish. I know I don't come off as a creep and I'm only considering the idea because 1) its my only viable option (coincidentally running into as she's getting off work IMO would come off as stalkerish) and 2) I do think she is interested otherwise I wouldn't consider the notre in the first place. The reason I am considering it is because a girlfriend of mine told me that not getting her number when I had the chance probably has given her the impression that I am not interested. Her opinion is that if I leave the note and she is interested, she'll be happy about it. If she isn't interested well, there's my answer. The potluck was at an urban agriculture collective that I belong to and while most everyone there were friends or acquaintances it was open to the public. She came with a couple friends out of curiosity. Nobody there knew her, she's not from here, has only been in town since september and I don't know her last name. So thats why its either 1) action: i leave the note or 2) destiny: I wait and hope I run into her again. Would a note really be 'childish'? I dunno...
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I personally wouldn't see it as creepy, it's not like it's just a random person, you two have met, talked, and hung out a little already. But in the note, I'd mention to her that you wanted to get her phone number the other night, but missed your chance, you remembered where she worked, and hoped you weren't being pushy...leave your number then wait. I don't see it as childish either, if she's interested in you and likes you, she would likely see it as sweet. I can only speak for myself though.
Author salmagundi Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 merci beaucoup RR, yeah, I'm thinking that if I leave the note - something might happen. And if I wait for destiny to make us cross paths again - nothing might happen. So I guess I might as well just go for it. In any case, my chances are helped by the fact that are not a lot of english people for her to meet here thanks for all the advice:)
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 merci beaucoup RR, yeah, I'm thinking that if I leave the note - something might happen. And if I wait for destiny to make us cross paths again - nothing might happen. So I guess I might as well just go for it. In any case, my chances are helped by the fact that are not a lot of english people for her to meet here thanks for all the advice:) De rien I think it's worth taking a chance, just put thought into the note, make it nice. Worst that could happen is you'll never hear from her again, but like you said, in a sea of Francophones, the Anglos tend to find each other
Author salmagundi Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Indeed, funny thing is if this works, this will be the first anglo girl I've dated since I moved here ten years ago...I hope i remember how
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Indeed, funny thing is if this works, this will be the first anglo girl I've dated since I moved here ten years ago...I hope i remember how Lol...I'm sure it's like riding a bike! Good luck! Keep us updated, I'm curious to know how it goes.
raea Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Would a note really be 'childish'? I dunno... I personally wouldn't find issue with being on the receiving end of this. But, I'd make it short and sweet. Tell her you regret missing your chance, and that you wanted to see if she wanted to hang out, leave your number, the end. I can see how it may appear stalkerish but if SHE told you where she works, it isnt like you looked her up and found out. She provided the information, right?
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