Co-Habitating

[jrs004]

I meet my boyfriend in October 2010, we hung out and talked for a couple months, started dating March of 2011 and he moved in due to a job loss/end of lease in April 2012. He got a part time minimum wage job about a month later that he said was temporary. I have been financially supporting him since then.

 

I pay for everything except his car payment and car insurance. He got a new much higher paying job that he starts today (November 2012.) At the new job he is on probation for 3 months and is not allowed to work more than 24 hours so he will keep the part time minimum paying job during that time. Once the probation period is up he will be full time and will quit the minimum paying job. The best part is the new job is down the career path he wants and I have always supported

 

However, he is talking about moving out so he can see if he can be self-sufficient, but he talks like we would still be together. He says he has always been dependent upon people financially despite being 28 years old and he wants to see if he can do it alone. While I applaud this thought process (we have fought many times of him draining my finances), I don’t know if we would survive him moving out because of how hurt I am feeling right now

 

We fight 2-3 days a month, usually about one of two things: money or his late (not home until 3-4 am) drinking with his female coworkers. Probably a ratio of 70 to 30, respectively. When we are not fighting things are well enough though out sex life has slowed from a couple times a day (spring 2011) to once a month (Nov 2012.) I truly believe the fighting and the lack of sex would be changed by an upturn in his financial situation because with the way things are I am constantly stressed out about money. When he got the new job I assumed he would continue to live with me, but actually be able to contribute to the household. Part of this thought process is shortly after he started living with me, my lease ran out and instead of renewing the one-bedroom I got the two-bedroom (with his input) so we could have more room

 

The months of financial support have put a drain on me emotionally, psychologically and rendered my savings (~12k) null. Now that he is talking about moving out I am feeling betrayed and furious. I feel like he isn’t even giving it a chance despite saying he still loves me. He says he wants to see how this week goes and then he will decide if he will stay. I have only had two previous relationships (9 months and 1.5 years) and neither of them approaching this level of serious. I’m not sure if I should just let him go or if he does leave even try to stay in the relationship. We had a particularly nasty fight last night about him leaving during which I basically threw him out. I will admit that there have been two other times when us breaking up has come up, but we never have because we always decided to work it out

 

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation or can offer advice?

Edited November 5, 2012 by jrs004

[Drseussgrrl]

He isn't moving out to "see if he can support himself". He could do that, with you, by helping to pay his fair share of the living expenses (as he should).

 

I'm sorry to say but his finding a well-paying job is just opening the doors for him to not have to rely on you anymore so he's trying to make a break for it.

 

He moved in with you out of convenience and yes, he's a parasite. Soon he won't feel the need for you anymore.

 

I'd be furious if I were you - but this is why we always take the steps to protect ourselves. Emotionally, financially, and otherwise. In my opinion a man who depends on a woman like that is a different kind of low. Where is his pride?

[carhill]

Advice: Let him go, degrade the relationship to non-exclusive since he desires to 'make it on his own' and 'drink until 3-4am with female co-workers'. Then bring in a paying roommate if you're stuck for the remainder of the lease. Win-win.