big bear Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 So,had a major accident and broke a couple of bones on an out of town business trip. Get really hysterical and I call her. We talk make jokes and what not. She was cold at first but eventually warms up. Problem: she is on my FB friend list and I planned to delete her today. But instead I called her up like a little lost boy. I feel so stupid. What to do if she calls to check in tomorrow?? Broken up for more than an year. After more than 50 days of .NC I was beginning to understand reconciliation is impossible. And now I am back to square on. How do I respond now??
dreamstate83 Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 So,had a major accident and broke a couple of bones on an out of town business trip. Get really hysterical and I call her. We talk make jokes and what not. She was cold at first but eventually warms up. Problem: she is on my FB friend list and I planned to delete her today. But instead I called her up like a little lost boy. I feel so stupid. What to do if she calls to check in tomorrow?? Broken up for more than an year. After more than 50 days of .NC I was beginning to understand reconciliation is impossible. And now I am back to square on. How do I respond now?? As a friend, or someone that's no longer in this chapter of her life. Your choice
Author big bear Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 So update She called me up for a last 2 days. 3 days back I made a small joke on something she posted on FB and she gets irritated. Later she calls at night time, I couldn't was getting discharged from hospital. Sent her message will talk later. She replies the next day morning that she will call me the day after. Got no calls today. I am somewhere tired of all this. I am planning to just vanish now. Take no calls. Reply no messages (all this if she contacts, she will I think just to pity on me -- this is the only word I can think of the way she behaves. Block or delete from FB. Good old plain turkey vanishing. Question: Do I need to inform before doing this or can I just disappear. Block from FB or just delete. My birthday is round the corner. (Just a detail, I dunno if this matters)
jwhite Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Block her dude. You dont want or need to see anything on her page. It will just delay your healing process. I blocked mine just yesterday, because it hurt to look at it multiple times a day. I am having trouble moving on still, but I think this will help. The best thing you can do is to delete her from yourself somehow AND make your self esteem go up to become confident. If she misses you this will be the best way for her to realize that. If she doesnt come back, you have learned that the best thing you can do to avoid hurting is improving yourself because at least you didnt waste all of the time thinking about her:)
Author big bear Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 Do I need to tell this or is it OK to just vanish?
mishy Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 you don't need to tell her you are vanishing. For one, it makes it harder to stick to it when you know they know Its far easier to vanish and make it stick if you dont tell them you are doing it 1
Simon Phoenix Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Do I need to tell this or is it OK to just vanish? Just vanish. Telling people that you aren't going to talk to them anymore is pointless. If you don't want contact, then don't contact. Simple. Telling them makes it seem like you are trying to play a game with them IMO.
Author big bear Posted November 10, 2012 Author Posted November 10, 2012 If she calls to inquire on the health front or just to wish birthday. Ignore or have 2 words and hang up??
Own Worst Enemy Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 You are looking at this the wrong way round. You are planning ahead to when she contacts you. That is not the point of NC, as you know from your brilliant 50 day stint! Try to change your thinking to why you need to be NC rather than how you tell her or what she will do. Think about what you need.
Author big bear Posted November 11, 2012 Author Posted November 11, 2012 Deleted (not blocked) from FB. She called some hours later. Dunno why. Mostly to check on me (or pity concern). Did not pick up. Don't know if it was right or wrong.
Author big bear Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 Am I being cocky? My friends think so. They say I shouldn't have called. Now this is just being vulgar ego pleasing by me they say.
Author big bear Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 She sends a message again today. Wishing for something. Feels good she remembers but how are you supposed to break free like this. Hate someone like this. I did not reply. Makes me feel sad and gives a disturbing ego boost at the same time.
Author big bear Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 She massaged again. did not reply Am I being smug and cocky??
Author big bear Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Got a message today again. Wishing I am fine. The tone made it clear she was not expecting a reply. Anyhow this I think was the last of it. This is I think is how the permanent NC will begin. Just that my birthday is coming, have to stay strong for that day.
