Do women date guys who treat them like crap

[Sun Devil]

I notice that guys who treat women badly tens to not stay single for long. I know that women say that they don't like jerks, but they tend to say one thing and do another. I am wondering if treating women badly works. So far, my observations tell me that women subconsciously like being abused. I am having no success and have nothing to lose by treating women badly, anyone else have a similar experience?

[MrCastle]

I think the dating food chain goes like this:

 

1.) Strong confident man who is giving and romantic when he needs to be but doesn't let women walk all over him.

 

2.) Jerk

 

3.) Nice guy

 

 

No girl actively seeks to get abused unless she has problems, in which case consider yourself lucky she's not into you. The jerk does have the edge over the nice guy because he doesn't put women on a pedestal.

 

Those guys that can't say no to a woman when they need to, or have the ability to lead when they need to lead and take control will be forever alone.

 

Those guys that sit at home saying "her boyfriend is such a jerk! if she was my girlfriend I would treat her like a queen! I would bring her breakfast in bed everyday. I would give her piggyback rides to work everyday. I will massage her feet while she sits on a velvet throne everyday" will never get the girl.

[verhrzn]

Tell ya what, go out and try it and report back how well it goes.

[carhill]

OP, when you observe a man who is successful with women, observe him closely, meaning all aspects of him. You're focusing on the 'crap'. The 'glue' is all the other stuff, from how he smells to what kind of lover he is to how good looking he is to how financially secure he is to how charming he is. He can be any number of 'things' and still treat her like 'crap' once in awhile but the balance is positive, hence she stays.

 

The largest lesson I had to learn, generally in my 20's but with occasional refreshers on the nuances over the decades is that, in general, women 'bitch' about things to work the problem out. What sounds like the death of relationship to you is just them working out their emotions. I've come to call it 'cleansing'. The operative prerogative for a male is to avoid being receptacle for that cleansing. At its worst, I liken in to soaking a tampon with waste products so everything is fresh to receive the next penis. Those are the unhealthiest examples. Regardless, at the first whisper of 'crap', be gone like the wind. Life is so much better that way.

 

Lastly, do what you do and don't concern yourself with how other men act. If you feel your behaviors are positive and healthy, then own that. If they need a bit of tweaking, work on that. You can have positive and healthy relationships with women without treating them like crap. If they leave, that's a gift

[todreaminblue]

I notice that guys who treat women badly tens to not stay single for long. I know that women say that they don't like jerks, but they tend to say one thing and do another. I am wondering if treating women badly works. So far, my observations tell me that women subconsciously like being abused. I am having no success and have nothing to lose by treating women badly, anyone else have a similar experience?

 

Please define your idea of subconscious abuse?

[ffw]

OP, when you observe a man who is successful with women, observe him closely, meaning all aspects of him. You're focusing on the 'crap'. The 'glue' is all the other stuff, from how he smells to what kind of lover he is to how good looking he is to how financially secure he is to how charming he is. He can be any number of 'things' and still treat her like 'crap' once in awhile but the balance is positive, hence she stays.

 

The largest lesson I had to learn, generally in my 20's but with occasional refreshers on the nuances over the decades is that, in general, women 'bitch' about things to work the problem out. What sounds like the death of relationship to you is just them working out their emotions. I've come to call it 'cleansing'. The operative prerogative for a male is to avoid being receptacle for that cleansing. At its worst, I liken in to soaking a tampon with waste products so everything is fresh to receive the next penis. Those are the unhealthiest examples. Regardless, at the first whisper of 'crap', be gone like the wind. Life is so much better that way.

 

Lastly, do what you do and don't concern yourself with how other men act. If you feel your behaviors are positive and healthy, then own that. If they need a bit of tweaking, work on that. You can have positive and healthy relationships with women without treating them like crap. If they leave, that's a gift

 

 

Spot on.......

[yongyong]

My favorite breed for a dog is Basset hound. I had 2 of them. They were pain in the ass (hard to train, eat too much, kind of stupid). I could get a lab that is just easier to deal with. But I have a thing for basset hound and I can't trade for that. I think I will get another basset hound hoping it would be a better dog this time.

 

What does it tell you? People won't give up their 'type' for a personality.

They will choose their type first and will try to see if that person is compatible.

If that person is really their type, they will have more tolerance towards conflicts.

