5 year hesitation ( first post, long )

[virtuzoso]

I could really use some advice. No offense to anyone here, but I generally try to talk things out with actual people i know before consulting strangers on a forum. I dont mean to disparage anyone here, as there seems to be a rather large community here, but I am new to discussing anything this personal on the internet, so forgive me, I am a bit wary. This is my first post. No one in my circle of friends at the moment can really understand my situation, and several of them have moved recently, so access to them isnt exactly the easiest at the moment.

 

I will some up the situation as briefly as I can, and hopefully, it will be good to hear some outside advice. I am 25 year old male. Your average guy, you would say. In any case I began a relationship about 6 or 7 years ago. I am confident in saying that it was near perfect. We fit together well. Our friends told us so, there were no petty arguments. Oh sure, there was a minor disagreement ever few months or so, but who doesnt have those? This relationship lasted for 2 years. During this time, I came to know and love this girl and her family very well. She was 2 years younger than me, that would make her 18 and me 20 at the end of the relationship. In all honesty, i think we were admired by our friends and aquaintances. We were made for each other, we were told by frineds, family and co-workers alike ( we did not work at the same place). And so it came as a shock to me AND to people i know when I was dumped.

 

We had had a minor disagreement, in which she told me she needed a few days alone. I am definitely not the clingy type, i am a bit of a loner. So I agreed to give her some space, and told her to call me when she was ready to talk. I decided to give her a week, max, and if she didnt call by then, then I would talk to her regardless. A week went by, no call. So I went to where she worked around teh time she got off, and parked next to her. She came out, said those words lots of people dread , "we need to talk". So we sat in her car, she told me that she didn't want to see me anymore. I asked her if she was sure and if she had thought about it. Of course, she said yes. I asked again, and of course she said yes. My reply was that I only wanted her to be happy, and if that meant she had to be happy without me, then she would be without me. I went to my car, and she drove off. I havent spoken to her since, though I did see her a month later at a concert she knew i had been planning on going to for years. it was a rather bittersweet end to that concert to see her there. We didnt speak, but we made eye contact.

 

This was nearly 5 years ago now. I havent dated anyone even half seriously since, and have honestly hardly found anyone that caught my attention since then. I can go weeks without thinking of her at all, but then I think about her from time to time for a few days. About 2 years ago, I sent her a letter telling her how I feel now, about how things had changed in my life ( I had moved to a new city, but not too far). I also sent her a CD with alot of songs that we liked, as I used to give her CD's alot. I never asked to start anything up again, it was more of a checking up sort of thing, because her family was very close to me as well. Her father and I hit ot off very well. I related to him much more than I did to my own father as well. I also sent a letter to her father at the same time. It was to check up on him and his family as well, because they were really a replacement for my own family for a long time, as my own was going through a rather difficult time. I still consider them family, though i havent seen them in 5 years now.

 

My question(s) are not anyting specific really. I honestly would like nothing more than to start over with her. But I am also willing to recognize a lost cause. 5 years is a long damn time, but it has flown by for me. I have also grown closer to my own parents in that time. They say i should call, but they arent the most savvy Is 5 years too long to have waited to even call? I really would liek to know how her family is. Her sister was having twins at the time we were together so I spent a good deal of time with her nephews for the first two years of thier lives. Is there even a next step, or is this a closed chapter? I do know that when we had our little disagreements, we were both always to stubborn to give in, though I would eventually make peace, just for the sake getting thinkgs back to normal. I am usually a pretty good judge of myself, but in this case, I am wondering the forest like a lost littel boy without a compass.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I apologize for being longwided. TIps, etc aprreciated, this is the first time i have ever written anything this personal in a public ( albeit anonymous) forum.

 

Thanks,

 

V-

[ringo]

with the letters? Did they ever write you back? Did they call? Anything? Have you had any contact what so ever in the past 5 years???

[pitprincess]

As I read your post tonight i feel the pain inside of you from the ending of no closure.

 

5 Years is a long time to go by then make contact and take a chance on something being there for you both. Many things could be happening in her life now or could have happened along the long 5 year journey in her life.

As a friend.. Yes I think you should make contact with her and just see how she is and how her life is going. If she is interested you will know from the first time you talk to her again.

 

I hope everything works out for you but after 5 years you never know how the out come will be but it is always good to let her know she still has a friend in you.

 

God Bless

[virtuzoso]

Originally posted by ringo

with the letters? Did they ever write you back? Did they call? Anything? Have you had any contact what so ever in the past 5 years???

I'm sorry, I forgot to mention that. No response from either of those two letters. As for contact over the past 5 years? No, regretfully, there was no direct contact. I saw and spoke to some of her friends, and she did the same to some of my friends, but the two of us havent spoken one word directly. It was rather late when I wrote that.

 

I guess my biggest problem is how does someone just turn love or friendship on or off like a light switch? To me this is more than just a lost girlfriend problem. I was close to her family almost almost as much as I was to her. I can't really think of a good reason why I haven't made contact other than I am willing to respect her wishes to not see me, so much that I would not say a single word in those years. But love is a two way street is it not? I chose not to make contact in those years because I was following what her wishes were. In other words, she is the one with all the power here, in my view. I am the type of person that would follow her wishes,with all sincerity. If she doesnt want to see me, then see me she wont. It wouldn't be "fair" of me to make contact, because then I would be doing something she obviously didnt want.

 

My intention is not to rekindle the flames, though that would be something I like. I would honestly just like to know that everyone is alive and well. For all i know a parent could be dead. How many times have I wondered about that, or about her twin nephews that I knw from birth? But then I just look like I am trying to stir the pot to pop up out of the blue. I am a very moral person, and I have high respect for people to live thier lives without intrusioon or unwanted drama. To be the cause of that is directly opposite of who I am, yet at the same time, I realise more and more, that life is to short to sever ties so quickly. The world can be cruel, so we need all the friends and family we can get.

 

Thank you very much Ringo and pitprincess for your replies

 

 

V-