foamcup Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Sorry, this is really long but I truly appreciate any advice you can give... My now ex broke up with me about 2 months ago, maybe a little more. We were together for a little over 2 years and had lived together about a year. It was her choice, not mine. It was very hard for me, but we kept in contact and remained friends. In the beginning she told me that we will never be getting back together. Eventually I accepted that and, while I missed her and still did want to get back together with her, I slowly started to feel ok with the situation. I even went out on a couple dates. At least this was the case until two weeks ago... I was at home watching TV on a Monday night when at 10pm I got a text message. It was my ex. I wasn't surprised she texted me - as I said we kept in contact and remained friends - what surprised me was the contents of the text. It read "I really miss you." I honestly thought she sent it to the wrong person so I asked if she meant to send me that and she said yes. I asked what she meant by that and she said she just really misses me and is confused and thought that ending it might have been the wrong decision. I asked her if she wanted to talk later in the week. We met for dinner the next day where she basically explained she's not sure if she made the right choice and that getting back together is certainly not out of the question, but if we did, she needs to be sure its because its for the right reasons and not due to a moment of weakness or because she is unhappy about other things in her life. She knows I still love her and she finally admitted she still loves me. Well, the door to getting back together was certainly opened there. That week we ended up seeing each other every single day until the next Tuesday. She stayed the night Wednesday that week but slept on the couch and I slept in my bed. However, Thursday of that week things really took an unexpected turn. Before any of this happened I had taken Thursday off of work due to an appoint in the morning. I did what I had to do and came home and she was still at my house. We ended up having a really good day together just hanging out and car shopping for her. Then came a horrible Thurday night. It's a very long ordeal (even longer than this post ), but basically, I was literally up all night looking for her and it was VERY emotional for the both of us. She was sort of mad at me for something I did that was in her best interested, but she was mostly mad at herself, but if nothing else I proved to her how much she means to me and that I will truly to everything I can to care for and protect her. I was even praised by a friend of hers that has been against her hanging out with me at all since we broke up. Anyways, when we finally got home at 5:30 am on Friday morning, we were both tired and emotions were running high. I decided there was no way I was going to work Friday so I called in sick. She decided to crawl into my bed and wanted me to come to bed with her so we could try to get a nap in and so I could keep her warm (we did not have sex or anything). This was first time we slept in the same bed together since we broke up. Ever since then, anytime she has stayed the night, which has been often, we have slept in the same bed together. However, we have not had sex since we broke up. We have only slept together and cuddled in bed. However, it’s not just the sleeping together. We have been spending a lot of time together, and things have been much more touch-feely. We hug a lot, cuddle on the couch and watch TV, hold hands a little...regular things couples do. Fast forward to this morning I had to go to work but was ready before I had to leave so I sat at the side of the bed for a bit (she slept over last night). As I sat there I said to her "fair warning, I'm probably going to kiss you before I leave." She gave a half-hearted excuse why I can’t but it was obviously not real, so shortly after I kissed her. A real kiss, on the lips, that lasted a little bit. She didn't fight it and returned the kiss. This was the second time I had kissed her like that since we broke up. The first time before that was the last time she stayed over and was a very similar situation. But here is my problem. Since the day I met her she has never really been able, or wanted to, talk about anything difficult. She just shuts down and get angry. I told her we are going to have to talk about what is going on at some point and she agreed. Giving her a warning usually makes it easier. However, it has come up a little, and as of last week, she was still "confused" about things and not ready to make a decision. What do I do? I know I could be setting myself up to be hurt all over again and I shouldn't wait for her to decided but her & I both know the reasons we broke up were not really that bad and could easily have been worked though had she been willing to talk. I love her and I want to get back with her. Do I just let things play out and see what happens? Should I continue to move things forward relationship-wise (i.e. more kissing or even making a "move")? I know if I bring it up and trying to talk about what is going on too often it will push her away. How do I make her realize that what she is feeling is not a moment of weakness and not because she is unhappy about other things - but because she is still in love with me and is happy being with me? I'm really confused because on one hand we are so obviously in love and still make each other happy, yet she continues to say she's not sure. Her Father even told me that he was sorry about how things ended up and both he and her Mother hope we end up back together (my ex knows this too). To me is seems so clear. What can I do? I'm so lost. Why can't she just decide?
Pamkiss Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 i think that what she's doing is taking her time to carefully consider what decision she should make. i personally believe that this is wise and you should do the same thing. i think that both of you are on your way to getting back together, and for that new relationship to work out, it should happen naturally. I suggest to take it day by day and don't think too much. If you suddenly feel you want to kiss her, do so. Do something special for her every now and then so you both can settle back to a good place in your relationship. When the moment comes up, that's when you ask her to make it official.
Author foamcup Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) i think that what she's doing is taking her time to carefully consider what decision she should make. i personally believe that this is wise and you should do the same thing. i think that both of you are on your way to getting back together, and for that new relationship to work out, it should happen naturally. I suggest to take it day by day and don't think too much. If you suddenly feel you want to kiss her, do so. Do something special for her every now and then so you both can settle back to a good place in your relationship. When the moment comes up, that's when you ask her to make it official. Well, we actually hade a roller coaster, but necessary, talk last night and this is basically what she said. She did acknowledge that we are "dating" again, but that she didn't think it would be inappropriate if she (or I for that matter) went out on a date with someone else. But, since all of this started a couple weeks ago or so, we have truly been very happy together. We see each other often and she usually stays the night when she does come over. We do kiss regularly now, as well, and we are even going on a short, overnight getaway together this weekend. I know she needs time and I don't want to push her. However, there is one thing that was said last night that has me pretty upset. We have been broken up for almost 3 months now. She told me last night that she slept with 2 people since we broke up. One was happened while she was drunk and the other was with some guy she went on a date with and was from out of town so she knew it was going nowhere. While this is very upsetting for me, I feel a bit hypocritical because I'd be a liar if I said I haven't slept with anyone since we broke up (and I told her I did), but it was only one person. With both of us, this happened before things started picking up between us again and we could be considared "dating." I truly think I can look past this. I asked her if she had any feelings for these people, which said no to. I also asked if it was during the time period where she thought we might get back together (when she first broke up with me she make it clear we would never get back together). She said that it happened when she believed it was over and we never be together again. In fact she was considering that she should not see or talk to me anymore. Although, depsite the fact she said she feels going out on a date with someone else would not be inappropriate, she promise me that as long as things are going the way they are between us, she is not going to sleep with anyone else. I guess the reason I am saying this is because I want some reasurrance that this is something that I can and should be able to put behind me, especially considering I did sleep with someone as well. I do believe I can look past it, but the thought of her with someone else to so upsetting to me. Anyways, can anyone offer any advide as to how I can just accept that it happened and look past it? Edited November 7, 2012 by foamcup
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