!! Urgent.

[Miss No Good]

So it's the 8th month since we officially broke up, and to summarize the whole story once more:

 

1) I begged and pleaded for the first month, trying to convince him that I'd change. He said he still liked me, but couldn't handle a relationship. He said that he had grown tired of giving so much to it and not having enough reciprocated. I saw him with another girl (walking home together, waiting for her after class) and was super hurt and interrogated him about it a lot. He finally admitted that she had severe problems and was bulimic and cutting herself and he just wanted to help her because no one had in 6 years. We would still kiss and hug because I stupidly let him, thinking it'd keep us close. I asked him if he liked her, and he said maybe a bit because he wanted to help her, but sometimes he wished he liked her a lot more.

 

2) Second month, I finally grew some balls and had a talk with him where I basically told him that I could change, but he's not giving the chance for me to, so why should I bother. I decided to go NC and not take anymore of his bull****. I would ignore him texts, messages, and not talk to him in person when I saw him at school anymore. I focused on myself and made new friends, did my work, etc.

 

3) Third month, he started contacting me more frequently and I let myself reply him only online, I did not accept any of his invites to hang out. He mentioned at least twice that he still liked me and that finally, he told that girl that he could not help her anymore because it was exhausting him and it was problems that she must deal with herself at that point. The day of our would-be anniversary was our school's prom, and I accepted a date with my friend after my ex and I broke up. My ex found out the night before from a mutual friend (it was just a friendly date, so nothing serious or worth hiding) and when he called his girl best friend about it, he started tearing up. I saw him at prom being kind of moody and asked him if he was okay, and he questioned me about my date and whether it meant anything. I told him it didn't and he asked me for a dance later. When we were dancing, he held me really close to him and kissed me on the forehead afterwards and said happy anniversary. At the after party, we were playing a drinking game with a big group of friends and he sat behind me and kept stroking my hair, and leaning down to kiss my cheeks or whisper in my ears. He dared me to kiss him on the lips, and I did. When everyone was tired and falling asleep, he laid down next to me and I asked him what the kiss meant. He kissed me again and told me that he really missed me and still liked me. I asked him if it was going anywhere though, and he asked me what I wanted. I said that I wanted the summer to relax and just have fun and focus on spending time with friends that I wouldn't see next year. He agreed and we just continually cuddled and kissed. The next day, he called me to confess that he 'dated' that girl he was helping because he felt so helpless and didn't know how to help her if she didn't let him into her life. She liked him for 3 years and he kind of liked her so he used that to get her to confide in him. He said he was so sorry for lying to me, and he only did it because he didn't want me to hate him as he still liked me. He said that he doesn't regret doing it though, because he helped her stop cutting herself and he's proud of that fact. I yelled at him for lying to me, but forgave him for dating her because I knew he had good intentions and he did break it off with her within less than a month.

 

4) For the next 2 months, we were in a phase of "trying" to work things out again. I asked him to go out and planned dates (things that I didn't do enough during our relationship), we had lots of fun together. We still kissed and held hands and cuddled. We opened up more to each other and talked things through, he stopped lying and was completely honest with me about everything. He told me how his girl best friend confessed to him that she liked him throughout our relationship and how she asked him to date her many times. He told her that he only saw her as a close friend or sister, and didn't find her physically attractive. However, he told me that he was tired of hurting people so he didn't want to date right now in fear of hurting her. A week before university began, after I slept over at his house for the first time for his birthday, he told me that he still likes parts about me, but he wouldn't want to date me because we live two separate lives. He likes different types of anime, enjoys going out late to places, etc. I thought the reasons were really dumb because I think it's better when two people have different tastes and can introduce them to the other, and I was only restricted from going out late by my parents and such. But I decided not to argue anymore because that always led to a big fight and I didn't feel like it was right for me to fight so hard for a relationship. So I told him I didn't want to be friends anymore for a while, he was silent for a while, but said if that's what I wanted, he'd give me that.