I've Never Seen a person saying 'I don't like him/her at all. Actually it would be disgusting to kiss him/her. but he/she seems like nice person. I will ask him/her out'

 

Women Might Let him abuse her if he is really her type. If a guy like you who has nothing to do with her type, does the same thing, their will be a lawsuit.

[carhill]

What I've found fascinating is the element of 'transference' in such relationships where the person seemingly treats their 'mark' to whom they've disgorged all this unhealthiness to with the same type of abuse and disdain which they abhor in the person who's 'their type'. Not at first, mind you, because that would scare the mark off. Gotta get some investment first, then start slipping it in. Once I was able to detach, most markedly after MC, it was amazing to sit back an analyze the psychology of it all. I think most men learn to detach at a much younger age and without the benefit of therapy so they don't face the same challenges but it was kind of fun to reflect on the occurrences as an older man with more life experience and see the progressions. The side benefit to this clarity and detachment is no lingering animosities or frustrations. People do what they do. Life goes on.

[ThaWholigan]

My favorite breed for a dog is Basset hound. I had 2 of them. They were pain in the ass (hard to train, eat too much, kind of stupid). I could get a lab that is just easier to deal with. But I have a thing for basset hound and I can't trade for that. I think I will get another basset hound hoping it would be a better dog this time.

 

What does it tell you? People won't give up their 'type' for a personality.

They will choose their type first and will try to see if that person is compatible.

If that person is really their type, they will have more tolerance towards conflicts.

I've Never Seen a person saying 'I don't like him/her at all. Actually it would be disgusting to kiss him/her. but he/she seems like nice person. I will ask him/her out'

 

Women Might Let him abuse her if he is really her type. If a guy like you who has nothing to do with her type, does the same thing, their will be a lawsuit.

Strangely profound. I actually agree with this to a degree.

[phineas]

Thought the forum already established that you haven't had P**** since P**** had you?!

 

 

Crappy guys get crappy girls more often than not. Being a douche isn't going to fly with anyone respectable... Being a douche is one of many angle used by pick-up artists, and it will work, but again you won't be bagging anything of any quality anytime soon.

 

I know you don't care, you just want to stick it anything, and none of us will be surprised if we see you on the news someday.

 

There are many ways to get further opportunities with women, but you'll catch more bar-flies with honey. Problem is, you have NO game.. not good not bad, none. just none. Work on that, then you can change it up and play different angels, if you so choose.

 

Essentially these types of women are cum-dumpsters.

[todreaminblue]

Essentially these types of women are cum-dumpsters.

 

 

so what does that make the men

[todreaminblue]

My favorite breed for a dog is Basset hound. I had 2 of them. They were pain in the ass (hard to train, eat too much, kind of stupid). I could get a lab that is just easier to deal with. But I have a thing for basset hound and I can't trade for that. I think I will get another basset hound hoping it would be a better dog this time.

 

What does it tell you? People won't give up their 'type' for a personality.

They will choose their type first and will try to see if that person is compatible.

If that person is really their type, they will have more tolerance towards conflicts.

I've Never Seen a person saying 'I don't like him/her at all. Actually it would be disgusting to kiss him/her. but he/she seems like nice person. I will ask him/her out'

 

Women Might Let him abuse her if he is really her type. If a guy like you who has nothing to do with her type, does the same thing, their will be a lawsuit.

 

 

Women Might Let him abuse her if he is really her type. If a guy like you who has nothing to do with her type, does the same thing, their will be a lawsuit.

 

 

this is the only statement i dont agree with what you posted please define what you class as abuse....deb

[amaysngrace]

Men don't treat you like crap when they're dating you. It's after they've gotten their hooks in you that they start to treat you like crap.

 

That was my experience anyway.

[jw123]

I like to say that nice guys may finish last, but they finish best. But if ALL you are is a nice guy you will be scraping the bottom of the barrel forever.

 

I'm a nice guy. But that's not all I am. I'm not terribly handsome but most women think I'm reasonably good looking. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I have a good job. I am sort of quiet and a touch mysterious. I have just a bit of a bad boy edge. I like to flirt and tease a and have a badass hobby that I'm very passionate about and I'm on the BOD of a non-profit. I get asked out far more than I ask out. I don't score a lot, but I'm not trying to score. I never "get lucky." When I do score, I score well and it's always by design and never for just a night.

