JCTinsurrey Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Hi, I lurk these boards from time to time, and have read some very good advise given to people who are very upset and down. Now I need some advise and guidedence, I'll start from the beggining, but will try to keep it short. I met a guy back in 2002, on a voice and video chat site, we clicked straight away, he was very different from the others, he stood out because he seemed intretsed in me as a person, rather than all the usual jerks on there trying to get into your knickers types, if you understand me??. This cyber relationship with this man developed, over months, we first met online in march, we just chatted online for a few months, it wasnt until august that we actually spoke on the fone, we did texted each other before that, in Dec 2002, we arranged to meet up, we got on very well, it lead to another date, a week later. But what happened after the last date was, afterwards, to me' he seemed to had gone a bit quiet on me, he wasnt texting me hardly, and alsways seemed very busy, he did mention that he was going to be very busy with work, I will have to mention here that his job is a soldier, a sergeant at that, and with the proceeding war looming in the gulf, he said that he may not be around as much as he was before. Me being me, paronoid and jumping to conclusions, thought this queitness from him, was his way of not wanting to know me any more, it lead to a stupid dissagreement, he said I was being silly, he wasnt, I said he was etc etc and I in a fit of temper, told him not to contact me anymore, he said this back to me too, and a week later, he texted me, saying his goodbyes etc, as he was flying back to germany to join his unit, then off to the gulf,I regretted our argument by then but was too late, that was it, well at least i thought so.... During the year and a half, of no contact,(remember I had thrown all his contact details away), I was very hurt at that time, I just could not shrugg him out of my mind, I often thought of him,take away the silly row, we did actually get on very well. To the present, I decided to get back in contact with him, but did not have much to go on with, so I logged back on to the site where we originally met, I left him an offline message, 2 days later he replied, you can imagine how i felt. The first few messages, to be honest from him, were not friendly, but were left open to me answering his questions, he asked why did i want to get back in contact, I told him why, I missed him etc, he then said why did I go silly on him, I answered why, and it just got better after that, but I did notice he wasnt all over me, like he was before(like keeping his distance still), he said he's still out in germany, hes been promoted etc. I thought we were making some progress, we web cammed to together, he was even flirting with me again, badly actually, but I will add, he never let it progress to how it was before, he didnt leave me his email address, he didnt give me his fone number, but then again, I never directly asked him for it either. So onto whats happened now, he, over the last 2 weeks, went all quiet on me again, he done this 3 times to me in the last 10 days, he said he would be on the site at a certain time, we agree to meet up on there, but, he doesnt turn up, I asked him, if he couldnt turn up, to leave me a message when he could, he didnt, Il eft him several messages, he didnt reply, this went on for about a week, he just didnt asnswer my offline messages to him. Well this got my back up a bit, because again I thought, he's giving me that blank treatment yet again, for whatever reason, (im quite an insecure person), so I left him another offline message stating why wont he answer me, if he doesnt want to talk to me, could he least have the decency to let me know why, and told him not to be so childish, and if he doesnt want me to talk to him i'd leave him alone Well this must of got to him, because he replied this time, he accussed me of being freaky with him, asked whats up with me, also said that if i keep accussing him of doing this, i wont hear from him again, well I think i angered him, so I left a rather long message, stating why I was peeved off at him, ie: him not even replying to 1 of my messages, I stated i knew he had been on the site ( it tells you when the user last logged on), so its not as if he hasnt been on there etc etc, and if he thinks still that I am accussing him of stuff and jumping to conclusions etc, then maybe he should not talk to me, I said if he chose to go with that decsion, i would respect it, but would be very unhappy, told him how I felt( he knows how i feel about him already). I tried to write the last message articulate enough, so it wasnt read in a nasty or accussing way, becase text sometimes gets miss-read by others, he replied 2 days later, and I was not prepared for what he wrote, the text is below................. : i got all your messages : dont think its a good idea to keep in touch : thought it would be ok : but its not gonna be ; it just looks as though you are gonna get really posessive and i dont need that just now i am busy and i apoligise that i havent always answered your questions or did as you asked but thats cos i got a hundred different things on my mind at anyone time : im not gonna go into minute detail over all this just dont think its a good idea,it was good hearing from you and seeing you again i will let you know how things are from time to time dont be afraid to do the same : bye x Im soooo upset, i gave him the option to end it, and he did, he sounds so peeved off with me, and now I just dont know what to do??, I feel like a right C***, I didnt know he had so much on his mind, he didnt tell me that, I am absoultly gutted, after waiting for nearly 2 yrs to hear from him again, and in nearly 2 mnths I have lost him again. I dont know how to reply to him, what do I say?, how do I word it?, he states we can keep in contact from time to time, how do i?, I dont have his email addy, or anything else, apart from the site??, why is he saying he will contact me from time to time, thats like leaving me in limbo............. I feel allot for this guy, I'm sure how he feels for me,think he likes me allot, but just runs at the first site of any kind of commintment, not that I have ever asked for that from him, he has had 1 very bad relationship, where's his ex girlfriend had a child, and told him it was his, but turned out it wasnt, after 3 years of him bringing the child up believing it was his own, and he always said, he looks for in a woman is "trust", someone he can trust. Please, does anyone have any advise on how to go about this all. Thanks for reading my rather long post. Jxx
ringo Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 He's in Germany? Where are you from? If he is indeed in Germany.... why isn't he in Iraq with the rest of the soldiers right now...or did he go and come back? Is he active or reserve? When is he planning on returning to the states? Did you ask him if his dating seriously? What exactly were you able to find out during your brief conversations with him? I'm a Marine wife and the daughter of a Retired Army Major - so proud.... Anyhow... I know a lot about the military and how they work... depending on his MOS (job) he very well could be a very busy person.... then again, if he's online so much - they may not be so..... I would say lay low for awhile... if he sees you online let him come to you... if not.... just go on with life like you have been. Then in a month or so, if still no contact from him.... IM him and just catch up on things.... see where it goes from there. But you don't want to pressure him.... you don't want to come across as possessive or insecure... be positive.... Best wishes to you.
Author JCTinsurrey Posted August 3, 2004 Author Posted August 3, 2004 hi Ringo, Yes he still is in germany,Im in the UK, he's not in Iraq right now, he was,but came back last year, he's due to go out again in OCT, He is an active soldier,he's a Sgt, I never asked him about dating, we both agreed to take it step by step when I first got back in touch with him, like I said in the previous post, I got back in touch, he replied, and we took it from there, we got very close again, but only through the net, then he kept saying he will meet me online, said this quite a few times, and just didn't turn up!, I left lots of offline messages, like any friend would do, and he never replied, not until I left him one saying why is he ignoring my messgages??, that's when I got the message back about I'm accussing him of stuff, and jumping the gun!!!, I replied, wrote in my previous message what i said, and then I got that reply back........ He's still saying I can contact him still from time to time, but then in first part he says he doesnt want me to contact him???, what does he want then??...............I have not replied yet, because i'm not sure what to write back.......... I dont want to make it worse............. do i reply, or just leave it and chat with him again at a later point??
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