 

5) Once we moved to the same city for University, I decided to reconcile with him. I apologized for breaking our friendship, but said that I needed time to myself. He said that I hurt him very much because he's always been trying to maintain our friendship and I just tossed it away like that. He did forgive me though, and we learned to adjust to our different lifestyles away from home. I lived further from campus and his place so I would occasionally sleep over because the buses stopped running after midnight. We would cook meals together, where I taught him how to, study together, and we still would cuddle and kiss (he made sure to ask me if it was okay to do this even though we're not dating - and I said okay because I still liked him a lot). His roommates are very close and would always barge into each other's rooms and wrestle or play pranks on each other, so there wasn't any real alone time for him and I except when I slept over at night. I had some problems adjusting and was always lonely and he would talk to me about it and make me feel better. I told him that he could confide in me as well, but he said that he confides in his girl best friend and tells her everything. I was hurt, but didn't want to pressure him because I did call off our friendship before. At the end of the first month, I decided to bring up the topic of us again because we had settled down a bit into our new lives. He said that he still liked my cuteness, my humor, how much fun we have together, but he did not want to date me. He said he no longer thought about us being together. I was hurt, and decided to go NC once again.

 

6) This month, I actually tried to move on and looked for better guys. I developed a few small crushes here and there, but nothing serious. I stopped going over for two weeks straight and ignored some of his texts. I talked to my friends about it, and they said that he may no longer think about us being together, because I was over a lot. (one of his room mates and I have identical schedules and since their place is closer to campus, we'd go over between classes) We did things that couples would do, so why would he want more.

 

7) There was one time where I HAD to go over despite not wanting to. I was moody that day and being very annoying. My ex and another friend called me out on it, and I angrily stormed out of their place. My ex sent me an e-mail apologizing for being rude, but said that I was being difficult and immature and unreasonable. I replied back saying that I agreed with him and would work on it. I did mean it because I appreciated his honesty - there was features about people that annoy us and many of us don't say anything because we're scared of hurting their feelings. I should become more mature and more attentive to other people's feelings, so I was glad that he did call me out on it.

 

8) Another two weeks passed and we had to work on a group project together. Afterwards, he asked me out to grab dinner and we talked a bit during that time and caught up on each other's lives. I told him that I've been going to the gym to stay healthy, worked out some room mate dispute, made some new friends, etc. He asked to go grab a coffee after the dinner, and we talked some more before he waited with me for my bus to arrive. It was a nice, fun 'date' and I got a chance to show him how I matured a bit.

 

9) This weekend, our mutual friends came up to visit us in our city and we had a gathering at my house. I cooked for all of us and we had a nice meal together as close friends. We were playing a drinking game afterwards and some people kept asking about our relationship and why we broke up - I made it clear that that was something I did not want to talk about. (I already told the friends that I was comfortable with knowing about the situation about it). He got asked the question of if he liked anyone at the moment, and he said not particularly. My heart sunk and I was feeling kind of bad. When everyone was tired and falling asleep, he asked if he could sleep next to me. We were all dogpiled in the living room, so we just shared a blanket together on the ground. He kept hugging me and I'm not sure how we came upon the topic of it, but I stated "but you don't like me anymore so." He went silent and then said that to be completely honest, he lied to me before because he wanted me to move on and find a better guy. He thought that if he let me go, then I'd be able to find someone who would be better to me and not hurt me. He said he felt incredibly guilty towards the girl he helped from leaving her - and wanted to know that she was okay. He didn't want to hurt his girl best friend by dating again while she still liked him. He was so scared of hurting me again. I asked him if he thought about dating me again, and he said that sometimes he really wanted to, but he was held back by his guilt. I told him that I forgave him, and he did all he could to help that girl and he did help all of us in different ways. He said that even if he wanted to, he couldn't date right now because he hasn't forgiven himself.

 

10) After our friends left, we spent an afternoon together where we did kiss. He mentioned at some point that I'm amazing and should go out and find a guy. He said "You should say I'm so awesome and an amazing friend. I can be immature at times and stubborn at times, but I'm learning and I'm trying." I was happy that he noticed that I was improving, but sad that he looked down upon himself for his mistakes in the past and wanted me to find a better guy, even though he still has feelings for me. I think during our time here, he's realized that I enjoy going out and having adventures just like him, now that I have the freedom to. I have my own hobbies and such that I no longer criticize him about his addiction to gaming. I have matured because I'm learning to take care of myself and depend less on other people. He asked if he could come to me to talk about anything, and I was happy that he was opening up to me once again and learning to depend on someone other than his best friend. I talked to him about his problems and tried to motivate him to sleep earlier, work out, study hard, etc.