 

I treat women like human beings. I let them know they are special to me but I don't put them on a pedestal. I expect them to be mature and mostly self-assured adults. We all have some issues, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who would tolerate abuse. In fact I actually broke up with my last GF because she wouldn't stand up for herself. When one of her friends found out we broke up she called me up and offered to be my secret FB. Our first date was meeting at a hotel room- LOL. It was a nice 5 months of meaningless kinky sex but it got old and I didn't like all the secrecy. It was like having an affair but without the cheating.

 

Now I am moving on to a woman I met that I really like. It was one of those instant connection things and I'm really excited about getting to know her.

[todreaminblue]

Men don't treat you like crap when they're dating you. It's after they've gotten their hooks in you that they start to treat you like crap.

 

That was my experience anyway.

 

 

similar experiences I promised myself myself and god the next guy that abuses me is going to have a flash fire on his hands....i don't mean violence on my behalf unless it is physical and i will defend myself, they are a bit scared of me at the moment because i am getting fit..im not putting up with physical crap. i will be ropable..until i gather it wont happen again..i have warned the guys around me of this including family at this point in time and they are being pretty respectful..if they arent they apologise because i ask them too....im even getting compliments.......its a cool change...and about time..deb

[kaylan]

I notice that guys who treat women badly tens to not stay single for long. I know that women say that they don't like jerks, but they tend to say one thing and do another. I am wondering if treating women badly works. So far, my observations tell me that women subconsciously like being abused. I am having no success and have nothing to lose by treating women badly, anyone else have a similar experience?

This is bull.

 

Men and women both end up in bad relationships from time to time, but no one really wants to be treated bad. Trust me, women want a guy who treats them well. Its usually that folks end up with someone who isnt good for them because of the facade that person had up initially. And then once emotions are involved, its hard to break away.

[River Rain]

Do women date guys who treat them like crap

 

The smart healthy and balanced women will not allow it. But any intelligent man knows this already.

 

I thought OP, you were going to buy a wife, so if you pay for her, you can be assured she'll stick with you for a while, no need to ponder if you should become a lowlife abuser or not.

[amaysngrace]

similar experiences I promised myself myself and god the next guy that abuses me is going to have a flash fire on his hands....i don't mean violence on my behalf unless it is physical and i will defend myself, they are a bit scared of me at the moment because i am getting fit..im not putting up with physical crap. i will be ropable..until i gather it wont happen again..i have warned the guys around me of this including family at this point in time and they are being pretty respectful..if they arent they apologise because i ask them too....im even getting compliments.......its a cool change...and about time..deb

 

I nearly killed my exH when I fought back and was charged with attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon and something else but I forget.

 

It was administratively dismissed at my arraignment. But I learned that I couldn't fight back because I would have killed him and he wasn't worth jail.

 

So he would hurt me and I would let him because it was always costing us money whenever the police got involved.

 

When I could do it comfortably, I left.

 

Luckily my sister took pictures every time he left a mark which was a lot so he took his beating during our divorce. And pays for it still.

 

[amaysngrace]

Do women date guys who treat them like crap

 

The smart healthy and balanced women will not allow it. But any intelligent man knows this already.

 

I agree. I was way dysfunctional when I hooked up with him. Plus trusting. I'd never give someone like him a second glance now.

[River Rain]

I agree. I was way dysfunctional when I hooked up with him. Plus trusting. I'd never give someone like him a second glance now.

 

Sorry you went through that. My answer was more to razz the OP with his ridiculous question, not to demean anyone who was in an abusive relationship.

[amaysngrace]

Sorry you went through that. My answer was more to razz the OP with his ridiculous question, not to demean anyone who was in an abusive relationship.

 

I don't feel demeaned by that. It's true. No woman without some serious issues would be with an abuser.

 

I love my kids so much I'd do it all over again actually.

[yongyong]

First of all, I want to correct 'their' to 'there'

 

It goes both ways for men and women.

There is this hot girl this guy really likes. she is annoying though.

she complains about the food on a date. she has some bad temper. sometimes she is mad for no reason. I am sure he will bend over as much as he can. He won't tolerate this kind of behavior from an average girl he is not hooked.

 

'Abuse' can mean a lot of things. calling her fat, giving her cheap stuff on her b-day, disappearing for a while, hanging out with friends and leaving her alone, cheating on her and beating her.