Own Worst Enemy Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 But I also think you have to stay strong and try not to care. Ideally get your mobile provider to block her number. This is about your self preservation, not her. You can't walk into the future if you're looking back at the past, you'll trip over something!
Author big bear Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 Got a text again.. Saying that she thought I will reply and not delete her from FB. Says doesn't know what to say to me. Why I don't block her (FB, Texting and calls): Feels a little better that I never grovelled for nothing. I mattered somewhere. Why I do not answer: The obvious NC. And I am pretty certain she will very soon say why should I give a f**k. Plus I once walked in to all this in April. Felt ashamed and fooled, as I started expecting reconciliation and grovelled my a** off.
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 You need to avoid her. If she texts you just delete it. If she calls don't pick up. If you respond to her you will just put yourself back to square one. Trust me on this. It may feel good for the moment but afterwards its going to scuk like hell. Keep the progress that you are making and push forward with your life. Be Strong and Ninja Vanish!
BrokenPrincess Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Hang in there! Don't respond! I just hit one month NC and his birthday is next week. I have been agonizing over whether to send him an email. I keep reading & re-reading threads like this to try to keep myself strong too and not set myself back to sadness of week 1 NC.
Author big bear Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 (edited) Wrong Post Edited November 17, 2012 by big bear
Author big bear Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 F**ked up big time. Spoke to her last sunday. Sent her a mail asking if she would like to give it another try, since its been almost an year now. This was Thursday. She said she will let me know. Yesterday, my friend tells me, she is going out with the guy who was supposed to be just a friend. And many other nasty things. Dunno what to do. Go NC. Ask for a reply. I dunno. Those breadcrumbs make me think she is gonna contact me on Friday (My Bday).
geegirl Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Sent her a mail asking if she would like to give it another try, since its been almost an year now. This was Thursday. She said she will let me know. You put yourself out there and now comes the time for you to step away. If she can't give you an answer (which is your answer), you tell her that you need NC and until she's sure of wanting to work things through and reconcile, to please stop contacting you. Then implement NC. You identify it as breadcrumbs and yet you still eat! Step outside of your emotional space and think. Stop hanging around waiting for someone to choose you.
Author big bear Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 F**ked up big time. Spoke to her last sunday. Sent her a mail asking if she would like to give it another try, since its been almost an year now. This was Thursday. She said she will let me know. Yesterday, my friend tells me, she is going out with the guy who was supposed to be just a friend. And many other nasty things. Dunno what to do. Go NC. Ask for a reply. I dunno. Those breadcrumbs make me think she is gonna contact me on Friday (My Bday). Going a little crazy here. Did not msg or text or anything. But keep on swinging between just blocking her or asking if she would like to meet or if the nasty rumors are true. A small nudge here towards the right direction. I just asked for a meet up in the mail. Do the right thing or be a foolish optimistic looking for a one in a billion chance of rumors not being true and meeting up?
CptSaveAho Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) Listen.... If people want an ex back, they have to learn to do 2 things 1) disappear 2) stop talking to an ex (showing them your hand) Its not rocket science.... if an ex contacts you and asks what are you doing... either NC or respond "none of your business" and continue doing your new daily routine Always error on the side of A.sshole if you are talking to an ex. It doesnt matter if you want to get back together with them or not. They will respect you for standing up to them and not being a total puss While I understand and have been in your shoes about wanting an ex back, most people actually move forward and realize that their ex's are idiots and you can always find someone that measures up/better... you just have to put that effort into actually doing it Edited November 26, 2012 by CptSaveAho
Simon Phoenix Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Going a little crazy here. Did not msg or text or anything. But keep on swinging between just blocking her or asking if she would like to meet or if the nasty rumors are true. A small nudge here towards the right direction. I just asked for a meet up in the mail. Do the right thing or be a foolish optimistic looking for a one in a billion chance of rumors not being true and meeting up? Please stop this. Stop chasing her.
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