littlehope Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 When I was a kid I had recurring dreams about my mother dying unexpectedly. Often set in a car, I'd be in the backseat and my mother would be driving, when suddenly she vanished in the air. In reality I could not drive and in my dreams I couldn't drive the car but I had to, I did my best, scared of course.. Sometimes I'd manage to drive all the way home just to arrive at the funeral of my mother. Can't count the amount of times I had this dream, up till I was 18ish. Thoughts about my mother dying has popped up in my mind since then, now and then, randomly and they make me so sad. I don't understand why I had to think about it so much. Sure, she's not the happiest person on the planet and when I was a teen she threatned about killing herself, always in my presence, cos of something I had done or said, though I was a good kid/teen. Why am I so absorbed in this thought. I'm mid 20s now, I still live at home with my mother, I have very few friends and I don't date anyone anymore (I guess cos quite often I start talking about sad things.. out of my control. This sadness has been with me for so long, almost part of who I am.. It's also given me a completely opposite side. I must come across as quite the circus.) I don't have a driving license. I don't have much hope or vision of my-own-future. No one in my family knows about what I have experienced with my mother and about my dreams.. I get upset when my siblings upset my mother, I buy her gifts, am constantly by her side, run her errands and wanting to see her happy..All my life she has complained at me for not caring about her or anyone else, for being rude and blablabla. I contronted her a number of times when I was younger.. yet I'm still here
TigerCub Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 You asked the question here... Thoughts about my mother dying has popped up in my mind since then, now and then, randomly and they make me so sad. I don't understand why I had to think about it so much. You answered it here Sure, she's not the happiest person on the planet and when I was a teen she threatned about killing herself, always in my presence, cos of something I had done or said, though I was a good kid/teen. Please seek some professional help. Don't let her bad parenting crush you and ruin your life.
GorillaTheater Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 LH, what would you like to do with your life? Do you have any specific goals?
Author littlehope Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 I'm studying at university within medicine but.. It's not what I had planned, or what I would really like to do. I don't know what I would like to do, maybe I will have time to discover this alongside my studies and work. Sometimes I feel like I could do anything, every other day I feel so misplaced, no matter where I am, nothing feels good but there's others who feel the same. I just don't see myself living a complete life of my own
GorillaTheater Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Are you in a position to get your own place? I think it would be helpful to move out as soon as you can. Your mom may well lay a load of guilt in your lap for doing so, but from what you describe it would probably do you good to put some distance between you and your mom.
amaysngrace Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I use to have a dream that my mom ran into the food market and parked in the no parking zone and I would get behind the wheel and drive the car. Sometimes it would crash.
Author littlehope Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 I kind of don't want to move. I feel so lonely just being alone for a weekend, I don't make friends easily and however much damage my mother has done to me and herself she is also my closest friend, and she needs my help pretty much every day. A few years ago I lived abroad, happily but full of anxiety - I was terrified of coming home cos I knew this would happen .. sigh. I had to come home and then had the worst fights ever with my mother. When I had a boyfriend a few years ago, abroad, I could imagine living elsewhere but he did not want to move so we drifted apart.
amaysngrace Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Have you tried seeing a therapist? The relationship you and your mom share sounds so unhealthy to me. It's almost as if its a co-dependency. You cannot live your life if there's always thoughts of her well-being in the back of your mind. It's not your job to take care of her. It never was. Yet somehow you've assumed that role at a young age and it carries with you now to your own detriment. Please see someone so that you can sort this out in a healthy manner. I'm afraid if you don't you will only be robbing yourself of the happiness you deserve.
Author littlehope Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Haven't spoken to anyone about this no. I feel too pathetic talking about it, and how could anyone help me aside from advising me to move away
amaysngrace Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Haven't spoken to anyone about this no. I feel too pathetic talking about it, and how could anyone help me aside from advising me to move away Pathetic is knowing you have a problem and not getting proper help to fix the problem IMO. How could anyone help you? Well you'd have to go see someone to find out.
amaysngrace Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Here is something for you to think about: Codependency Symptoms | Codependency People go see therapists for all kinds of things. It doesn't make you weak to do so. Sometimes we need to change certain things about our lives if things aren't working out too well. To overlook a problem and keep doing what we're doing without trying something different isn't going to magically make it all better. It doesn't work that way. In fact, that's the definition of insanity.
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