 

But now, I'm stuck in a rut.. I like him and want to be with him, but I dislike the fact that he's not letting himself be happy because of his girl best friend and the problem-girl. His best friend continuously tells him that she likes him and tells him that she'll wait for him. I understand his want to not hurt her again because he cares so much about her, but I feel like he's so selfless and neglecting his own needs/wants to the point where it frustrates me. I have no idea what to do at this point. I'm scared that if I go NC, he's going to think I have no time for him, much less a relationship. He may think I'm moving on, but he'll force himself to let me because he believes that he's not good enough for me. If I continue to see him and we continue to go on dates, cook together, sleep next to each other, kiss, cuddle, etc, then when will he ever feel the need to date me if he already has what he wants without complications? What would you guys suggest that I do? I'm not sure if he told his best friend about him still liking me, but even if he did and she told him to go for me, I don't think he'll feel any less guilty until she moves on. That's the type of person he is, always considering other people's feelings - but yet, he still calls himself selfish and not nice. Please help me!

[geegirl]

Miss No Good, I believe you are making excuses for him.

 

I had an ex that made every excuse in the book as to why he couldn't and wouldn't eventhough he wanted to.

 

Now I'm with someone that will do whatever it takes to be with me. He doesn't make excuses not to see me but has reasons why he wants to be with me. It's pretty straightforward when two people want each other.

 

If everything in his life stops him from being with you, then it's a choice that he has chosen to make, because whatever he is facing takes priority over wanting to be with you. He is choosing to live his life based on what works for him. You need to stop projecting what you believe is right for him. The thing is, if he is so giving of himself, he's obviously not selfless to you. What does that tell you if you have no priority in his life?

 

If you continue to play boyfriend-girlfriend with him, you will only enable his emotional unavailability. If you disappear, he is forced to take stock of your value and the pain of losing you. If he moves on, then it's a clear indication that he never wanted to be with you.

 

Don't devalue yourself by expecting less than you deserve. If you settle, trust me, you teach him that you'll accept just about anything and that is about all you will ever get.

Edited November 5, 2012 by geegirl

[Miss No Good]

Miss No Good, I believe you are making excuses for him.

 

I had an ex that made every excuse in the book as to why he couldn't and wouldn't eventhough he wanted to.

 

Now I'm with someone that will do whatever it takes to be with me. He doesn't make excuses not to see me but has reasons why he wants to be with me. It's pretty straightforward when two people want each other.

 

If everything in his life stops him from being with you, then it's a choice that he has chosen to make, because whatever he is facing takes priority over wanting to be with you. He is choosing to live his based on what works for him. You need to stop projecting what you believe is right for him. The thing is, if he is so giving of himself, he's obviously not selfless to you. What does that tell you if you place no priority in his life?

 

If you continue to play boyfriend-girlfriend with him, you will only enable his emotional unavailability. If you disappear, he is forced to take stock of your value and the pain of losing you. If he moves on, then it's a clear indication that he never wanted to be with you.

 

Don't devalue yourself by expecting less than you deserve. If you settle, trust me, you teach him that you'll accept just about anything.

 

So you suggest that I go NC? Should I talk to him first about what you just said though? That I do like him and want to be with him, but he can't just keep me there on the sidelines while he waits for his life to fall back into order. What he's doing now isn't really helping anyone because his best friend probably has false hope, I'm left here hanging, he can't go after what he wants, and even if we date, doesn't mean he can't continue to check up on the problem girl. I would think that if I was the best friend, I would want to know and if I truly liked him, I want him to move on and try my best to as well if there was no chance for me. By doing what he's doing, he's just trying to keep everyone happy - but no one truly is. It doesn't mean that I'm moving on, just that I can't stand being with him and not having my own feelings considered. Or.. what should I cut out/add in?

[KatZee]

I think a final decision needs to be made between you two.

 

You're either:

 

A) In a relationship and working on it together OR

B) You're broken up and you go NC and both move on with your lives.

 

The emotional bond is still there between you two, and you two still occasionally act like BF/GF. This isn't good for either of you. Neither of you are free to move on and if he doesn't want to be with you because your lives are so different, then you need to stop hanging out with him.

 

It's impossible to be "just friends" with someone you still like romantically and want to be with. I think you both need to get that. Every time you hang out you wind up hooking up. This is not a friendship it's a FWB situation.

