Eternal Sunshine Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I know quite a few people have been following my posts. So please answer: y/n No need to explain and please no joke answers I will tally up the results at the end.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 No You just don't know what you want, and make getting what you want- tough. I f-ing met like 60 men off OKCupid, the only one that I liked is majorly screwed up and only wanted casual sex Yes......... OMG - you made a short post :eek:
MrCastle Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 No. I see a lot of myself in you. People on here are always quick to blame the OP for what they're doing or not doing right in their dating life. They're forgetting a lot of people suck out there. That and some situations are not ideal. I think you've just run into some bad luck, coupled that with your high standards, it's going to be tough to find what you want. Commitment issues means to me that you sabotage relationships, are emotionally unavailable, cheat, have problems settling down etc etc. I don't think you have that. I think you, like me; will settle down when they find that special someone. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 OK, so you know what you want, and the only one you've met didn't want anything serious. would you have committed to this 1/60? That's a million dollar question. Would I be attracted if he was available? I dunno...
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 No. I see a lot of myself in you. People on here are always quick to blame the OP for what they're doing or not doing right in their dating life. They're forgetting a lot of people suck out there. That and some situations are not ideal. I think you've just run into some bad luck, coupled that with your high standards, it's going to be tough to find what you want. Commitment issues means to me that you sabotage relationships, are emotionally unavailable, cheat, have problems settling down etc etc. I don't think you have that. I think you, like me; will settle down when they find that special someone. Awwwwz you, can I have one more smooch 1
MrCastle Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Awwwwz you, can I have one more smooch Two more smoochies! :love: 1
grkBoy Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I'd say no. ES, you strike me more as one of those people (men and women do this) who set the bar way too high. You value yourself highly, but in a way that you believe you're an "upper echelon" in the dating world. Your posts speak mainly how none of these men you meet are "good enough", but you use your own education, looks, and such as the excuse. I always say it...standards are only good if you can attain them. You might be the woman who stands out. You might have the face, body, education, career, and personality that makes you stand out from the pack. Maybe on a dating site you'll be seen as the "hottie" in a crowd of women guys think are "eh". Unfortunately, if it seems the dating pool can't present you with this picture-perfect man, then you have three options: Quit and choose to be single for life.Say "I won't settle" and keep on holding out for this upper echelon male you think you deserve...unfortunately you might also just grow old and die alone.Toss the "laundry list" out the window and select a man from your available dating pool. You should read Unhooked Generation. If you read it with an open mind, you might do some great self-discovery. In the end, for as "valuable" as you see yourself, if the men you really want are passing you up for younger, hotter, "easier" women...then your perceived values are meaningless. Not to mention the men you're desiring are not really great guys at all (because they passed you up for the young/hot/easy girl). You could be an apple in the grocery store. You could be the reddest, shiniest, most tasty apple in the pile...but if the customers you desire are all choosing oranges or peaches, then you're SOL. You're stuck with whoever comes over to pick apples. AND THIS GOES FOR MEN TOO! We men are also in this same conundrum. 1
carhill Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 It's possible those high standards are a mask for commitment issues. A psychologist would probably examine your formative relationships and the emotional memories formed for background. In that vein, to answer the thread's question directly, I'd opine 'yes'. 3
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 GrkBoy, Thanks for your post. There are just soooo many idiots out there, in particular on dating sites. My standards may be high but when you get messages like "hey hunni wat u up 2" - you just want to throw up. Apart from dating sites, I can go a year without meeting anyone that is single and in my age group. I have a relatively active social life but men I meet at clubs/pubs/parties are pretty much all too young for me or not single. It seems that men that ARE rare and have it all, are in such demand that indeed I am not good enough for them. After recently spending few evenings with a men I was attracted to in every way, and how he made me feel (butterflies, intellectual connection, everything) - sadly he is a commitment-phobe that hasn't even held a girl's hand in 3 years. - I really find it so hard to settle for feeling any less. I have TRIED really hard picking from the available pool and ignoring the lack of genuine spark, hell I even lived with a guy and nearly married him. I was so desperately unhappy with him. Every time I told him that I loved him, I was forcing it. None of the loving gestures came naturally because deep down, my feelings weren't there. I stuck it out and committed despite this, only to have him treat me badly and end it pretty horribly. He probably did me a favor. I wanted to marry him and make my parents happy and be "normal" part of society. All I know is, I simply can't be in a relationship like that again. So nowdays, I cut guys off if I feel a lack of spark within the first few dates. I will most likely end up single. I simply can't be happy with some random guy that will be into me, like most people seem to make do in today's world. On the other hand, I am also not willing to be with an "in demand" guy if he treats me like s.. (like so many women do).
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 It's possible those high standards are a mask for commitment issues. A psychologist would probably examine your formative relationships and the emotional memories formed for background. In that vein, to answer the thread's question directly, I'd opine 'yes'. I also seem to be experiencing the strongest feelings of attraction for men that are not available to me in some way. I have no way of knowing if I will be as attracted if they were available.
carhill Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I also seem to be experiencing the strongest feelings of attraction for men that are not available to me in some way. I have no way of knowing if I will be as attracted if they were available. In a healthy state of relations, their 'availability' should have no relevant effect on their suitability as a mate; the person is the same, available or not, hence *should* be attractive and compatible either way. Of course, how we perceive people is dependent upon our sensory inputs, interpretation, and psychology, but that's a subject for another thread. Yes?
january2011 Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 (edited) No. You are beautiful, intelligent, financially independent and have a great education and great job. Yet your love life appears to be a mess - I say this in the kindest possible way I can as one internet stranger to another. If I had to put my finger on it, I think it's the nitpicking, possibly from fear, insecurity and high standards/perfectionism. I'm not sure. But you don't seem to want to allow yourself to be happy. There has to be some emotional drama in the offing. Something to talk about. Something to discuss. Something to pick apart and fix. Sometimes there's a romanticism in your posts that you are this lone figure who has all this going for you and yet you still can't find love and happiness in a long-term relationship. I don't have any solutions, unfortunately. I know that you sound better and more grounded than I've seen you in the past. But somehow, you're still not quite there yet in terms of contentment within yourself, no matter what is going on in your life. Edit: Do you have an overly critical mother? Am I misremembering? I have one of those and after doing some relationship history exercises, I came to the realisation that I was trying to recreate her role and relationship with my dad so that I could fix it. Edited November 5, 2012 by january2011 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Thanks, I appreciate in january. If I could put my finger on it, I think that I am much better in ending emotionally unhealthy situations and moving on than I was in the past. I will rarely stick around for more than few dates if a guy is not treating me right and not reciprocating my feelings. No matter how much I like him. I will ask him directly to clarify, to make sure I am not misreading things and I will end it if it doesn't line up with my needs/wants for the future. In the past, I used to make circular threads about the same guy/situation for YEARS. I was literally stuck in a dead end situation like that for 5 years. 1
Mint Sauce Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 That's a million dollar question. Would I be attracted if he was available? I dunno... That's indeed the question you have to try to answer. This is the ultimate commitment issue red flag. Did this guy stand out in any quantifiable way? CV, manners, language use, or is it hard to pinpoint what exactly drew you to him? If the latter, I'd be inclined to say yes. But then again, it's not black or white. I'm sure there are people with minor commitment issues who still find a mate for life. Ever considered seeing an analyst? I think you'd be a good candidate.
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