 

A lot of couples fight all the time but they tend to stay for a while.

If we are all 'smart', why would we let that keep happening instead of just walking away?

 

 

 

 

Women Might Let him abuse her if he is really her type. If a guy like you who has nothing to do with her type, does the same thing, their will be a lawsuit.

 

 

this is the only statement i dont agree with what you posted please define what you class as abuse....deb

[River Rain]

i just don't know. i've treated the ladies right all my life and i've had nothing but failure. over two hundred different ladies have accepted a date with me. cancellations and failed first dates almost every time. best i had was almost a month with one lady, but she abruptly stopped returning my calls. no idea why. i've drowned my sorrows in food and haven't had a date in a few months. maybe treating them like dirt works, but i can't do it.

 

Oh come on now...you're a nice guy. You've been treating ladies right, don't sink to that garbage because nobody has clicked with you...you have self-respect. At least you know you can't do it, but thinking that it could work is just silly.

[grkBoy]

I don't think the "jerks" make it a plan to treat women badly.

 

I just think they find the low-self esteem women more attractive. Those women are all crazy scared of being seen as undesirable, which is why so many look so hot.

 

Plus they believe her low self-esteem means she will be easily into his looks, money, and/or charm...but will also see him as the dominant. After all, they want a woman who will put on heels, make them a sandwich, and give them a BJ...not one with a brain or opinion.

 

Most of the time the "jerk" becomes a "jerk" is when the woman is now trying to push or get something he's unwilling to give. He foolishly jumped into bed with a new girl, believing in his mind she'll be happy with just sex, or simply avoiding the commitment talks for as long as possible.

 

When she raises her voice on any matter, he'll explode into his jerk mode. He'll berate her, talk her down, and emotionally or physically abuse her.

 

 

NOW...and I always point this out...the problem isn't that the woman picked this guy to begin with. It's that SHE WILLINGLY CHOOSES TO STAY WITH HIM.

 

She's got low self-esteem, remember? She believes in her mind that she's a complete loser if she can't keep a man. She equates her sense of self-worth on if she's in a RL or not...because in her mind losers sit at the "singles table" when she's going to all her friends' weddings.

 

So you then will wonder why she won't pick the more stable, agreeable, kinder "nice guy". Why she won't just pick a guy who will treat her well. The answer is two-fold:

 

1) She sees nice guys as settling. She wants her friends to envy her for having Mr Hunky Exciting Hot Guy as a boyfriend. She wants to believe she can "beat the odds" and tame the untamable. She wants to believe she's so "amazing" that the jerk will want to be good to her, that he'll give up banging other loose women to commit to her. With the nice guy, she sees it as the easy pickings...her friends won't think he's some amazing guy and she simply went for the easy safe choice.

 

2) She psychologically can't handle being treated well. In my past experiences with "bad boy chasers", I noticed how most of them came from broken families. Divorced parents with abusive fathers, jerk fathers, or negligent fathers. They grew up believing they are worthless and real men are those who show a heavy idea of "power". The nice guy who treats her well isn't pushing his dominance on her.

 

This is why I tend to look at women who chase or used to chase bad boys as "damaged goods" and even a red flag.

 

 

The reality of the "jerk" is he only cares for himself, and these low self-esteem women want him to care about her too. He simply won't, and he's been raised to believe women are lower life-forms. This is why he'll act out in rage when a woman challenges him, and why he won't talk to or deal with any women who have brains and backbones.

[amaysngrace]

I think the dating food chain goes like this:

 

1.) Strong confident man who is giving and romantic when he needs to be but doesn't let women walk all over him.

 

2.) Jerk

 

3.) Nice guy

 

 

No girl actively seeks to get abused unless she has problems, in which case consider yourself lucky she's not into you. The jerk does have the edge over the nice guy because he doesn't put women on a pedestal.

 

Those guys that can't say no to a woman when they need to, or have the ability to lead when they need to lead and take control will be forever alone.

 

Those guys that sit at home saying "her boyfriend is such a jerk! if she was my girlfriend I would treat her like a queen! I would bring her breakfast in bed everyday. I would give her piggyback rides to work everyday. I will massage her feet while she sits on a velvet throne everyday" will never get the girl.

 

This is exactly right.