 

There needs to be one final conversation between you two in which you find out if he'd ever be in a relationship with you again. If the answer is no, then tell him you care for him but are not able to be his friend at this time. Then focus on yourself.

 

There can't be any sitting on the fence here. He can't say something like, "lets be friends and see where it goes" or "we have a great friendship why are you throwing it out" those are just vague statements to keep you leashed to him.

 

He's either in the relationship or he's not.

[Miss No Good]

I think a final decision needs to be made between you two.

 

You're either:

 

A) In a relationship and working on it together OR

B) You're broken up and you go NC and both move on with your lives.

 

The emotional bond is still there between you two, and you two still occasionally act like BF/GF. This isn't good for either of you. Neither of you are free to move on and if he doesn't want to be with you because your lives are so different, then you need to stop hanging out with him.

 

It's impossible to be "just friends" with someone you still like romantically and want to be with. I think you both need to get that. Every time you hang out you wind up hooking up. This is not a friendship it's a FWB situation.

 

There needs to be one final conversation between you two in which you find out if he'd ever be in a relationship with you again. If the answer is no, then tell him you care for him but are not able to be his friend at this time. Then focus on yourself.

 

There can't be any sitting on the fence here. He can't say something like, "lets be friends and see where it goes" or "we have a great friendship why are you throwing it out" those are just vague statements to keep you leashed to him.

 

He's either in the relationship or he's not.

 

Oh, our lives are no longer so different now that I've gotten the freedom from my parents. That's no longer the issue here - I believe it's just the factor of other people.

 

What if he says, yes, he will be in a relationship with me again, but not right now because he's still overwhelmed with guilt and cannot allow himself to be happy? Knowing him, that's something he'd say.

[geegirl]

So you suggest that I go NC? Should I talk to him first about what you just said though? That I do like him and want to be with him, but he can't just keep me there on the sidelines while he waits for his life to fall back into order. What he's doing now isn't really helping anyone because his best friend probably has false hope, I'm left here hanging, he can't go after what he wants, and even if we date, doesn't mean he can't continue to check up on the problem girl. I would think that if I was the best friend, I would want to know and if I truly liked him, I want him to move on and try my best to as well if there was no chance for me. By doing what he's doing, he's just trying to keep everyone happy - but no one truly is. It doesn't mean that I'm moving on, just that I can't stand being with him and not having my own feelings considered. Or.. what should I cut out/add in?

 

Well, didn't he tell you to find "better"? He keeps both of you sitting on the fence. Time you get off. You can tell him what you want for yourself and if he cannot deliver, you go NC and move on. Don't sit around and wait for someone to choose you. And don't give him the benefits that come with a relationship when he clearly does not want one.

[geegirl]

What if he says, yes, he will be in a relationship with me again, but not right now because he's still overwhelmed with guilt and cannot allow himself to be happy? Knowing him, that's something he'd say.

 

Then you let him go and when he is ready he will come for you. Till then, you DO NOT sit around and wait for him to determine your fate. You heal and move on because there is NO guarantee he will ever be ready. Don't be so trusting of words.

[KatZee]

Oh, our lives are no longer so different now that I've gotten the freedom from my parents. That's no longer the issue here - I believe it's just the factor of other people.

 

What if he says, yes, he will be in a relationship with me again, but not right now because he's still overwhelmed with guilt and cannot allow himself to be happy? Knowing him, that's something he'd say.

 

OK so this should tell you that the reasons he gave you for splitting initially were kind of BS.

 

Now those issues aren't there. And he's still not with you. See my point here?

 

And that's not an answer. He can't say, "Yes, I'll be in a relationship with you but not right now." What is that? You can't just put your life on hold and sit around waiting, cooking for him, hooking up with him all while he goes and does his thing. There is no guarantee he will ever be ready and willing to date you again.

 

And if he says something like, "I feel so much guilt and I won't allow myself to be happy" then you need to know that, THAT is a load of BS too. If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. Plain and simple. No hemming and hawing, no excuses, no justifications or rationalizations. He would just say, "I'd love to try again with you."

 

If he says no, or says yes but not right now, that's your cue to pick up and move on.

[Miss No Good]

OK so this should tell you that the reasons he gave you for splitting initially were kind of BS.

 

Now those issues aren't there. And he's still not with you. See my point here?

