fustrated Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Hi, Here is my case. My bf is always checking out porn and women in the street. I do not have a problem with porn and I do not mind much if he checks out women- I check out guys! He is wonderful, sweet, caring and supportive. I do not ever worry about him cheating. He is very committed and dedicated to us. Problem: We do not have much sex at all- Maybe once per week, often less. We are both in our 30s, average looking. I am your average, cute, petite woman. I exercise regularly, keep in shape, look about 10 years younger and I feel like everyone else WANTS to sleep with me...except my bf! He is always telling me that I am beautiful and he has even told me that I am the hottest woman he has ever dated- but I do not know what to do. I do not understand how can he masturbate often, watch porn for hours and check out every women that cross him..but do not want to have sex with me. We have been together over 2 years...so maybe it is the "not a new thing" problem..but I have had two longer relationships before and we would still have sex at least 3-4 times per week. I am starting to wonder if the porn has something to do with this? maybe our sex is too "average"...I am pretty open minded within us- positions, toys...and I have made it very clear. But, he is not into trying much at all. I am not trying to be mean, but I think most people would agree that I am a lot hotter than him. He looks at a lot older, bolding and maybe a bit overweight, but I think he is pretty hot, and I am very much into him and want to be with him all the time. I am thinking about marrying him, but this is a big concern for me. It is hard to be turned down so much and eventually, I am going to stop asking, specially when every time I go out, I get the opportunity to be with other people, which I do not want at all. I want him. Anyway, anyone has any insight? or has been in that position? guys? I am very fustrated. I love him, but it does not help my self steem or our relationship when I have to beg for sex constantly and I do not get it much. It is pretty bad when I have to remember that other guys are always checking me out so I do not feel like there is something wrong with me and/or I am unattractive since my bf does not want me. I have tried to not bring it up much and see what happens...but it does not work...I am close to giving up on this, but I do not know how. I am young and enjoy sex. I do not think I can live with a relationship without it. Sooner or later, I am going to find someone else to be with...and that stinks!!! We have such a wonderful time outside of this. Please help! Thank you.
Olivia_19742004 Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 There are many posts regarding this issue. Just do a search on porn and read some of the posts that are out there. You'll find a lot of information that you can relate to. Some of the people on the board are getting tired of the porn conversation so don't take it personally. It's just come up over and over
ashok555 Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 CHANGE YOUR PARTNER ASAP. SEEK A SEX ANIMAL LIKE ME.
Mr Spock Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 I would be more specific than "Sex Animal" lest people associate you with a "Sex Shrew" or "Sex Sloth" Or perhap "Sex Mole" or "Sex Baboon"
YellowLioness Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 When sex is good. it's 40% of the relationship. When it's bad, its 90%. If you've talked to him about it, told him that you wanted to have sex more frequently, and he still won't give it up (Why he wouldn't want to have sex with an attractive woman rather then his hand, I don't know... ) then you need to move on, hon. He's not the last, nice guy out there, after all. Since you seem nice, and are pretty, you'll have no trouble moving right along to the next nice guy.
fustrated Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Thanks, but again, it is not about me having problem with porn. I do not see anything wrong with it at all. I just wonder if that is substituting us. It is affecting my self worth and making me a bit angry when my bf never wants me. I do not exactly feel really hot these days..and if I do, I get it from other guys. The funny thing is that guys even ask me out in front of him. He is always saying how guys always check me out...I do not dress for attention at all..I dress banana republic all the time, fairly conservative- but nice. I just do not get how he cannot want me. He has a sex drive since I know he masturbates, checks out porn in computer, video, and can spot a woman 5 miles away. I know he is into me, he loves me very much, totally into us, very affectionate towards me, except for sex. argggggggg. I want a future with this man, he is a great guy. We are not compatible in bed, we know that. We have discussed it, but I was willing to compromise as long as we had sex once in a while..but this is too much. sorry, thanks for letting me vent.
FolderWife Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 yep yep yep yep yep *sigh* classic case of the "My man looks at porn and doesn't want to have sex with me, even though every other guy in the world wants me" syndrome. I have it too. I am a VERY good looking 21 year old, and my husband won't have sex with me, if there's a porno, or a naked picture around. I'd say it's definately his porn usage...and I bet if you checked his cookies, you'd find that he's looking at it a LOT. I didn't have a problem with porn either, until it interfered with my sex time with my husband. Now I hate it
havNfun Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 When sex is good. it's 40% of the relationship. When it's bad, its 90%. who said this? It was a good quote.
fustrated Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 oh, I do not have to snoop...he uses my computer for porn...I have never made a problem out of it. I enjoy it too. I know he has been spending a lot of time now on this. He goes up and down on his porn habits. Anyway, I would never want to get cranky at him for doing something I think is perfectly normal, but I am begining to be worried about it. I have not read any papers, but I am going to go to the library and/or search the net to see if there are any papers done on this and whether there is a correlation between sex and porn. I have spoken to him and he realizes it is a problem, honestly, either I get it at home or sooner or later, I am going to be tempted. I am young and very sexual, I want him, but I am also very fustrated and feeling rejected. He knows, and it is even worse because I do not think he is doing anything about it. I do not want some guy to have sex with me because he has not choice... I would like sex every day, I would settle for once per week I love oral sex, I have given up on that- he does not like it and when he tries, it is not good at all. I like to spice things up, he does not try anything new, but I am ok with it as long as we do it once in a while.. frankly he is selfish in bed, but again, he is so perfect in everything else, that I am willing to compromise on this...and still I do not get that. argggg.....sorry..
ashok555 Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 hey fustrated ! you deserve it at least once a day. Can you beleive, I have done it 12 times in 24 hours in week ends... This is the whole thing in the world...
YellowLioness Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Actually, one of my best friends told me that. She got it from COSMO, or some magazine like that. I've found it to be very true, though! :-)
Mary3 Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 I would assume that if he is getting sexual gratification via porn daily then he probrobly has a * dry well * by the time it comes to making love to you....
fustrated Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 ...well, I brought it up today: can we sleep with other people? ..and he said maybe!!!! he understand that he is not satisfying me..and he says that there is nothing I can do...he just does not want to have sex...the funny thing is that i know he is not cheating on me or anything else...he just does not want it...if "strange" maybe then...but give me a break...how long can I do that for? I am masturbating 8 times per day!!!!! I even asked him if there was anything I could do...but not....he just got home and again, he is watching porn...it has been so long, I do not even remember what it feels like. I do not want to sleep with anyone else..I want a normal relationship...I know this is the end..which sucks since I do want him and love him...he is perfect in everything else...argggg.... oh...well....but at least if we are dating other people, it would be easier....but he hopes that we would get married and stuff...it is all very crazy....I cannot get married in a situation like this. I just want a normal relationship.... does your bf, husband, gf still want to sleep with you after 2 years and if yes, more than 1 per week or two? I do not want to judge him, I just want to know if this is normal. It has never happened to me.
YellowLioness Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Hrm... My bf and I have been together for nearly one year. We live together. We have sex probably seven times a week. That's like two during the week days, and like five during the week ends. :-) However, it's not always that frequent. Sometimes, we have sex 2 times a week, including weekends. *shrugs* Depends on how tired we are.
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