 

And that's not an answer. He can't say, "Yes, I'll be in a relationship with you but not right now." What is that? You can't just put your life on hold and sit around waiting, cooking for him, hooking up with him all while he goes and does his thing. There is no guarantee he will ever be ready and willing to date you again.

 

And if he says something like, "I feel so much guilt and I won't allow myself to be happy" then you need to know that, THAT is a load of BS too. If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. Plain and simple. No hemming and hawing, no excuses, no justifications or rationalizations. He would just say, "I'd love to try again with you."

 

If he says no, or says yes but not right now, that's your cue to pick up and move on.

 

For the initial break-up, it was because he grew tired of giving so much to the relationship and having me not reciprocate enough. After we split for a while, he realized other issues such as the freedom thing and such. But NOW, those issues are no longer there. At the time, it was not bs.

 

Yes, I get what you mean. I feel like if you truly liked someone, and wanted to be with them, then you wouldn't let things get in your way. He'd explain to his best friend and hope that she understands and can learn to move on. He wouldn't have to tell the problem-girl if it would lead to more severe problems, but he's not leading her on either.

 

So I should talk to him first. Tell him that he's not making anyone happy by being so passive right now. I have forgiven him for what he did and am willing to give us another chance and work on things that went wrong on my half. If he truly cared about his best friend, he wouldn't give her false hope and would tell her the truth about how he feels, even if it hurts her. He is an amazing guy in my eyes and he shouldn't look down upon himself. Yes, he made mistakes once and hurt me, but that's in the past and as long as he learned from it, it's okay. Then how should I phrase the "date me now, or never" part, because I know that guys HATE ultimatums.

[geegirl]

Then how should I phrase the "date me now, or never" part, because I know that guys HATE ultimatums.

 

What does it matter if he hates ultimatums? You hate being kept on the sidelines but you don't see him walking on eggshells trying to appease you.

 

It doesn't matter whether he hates ultimatums, you are doing this because YOU do not want to be used as a crutch until he decides whether you are good enough to be chosen.

 

Of course he is going to hate it because it does not fulfill HIS needs.

 

Be honest and shut the door. If it affects him, he'll give you what you want. If it doesn't, then you will have your answer.

[KatZee]

It really doesn't matter what he likes or doesn't like. This is affecting your life, your happiness and your ability to move on. Frankly it IS ultimatum time. It's been 8 months since the split and what's happened? Absolutely nothing except that he uses you for a good time and takes advantage of everything you do while not even committing to you. I think you've been patient enough. At this point it's s.hit or get off the pot.

[Miss No Good]

What does it matter if he hates ultimatums? You hate being kept on the sidelines but you don't see him walking on eggshells trying to appease you.

 

It doesn't matter whether he hates ultimatums, you are doing this because YOU do not want to be used as a crutch until he decides whether you are good enough to be chosen.

 

Of course he is going to hate it because it does not fulfill HIS needs.

 

Be honest and shut the door. If it affects him, he'll give you what you want. If it doesn't, then you will have your answer.

 

Okay, I'll talk to him about all of this soon. However, my last question is do I let him know how much he affected me when he (falsely) told me he didn't like me anymore, and how much he's affecting me now? Like, let him know how much impact he has on my life, or is that giving him too much power? Let him know that it hurts me too much to be around him?

[Miss No Good]

It really doesn't matter what he likes or doesn't like. This is affecting your life, your happiness and your ability to move on. Frankly it IS ultimatum time. It's been 8 months since the split and what's happened? Absolutely nothing except that he uses you for a good time and takes advantage of everything you do while not even committing to you. I think you've been patient enough. At this point it's s.hit or get off the pot.

 

Alright, thank you! I'm planning on going over right now to talk to him. If it doesn't go well, I'm going to come home and just focus on my work and try my best to commit to NC. I've told one of his room mate that I'm going over to talk to him, so he'll give us our space.

[geegirl]

Okay, I'll talk to him about all of this soon. However, my last question is do I let him know how much he affected me when he (falsely) told me he didn't like me anymore, and how much he's affecting me now? Like, let him know how much impact he has on my life, or is that giving him too much power? Let him know that it hurts me too much to be around him?

 

He knows what you want and he knows it hurts you that he can't give it to you. He is not oblivious or ignorant to it. You don't have to try to guilt him anymore or make him feel obligated to you. And there is no need to show him how dependent you are on him. Just short and sweet, state what you have to do and close the door.

[Miss No Good]

He knows what you want and he knows it hurts you that he can't give it to you. He is not oblivious or ignorant to it. You don't have to try to guilt him anymore or make him feel obligated to you. And there is no need to show him how dependent you are on him. Just short and sweet, state what you have to do and close the door.

 

Well, I did it... I told him that I wanted a relationship. He says that sometimes he wants to date me, but he realizes now that he can't right now. His reasons were that he's too scared of the past and that history is doomed to repeat itself, he's tired of hurting people he cares about, he doesn't feel like he wants to carry the commitments of a relationship right now, and he doesn't feel like he deserves to be happy. He wants me to move on and forget about him because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. He said he's sorry that he somewhat led me on and caused me to stay hung up on him. He said he'd stay away and give me space if I need it in order to move on.

 

But of course, I'm the biggest idiot on the face of the earth. I couldn't stand the thought of him purposely trying to ignore me and drift from me. I wanted that to be the one thing in my control at least. So I told him we could still be friends. (I'm still going to go NC however though, or at least LC.)

 

I KNOW you guys will just tell me to move on, but I honestly and truly can't. He has such an impact on my life - he's the one who's always stayed by my side throughout everything, he tells me what I need to hear even if I'm too stubborn to admit it, he taught me to love myself, he stopped me from cutting, and so much more. I can't just throw away everything we have.. I can't. Completely anyways. I mean, I won't contact him or go out of my way to see him anymore. I have some self-respect. I'll continue to work on myself and find ways to make myself happy. But I can't let him go.. perhaps, it's just the only way for me to move on and forgive myself - getting a second chance and being able to gain trust in relationships again. I know with absolute certainty that if we were to date again, I'd put my share of effort in and be there for him just like he was for me. But I know that I can't deal with a guy that's not committed to the relationship - so I won't do it out of desperation, don't worry. I want him to at least appreciate me and at least WANT to be with me.

 

He said that he still likes me, but there's things about me that still irk him. Things that I will continue to work upon (childish, unable to speak my thoughts). He promised that if he ever feels the desire to be with me, he'll tell me. To you guys, it may seem like I'm just giving myself false hope, but to me it's a comforting thought. That if we ever have a chance in the future, it has the ability to happen.

 

I know I seem like the biggest fool ever for still wanting him back even though he clearly doesn't want me the same way. But I can't help it. I am motivated by the fact that he still likes me and we have chemistry. I WON'T play the BF-GF stuff anymore or allow him the physical contact. I'll just back off and focus on myself and try to think less about him in that way. I'll keep an open mind towards other guys, but I'm not going to force myself to move on - if it happens, it happens. I'll work on all my own issues and be casual friends with him (hang out in groups, never alone so I don't tempt myself). If in time, he sees that I'm honestly no longer as childish as he thought I was and that I'm capable of having serious conversations, then maybe he'll like me more. (I know that the only reason he won't date his best friend even though her personality is the ideal type for him is that he doesn't find her physically attractive at all - nothing that she can change). I'll still go NC so that I'm not around enough for him to take for granted.

 

You guys can call me an idiot, but I just want help on getting him back. Please help me figure out a way to do that - losing as little dignity as possible. I was thinking about going NC for 2/3 weeks so that I can learn to love myself as I am and regain my own self-esteem. Then I would go LC and casually hang out now and then - denying him the closeness we had before. What else can I do?

[geegirl]

You guys can call me an idiot, but I just want help on getting him back. Please help me figure out a way to do that - losing as little dignity as possible. I was thinking about going NC for 2/3 weeks so that I can learn to love myself as I am and regain my own self-esteem. Then I would go LC and casually hang out now and then - denying him the closeness we had before. What else can I do?

 

You don't learn to love yourself and regain your self-esteem in 2-3 weeks.

 

In any case, your need to keep chasing him or waiting on the sidelines only corrodes and damages your self-esteem and dignity. So, you're going backwards, rather than forwards. Pitch the 2-3 week magic plan.

 

For as long as YOU ALLOW yourself to stay in a situation that devalues you, your plan to rebuild yourself will never happen.

 

He is telling you to move on. Please grasp whatever dignity you have left and let go.

 

The only way to want him back is for HIM to want you back, ESPECIALLY when he WANTS to let you go.

 

Good luck to you.